Date: 05/19/19 05:31 am Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
I took a break from this site for a couple of months. I forgot how awesome this story was. Just finished it up. Great work.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I put a lot of myself into this story, so that means a lot to me. <3
Date: 05/11/19 02:48 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
That was the most emotionally affecting story I've read in months. Thank you for this wonderful novel. Alana is so adorable and her situation is so horrifying and the tension between those makes this an emotional rollercoaster. Bravo.
Author's Response: Thanks, Shandy! That mix of tension and innocence is exactly what I intended to do with this story's tone, and I'm glad it came across. I'm sure Alana would love to ride that emotional rollercoaster with you! <3
Date: 05/03/19 01:39 pm Title: Chapter 9 - A Birthday to Remember
“Alana. Next Friday will, unfortunately, be your last.” Wow, my heart just fell into my stomach. There's that unseen menace you've been foreshadowing, and it's really awful.
Author's Response: Aw *Hugs*
Date: 05/03/19 01:19 pm Title: Chapter 7 - Ground Rules
Glad to see Miss Zee is shaping up, I was pretty worried for a bit. Also, great name :-)!
Author's Response: Yup! She definitely undergoes some sharp character development throughout this tale. Glad you're enjoying it :D
Date: 05/03/19 01:00 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Countdown
Alana is an extraordinarily engaging character. It makes the unseen menace (whatever that is, haven't gotten there yet) feel even scarier, because I really like her and don't want her to be harmed. By the way, superb use of mysterious and foreboding foreshadowing.
Author's Response: Awesome to hear! She was the most entertaining character for me to write. Even though I'm well aware that she's fictional, I think about her often xD
Date: 04/16/19 11:22 pm Title: Chapter 1 - The Esteemed Ernest Froggingway
I just had a thought, following up on my previous review and your response. I completely understand the hesitance to do a PoV switch within a story that is designed around the limited narrative structure (and indeed, the intent of the story BEING that Alana is a child and lacks that insight). That said, I had a kind of epiphany, and feel free to ignore me obviously, but I realized that a lot of the time Zee would lean on Ryan to find support or work through her issues, and a lot of that is off camera. The few times we see Zee disclose those issues (once to Ryan, once to the old lady) they're both done through the lens of Alana's fear of abandonment. I would love to see a bonus chapter of just... Zee's conversations with those people, what was said, where she was mentally, how it weighed on her. There's something truly compelling there. That all said, I don't think that I would be as compelled about her mental state if I hadn't seen it through the eyes of Alana first, so I'm actually coming around even more on the choice of narrative perspective done in this story. Once again, a very good story (I mean, if it makes me think this much about it and want to discuss it with you to this extent, how could it not be?) and I look forward to your next work!
Author's Response: I'll definitely consider doing something like this! I tried to achieve these insights through Alana's curiosity, but it becomes a bit head-scratchy when Alana gets to eavesdrop in too many conversations :D
Date: 04/15/19 02:49 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
I love this story, just straight up. It's nice to read something sweet and innocent from a child's perspective again. Yay for Alana living happily ever after~!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad that you've enjoyed it. I had just as much fun writing it, and I'm beyond happy that so many people care so much about Alana. She went through the same journey as we all do when we're kids: we live in a small bubble of our regular existence before we slowly step outside of that comfort zone. We realize that the world is much more vast than we could have imagined, and that depth exists where we never thought it did. That something as simple as a conversation can have implications and complexities that we'd never noticed before. Her journey is much starker and more literal than most of ours (she's literally leaving her sandbox and playing in the real world) but we all go through some version of what she did. I'm beyond happy that so many people have found parallels with her adventures! <3
Date: 04/13/19 09:37 pm Title: Chapter 1 - The Esteemed Ernest Froggingway
Absolutely wonderful story! You almost lost my interest in the beginning. I had a little trouble with it because there was no context for the initial dialogue, but as I kept reading, your story became more and more engaging. It brought me to tears a number of times, both from sadness and from happiness. I'm gong to make sure to read more of your work. It's a pity that I can't give it more than 5 stars.
Author's Response: Thank you for your vote of confidence and thank you for the valuable feedback! I know that it's off-putting to get dropped right into the middle of Alana's strange mind and her limited understanding of reality. I hadn't thought about it much before, but maybe this story could have benefited from a Prologue or maybe I could have made her more aware of her circumstances from the beginning...I'll have to think on that! Thanks for making me think! You're the best, and I'd give this review 6 stars if I could :)
Date: 04/13/19 12:14 am Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
Another great story from you, i keep saying, the way you narrate and take the reader by the hand, making them feel like they're there or even feel what the characters are feeling is superb, i really like how things have turned for Alana, so far some stories i read haven't had that much of happiness for the main character so it's a good thing get a small break from that stuffs. That aside, i can't wait to see what happens next in Tearforged and of course what else you will surprise us with next time. As always, great work and thanks for letting us experience your stories ^^
Author's Response: Thank you! This story was always going to be a happy adventure for little Alana, because she's too special for anything else. I'm so glad to hear that my stories are easy to follow, because I always take clarity very seriously :D I'm currently working on Tearforged, and I have another few stories planned after that, and I hope you enjoy them just as much!
