Date: 12/20/18 11:37 am Title: The Miko Who Became Something More
Hi Rellawing! Sorry for not being here for so long, life just took a very busy turn for me what with work moving towards our slow season. I really enjoyed this chapter a lot. Madoka has such good friends and I really hope we get to see Aoi break whatever bonds there are that holds here from loving Madoka properly. In the mean time though its nice to see Madoka has such a trustworthy and honest friend in Ippei, in all of her shikigami in fact.
Ooh is the story of the shrine priestess we've been seeing how Kami came to be? Augh, the mystery is so tantalizing!
Damn Yoshi needs to get destroyed. He's such a horrid jerk and monster.
Author's Response: *warm smiles* Welcome back Calipso! It's great to hear from you again! Oh yes, life takes us in different directions and robs us of time and strength from time to time! I'm really happy you enjoyed this chapter! I was really satisfied with it when I re-read it! Aoi herself has some issues she probably needs to break through! She's the most serious of all except for Ippei! Regarding Ippei's way of showing Madoka that there is a way to move forward so she can keep dancing... well that scene shaped itself! I love to create mysteries that people have to wonder about! There are three books planned, but like any author, it may take time to produce all three! I hope you're happy with this book when its completed! :D Thank you so much for taking the time again!
Date: 11/28/18 01:32 pm Title: The Girl Who Faced The Callousness Of Other Girls
Ohh Madoka you need to realize the seriousness of your position, not as a miko but as someone being hunted by the yokai. She blames kamisama, Aoi, and Kanna but they've been trying to tell her and show her they wont always be able to be present and she has finally had an object lesson to that fact, sadly she's taking the 'wrong' lesson though.
....... Im guessing even though she ended up with Aoi that in the original story Eji was something of a 'romantic' interest? Sadly, I had only skimmed the other story and never actually fully read it, the interest in boys thing im not good with. Im just glad she isnt interested in them in this one and Eji isnt an option of attraction, just a good friend.
Author's Response: Exactly so! I can guarantee that she is not interested in men! The possibility of it in Mouikkai Musume was not entirely off the table. I wanted to put her in various situations to see what organically would happen!
Date: 11/22/18 05:46 pm Title: The Miko Who Faced The Worst
Your stories are nothing short of amazing. The knowledge you possess of the culture is incredible. This chapter is quite good, but there's a lot going on, and it's a little hard to keep track of, other than that, it's really well written.
Author's Response: I'm flattered that you find that my animesque writing is on the spot! :D Thanks for the feedback! Yes, alot happened this time! I'm happy that it's well written! I am working hard to improve myself in alot of respects!
Date: 11/09/18 11:19 am Title: The Girl Who Discovered That Jealousy Is Hard To Deal With
Aww poor Madoka having to deal with bullying already. Its harsh how cruel girls can be sometimes. Guys are often more physical in their bullying but girls are more psychological so its nice to see Madokas friends and senpai's standing up for her. Yay our class pres is a girl, meaning none of that interested in boys stuff, only good and proper yuri!
But this chapter was a little saddening as well as geart warming. With Madoka being bullied for nothing is sad to see but again with how her friends, including Kiyomi, came to help her was adorable. Thanks for the chapter
Author's Response: *grins* You're very welcome! :D It's likely to go on for another ten at least. It depends on when I'm satisfied that the story has been told! :D That's just the first book or Arc. It'll be a while before I get to Arc two! My pet project will come next that isn't published, so even if only shorter stories appear for a while after this one completes, it won't mean that I've stopped writing seriously!
Date: 10/11/18 11:28 pm Title: The Girl Whose Reality Fell Short of Her Dreams
Good chapter, but why is most of it in Italics?
Author's Response: Probably broken italics tags. I'll look into it soonish. Thanks for pointing it out. It happens fairly often, it seems. :D Glad you like it, Thermy!
Date: 10/02/18 07:07 pm Title: The Girl Whose Reality Fell Short of Her Dreams
I love how forward Harue is and the confidence she seems to exude. She is a pretty cool character and I like that she totally recognized Madoka.
So what was the blackness at the bathroom door then? Is Harue more than we thought?
Also it would seem we have another new voice to add to the mix. I cant wait the meet the new one.
