Date: 02/21/19 11:23 pm Title: Chapter 26 - Dawn of Horrors
Also I'm afraid Daila.. you were not the first one to discover that emotions power Totems... that's what his crown is, he's powering it up by sacrificing people and using their emotions. I hope he gets ripped apart by them that monster!
Author's Response: Yup. He's getting supercharged :(
Date: 02/21/19 11:04 pm Title: Chapter 24 - Remnants
I am so happy Daila has come so far. And... the truth about the prince. That's so sad, but it's the life of a prince... he cant marry a "slave girl" no matter how mmuch Daila may have falen for him. But maybe... maybe she could get the scythari to work with them and propose a truce between them to stop the evil emperor?
Author's Response: Maybe! That's a lovely suggestion :D
Date: 02/21/19 10:38 pm Title: Chapter 21 - The Key
Oh my God... a red cloak? It sounds like she was forced but this is... oh my Goddess.... this is so bad. And the emperor... the golden band, me thinks someone needs to kill that bastard...
Author's Response: Yup! He has it coming, doesn't he?
Date: 02/20/19 07:00 am Title: Chapter 17 - The Lass in Black
Wow... Daila almost let too much slip, I wonder if the prince caught on, I don't think so. Just... wow... Daila was a spoiled brat but she has the chance to be much better. I hope she makes the most of it... I worry when Folston finds out her true heritage...
Author's Response: Yeah, Daila's lineage is Hitchcock's 'bomb under the table' here. It's been known since the beginning and it has to go off at some point, doesn't it?
Date: 02/16/19 04:27 am Title: Chapter 16: The Selections II
I love how much Delvaran is changing just by seeing what his servants went through. Also... if I'm not mistaken, Delvaran was into men. That's why he never found women attractive but he couldn't admit it especially not to his monster of a "father."
Author's Response: Yup! Perspective is invaluable sometimes. Also, yes. The fourth power had been giving him a bit of a whirl.
Date: 02/16/19 04:07 am Title: Chapter 14 - Blameless
This is such a healing chapter. I hope it doesn't turn out to be a ruse, I'm so worried about what's going to go wrong with their plan... so much has to go right it doesn't seem feasible...
Author's Response: Yeah, it's not the best plan ever, but it's somewhat ambitious
Date: 02/16/19 03:59 am Title: Chapter 13 - A Pinch of Friendship
Oh wow, Zare is quite unusual, I like her. Nothing like most nobles but i Hope she doesn't get Liral in trouble...
Author's Response: She's a stranger in a strange land...and she will most definitely get Liral into trouble
Date: 02/13/19 05:25 am Title: Chapter 27 - Sacrifice
Awesome chapter, as always!
Just one small thing: towards the beginning when Auri is taunting Daila, "Shesimply couldn't seem to pass up an opportunity to tease." needs a space to separate 'she' and 'simply'.
Looking forward to more :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Lanz! Shesimply would be one heck of a made-up word, though :D
Date: 02/12/19 07:27 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Sacrifice
Having someone who holds their ideals firm like Folston is great but I feel he could benefit from a major defeat.. Bouncing back for some major character development....
Author's Response: There may be some dark times ahead, for our protagonists. When bad things come, they do come in bunches.
Date: 02/12/19 04:02 am Title: Chapter 27 - Sacrifice
Damn! This chapter was all to short, but it was certainly quite stirring. The king definitely revealed his true colors here. Excellent work Clarity, and I look forward to seeing what happens next.
Author's Response: Thanks, Alexa! The next chapter is going to be longer, more action-packed, and more...interesting :D
Date: 02/11/19 05:57 pm Title: Chapter 27 - Sacrifice
Yes! Folston came off as a badass! I hope he wins and shows his father what true courage and honor is! I really hope he and Daila get together - I ship them both so hard!
Author's Response: Oh boy! You may enjoy the coming chapter or two :D
Date: 02/02/19 07:18 am Title: Chapter 26 - Dawn of Horrors
Nice chapter, Clarity! Things are really heating up now!
Just a few things:
At the beginning, in the metaphor of Liral having her string cut, "taught" should be spelled "taut".
A little further down, the standalone line "Liral scowled" needs a period.
When the giant is being ressurrected, "Cross gaped" should be "Cross gasped", I think.
At the end, after the Emperor yells "To glory!", the line: "Lifting its heavy leg in a surprisingly swift motion, lifting itself out of the mine pit." is a comma splice and needs to be adjusted a little bit.
Great work as always, you're the best!
Author's Response: Fixed! Thanks, Lanzie, and yes. The pace is going to quicken from here on out, so you'll have some interesting times ahead :D
Date: 01/31/19 07:23 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
Oh God. I just pieced something together... Delvarans mom disappeared. Lirals mom is obviously noble and scythari. Has Liral bled yet... and was it blue? Is Liral Delvarans sister??? Love this story so much.
Author's Response: Nice theory! They certainly have intertwining lives :D
Date: 01/31/19 05:14 am Title: Chapter 26 - Dawn of Horrors
This was just chilling and awesome. I could feel their shock and disgust, the revulsion at the blasphemous acts the emperor is doing. Way to set up a big bad guy! He is definitely one the heroes and heroines will need to take down. I wonder if our maid friend could save Cross's brother with her Shaping magic?
Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter, despite its bleakness. I'm also very reassured by your words about this reveal. I tried to build the Emperor up as the villain, and worried that I'd introduced him too late in the story to achieve that effect.
Date: 01/31/19 05:04 am Title: Chapter 26 - Dawn of Horrors
Oh gods that was dark! I just hope that true love prevails in the end for Zare and Liral; I doubt that Liral is an entirely willing servant of the Emperor.
Author's Response: I know, I feel so bad when I write sad chapters like this. If it's any consolation, there may be happiness at some point in the future!
Date: 01/08/19 04:49 pm Title: Chapter 25 - The Heist
It appears that Daila isn't the first one to discover the true nature of totems, and somebody else has one hell of a head start.
Author's Response: Indeed! I'm so glad that this reveal made sense, and that my writing wasn't too blurry. I suppose the only question now is: what will he do with such power?
Date: 01/08/19 03:28 am Title: Chapter 25 - The Heist
Ah! It's finally revealved what the notes at the beginning of the chapters mean. The emperor is procedurally killing people for some reason... I have a guess why, but who knows for sure ;)
Just a couple things: At the beginning, "an lingering" should be "a". When they begin the descent into the basement about halfway through the chapter, "lightning" should be "lighting".
That's all I saw this time! Love your work as always :)
Author's Response: Glad you liked the chapter! It was definitely a chapter of reveals, and some light is shed on the epilogues. I have a feeling that your guess about the emperor's motives will be correct :D Thanks for catching those mistakes, I'm officially the worst! Lightning is far more exciting than lighting. <3
Date: 12/30/18 07:14 pm Title: Chapter 4 - Beneath the Moon
I suppose that is one way to scout out talent, but that has to be the first time I've seen someone roped in that way. XD
Author's Response: Haha! I was trying to think of a somewhat embarrassing way for Liral to get caught, and that's all that came to mind
Date: 12/30/18 10:36 am Title: Chapter 3 - Rise and Shine
Something about Auri disturbs me. I really like the connection Auri and "Daila" are forming, but how Auri reacted to the takeover just rubs me the wrong way. Almost like she had experienced this before and knows how to handle the matter like it is a common occurrence.
Then again, it really is just me who feels that way. She did get a good idea for covering Delvaran when the Shaping was finished, so maybe Auri being this lax... or excited is her way of coping with the situation. XD
So far, so good. Can't wait to get to the next chapter. :)
Author's Response: Yeah, that's good feedback! I made a few edits to their initial conversation in chapters 2 and 3. I think part of the problem is that I initially 'borrowed' both of those chapters from a previous draft of the story, where Auri plays a slightly different role.
Date: 12/29/18 07:50 pm Title: Chapter 2 - The Fall of Old Arbor
Delvaran the Booksmart is about to be in for a rude awakening in this brutish reality. Good luck! o_o
I like the fact that Ralli is a type of caste. Do the Kadians believe in that as well? I guess I'll find out in the following chapters. >.>
Just out of curiosity, does Shaping require touching the object? I mean, I could imagine if someone is aware of how the object works and all, a lot of soldiers could simply be stunned and confused by altering their armor. Like for example: the helmet's visor seals shut. But, that would only work if contact isn't a requirement. XD
Sentimental magic is awesome too! I totally could understand why objects could manifest a life of their own if fed the power. Not sure, but it kinda reminds me of something I read in a Dresden File book, which I do recommend. :D
I'll read more when I gain more time on my hands. Your work was what motivated me to join and start writing, so hopefully I'll regain that same spark after reading this. :)
Author's Response: Yes, the Kadians also persecute the Ralli, but not quite at the same extent as the Scythari. For the vast majority of Shaping, you need to touch the object for it to work...perhaps I should've mentioned that :D I'll have to check out the Dresden Files - thanks for the recc, and thank you for the kind words! You're wonderful!
Date: 12/29/18 10:20 am Title: Chapter 24 - Remnants
Always refreshing to read Daila's story :3
It's very nice to see some progress with the totems and kinda interesting how Daila is the only one to use magic thus far in the story... Something that I didn't really think about before but I was wondering if you plan on having locations other than the castle?
Author's Response: Well, Daila is the only person to use Shaping magic so far in the story. Cross has used his super-strength on one occasion, and Liral has regularly used her Dashing abilities, but those are both less conspicuous. In Old Arbor, there are one or two more scenes that will take place outside of the castle, but most of that plot-line is contained inside the castle. Hope you don't mind! <3
Date: 12/26/18 10:55 pm Title: Chapter 24 - Remnants
Wow. Just, more, wow, again. So well written, engrossing. Lots more to come I hope. Can't wait for Daila to get... laid... too. Hopefully before shedding any drops of blue blood. So many directions you could still take these story lines.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the positive feedback! Hahah, I'll let Daila know that you're pulling for her.