Date: 04/12/19 02:37 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
A great story I'm very thankful you shared it with us. I also apologise for not reviewing or reading this story till it was complete but your one of my favourite authors on this site and I didn't think I could handle the waiting for the next chapter now I'm waiting and looking forward to tearforged once you finish it good luck.
Author's Response: Thank you for your thoughtfulness and flattery. I understand the urge to wait until the story has been completed, and I'm honestly just pleased to hear that my stories are interesting enough to get people eager to read more! I had fun writing this story, and I can't tell you how happy I get when I read feedback like this.
Date: 04/12/19 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 24 - A Bumpy Ride
couldn't have happened to a better guy. Cue the hallelujahs karma caught up with him now if only poor Alana and her family didn't have to deal with his biggest fuck up (literallly).
Author's Response: Yup, he left a big mess behind :(
Date: 04/11/19 06:26 am Title: Chapter 8 - Chemistry
I’ve only gotten to Chapter 8, but I already want to call JTF2 to bust Alana and co. out of there. As long as they keep the fighting away from Alana at all costs. They must protecc her innocence.
Author's Response: I know, Alana is too precious for this! <3
Date: 04/10/19 06:44 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
I'm gonna miss my regular dose of alanalanches...but i'm glad to see a happy ending for all.
This was a great refreshing story with a unique innocent viewpoint on life. The characters and their interactions between each other was really well done. Keep up the good work thank you.
Author's Response: Yup, no more alanalanches :( Thank you for the positive feedback, though! I try hard to make character interactions and dialogue seem real, and I'm glad that it resonated with you :D
Date: 04/10/19 05:16 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
As always Clarity, this was an exceptional story. While I know you didn't necessarily intend for it, your creation of Alana ticked an awful lot of the boxes that I associate with Asperger's, and you did an extraordinary job using that in creating whom I think may be the most compelling character you've ever written. You also did an excellent job at creating both a realistic but thoroughly repulsive villain by drawing on just the right mix of sympathetic but simultaneously horrid traits that everyone encounters in normal life.
Truly, thank you for putting the time and effort into making these stories for us here, I always look forward to seeing the next fascinating world or incredible characters that you create.
Author's Response: Yes, Alana is a very unique girl and I'm glad that you'd found her narration to be interesting! Thank you for the kind words. I can't tell you how much this positive feedback means to me, as this story has become close to my heart. <3
Date: 04/10/19 02:58 am Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
I loved this story so much. I'm going to miss it, I hope someday you write from Elsie's perspective or Violet's if you want.
I also love how you didn't change their races, seen far too many stories where they turn a PoC into a white woman and it makes me vomit in my mouth a little...
But I love the sweetness of this story and Alana really is the best Alana in the universe! YAY ROLLERCOASTER!
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm also bothered by that trend. I think the changing of PoC has strange sexual connotations, and would have no place in a story like this. This is a story about innocence, growth, and family, and I'm so happy that you've enjoyed it! <3
Date: 04/09/19 08:35 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
This is a super cute story. I like it so much. It's definitely a bright spot on this site.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm just glad that there are people here who appreciate this sort of off-beat story. You brighten my day.
Date: 04/09/19 10:59 am Title: Chapter 1 - The Esteemed Ernest Froggingway
I want to say that consistently I return to this site, mostly to see if you've posted a new story. Between Roar, Hush and Blitz you have demonstrated considerable narrative range, character growth and writing style. I admit not everything you write is my favourite, but that is just a matter of taste and you can't always hit everyone's tastes. (For example, I felt that Roar being via Alana's PoV was very interesting and added a lot to the story, but there were times I really wished we would get a PoV shift chapter to Zee, because a lot of what she was going through was shrouded by the veneer of Alana's childlike mind and left a lot to be imagined. Zee's struggle with her identity notwithstanding, I wanted to see inside Zee's mind to see more of her struggle to handle being the protector and main role model for a child as hyperactive and extroverted as Alana.) All of this aside, I hope you continue to write these wonderful stories, I look forward to what you will write next, and I wanted to thank you for giving me hours of reading and entertainment.
Author's Response: I'm beyond flattered, and I plan to write more stories :D I also understand what you mean about the limitations of this story's narrative style. I wish that there was a way to work in Zee's perspective in a compelling way, but I'm always hesitant to have multiple 1st-person characters in a single story. Maybe in the future, I will a story like that!
Date: 04/09/19 05:01 am Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
To paraphrase Alana, this is one of the best endings in the history of endings. Also, believe it or not but a similar situation as what those two news anchors were talking about actually happened in the years following WWII; a number of medical discoveries were made by Nazis with the aid of human experimentation, and in response, the medical and scientific communities were forced to deal with the aftermath by renaming medical terms the nazi doctors had named after themselves, so as not to honor them.
Author's Response: Yay! Yes, I was tempted to insert a WW2 comparison in that dialogue exchange, but ultimately decided against it. I didn't want to get too historyish in this story :D
Date: 04/09/19 12:19 am Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
I absolutely wouldn't mind dog-people running around, especially if it cured cancer! But the cost to make that discovery... truly it dampens the good news, to put it lightly.