Yeah, Kiyomi really only has herself to blame for her woes here
Author's Response: *giggles* You're right Calipso! Thank you so much for taking the time reviewing again! :D I'm so sorry that I'm on a semi-hiatus. I hope that once I'm on disability, I'll be able to refocus on it. If you're wanting more of my writing in the mean time, I'm preparing a novelette for Halloween! It is a creepy story, and is not based on Mouikkai Musume characters, nor Mohitotsu's. :D I hope you and everyone else enjoy that when it is released. I wrote it before things went crazy for me and I determined that I have to go this route. There will be a little more afterwards for this year's planned Mixtape. :D A cute epilogue that I hope will draws a couple readers to the Mixtape community story!
Date: 09/22/18 08:39 pm Title: The Girl Whose First School Day Was Filled With Coincidences
Boys should leave our Madoka alone dangit! I dont know who that boy was but Madoka likes girls and her special one is waiting for her so keep your winks to yourself.
But otherwise I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter. Honestly the writing has just been increasingly better and better. This chapter had very little unessecary excess actions or descriptions and it clearly conveyed Madokas emotions and thoughts pretty well.
On a selfish note I would've kinda liked to see more girls reacting to Madokas beauty, but then again in such a high class school they must have many beautiful girls attending
Author's Response: That's absolutely right! *smile* I'm very pleased that I'm improving as a writer! *grin* I wonder if I still have a long way to go. I hope that I can be published someday soon. *smile* Ah, yes... she is overshadowed by Kiyomi as amazing as Madoka is. It's an unfortunate side effect of Kiyomi's ploy! *laugh* Thank you so much for your feedback as always! :D
Date: 09/16/18 12:37 am Title: The Boy Who Was Not A Girl
Long chapters are so much better and far more satisfying to read
Author's Response: I'm pleased that you feel that way too! That is how I feel. As long as a story isn't full of padding and fluff, a longer story is definitely most satisfying. :D Thanks for taking the time to review again, Calipso!
Date: 09/16/18 12:35 am Title: The Girl Who Learned What It Means To Be Miko
Sad that its back to one chapter a week but still happy to be recieving them.
Lol Tatsuo is so so oblivious.
It was a sad chapter and whoever that poor miko is (which I hope isnt Madoka) hopefully she wont have to be alone for too long. Whether it was a vision from the other world, a vision of the future or of someone who needs Madoka she clearly has suffered greatly.
With the little I know of the more realistic version of the story that old guy deserves to Rot.
Madoka I think is starting to realize she's more deeply connected to those around her than she realizes. Itll be interesting to see what happens when she finally puts everything together. Hmm I wonder if Kozuke is more like Aoi and Kanna, and who is the next spirit. Even more important is just who reallly is the Kami?
The only real criticism I have is that the end of this chapter was a bit too busy with her some of her actions, for example her turning on the computer, but it wasnt anything that took away from the story.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you don't mind the release rate. It's to compensate for my lower motivation. If I'm inspired, I can do ten page releases bi-weekly, but since I didn't exactly see an outpouring of feedback indicating that a frequent release would make everyone more happy, I'm not in a hurry to finish the story sooner than later. Yes, Tatsuo can be pretty oblivious. *grins* As for the vision, absolutely. I'm glad that it was affecting! I'm pleased that your feelings for the Master in Mouikkai Musume have lasted. I feel he made an impact! I like your questions and your points about Madoka and those around her. *grin* I'm sorry that you found the end of the chapter to be too busy, yes I didn't want to end on a purely sad note. It's balanced somewhat hopefully with the promise of her first day at Waseda Girl's Academy. :D
Date: 09/15/18 06:16 am Title: The Girl Who Discovered New Power
My journey to catch up on this journey continues!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you're catching up! *smile* I'm sorry there is so much to read! I tried the short chapters format but I ended up going back to a ten page per chapter again... it doesn't feel like a good chapter unless I have lots of room to shape the chapter. *grin*
Date: 09/10/18 05:15 pm Title: The Day Hearts Moved Closer To Each Other
This chapter was adorable. Its amusing to see how well Emi and Tatsuo mesh together and compliment one another. Though Emi being jealous of Tatsuo possibly going after Madoka is amusing. Jealousy of Tatsuo desiring someone else even if Madoka likes girls will lead to some potentially amusing moments.