Date: 12/23/18 04:13 pm Title: Chapter 24 - Remnants
Loved this chapter!! I'm always excited to learn more about the "mechanics" behind the magic systems in stories, so this chapter was really fun to read! Keep up the awesome work; I'm really enjoying the quick releases recently ;)
Author's Response: Yay! I realize now that I probably underexplained the magic system a bit toward the start of the story. I've been trying to balance between explication of the world versus action-stuff, and I'm trying my best :D
Date: 12/14/18 06:10 pm Title: Chapter 23 - Right on Time
Great chapter! Loving where this is leading; I suspect the two storylines will be connecting very soon ;)
I only saw one potentially incorrect thing: at the end when Daila is requesting for Folston to talk to Marsa, she says "don’t tell her that I informed on her", which sounded a little weird to me, even taking into account her accent. Then again, it might be fine, because I'm not sure how to replace it without changing that sentence structure a lot lol.
In any case, keep up the great work! Loving your stories as always :)
Author's Response: Nice spot, Lanz! I'm all in favor of making my stuff easier to read, so I went ahead and made that change. Thanks a million!
Date: 11/28/18 07:16 pm Title: Chapter 22 - With Ink and Quill
Love this chapter! Only saw one spot where the wording could be tightened. When they are discussing the science behind shaping, "so hopeless and so perfect, all at the same time" doesn't need the 'all' because only two items are in the list.
Great chapter, as always! Looking forward to more :)
Author's Response: Great suggestion! I don't know what I'd do without you. Well, I actually do know what I'd do without you: I'd write an inferior story, because your feedback is so good! <3
Date: 11/28/18 05:25 am Title: Chapter 22 - With Ink and Quill
Yay, it looks like Daila has finally worked up the confidence to put The moves on Folston. You have once again left me desperate for more.
Author's Response: She's trying her best! There will definitely be a few more major developments, as we get towards the real meat of the plot!
Date: 11/28/18 04:45 am Title: Chapter 22 - With Ink and Quill
All I can say is YESSSSS! I'm loving this story - both storylines... Its absolutely awesome!
Author's Response: Yay! I've always wanted to write a hard fantasy story, so I'm glad that I'm not the only person who enjoys these sorts of tales :D
Date: 11/28/18 04:25 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
Loving this. Looking forward to the linking of the two stories, I am really wondering how you are going to do it.
I can see Daria telling Folson that she is Schythari, not necessarily who but that she is. Maybe she cuts herself or something and he sees the blue blood. Maybe they marry for a joining of the two countries.
Author's Response: The two stories are definitely going to intertwine, though nobody has guessed exactly how that will happen...so keep guessing :D Thanks for reading!
Date: 11/20/18 07:14 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
Great story with very few left out words. Almost seems like you have an editor. Laria and Folston(sp?l seems will end up with Laria getting magic back and probably protecting him.
I am sure the two stories will cross soon.
Author's Response: Thank you! My only editor is Lanz (<3!), who is kind enough to read my stuff and let me know when I omit words or make embarrassing grammatical blunders. You are correct about the stories crossing soon, nice prediction!
Date: 11/10/18 06:43 am Title: Chapter 21 - The Key
Aahhh! You tug at my heart, Clarity. I have full confidence that Zare was forced to become a redcloak, instead of by choice. I'm sure there are even more twists and turns to that story though. Great chapter, as always, keep it up :)
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you liked that. It's a fairly minor twist, compared to what will come!
Date: 11/02/18 07:11 pm Title: Chapter 20 - The Golden Wing II
Zare seems an open-minded person among bigots. Hopefully she's accepting enough for Liral to fully befriend her, and I hope Liral doesn't betray her trust, or vice versa. They're treading a fine line, indeed. Can't wait to see where this is going, and when/if Liral and Daila's paths finally cross. With luck, it's not when the Lisanai, Scythari and Kadians are at war with each other...
Author's Response: Yup, she's a little gem. As far as trust, betrayal, and wars go...we'll have to wait and see. There's certainly a bit of everything in the near future.
Date: 10/30/18 05:23 am Title: Chapter 20 - The Golden Wing II
Yay! I don’t know what’s in store for Zare and Liral, but I hope they stay together; they make an adorable couple. Perhaps they will be meeting with Daila after all; someone needs to warn the Scythari of the impending invasion. Great work as always Clarity.
Author's Response: They're going to be an interesting pair, for sure, and you'll get to see a few more cheesy moments :D
Date: 10/26/18 11:47 pm Title: Chapter 19 - The Golden Wing I
Its getting very interesting!
I really hope you manage to complete this somehow, though no small feat. I got faith in your writing skills Clarity:)
May be wrong but i have a sneaking suspicion Delvaran and Liral has a closer connection than one would expect!
At any rate its a really great beginning, so much potential for an amazing fantasy story.
Cant wait to read more!
Author's Response: Oo interesting theories! I'm glad that you have faith in me, I'll do my best not to let you down <3
Date: 10/15/18 04:39 am Title: Chapter 19 - The Golden Wing I
Hey Clarity, a few things, in order:
-At the beginning, Cross scolds Liral for saying "folks", but she only said it in her head, instead of out loud.
-Immediately after, Liral "does her best to pout" which seemed like odd wording.
-A bit after that, at the end of the paragraph about the Emperor, the phrasing "to care for aging" is a little odd, I would recommend "transcendent to care about" or simply "transcendent for aging". Also no "e" in aging.