And YAY! Alana and Cody got themselves a loving family AND they get to ride a Rollercoaster! This was a wonderful story, Clawity!
Author's Response: Haha of course you wouldn't mind. And yes, at the end of the day they got to ride a rollercoaster. That's what matters.
Date: 04/09/19 12:02 am Title: Chapter 27 - Epilogue
I am so impressed with this story! Your focus on the narrator's POV was highly disciplined and very effective. I loved how the characters slowly came to fuller clarity and depth, even though a precocious child was storytelling. Well done!!
Author's Response: Thanks! Alana would love your description of her, I have no doubt :D
Date: 04/01/19 07:08 pm Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
Jeez i don't know if I can handle another rollercoaster, you put my feels on a rollercoaster and sent it at TOP SPEED 10! I loved this story so much, I cant wait to see the epilogue and see how Elsie and violet are doing. I'm curious about Zee. Hopefully her parents will accept her despite what changes the doctor made to her. And Ryan I wonder how his family will feel. I'm so curious I'm bursting with burstingness!
Author's Response: <3
Date: 04/01/19 09:18 am Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
Jeez i don't know if I can handle another rollercoaster, you put my feels on a rollercoaster and sent it at TOP SPEED 10! I loved this story so much, I cant wait to see the epilogue and see how Elsie and violet are doing. I'm curious about Zee. Hopefully her parents will accept her despite what changes the doctor made to her. And Ryan I wonder how his family will feel. I'm so curious I'm bursting with burstingness!
Author's Response: Keep it to a controlled burst! <3
Date: 04/01/19 08:35 am Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
OMG! You made me cry! What a strange but so nice story! It is nothing like I've ever read before and I just love it. Very original and well written. And I like how the trans character and her journey are important without being the core and the highlights of the story. Congratulations for this perfect little piece of literature.
Author's Response: Gosh, that makes me so happy to hear. This story is a variation of the first piece I'd ever written, back when I was in a darker place emotionally. It was originally a short story which was much grittier and was not told from Alana's perspective. I never posted that short story. At the time when I wrote it, I had no confidence in my writing skills and the story was so bleak that it almost saddened me to write. I put that story away for three years, and pursued other ideas. The ideas came easy at first. I had a number of concepts that I'd been dying to write about for years, but - after a while - the well of ideas began to run dry, and my mind kept coming back to this story about a testing lab in the mountains. I wanted to do a re-write, and I wanted it to be happier. I wanted people to walk away from this story with a smile. So, Alana came into existence, and with Alana around there's no such thing as a sad story.
Date: 04/01/19 12:06 am Title: Chapter 23 - Walking in Footprints
You capture Alana perfectly, a sheltered little girl who is also a lion and also I love how much Zee is growing. I acant wait to see more of Ryan and her little brother who also is getting some growth!
Author's Response: Yup, Cody is more of a turtle than a lion, but he's coming out of his shell <3
Date: 03/31/19 11:39 pm Title: Chapter 22 - Amends
Mrs Hat friend helped so much, Zee is learning to be the best mom she can be. She never expected this, it makes sense she'd mess up. But she's really stepping up to the plate, I hope Ryan also does it. I know it might not happen but I really want Ryan and Zee to get together.
Author's Response: Yup! They're an odd couple. In the original version of this story (written from Zee's perspective), there is a rather strong and cheesy romance arc, but Alana doesn't pay too much attention to that stuff.
Date: 03/31/19 11:09 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Not Scared
It's so sweet how she is to her brother, her mother and Ryan. Also Zee... is ... wait... does the serum change people based on what they want? Was Zee transgender before all this and just never knew? Oh snap... so that means Elsie might have been too. I guess some good came out of that evil doctor, well of course some did actually ALANA his best creation.
I still feel bad for the raptors though...
Author's Response: I wish I had provided more closure on how the transformations worked, but yes. That's the leading theory among our characters here, and Elsie was trans as well. And yes, Alana is the best lion he ever made.
Date: 03/31/19 10:47 pm Title: Chapter 15 - Outsideland
Zee is worried so much about her little cub it's so cute. Also I CAUGHT that, ETHAN/Elsie omg. Looks like the "good doctor" has done this before. What the actual hell reason would he have to odo such a thing to someone anyway?
Author's Response: I'm so glad you caught that! It's only a tiny mention, but I thought that it would contribute to the backstory in a subtle way. <3 The physical changes were supposed to be mostly side-effects of the other transformations, but I don't think I made that clear enough.
Date: 03/31/19 09:19 pm Title: Chapter 7 - Ground Rules
Alana is the most adorable thing! And I'm glad Zee is calming down, I don't blame Zee for their earlier outburst. Having so much changed at a time, having been stolen and told you're gonna be in the facility forever? I hope they all band together and take down the evil doctor!
Author's Response: Yes, she was going through a lot, and children can be extremely annoying at times. xD
Date: 03/31/19 09:15 pm Title: Chapter 6 - Evil
Ryan is trying so hard to be the stable adult, I cant imagine what they all are feeling? Maybe Cody was a woman or girl before and that's why he's so quiet and traumatized?
Author's Response: That's definitely possible. I was tempted to add that storyline as well, but decided against it.