Oh Madoka, you are so incredibly cute in person as well as beautiful in spirit. Aoi and Kanna are very very much lucky to have found the real you in this world. I guess thank Kami for that lol.
The writing style has been steadily improving. This chapter is a pretty good example of that improvement.
Author's Response: Thank you for this review. It's one of the few silver linings in today. *hugs* I'm glad that you thought I've improved! I'm really glad that you like Madoka, and I'm very pleased that you enjoy Emi and Tatsuo, and their relationship! Thank you for the smiles and the boost I needed.
Date: 09/04/18 03:04 am Title: A Girl Experienced the Hospitality of Youkai Maids
Haha this was a really fun chapter to read. The end there with the shrine was hilarious. I like Kami's style ideas for the miko costume not being terribly standard
Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! :3 Yes, she is a new Kami and is not quite so much bound by tradition. *grins* On another note, thank you for posting a review this morning! If I see another when I get home from work today, I'll upload the next chapter!
Date: 08/30/18 11:05 pm Title: The Miko Who Grew Closer To Her Shikigami
I must say that this was probably my favorite chapter so far. The action scenes were well done and I did get a greater sense of the characters emotions as well. Overall I liked this chapter quite a bit. Im wondering what it was that led the two to not be born in this world. Im also curious to find out the Kami's reasoning for giving Madoka the two shikigami.
Author's Response: I'm pleased that you enjoyed the chapter, Calipso! *smile* As for your question, it's all connected. The Shikigami are connected to Madoka. I hope their bonds with Madoka will become more apparent in the future! :3
Date: 08/25/18 10:47 am Title: The Girl Who Discovered New Power
I enjoyed this chapter rather immensely, though it does seem to me that Madoka agreed too easily to not loving Aoi. It just seems like it occurred without any real conflict of emotion or struggle of acceptance.
As for what I mean by fairly well written.
The story first of all is fantastic and I am loving Madokas character. But what I mean by fairly well written is, it's the difference between hearing about something happening and seeing it happen. It often feels as if the story is being told rather than having it shown. Say, for example, the garden Madoka first walks through. We're told that she see many colourful flowers but we arent shown it. What kind of flowers are they or how do they blend with the asthetic of the garden.
The general idea is to tie in and engage as many of the readers senses as possible. Certainly the story does that somewhat but it can be done better. Take the last bit where we're told that Madoka is exhausted. Instead of telling us she is, show that she is.
However, showing rather than telling is incredibly difficult to achieve, it'd increase the length of a chapter significantly. Its one reason why in many stories a single action scene that occurs only over a short time can often be anywhere from one or more chapters in length. It means that the details of the story need to be more visceral and clear.
The story is great and by no means poorly written, but as with any author we can always improve with practice and time.
I hope Madoka proves everyone wrong about Aoi, even Aoi.
Author's Response: Thank you for the detailed feedback, Calipso! I'll keep your words in mind! There are times when I explain things as I go, because there are certain things that people might not grasp because of different culture values. I want to make sure that it's accessible to anyone who reads it, but I absolutely understand what you mean. I try to be as detailed as I can, but I will strive to make my writing even more detailed in places! I'm extremely pleased that you immensely enjoyed this story! I'm not 100% confident in my ability to write action scenes, but I am trying to challenge myself and improve myself in a lot of ways! *huggles* It is without a doubt that my goal to become a professional author! I hope that I will be able to engage the imagination of yourself and everyone else who reads even more! As for Aoi, I can say confidently that Madoka has not fully relinquished the love that has been passed from her other self. She seeks to make sure that Aoi is as comfortable as possible, so she may be able to further develop her ability to call her Shikigami into the world. There are intense emotions involved, and there are reasons for that! There are three arcs planned for this story, and as things are going with its planning, it has the potential to be far longer than Mouikkai Musume was. I am consider putting all three arcs in the same novel! Thank you so much for your detailed and caring feedback! I value it greatly!