-Just a little after that, in the paragraph about nobles, "high-classed" could just be written as "high-class", but that's more of a personal choice. Just thought I'd point it out, in case.
-Not an edit, but I love the word lordlings. It has such a nice implication about nobility.
-When the three girls approach Liral and then address the slave, one of them says "Does this half full", and needs a "look" added in.
-Once Liral walks away, she "replayed every moment the mortifying", which needs "of" in there.
-When she tries to flirt with Sionel, the "To help Cross" sentence is a fragment and can be easily combined with the previous sentence with a comma.
The rest of the chapter looks fine. Love your writing as always, keep up the great work! Looking forward to more :)
Author's Response: Thanks Lanz! As you can tell, I should have spent more time editing this chapter xD Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for being so spotty with my updates. You're the best
Date: 09/28/18 12:30 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Unleashed
I am STILL loving this story so hard it hurts. I love Delvaran's story the most, but I'm enjoying the other story too - I can't say how much I love this story! I love the emotion you put into both characters and gah, I can't say enough good things. Thank you for writing this story!
Author's Response: Thank you! I know that this story began a bit slowly and that the fact its a double plot arc means that both storylines unravel at leisurely paces, so I'm beyond happy that wonderful people like yourself have stuck with it for this long!
Date: 09/28/18 07:31 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
What an amazing chapter! Definitely wasn't expecting a development on the totem so early on. I suppose the return of his magic will play a big role soon.
Can't wait to see how Del--... Daila's new found freedom affects her actions and maybe her personality. Tbh I am more excited to read this story than anything else right now, thanks for being such an amazing writer!
Author's Response: The return of his magic will indeed play a big role as the story progresses, though perhaps not as soon as it seems. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the progression from Delvaran to Daila, it's one of those details that I tried hard to perfect, since it's so meaningful to the story. Thanks for the kind words, and I'm glad that you've enjoyed it!
Date: 09/28/18 04:40 am Title: Chapter 18 - Unleashed
You really outdid yourself on this chapter; I was grinning and squeeing and crying all at the same time. You are a wonderful writer.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks!! Definitely a lot of emotion in this chapter, as it's an emotional peak of sorts for Daila. Fun stuff to come, I promise :D
Date: 09/28/18 03:09 am Title: Chapter 18 - Unleashed
Awww such a nice chapter, i love it lots and how this develops @_@
Author's Response: Yay! I tried to make it as believable as possible, which is hard when you're dealing with character progression - don't want it to seem too sudden
Date: 09/13/18 06:13 pm Title: Chapter 17 - The Lass in Black
At risk of sounding too fangirly, eeeeeeeee, she's totally falling in love with him X3
I love how this is developing, the moment where everything Delvaran knew or though falls appart and isn't left with nothing but a proof how his own mistakes.... totally falling in love X3
Ok, good work on this one, as always, always waiting for more of your great stories =D
Author's Response: Yay! This makes me so happy to read! I know it's hard to sympathize with him at the start, but he has a fun character arc. Thanks for sticking with it xD
Date: 09/13/18 05:46 pm Title: Chapter 17 - The Lass in Black
Great chapter! I’m enjoying Folston as a character quite a lot. The dynamics between him and Delvaran are very fun to read and think about. Keep up the great work, as always :)
Author's Response: There will be many more Folston scenes to come! Thanks for reading
Date: 09/13/18 10:54 am Title: Chapter 17 - The Lass in Black
Excellent! The process of accepting that Delvaran wasn't the good guy he thought he was is great. I hope she has the courage to prick her finger in front of Folston to show who she really was, and that Folston is good enough to not hurt her for her courage.
By the way, I forgot to ask, but is Auri's character perhaps based on her namesake from the KKC? They're in many ways similar, but also different, both of them wild and maybe a bit crazy (heh).
Author's Response: Oo there will definitely be some interesting blood-related scenes to come. Auri the character was not inspired from KKC, since they're super opposite (they are both a bit crazy), but the name may have come from there. I think it's a rather pretty name!
Date: 09/13/18 04:47 am Title: Chapter 17 - The Lass in Black
Ooh! It must be my lucky day; new chapters from both Clarity and ShadowDragon for me to read, I finally get to start hormones today! Best. Day. Ever! Thank you so much to both of you!
Author's Response: Yay! Congrats, Alexa! May you have many more equally wonderful days ahead!
Date: 09/09/18 10:06 am Title: Chapter 16: The Selections II
I've been meaning to start reading this story of yours ever since you published the first chapter, but only this week did I actually read it. Amazing! I do wonder if you've possibly read The Name Of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, as Liral's story seems to have many things in common with parts of it :) I noted that you change your writing style between Delvaran/Daila's and Liral's chapters, reflecting each character. For me, it made the story even more enjoyable to read.
Author's Response: Yup! I love Rothfuss. KKC was definitely one of my inspirations for Liral's story. My favorite part of that series was the roof-living, and the idea of people who are 'invisible' to society in a medieval-ish city. I'm also glad you enjoyed my little changes in narration between chapters! I tried to make the changes subtle but meaningful. Thanks for the valuable feedback, Dog Person!