Date: 03/31/19 09:07 pm Title: Chapter 5: The Stash
Oh no... so the mad doctor can definitely change many things about a person. Their biology, gender... oh no is he going to change his age too? Poor Zee...
Author's Response: I was tempted to add more changes, but I couldn't find a way to work that into the story
Date: 03/29/19 11:07 pm Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
Aww... And it's concluding... Sigh. But with so many possible future directions. I hope eventually you'll pick up the thread with some kind of sequel. I want to see what happens with the family, and society around them, and watch Alana grow and mature. And learn more about what Dr Graham did to them, and how they transform, and (perhaps) even more TG events in the future.
Author's Response: Oh gosh, a sequel is possible...we'll see xD And yes, I wish I had included more details about how the transformation itself occurred, but I'm always hesitant to add too much explication to a story. It's the one thing that puts me off of reading harder sci-fi/fantasy stuff, and I'd hate for my stories to bore anyone :)
Date: 03/29/19 08:33 pm Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
This was a lovely, lovely story, told from an unusual point of view here, and although I'd really have loved to hear from Zee (is there a sequel, al la The Alexandrian Quartet?), this is a great story!
Author's Response: Thank you, Patricia! I've always wanted to write something that was a bit off-pace for the genre, and I'm glad that you've found it to be enjoyable :D
Date: 03/28/19 03:52 pm Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
I enjoyed that the ending was rather happy but that they were so easily...allowed back into society with the whole shape changing thing seems a little off. Kind of stretches believability a bit that that wasn't a bit more of an issue for everyone. I get that you want to likely bring this to a close but having to hide that a bit seems like it'd be a good idea generally. Which of course I doubt Alana would succeed at but still.
Regardless of that though loved your characters. Great work with them and thanks so much for sharing.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, Amanda, and I'm glad that you enjoyed the characters! The epilogue will deal a bit more with their re-integration and the aftermath/ramifications of Doctor Graham's research going mainstream. <3
Date: 03/28/19 08:23 am Title: Chapter 26 - Fallout
It was indeed a rollercoaster of emotions and you can't help not to love little Alana, great work on her story which at least it got a nice and so deserved happy conclusion, can't wait for the epilogue. Extra star because otherwise Alana wouldn't have enough * ^^
Author's Response: Hehe! She tries her best, and I'm sure she'd be utterly flattered by your words <3
Date: 03/19/19 03:07 am Title: Chapter 25 - Mr. Dinosaur
Wow, that had to be a one - in - a-million shot to hit the eye of the T-Rex. And the way I read it, the dinosaur died when he fell over and impaled himself on the sheared off trees.
So now doc Graham is gone, Rex is gone; that only leaves a group of armed but leader less guards between the lions, bears, and freedom. Great end to the chapter.
Author's Response: Yup! Things are definitely starting to wrap up with this story, unfortunately. <3
Date: 03/16/19 11:00 am Title: Chapter 1 - The Esteemed Ernest Froggingway
I really enjoyed this one. It's interesting to have the narrator character an actual child. And I can feel Zee's annoyance, both because I was that kid with questions and because I don't deal well with the pressure of answering that kid. (Yay missing social skills!) Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks! This story was originally written from Zee's perspective, but I felt like Alana would make the whole ordeal a bit more interesting. Glad you've enjoyed it!
Date: 03/16/19 04:58 am Title: Chapter 25 - Mr. Dinosaur
This chapter was awesome. Not sure how realistic it is for the t-Rex to shrug of gunfire, especially if it has feathers rather than scales, but awesome nonetheless. I am curious though; was there something special about the rock she used? Because I don’t think a ordinary rock fired from a slingshot could Instantly kill something the size of a T-Rex. Perhaps I am putting to much thought into this though. And I still really enjoyed this chapter.
Author's Response: Yeah, in an early draft of this story, Graham goes into detail about how he genetically modified them to be bulletproof...but it seemed like too much explication, so I removed that tid-bit. Also, it has a mix of feathers and scales! Not sure how scientifically accurate that is, but I thought it'd be a fun touch. You're right to be curious about the dinosaur's cause of death, so (based on your feedback) I went back and slightly altered the story to be more clear. Thank you!!
Date: 03/15/19 11:10 pm Title: Chapter 25 - Mr. Dinosaur
THAT was an action-packed chapter! I got so worried for them! But then you went and ended it on a high note with a slight Alanalanche. Great Job, Clawity!
Author's Response: Thanks, Shadey! I tried to make this one as action-packed and gritty as possible, without straying too far from the story's tone. I hope I succeeded in that regard. <3
Date: 03/08/19 02:00 am Title: Chapter 24 - A Bumpy Ride
Bummer, I was hoping the dinosaur would be like Rex from Toy Story.
That's OK, I hate the way that Barney song sticks in your head. 100 times worse than any Alana song :)
Author's Response: Hehe! She's very flattered! She takes pride in her songs
Date: 03/07/19 07:28 pm Title: Chapter 24 - A Bumpy Ride
Wow, reminds me of the lawyer scene from Jurassic Park. Now that Doctor Graham is gone, is the T-Rex friend or foe? I guess I'd rather be dealing with Barney than with Godzilla.
