Date: 07/09/18 06:45 pm Title: Chapter 1 Tragedy strikes a birthday party
This is a good story with an fairly believable plot. However, the mom seems so psychotic it's hard to enjoy reading. From yelling at Ray in the hospital to behave like their daughter, to slipping her hormones, 'mom' just doesn't seem natural. Maybe she is in denial over losing her daughter, yet seeing her body still alive?
I also think Ray's parents deserve to know the truth - it would certainty help to ease their pain.
Overall, a good concept and I'm hooked. Please keep writing.
Date: 07/08/18 10:58 pm Title: Chapter 4 Going to my own funeral
good chapter, is there a chance you can continue your other story "Dad Discovers His Hidden Femininty" ?? since I love seeing dads transformed into teenage girls ;)
Author's Response: I've thought about it a couple times, but I seem to hit snag because of the age difference from him to the young girl and meeting a young guy to start a serious relationship. for you I'll work on it...
Date: 07/05/18 12:10 am Title: Chapter 3 Home from the hospital
I'm really liking this story so far, and the way the current chapter (3) ends up allows for a lot of different possibilities going forward - from the new Chrissy learning the mundane tasks to being a teenage girl to discovering her sexuality to getting a boy- or girlfriend of her own (or all of the above and other options). :)
I look forward to future installments. Thanks for posting!
Date: 06/27/18 09:00 pm Title: Chapter 1 Tragedy strikes a birthday party
I want so badly to like this story, but it really needs work. There's no emotion coming from any of the characters. The writing is simple and plain. There's just no description or setting or anything. It's like you're telling your friend a story about yourself and trying to keep it short.
Go back, take your time with this, add detail, etc. If you need examples of what I'm talking about, go read a best-selling fiction novel. Neil Gaiman, Steven King, Terry Pratchett, JK Rowling. They all do pretty good jobs of describing what's happening.
I think you should keep writing and practicing, but try to improve with that practice!