Date: 09/05/18 01:56 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
Nah, i don't think they're too dry, maybe a bit uneventful but that's only raising the stakes and excitment of what will happen after, especially with Daila, can't waaaaait ^^
Author's Response: Events are happening soon, I promise! :D
Date: 09/02/18 09:05 pm Title: Chapter 16: The Selections II
Very nice chapter. I'm a fan of Folston, that's for sure. Didn't see any typos this time. Keep up the great work, as always :)
Author's Response: Yay! No typos! I ought to pat myself on the back :D Thank you so much for letting me know when you find typos, though. I always hate to discover them three months later, and realize that they've ruined immersion for readers! You're the best
Date: 09/01/18 07:31 pm Title: Chapter 16: The Selections II
Such a nice second part of this, i love how Daila's thoughts were all over the place with the display of every loyalty around, overall there's not much to say from my part, just that i love it so far ^^
Author's Response: She has definitely been in a sort of 'survival mode' recently, just desperate not to get herself killed, while also accomplishing her dodgy goals. Lots of inner conflict, which I hope haven't made the chapters too dry or uneventful. Glad you're enjoying it, so far! It's about to start getting very, very interesting.
Date: 09/01/18 06:49 pm Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
I am loving the story between Delvarin and the Prince, I do wonder what will happen when the blood issue is found out, perhaps a peaceful uniting of the two cultures?
I do like Lirals story, though still dont understand where it's going.
Author's Response: Ah yes, that's an interesting prediction, though there uniting of cultures may not be a peaceful one. As far as Liral is concerned, she's just taking her time :D In about five chapters, her role in the story will become a bit more clear. Thanks for reading!
Date: 09/01/18 06:39 pm Title: Chapter 16: The Selections II
Great chapter. It's really nice to see some development in Delvaran's perception of Folston ^^
Just an observation but Folston is really shaping out to be a perfect prince charming huh. I noticed some of your stories have that kind of "perfect boyfriend" vibe, like in Hush or Blitz. That being said, I am addicted to these kinds of stories so I am all for it.
Author's Response: Hah, that's quite true. I've been trying to develop my male supporting characters a bit more in my recent stories, since some of my previous criticism has been that they are too generic good-guys. In this case, Folston is quite literally a prince charming! Shame on me for writing tropes xD. That said, more details about him will come to the surface, and hopefully add a bit more nuance. I truly am glad that you're enjoying my work! Feedback like this is what encourages me to keep writing.
Date: 09/01/18 02:50 am Title: Chapter 15 - The Selections I
A'lot of reviews here seem to favour Liral's story. Though I personally find myself more excited when reading Delvaran's side of the story because of Auri's personality, and how the romance is shaping out :3 *need moar*
Also something about his side of the story in general is how uniquely he/she adapted to her disposition after being turned into a maid. Usually you'd find a lot of distaste or cringe reading about a Prince complaining and making countless mistakes over "commoner" issues, but you just skipped over that trope and making it a pleasant read all the way through. Not sure if intended but I see it as part of the Prince's ability to adapt to his surroundings.
This chapter in particular was really fun to read! The three most interesting parts were:
1. Seeing Delvaran question her motives for revenge, or at least her motives for avenging her Father.
2. The contrast between the strict traditions of the Scythari, and the Kadians. Many hints throughout the story but maybe this chapter was just the King being insecure about his feet :P
3. Marsa... Well I expect her training methods and defiance will all come back to bite her
Author's Response: Oh wow, so glad that you're enjoying the story, and that you're interested in Delvaran's journey. There will definitely be some romance toward the end of this story :) I like your observation on Delvaran's ability to adapt to being a 'commoner'. I was tempted to include more social 'changing' pains, but I thought better of it. I've always been of the belief that people always adapt better to their surroundings than we'd expect - hell, our surroundings and relative rank tend to dictate our behavior on a daily basis. Some readers have faulted me on this in previous stories, saying that my characters have adapted too quickly to changing circumstances, and they could be correct. Personally, I think it's a matter of expectations. When someone goes through a dramatic social change in a show, book, or movie, it's often slightly over-the-top and dramatized. Thus, people come to expect that sort of representation. However, based on my experiences in the real world, I don't believe that's an accurate representation of how humans adapt. Sorry for the long tangent, your thoughtful analysis just got me thinking. Thank you!
Date: 08/30/18 08:46 pm Title: Chapter 15 - The Selections I
So close and so far, bassed on how the king and prince behaves it would be no surprise to have something else unexpected again, still between this and the other story with Liral, this is the one that has me more on my toes, but i suspect there's a reason for these two to be on the same... i wonder. Great work on the story so far =D
Author's Response: These two storylines will absolutely connect before the story is done, though not for some time. I know that this story can seem a bit slow and meandering, but I guarantee that it's heading somewhere! Thanks for reading
Date: 08/30/18 05:57 pm Title: Chapter 15 - The Selections I
Nice chapter, as always. The characterization of Marsa was excellent this chapter. Looking forward to more soon :)
Author's Response: Thanks! I tried to show that Marsa took out her aggression on someone she perceived to be 'beneath' her, because she doesn't see maltreatment of her 'lessers' to be morally wrong. Hopefully that got across!