I also like the bond that is growing between Alana and Zee. I think if they survive the next chapter they will make a good family.
Author's Response: It's not a friendly dinosaur!
Date: 03/06/19 04:48 am Title: Chapter 23 - Walking in Footprints
I'm glad the bears are back.
The dinosaur footprints remind me of Matthew Broderick in the 1999 Godzilla movie where he was standing in a giant footprint and didn't even know it.
Author's Response: Oo, I haven't seen that movie but I'll check it out :D
Date: 03/02/19 05:07 am Title: Chapter 24 - A Bumpy Ride
And thus ends the life of Dr. Graham. And there was much rejoicing! Give Alana a hug for me, it seems like she could use one right about now. Another excellent chapter in an already excellent story.
Author's Response: I will definitely give her that hug for you! Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you enjoy next chapter just as much - It'll be an intense one.
Date: 03/02/19 04:32 am Title: Chapter 24 - A Bumpy Ride
Doctor Graham got what he had coming for him, with all his hubris. Not to mention, he TRIED TO KILL MY CHILD! That said, the group has a little bit of a problem on their hands...
Author's Response: Dinosaurs have nothing on Alana, she's got this. :D
Date: 02/22/19 07:39 pm Title: Chapter 23 - Walking in Footprints
Nice chapter as always. I like the line "I hummed a wordless song about being hungry". Feels a bit like prose poetry.
Keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Hehe glad you liked that one! Writing Alana's narration has been one of the most entertaining writing experiences for me :D
Date: 02/20/19 03:41 am Title: Chapter 23 - Walking in Footprints
Strange golden colored rocks? Hmmmm, I wonder what that could be... this was an even better chapter than usual, and that’s saying something. I almost wish that afterwards you went back and told the story from Zee’s point of view.
Author's Response: My original plan was to tell it from Zee's perspective, but I'm beyond glad that I went with this version. Alana is so fun to write! She's the best!
Date: 02/10/19 06:00 am Title: Chapter 1 - The Esteemed Ernest Froggingway
I really love this story but are you ever going to adress the issues zee might still be having in the opposite genders body? I just really want to see a definive and believable resolution to the struggles and questions she is probably having. I know you got a review stating you should make this non-tg and publish this but try to at least not leave us hanging. I love your work by the way.
Author's Response: That's an excellent point. For this version of the story, I will probably have to add some sort of conclusion about Zee's experiences in an opposite-gendered body. Look forward to that, because it's coming :D
Date: 02/07/19 04:19 pm Title: Chapter 22 - Amends
It's been so absolutely interesting to read a story on here that twists what's expected of our genre so elegantly as this. Watching Zee go through her changes from an outside the paradigm is engrossing. I can imagine the typical story beats going on in her head that we only see the outside perspectives on. Wonderful. Made my actually use my account to post a review, it's so wonderful.
Author's Response: So glad that you've enjoyed this little twist on TG storytelling! I tried to give us a tiny window into Zee's mind, and it's very comforting to know that it kinda worked :D
Date: 02/06/19 08:44 am Title: Chapter 22 - Amends
Awwww! Great chapter, Clarity!
Only saw one spot where the wording could be tightened a bit: at the beginning "The platter was so close on the coffee table, and the cookie smelled so good, and made my mouth water." could be adjusted in my opinion. The preposition "on" feels odd after the phrase "so close" to me.
Something like "The platter was so close, just over on the coffee table. The cookie smelled so good and made my mouth water." is what I would do.
Anyways, loving the chapters! You always have such great character building, it's really a pleasure to read :)
Author's Response: Nice suggestion! I love these sorts of suggestions, because these are the little tweaks that make chapters flow more smoothly. Most people (myself included) don't always notice the specific reason behind why a sentence feels 'off' or awkward, but it impacts their experience anyway. You have that gift, Lanz! You're the best!
Date: 02/06/19 05:12 am Title: Chapter 22 - Amends
This was such a sweet chapter. I really love Zee, she may not want to admit it but she is a natural at being a mom.
Author's Response: Yay! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Though improvement is usually not linear, Zee is definitely getting better as a mom, and you'll have plenty of Zee-back rides ahead :D
Date: 01/27/19 06:17 am Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
Oh, this story is so cute!! I hope Alanna and her developing family make it out of their situation.
Author's Response: Glad you like it! I kinda went overboard on the cutesy cheesy stuff, but sometimes that's necessary :D
Date: 01/23/19 04:13 am Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
I'm glad to see the Lion Family has made some friends on the outside of the lab. I think they are going to need all the help they can get to avoid capture by Doctor Graham. Who knows how far and strong his influence carries? I also hope Mr. Serious and his wife can help to reunite the other victims. And I hope Mrs. Hat-friend makes enough cookies for all of us.
Author's Response: These are difficult times for a lion pride, but I'm a firm believer in cookies...so I think they'll be fine :D
Date: 01/20/19 07:02 pm Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
I just discovered your work with this story and I love it. The characters, the narration, the research...
I can't wait to get to the rest.
Author's Response: Awesome! I'm utterly flattered and I hope that you enjoy all of my other stories just as much!