Date: 08/23/18 12:25 am Title: The Girl Who Discovered New Power
Since you really want a review; I'm enjoying the story overall but So many stage directions and so many words to advance the plot! we know she loves the Aoi for no aparent reason, you dont need to have it be part of every conversation they have, same with "the pervert" Kitsune and her desires. Also while there is teasing its all on the surface, theres no deep feelings of lust or arousal or inner questioning, just "eww sex cooties"!
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time, Laila. I know that my pace in telling the story is fairly meticulous even plodding. Madoka's feelings for Aoi are rooted in her connection with her other self. She has experienced that love. Due to that, deep down inside of her, she has a strong need to experience that kind of deep love. Since Aoi is part of her life as well, she can't help clinging to those feelings for her. There is a great deal of teasing in the story, which is intended to be cute fanservice for the most part. For Kiyomi's part, she actually does feel legitimately attracted to Madoka, and who could be totally immune to the advances of an extremely sexy individual such as Kiyomi? "eww sex cooties!" :D haha! A lot of anime series skirt the subject of sex, and not everyone wants to write smut. *grin* Not every story will skirt it, and this story itself one day may or may not contain mature scenes. If so, only when it feels right, I think. *winks* Thank you for your honest criticism!
Date: 08/22/18 10:05 am Title: The Girl Who Discovered New Power
This continues to be a fun and engaging story. Keep up the great work. As to your note at the end of the chapter I can understand the desire for that kind of regular feed back though for myself I can't promise reviews each chapter. Mostly cause they would largely and likely be the same review more or less and I don't want to swamp you with the same comment every chapter. That said if you feel you need to reduce your uploads due to lack of reviews or favorites I will continue to look for and support your storys. You're a great writer and I look forward to each update weither they are frequent or not. Just don't let a lack of reviews get you down and do what you need to to keep motivated and keep up the great work.
Author's Response: I appreciate it, Rushica! :D I'm happy that you appreciate my writing, even still up to the most recent chapter. *warm smiles* A suggestion: if you particularly liked or didn't like something that happened in a given chapter, that can help to avoid the issue you pose. :3 I'm pleased that you took the time today to leave a motivation message to me. Every bit of motivation helps. *smile* I worry that my story doesn't reach everyone who might appreciate it for some reason! Having a core of readers who enjoy the story is also very important! I wonder what sort of story I would have to write to draw more readers in! I did the science fiction/reality writing, and now I'm tackling magic and fighting scenes. It evolves me as a writer, but hopefully draws other people in who might appreciate the writing style! *huggles*
Date: 08/20/18 12:29 pm Title: The Boy Who Was Not A Girl
I've only just started reading but I am excited to keep going. For so long Ive wanted what so far seems to be a magical girl kinda story (I could be very very wrong about this but as I said I only just started) where the character's orientation doesn't change and they arent attracted to men. But the best part is that it seems to be fairly well written and that makes it something of a potential gem in my books.
Author's Response: :D I'm glad to hear it, Calipso! Thank you for taking the time posting a review. I very much appreciate it! Are there any issues with how it's written, when you say 'fairly well' written. :3 You COULD think of this story as something of a magical girl story, enough it doesn't quite fit the genre as she doesn't transform more than the once. :3 I do love the magical girl genre. Another story I'm sitting on for someday serious publishing hopefully, is a true mahou shojou story! *grins*
Date: 08/03/18 09:16 pm Title: The Girl Who Had a Brush with Peril
Rellawing asked me to post a notice that she's having health issues, and the next chapter will be delayed. Please pray for her health, if praying is a thing you do. Or post wishes for her recovery on the forum and I'll pass them on to her.
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to inform everyone for me, Trissy! *huggles* Much love for that! Much love to everyone waiting.
Date: 07/30/18 05:07 pm Title: The Boy’s Whose Day Became Suddenly Awkward
I only said two words and you gave such long reply. 😛 I may or may not review (I am very introverted and have little bit of social anxiety so dont take it personally) further but keep writing this story. I will keep reading.
Author's Response: Oh, not at all! :D I'm happy even with comments like your previous review! Any kind of positive feedback is energizing. :D It helps the story to be more popular, and gives me an idea of what you think! Reviews are the most inspiring things that a reader can do for us!
Date: 07/30/18 03:31 pm Title: The Boy’s Whose Day Became Suddenly Awkward
Funny story :D
Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts on it! *smile* I'm glad that you found it funny! :D Thank you for that review. It made me happy to see!