Date: 08/30/18 06:18 am Title: Chapter 15 - The Selections I
Hmm. Openly defying a royal family member? Marsa seems to have forgotten that she too could be replaced rapidly with a girl from the market.
Author's Response: Haha she has definitely inflated her own ego, while ruling over her little dominion for so long. We'll see if that has any ramifications, moving forward :D
Date: 08/30/18 06:07 am Title: Chapter 15 - The Selections I
I wonder what’s going on with Marsa? She seems like she is worried that her own status would be at risk if someone who has previously defied her gained the ear of the prince. Lovely work as always, Clarity, and give Daina a hug for me.
Author's Response: Ah. Very, very good observations! She does seem protective of her own stature and power, doesn't she? I will give her a hug for you!
Date: 08/30/18 02:23 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
On chapter 15
I think she'll regret refusing the princes wish.
I am really loving this story, keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you're enjoying it, and she'll definitely have some regrets in the coming chapters :D
Date: 08/18/18 06:44 am Title: Chapter 14 - Blameless
Nice chapter. Cool world-building with the westerner's cursing and more background on Liral and Cross is nice. Keep up the great work, as always :)
Author's Response: Though I wish that I'd been able to work more action into this chapter, the world-building elements will prove important to the plot :D Glad you liked it!
Date: 08/18/18 04:41 am Title: Chapter 14 - Blameless
Interesting. I wonder if Liral will fall in love with Zare or Cross. My vote is for Zare, because making her lesbian would be a nice change of pace free m your previous stories.
Author's Response: Hehe she definitely won't fall for Cross. He's more of a father/older brother figure. As for Zare...well...you'll have to wait and see ;)
Date: 08/10/18 10:37 pm Title: Chapter 13 - A Pinch of Friendship
Nice chapter; didn't see anything this time. Zare is interesting. I'm curious how she will fit in. Keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Zare is going to play an important role, as you'll see ;) Thanks for reading!
Date: 08/09/18 04:43 am Title: Chapter 13 - A Pinch of Friendship
yay, Liral made a friend! Just one nitpick; right after mentioning that the Lisanai empire does not worship the giant, Liral prays to the giant to keep her hair dye from rubbing off. Was this intentional?
Author's Response: Excellent observation :D
Date: 08/09/18 03:16 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
I definitely enjoyed this first chapter and the inside perception of apprehension from the defender Datch. :)
Thank'ya for responding to my note about the ladders too! :D
So, I've an idea who is who here. Everyone is fighting each other, Kadian and Scythari, Black and Blue, and I've an idea which two are the represented field commanders. No name yet to label the Kadian nobleman, but I guess we'll get an idea later. :)
Just curious about one thing. Are the walls enchanted? I figured I'd ask, since I could picture a Shaper having the wall breached with precision. Dunno the full extent of their capabilities, though. >.>
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out, about the ladders! As for Shapers, they can be very useful when attacking city walls! Unfortunately for the Kadians, they do not have a Shaper in their army. :D
Date: 08/01/18 02:58 pm Title: Chapter 12 - Paint it Black
I love these stories. You have the writing chops and worldbuilding of the very best of Misaania's stories combined with the incredibly satisfying quality of finishing every story you start. Probably the best writer on this site.
Author's Response: I'm beyond flattered! I've been trying to work on my worldbuilding and constructing subtle worlds with limited explication. In this story, I still feel as if there is a bit too much explication in the second chapter, but I'm glad you've enjoyed the story despite that :D As far as completion goes, I always outline a story in depth before beginning, which has helped me muster the motivation to finish stories. I suppose it's always easier to shovel through mud when you know that there's a treasure chest at the bottom. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy all of my stories - present and future!
Date: 08/01/18 10:36 am Title: Chapter 12 - Paint it Black
Nice chapter, Clarity! Just one thing: at the beginning "they had lied low" should be "they had lain low". That's all :)
Author's Response: Always the lies, lays, and lains! Just when I thought I think I know how grammar works, I learn something new :D Thanks, Lanz!
Date: 08/01/18 06:24 am Title: Chapter 12 - Paint it Black
Ooh... the plot thickens. One of the things that I like most about your stories is that your characters are complex enough and nuanced enough That I can always Find some Part of them that I can relate to. In Hush, it was Joanna’s Desire to overcome her own misanthropic instance. In “perfect harmony“, it was Evans Desire to remain immersed in fantasy to escape a bleak reality as well as his social anxiety. In tearforged, Delvaran’s Desire for revenge is something that I would guess Most of us can probably relate to and his realization of the suffering his own behavior caused is something I have occasionally experienced. In this story though, it is Liral’s Experience of believing her self to be to blame for her own misfortune and her own self hatred really resonates with me. As usual you’re writing is excellent, and reading it is often the highlight of my day. I am curious though what the “case numbers“At the beginning of some chapters means I get the distinct impression that the rulers of Liral’s homeland are up to something far more cruel and despotic than merely a simple caste system based on hair color.