Date: 01/20/19 08:06 am Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
Nice chapter, Clarity! Enjoying the pacing and world-building, and excited for more :)
Towards the beginning, once Alana realizes there's no more ice cream, "Neither he nor Mommy didn't want" should be "Neither he nor Mommy wanted", otherwise it's a double negative.
That's all I saw this time; keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Nice catch, Lanz! Thank you so much, and I'm glad that you're okay with the pace. I always worry about pace.
Date: 01/18/19 09:41 am Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
This remains a really compelling story and I'm really impressed by how well you're developing all of the secondary characters rather then just Alana in the last few chapters. The quality of the writing from that side of things is most definitely improving. That said I'm not quite sure it belongs on this site. Not that I want to see it vanish. And sure Zee is going through stuff that'd fit right in here. But it seems like you could edit the whole gender thing out and still be telling this exact same story with little to no changes. Honesty I'd encourage you to do a edit pass and post this as a paid book on Kindle and other ebook stores when it's finished. It's certainly worth paying for.
Thanks again for sharing and I very much look forward to the next chapter. Always exciting to see one posted.
Author's Response: You're absolutely 100% correct. My original vision for this story was to tell it from Zee's perspective. With that perspective change, I agree that TG takes a back seat (so far back, in fact, that it's hardly a TG story at all). I'll take you up on that wonderful suggestion and edit out the limited TG sections, then post it on other sites! I'm also beyond cheery to hear that you've enjoyed the recent character developments. I know that I neglected developing Ryan and Cody as characters, and I've been making an effort to correct this. In future drafts, I will be sure to develop them earlier in the story. Thank you for your great insights!!
Date: 01/18/19 06:10 am Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
Tell me one thing when they change what happens to their clothes? I am curious. The owners seem nice people.
Author's Response: Alana ran some experiments (a few chapters ago, I think) and found that if the clothing is extremely close to the skin, it'll be absorbed inside of their lion form and thus be perfectly preserved. If it's not very form-fitting clothing, it will be ripped during the expansion process.
Date: 01/18/19 05:19 am Title: Chapter 21 - Unexpected Visitors
Oh boy, looks like Alana and company have finally caught a lucky break. New friends and cookies. Looks like Alana will have to come up with a cookie-making song. Great work Clarity.
Author's Response: A cookie-making song! That's a lovely suggestion <3
Date: 01/11/19 12:38 am Title: Chapter 20 - Firewood Festivities
This continues to be a great story. I hope all four of them find up as a family. They have been through too much to lose that now.
Do you think you might ever do stories on the other animals in the lab, like the bears or even the dinosaurs?
Author's Response: Oo good suggestion! I think having some spin-off with bears or wolves would be interesting...and following a dinosaur would leave us with a sad tale, I fear.
Date: 01/05/19 07:31 am Title: Chapter 20 - Firewood Festivities
I binged read both of your stories together. I had decided to wait when you started these two. It was worth the wait to read 20+ chapters together. 😋 I like your decision to write from another person's view rather than the person who goes through changing. Looking forward to next chapters. 😁
Author's Response: Awesome! I'm glad that you went ahead and binged them, and I promise that I'm working on future chapters for both of my stories and I'll try to get them posted as soon as possible! <3
Date: 01/04/19 04:43 pm Title: Chapter 20 - Firewood Festivities
Hey Clarity! When Alana is asking Ryan if she thinks she'll ever have a dad, the sentence at the end of the paragraph is a little mangled and is missing a few words or a little bit of punctuation.
When Ryan is talking about whether or not Alana could be adopted, I think an ellipsis (...) would fit nicely after "If you're not lucky."
That's all I saw this time, keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Nice catch! I must have read over that sentence way too fast when I was editing xD Thanks, Lanz!
Date: 01/04/19 03:01 am Title: Chapter 20 - Firewood Festivities
I love the way you portray Alana’s worldview: it really captures that childlike innocence which we all lose as we get older. Hugs, Alexa
Author's Response: Thanks, Alexa! This has been the most entertaining story to write for me, because Alana has the liberty to describe regular events and objects in a strange way.
Date: 12/29/18 05:19 am Title: Chapter 19 - Trial and Error
So much cute! Why do I get the feeling that the people wh own the cabin are likely going to extremely confused when they come back. As always, your stories are the pinnacle of squee-inducing entertainment. Keep up the good work, and give Alana, Cody and Zee hugs for me.
Author's Response: Yay! I love squees, and I'm glad that this story has brought you a few squees as well :D *hugs*
Date: 12/29/18 12:20 am Title: Chapter 19 - Trial and Error
Fun chapter, just a couple things: at the beginning, I think just "rain" instead of "rainwater" would sound a little better; and when Alana is waking up Cody, "imagine" should say "image".
That's all I saw this time! Fun fact, I usually go with "kind of" (when speaking) instead of the other two options. Most likely a dialect thing lol.
Keep up the great work, I always get excited when I see that you've posted more!
Author's Response: Thanks for catching that! You're kind've the best ;)
Date: 12/26/18 11:00 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Not Scared
This just might be the best TG story in the history of TG stories! (grin) Even without much focus on the TG part. Just so much top-notch adventure story-telling and CUTEITUDE too. Can't wait to see where you take us next! Hoping you can work an actual roller coaster in, somehow, before the end.