Date: 07/28/18 07:39 pm Title: The Souls Who Are Bound To One Another
One does not simply go to Shibuya station without some form of spiritual encounter.
Author's Response: *grins and huggles Thermy* Thank you for taking the time of reviewing it again! It made me smile brightly to see one. I'm starting to realize that this story is likely to go on for longer than the previous story. :D Shibuya Station is a really impressive structure!
Date: 07/04/18 10:38 pm Title: The One Who Awakens
I don't like to leave reviews that reinstate something that others already said - but, since this story is flying a bit under the radar, not appreciated as it deserves to be, I'll leave one myself.
The first chapter is pretty cute, kind of in line with the later chapters in the previous entry of the series, but from the end of it to the second you go on an (announced) curveball with supernatural creatures and larger-than-self story plot which draw from the japanese folklore. While most of the citations may go under-appreciated without the appended glossary (at first, at least), the initial plot is rather interesting, teasing and (for the lack of a better word in my extremely limited vocabulary) addictive.
I would expect that as the readers become more familiar with the language along the story, more will appreciate the content. Despite having read the previous story myself, I would go as far as claim that having read it is not strictly necessary to appreciate this one, sure, the citations are nice to understand, but the plot seems to be diverging quite a bit from it and whenever necessary, the citations are sufficiently explained to let you understand from the context.
PS. If you want a cheap but working strategy to rake up reads, break up the story into smaller chapters. This way, not only it'll stay longer on top of the latest updated stories; since TGST counts reads per chapter, it'll show up much more popular, drawing the attention of further readers ( which in my humble opinion, you deserve ).
Author's Response: Awwww!! Thanks, Silver! I'm pleased that you enjoy it! Thank you so much for taking the time to express it. Even if it might be reinstating what has been said, seeing such well worded reviews surely will make a difference in opinions of the story! I didn't think to add the glossary previously, however it occured to me that it might be difficult for those who aren't in on cultural references to digest without the aid. :D I'm very pleased that you found it to be very accessible for those who may not have read the first story! That was a goal, for sure! <3 In regards to your PS note, I see what you mean. I will consider it! If I do it, I will likely break the existing chapters down into parts. I had noticed that stories with smaller chapters seem to excel here. I'll have to seriously consider the idea! Thank you as well for statement about my story deserving more attention. That makes me very pleased to read! <3 You made my evening, Silver-kun! *grin*
Date: 06/30/18 04:30 am Title: The Boy Who Was Not A Girl
I really enjoyed your first story about Madoka and enjoyed this new one so far as well. I like how you went with an alternate reality that still pulls from the original. Can't wait to see where this goes and can't wait to see the true sequel you mentioned in your note. Hope you can find enough time away from work to keep up with your writing, but I can understand if things are slow.
Author's Response: I'm very pleased that you took the time to leave a review! I was worried about how it was received as it went a whole day with only Trissy's feedback, though it was overwhelming positive. :D I'm super happy that you like it as well and appreciate that it is based upon the previous work! This one is going to have a slightly different tone to it than the previous. I hope you and everyone enjoys that! I'm researching as much as I can on Shinto and culture to put together an interesting anime-esque that hopefully will be entertaining! I can guarantee that next week there will be a second release. Please look forward to that! Last night my creativity juices kept me awake for 2 hours brainstorming where the story is going and where the next chapter is going, so I have a very firm place to start. Writing for it starts today and I expect to release it on Thursday or Friday. I will try to be fairly regular if I can! A note for everyone else, please consider to leave feedback. It's strong fuel for me. Receiving feedback, comments is a huge encouragement for me!!! Thank you so much!!!
Date: 06/29/18 12:54 pm Title: The Boy Who Was Not A Girl
This is a promising sequel. Madoka's interaction with Harue is cute as two buttons, and the meeting with lion dog!Kozuke at the end of the chapter is intriguing. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
Author's Response: :D Thank you for the awesome review Trissy! I might write more tomorrow depending on how I feel later, but I won't release until next week officially. That way I can try to release them half-way regularly even if I can't do it every week! I'm definitely interested in writing the next chapter soon!!!