Author's Response: That's some very thoughtful analysis, Alexa. Thank you so much! I agree that Liral's self-hatred is a powerful emotion, and she's similar to Johanna in some ways. They're both loners with horribly low self-worth, although that inner conflict manifests itself in different ways - Johanna lashes out while Liral limits herself and falls into unhealthy patterns. Because of that, Liral is a much more likable character than Johanna from the get-go. I prefer writing characters with confidence issues because A. It gives that character a direction to grow and B. We all hate ourselves, sometimes, and that hatred shouldn't be a source of shame. We aren't alone. As far as case studies go, you may be onto something :D *Hugs*
Date: 07/24/18 08:36 pm Title: Chapter 11 - Remembrance
Nice chapter, didn't see anything this time. I'm starting to think that the Scythari were the 'bad guys', so to speak. Icevein sounded like a tyrant, whereas Braum and Folston seem to be more reasonable.
Looking forward to Delvaran's personal journey, more of the politic of Scythari vs Kadia, and of course more of Liral. Keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: That's a good observation about the Scythari. I tried to keep the 'good guys' and 'bad guys' a little bit ambiguous, and there might be some upcoming events that change your assessment of the Scythari being the great antagonists :D
Date: 07/24/18 05:38 am Title: Chapter 11 - Remembrance
Awww yay! It looks like love is beginning to bloom. Good thing nobody it her with a sword, or they would would have seen through her disguise.
Author's Response: I know! Close call, for sure, and don't make too many assumptions about their relationship! There might be a twist or two!
Date: 07/21/18 02:28 pm Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
I’m enjoying this one. It’s an interesting fantasy tale. Reminds me a bit of Mistborn.
Author's Response: Glad you're liking it! Parts of Liral's plot arc are definitely inspired by Mistborn, although the details of her character are very different. I only wish I could create a magic system that interesting! :D
Date: 07/11/18 06:17 am Title: Chapter 9 - Dasher
Nice chapter! When Cross is explaining the plan near the end of the chapter, "heir" is misspelled. When he shows Liral the scarf, he says "...to show you my the best..."; either 'my' or 'the' is fine, not both.
This doesn't matter as much, but when Liral responds, she tries to "harness" her laughter. If you meant that in the metaphorical sense, like harnessing a horse, then that's fine, but a word like "suppress" might work a little better. Again, it's fine as is, just making sure it was a decision rather than an accident. :)
Keep up the great work! Looking forward to more as always! ;)
Author's Response: Nice catches! Thanks, Lanz! *Hugs*
Date: 07/08/18 04:33 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
Fantastic, really loving it.
(Also, not going to lie, hoping that Liral and Daila end up together)
Author's Response: Hahaha! Glad you're loving it, it loves you back :D Liral and Daila ending up together...we'll have to wait and see about that one.
Date: 07/06/18 06:25 pm Title: Chapter 8 - A Slippery Slope
Wow. What a creative alternative world. And more than one character thread being woven. Engrossing. Not wild about the torture (not my thing), but I get how it's integral to the plot. Looking forward to "what comes next".
Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying it! I've always wanted to write something with intricate world-building, and this is the closest I've come :D
Date: 07/05/18 11:03 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
As always awesome Clarity! I am a really great fan of your stories in general, eagerly waiting for a new update :)
Author's Response: More will come, I promise! Also, my next story is going to be even better. Just you wait :D
Date: 07/05/18 02:02 am Title: Chapter 8 - A Slippery Slope
Cool chapter! Liral is right about shoes, who needs 'em. I'm becoming more and more intrigued by Cross; his plans are odd and I want to know what will happen.
Didn't see any typos this time, keep up the great work! As always, looking forward to more. :)
Author's Response: Who needs shoes!! As far as Cross goes, there are certainly some mysteries afoot, and they'll be revealed as time goes on. *Hugs*
Date: 06/30/18 05:47 am Title: Chapter 7 - Into the Trenches
Seems like there is magical attraction going on. I do hope she gets some of her power back. But the magical attraction could re-enforce that she must be submissive. Does all the princes have this power. If so, she could be in an very interesting condition. I hope she is taught what she should know for the selection. I am sure the maids are expected to be alluring as possible to be selected.
Author's Response: There certainly is attraction going on. Magical? Perhaps :D All princes do not have a power, though highborn are more likely to have powers. Glad you're enjoying the story :D
Date: 06/28/18 02:11 pm Title: Chapter 7 - Into the Trenches
D'awwwwe someone's got a crushy wushy. Poor kid never realized he was attracted to men before. That's harsh, but I'm glad he's learning humility and all kinds of traits he lacked. Fine Daila has suffered enough, you may give her a hug for me. I expect more repentance though for how she acted in the past. You may also give her a head pat, hugs and head pats for Auri definitely though. She's a saint for what she dealt with...
Author's Response: I'll give all of them hugs and pats, courtesy of your request. Daila and Liral are definitely beginning to recognize some of their biggest issues, which are awareness/compassion for Daila and trust for Liral (the ability to trust others, and herself). I hope you'll enjoy how they grow as people!
Date: 06/28/18 04:38 am Title: Chapter 7 - Into the Trenches
Nice chapter, Clarity. So we learn that Delvaran was attracted to males (gay or bisexual or whatever) in this section. Interesting... Looking forward to more, I'm getting pretty invested in this story now; the tension is rising with the Selections coming up and such. Keep up the great work, as always!