Author's Response: Yay! I see you're enjoying Alana's silliness :D This story is definitely not very TG and is more focused on quirkiness. However, I've also tried to touch upon some more sober themes and tried to prevent it from being too much of a cuteness-overload. Glad you enjoyed it, and it's certainly possible that Alana fulfills her roller coaster dream :D
Date: 12/22/18 03:00 pm Title: Chapter 17 - The Art of Flying
"I love you, you love me..."
At least it wasn't Barney, the purple dinosaur :)
Nice job on the fight scene.
It seems to me that if they can shift back and forth between lion and human form that the transformation should also heal broken bones, cuts, and other injuries. Did you consider that possibility, or does it mess with the plot too much?
Author's Response: Hahaha! Unfortunately there aren't any purple dinosaurs in this story, just mean ones...and Ms. Dinosaur, of course. I'm glad that you enjoyed the fight scene because I've always been a bit unsure of myself when it comes to writing fast-paced scenes. Regarding the shifting to cure injuries and such, I tried to establish that it wasn't possible, but I only did so because I didn't want to make things too easy for our lion friends...and because when I first began writing this story, I envisioned the scene with Zee giving Ryan stitches as part of her character development, and I wanted to make that happen.
Date: 12/21/18 05:37 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Not Scared
Hey Clarity, great chapter! This one was very fun to read; we get to learn a lot about the state of the rest of the world (the tv is working, so civilization hasn't collapsed or anything lol). I only saw one typo: at the beginning, "lied" should be "lay".
Like, I said, I loved this chapter, keep up the great work! :))
Author's Response: Yup! It's a civilization :D Thanks again for making sure I use the correct word, I'm the absolute worst <3
Date: 12/21/18 05:22 pm Title: Chapter 17 - The Art of Flying
Hey Clarity, just a few things: right after Ryan attacks, "Both dinosaur" is missing an "s"; when he's pinning one of them to the ground "biting at it" would sound better as "biting into it" in my opinion; after Alana gets launched into the air, "I lied there" should be "I lay there" (past tense of lie).
That's all I saw! Loving the story as always :)
Author's Response: Nice spots! I never get 'lie' versus 'lay' correct, I'll definitely have to work on that! I know how annoying those little errors can be for people :D
Date: 12/16/18 12:01 pm Title: Chapter 17 - The Art of Flying
This remains a really fun story. Quite like the characters here and the journey you're taking them through. Everything seems pretty believable honestly. Though I do think it'd make sense if Alana and Cody were a bit more...nervous about being outside. There's been a lot of danger and suffering. Some wish that they were back in the comfortable though stifling setting of the lab would make sense. Beyond that really nice story telling. Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: Thank you for all of the positive feedback, and I'm in total agreement regarding your piece of criticism. I tried to deal with some of that in the upcoming chapter, and I hope it addresses some of the lack-of-believability that you'd detected!
Date: 12/15/18 08:32 pm Title: Chapter 17 - The Art of Flying
Your writing style is amazingly enchanting... I wish I could write the same way you do.
This story is a bit different than the other stories you wrote and -to be honest- I firstly taught that I wouldn't like it, but once again you proved me wrong.
Keep up the good work....
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm genuinely flattered, and I'm glad that you're enjoying this story. It's different in tone and narration than most of the stories on this site, and I'm happy to see that some people are liking it :D
Date: 12/15/18 06:32 am Title: Chapter 17 - The Art of Flying
OH my gods! Poor Alana! At least her Mommy and Ryan took care of the big bad dinosaurs! And at least, despite that and the hurt little foot, Alana is still as... Alana as ever!
Author's Response: She's trying her best, and it's almost enough! Thanks for reading <3
Date: 12/15/18 05:08 am Title: Chapter 17 - The Art of Flying
Every time Alana calls Zee “mommy”, I feel so happy. I am glad that she is finally getting a mother figure. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Yay! She's slowly learning how to play well with others, and I'm rooting for her
Date: 12/05/18 04:50 am Title: Chapter 16 - On the Road
Fun fact: some paleontologists believe that dinosaurs may have been warm-blooded. On the other hand, if they are not, that would make the escaped dinosaurs desperately seek out the nearest source of warmth: in this case, this abandoned store, which presumably has internal heating. Great work as usual, you have me at the edge of my seat.
Author's Response: I did not know that, but I'm glad that this fact happens to make sense in the scope of my story :D Thanks for reading and thanks for the factoid!!!
Date: 11/21/18 10:56 pm Title: Chapter 15 - Outsideland
Nice to see the change of scenery.
I hope Miss Zee can reign in her temper and continue to develop her maternal instincts toward Alana.
I wonder if the hippos or the dinos will make an appearance?
Keep up the wonderful writing. You're a great storyteller.
Author's Response: Thanks, Elron! I'm glad you're enjoying it and I agree that some scenery changes were needed. More scenery changes will come, and I guarantee you a dinosaur at some point in the story.
