Date: 12/31/18 09:14 pm Title: Part 1
Generally well written and structured. You tell us Stephen is bad and deserves this, but you never show it. Stephen and Kat just appear to be the helpless victims the entire time and never had a chance.
Nadine is a 1-dimensional evil villian and a terrible one at that. Possibly crazy. Pretty stupid. Of all the things in the world she could do and she wastes her time on this. Just doesnt seem likely. She could have just wiped Stephens memories and made everything how she wanted. Just seems rather silly.
I felt the story to be rather slow and repetitive. Same things over and over. I got bored and skimmed through most the middle. You go through 9 chapters of similar scenes and then the final chapter is a complete 180 out of nowhere.
I like the reference to SRU, but it came out of nowhere. I didn't really notice any foreshadowing of this suprise.
Same with the conclusion with Nadine. Little foreshadowing. Could have had a earlier scene showing Nadine not thinking ahead of the consequences.
The ending was dissappointing. I really don't like these stories. The original guy is wiped out completely. No explanation of why he couldn't go back to being him. Just gone forever. No reason why he couldnt retain all his memories and experiences. And poor Kat stuck in this boring bubble world. She should have just left. Now she is in prison with someone who doesnt even know it and who wouldnt even notice if they ceased to exist. Really quite sad ending.
Anyway, you write well and overall it has its moments. Keep writing and I look forward to your future stories.
Date: 08/27/18 12:32 am Title: Part 1
Very well written story that had me captivated to the end. The shifting characters definitely made for a few re-reads, and I always enjoy having multiple "people" controlling one body. Nadine was a stock villain but she still came to life in a way that stock villains rarely do.
My only quibble was with the ending, and maybe this is more of something with me than in general - it bothers me when there is a "happy" ending that involves the original person's identity being subsumed into a new one. "A Broader Palette" bothered me for the same reason: the original character ends up happy, but really has lost everything about themselves. I guess there's a metaphysical connection with the soul still being in there, but in a similar situation I don't think I'd consider it a happy ending if I didn't even remember myself at the end (even if I were guaranteed to have a great life).
So 5 stars for the plot and writing, just I guess a bit bummed out it didn't work out for "Stephen".