Author's Response: Thanks, Lanz! The tension is definitely mounting in Daila's little world, and you'll be seeing some more Liral in the coming few chapters. She's got a big old journey ahead of her :D
Date: 06/28/18 02:33 am Title: Chapter 7 - Into the Trenches
Do I detect a small hint of attraction? Hmmmmm? I wonder what will become of it! I am really loving Tearforged so far, Clarity - its definitely one of your better stories (and I loved your other stories!). I can't wait to see how more of it develops. Awesome work! I love the unique world too - with the three types of magic... and the fourth, which I suspect is far more common than our prince might think.
Author's Response: Hehe I'm glad you're liking it and there will certainly be some more of that 4th magic type, in the chapters to come. I know that this story started a bit slower than my others and it's a genre that I haven't tackled before, so I really do appreciate the vote of confidence :D
Date: 06/24/18 08:03 am Title: Chapter 6 - Crime and Punishment
I hope Marsa and Visre get skewered while holding their entrails. So abusive, and he hired her? Daila, see what you've done, learn what you did, and take it as a chance to learn. Jeez... she nearly kills you if you whisper out of turn? Yeah hell is too good for the likes of them.
Author's Response: Marsa's a mean one, for certain! I'll dive deeper into her backstory, as the story progresses.
Date: 06/22/18 08:46 am Title: Chapter 6 - Crime and Punishment
If it wasn't for your incredible writing, Claire, I would not visit this site any more. For some reason I have not been tempted to read anythin else here, apart from "Two weeks coin toss", that I started before I got these funny feelings about most of the stuff that was new. I never read anything until I found "Tearforged".
You simply are one of the best, love.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much. You have a talent for making me feel very special. Love ya
Date: 06/22/18 03:12 am Title: Chapter 6 - Crime and Punishment
Poor Delvafan and Auri. And I have a sinking feeling that things will have to get worse before they get better... excellent writing as always Clarity.
Author's Response: Glad you're liking it, and I promise that there will be plenty of happy moments for them :)
Date: 06/17/18 06:15 pm Title: Chapter 5 - The Pastry Girl
I cant believe I've missed this, this is amazing Miss Clarity. I'm loving these characters, omg. I love what happened with the prince, dude needed to lose his royalty to realize what a privileged douchebag he was. And Liral omg she's so pure can you hug her for me? That poor baby omg. And Poor Datch... the prince's punishment for doing such a thing. Hope it's equivalent. He let all his men die oh he makes me so mad, and even worse he cant stop shitting on women and then when he becomes one he's like omg it's the worst thing ever my life is over WHILE a woman is standing in front of him. She lived through it, you will too you whiny little brat. Daila gets no hugs!
Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you're enjoying it. *Hugs Liral for you* She deserves all the hugs
Date: 06/17/18 07:40 am Title: Chapter 5 - The Pastry Girl
Nice chapter, as usual! Didn't see any typos this time. One thing I already find interesting about Liral is how quickly her self confidence wavers. She goes from 'no one is as fast as me' to 'if only anyone liked me' super fast. Helps drive home how young she is, and how fickle emotions can be for a teen.
Keep up the great work! Always looking forward to your writing! :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Lanz! Glad you liked Liral's brief couple of chapters. There'll be a lot more Liral, going into the future :)
Date: 06/16/18 04:03 am Title: Chapter 5 - The Pastry Girl
So that's were the warm and fuzzy went. I am curious to see if and how the story of Liral and the story of the prince intertwine. The part with the pastries made me giggle.
Author's Response: Yup! Both storylines are going to get a bit darker, then a lot more fuzzy...and they will definitely intertwine!
Date: 06/15/18 05:27 pm Title: Chapter 4 - Beneath the Moon
Hey Clarity! Good to see your work again! This story is shaping up to be a cool one; I'm very intrigued and looking forward to what you have in store!
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you're enjoying it. 'Intrigue' is the correct word, as this story is fairly plot-heavy and more complex than my others.
Date: 06/14/18 08:00 am Title: Chapter 4 - Beneath the Moon
Honestly, Liral already has more character to her than the prince turned girl XD
Can't wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Daila will grow on you, I promise! Also, Liral will have about as much screen-time as Daila, so you're in luck ;)
Date: 06/14/18 03:45 am Title: Chapter 1 - From the Fog
Wow. You had me checking this story for updates every few hours for about a day and a half. Now a new chapter comes out, and the waiting begins again. This story seems different from your others; less warm and fuzzy, and yet oh-so-enjoyable in its own way. Keep up the amazing work!
Author's Response: It'll get warmer and fuzzier, I promise! I kind've regret beginning it with so much info-dump and combat. The rest will be more heartfelt!
Date: 06/13/18 06:34 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Rise and Shine
This story is pretty darn good so far! I'm looking forward to see how Dalia deals with her new situation. If its anything like your other works, Clarity, it'll be a gem!
Author's Response: Aw, you flatter me! I put a lot of effort into the world-building and plot of this story - more than most of my others - so I'm hoping that it's an interesting ride.