Date: 11/20/18 05:13 am Title: Chapter 15 - Outsideland
Alana is so adorable it hurts, and Zee’s motherly instincts seem to be kicking in. Great story as always Clarity. I wonder how long it will take before someone spots the dinosaurs, and creates a mass panic.
Author's Response: Glad you're liking it! I'm having a ton of fun writing this story, partly because it's so off-color for this site :D Dinosaurs will be coming soon! Might not be any hippos or rollercoasters, though
Date: 11/04/18 04:10 am Title: Chapter 14 - Oh My!
Alana is just so adorable, even when she's trying to remain calm or do her little door dance hehe. "I was probably the luckiest Alana in the entire world" so adorable x3
Great work ^^
Author's Response: I had so much fun writing those lines! And she is the luckiest Alana in the whole wide world, because she gets lovely feedback from people like you! <3
Date: 11/02/18 06:50 pm Title: Chapter 14 - Oh My!
Finally out of there! I can't wait to read more!
AAnd by the way, Alanalanche has become my perhaps favorite word.
Author's Response: Alanalanche! I promise that there will be more alanalanches to come, and that the next chapter will come out as soon as possible! *hugs*
Date: 11/02/18 06:38 pm Title: Chapter 14 - Oh My!
Another fabulous chapter, yay! I read it joyously, and then reread it the next day. You are capturing Alana's brilliant, warped, cute, excessive innocence so well. Great story!
Wish I knew what Zee's real name was, and more about what she's thinking and feeling about her transformations. Obviously she's come around to mommyhood, but we only know what she does, and what she says aloud. I guess that's all you can do here. Unless maybe she develops feelings for Ryan, who of course only known from Alana's perspective is even less-developed in the story, and then we could watch how they interact?
Author's Response: Yay! So glad that it warranted a re-read, that's rather flattering. I've tried very hard to make Alana's narration as quirky as possible, while also making it consistent and believable. I'm so happy to hear that you like her story-telling :D Also, Zee is Zee's real name and I intend to develop Ryan's character more, as Alana gets to see more of him.
Date: 11/02/18 01:56 am Title: Chapter 14 - Oh My!
I like how Zee is embracing her feminine, maternal side. Give Alana a hug for me, she could always do with some more love in her life.
Author's Response: *Hugs Alana* That was for you! Thanks for reading, and I'm glad that you're liking Zee's journey!
Date: 10/23/18 09:38 am Title: Chapter 13 - Roar
Miss Zee, I don't feel so good... At least it was a happy nothingness. I hope the monster of a doctor gets what he deserves - and more. Awesome and cute chapter, I love it!
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you liked it, because I had a lot of fun writing it. Also, the doctor definitely hasn't made his last appearance in the story.
Date: 10/18/18 01:02 pm Title: Chapter 13 - Roar
Oh no they messed up....kitty's are out....run run run. Good add one to bad he didn't get clawed or bitten I would have loved to see that.
Author's Response: Alana isn't an attack kitten! She's an observation kitten...and a rollercoaster kitten. Though, she may show some fighting skills in the future.
Date: 10/18/18 05:29 am Title: Chapter 13 - Roar
Hey Clarity, great chapter! Can't wait to see what happens next!
Only saw a couple small things:
At the beginning, Dr. Graham grabs a "space suits" which should be singular. Once Alana opens the chemical containers, at the end of that paragraph, "apologise" should be spelled with a "z".
That's all I saw this time, keep up the awesome work :)
Author's Response: Nice catch with the 'space suits'! My understanding was that apologise and apologize were interchangeable and varied regionally, but I changed it anyway because I like happy Lanzes. *Hugs*
Date: 10/18/18 02:42 am Title: Chapter 13 - Roar
I wonder what will happen to Alana and the others when they escape into the outside world. I could easily see various government agencies taking an interest in them, which could be dangerous. Excellent work as always Clarity.
Author's Response: She's going to do her best. Let's hope that it's enough :D Thank you!
Date: 10/06/18 01:38 am Title: Chapter 12 - Squeak
You really know how to write a cliffhanger. I almost broke my steering wheel at the end of this chapter. Great comeback from near - death.
Author's Response: Hehe, I'm sorry! I try not to write such cliffhangery cliffhangers, and there is some resolution in the near-future. Glad you enjoyed Alana's little comeback!
Date: 10/05/18 09:41 pm Title: Chapter 1 - The Esteemed Ernest Froggingway
Ummm someone is going to get bitten. Alana is drugged up and a kitty she most likely going to shift and bite or kill. But who knows I'm only guessing
Author's Response: But Alana is a good lion! She wouldn't bite anyone! She wouldn't bite most people, at least. You may or may not see a drugged-up-Alana-on-the-loose, next chapter. ;)
Date: 10/05/18 05:09 am Title: Chapter 12 - Squeak
I'm so excited for the next chapter! Cliffhangers always get me!!
Just a couple of things: in two spots it says "space suited" which should be hyphenated. At the beginning of the chapter when Alana is remembering what Zee said to her about staying strong, the thought is a fragment. Also there's an extra space in there too.
Great chapter, keep up the awesome work as always! Very excited for the next part :)
Author's Response: Nice catches! I don't know what I'd do without you! Next chapter is one of the action-peaks of the story, for sure, so strap yourself in!