Date: 08/12/19 06:18 am Title: Chapter 24 - Burston, Part 5
I have a bad feeling about about this trip. It’s giving me flashbacks to a game of Dark Heresy I played where we were trying to track down some cultists stowaways aboard an Imperial Navy battleship (which is difficult since even a small imperial ship is many kilometers long). Regardless, I am really liking this story. Hortencia is hilarious.
Author's Response: Yeah, this trip is about to go sideways... I love Hortencia too! One of my favorite quotes is "Oh, mother hasn't killed anyone in years. She's on a diet." Thanks for being a fan!
Date: 03/02/19 01:04 am Title: Chapter 22 - Burston, Part 3
Oh now I'm curious about the sandkings... lol
Author's Response: Sandkings are a race of semi-intelligent spiders from the sands of mars, first originated in a story by George R. Martin, and then expanded upon in an Outer Limits episode in the late 1990's or early 00's. The Sandkings, aside from being really, really smart, are very poisonous and are builders like ants, building sculptures of their masters as if statues of their gods. They're territorial and will defend their home from invaders - but will turn on their "gods" if betrayed or mistreated. The outer limits episode ended with the spiders being freed on earth and running loose in the wild - and it took 60 years for terrans to clean up the infestation, with an unknown death toll during that time. It was a cool creepy episode - but the way I see it, Hortencia just provided Drago's brother with a bunch of spiderific guardians who'll protect him and his house as long as he treats them well. She's nice that way.
Date: 02/25/19 06:25 am Title: Chapter 22 - Burston, Part 3
Hortencia is hilarious! I never watched the original Addams family, so I have to ask: just how evil are the Addams family?
Author's Response: They're twisted and they're cooky, they're relatively spooky, they're icky and they're ooky... but actually they see the world in a different way - they are monsters, but unlike monsters they try to blend in and fit in with humanity. Their pranks are often lethal - to people they don't like, and they violently defend those that they care about - but they don't go out of their way to hurt people who don't (in their mind) deserve it. They might give thousands to charity, mistaking a widows and orphans benefit as "making MORE widows and orphans" - but at the same time, if they found a little child lost and alone, they would probably either take it home to its parents, or care for it themselves. As Hortencia said, Humans and Apathy are worse monsters than they'll ever be. If you have to watch just one movie or show, watch the movie with Raul Julia - its literally perfect for describing the Addams.
Date: 02/24/19 10:40 pm Title: Chapter 7 - Next Steps
Forgot to give it a rating. That screen save is from a YouTube series featuring an adult Wednesday Addams, starring Melissa Hunter. It's a riot.
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out the series! I'll give it a look soon!
Date: 02/24/19 10:29 pm Title: Chapter 7 - Next Steps
Hortencia, Kath? It's Wednesday. Hortencia's ancestor.
Is this what you had in mind?
Surprise, I'm reading the story, and liking it. I haven't exactly been in the mood lately to come to this site. It's a fun story. Sorry, I'm so late with it, and still so far back
Author's Response: Yep, Pretty Much! Its good to see you back Pablo!
Date: 02/23/19 03:30 pm Title: Chapter 21 - Burston, Part 2
This is an interesting story! The pacing feels good to me. I really enjoy the dynamic between Sarah and Bear!
Author's Response: Thanks Ara! I like the dynamic between Sarah and Bear too. I hope to include more of the interactions between Drago and Hortencia too, in the future, especially with them meeting each others family.
Date: 02/23/19 12:16 pm Title: Chapter 21 - Burston, Part 2
I just read this in a short burst of a couple of hours. I love the story you're weaving, it's beautiful. The the pacing is fine. ;) I'm enjoying the character development, and everybody's growth in the story. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it moves forward!
Date: 02/22/19 07:06 am Title: Chapter 20 - Burston, Part 1
Yay! I am so happy to se this being continued. I am not very familiar with Traveller (I am more into Warhammer 40k), but from what I do know, I suspect that the ‘monsters’ are not really supernatural. Great job.
Author's Response: I'm not going to comment on the nature of the Monsters - I have my own plans for them. My Traveller universe might be a wee bit different from the one you're used to! Still, that being said - if a Xenomorph and a Predator are just "normal aliens" and not monsters, then I don't know what a monster would look like. It may be something like Pitch Black - the native species wakes only once per year, feasts, and goes dormant... but that still doesn't explain why it doesn't happen on the Southern Continent. This is a mystery the crew will be revisiting in the future - but now, they're on track to earn their title nickname.
Date: 08/05/18 05:46 am Title: Chapter 19 - Feelings
I really like this story. Does this take place in the Traveller RPG setting, or did you simply borrow a few names and ideas?
Author's Response: Hi Alexa! Yes, this does take place in the Traveller RPG setting. They're currently in the Spinward Marches. I have made a few changes to the Spinward Marches and to the setting - but not many and not in any way that would show until much later in the story. Thanks for noticing! If I was Stan Lee I'd give you a No-Prize!
Date: 07/20/18 07:55 pm Title: Chapter 19 - Feelings
Kathryn, thanks for responding, this is a followup. You asked, " How does she appear to take it casually?" Well of course that's very subjective, depending on personal POV, and, it's hard for me to give a brief answer because this is a complex subject. But I'll try.
I know that humans are remarkably adaptable to almost anything new -- given time and experience. But I also know how sensitive we are to even small physical changes, starting with clothing or shoes. Some TG stories invoke magical or scientific conveniences to help the changee deal more readily with sudden, dramatic changes. Some throw in a gender swap and then largely IGNORE it for the rest of the story. Other extremes, which I find more realistic and enjoyable, dwell a lot on the character's novel sensations, even some disconnects and dysfunctions as their brains relearn how to function.
So my casual COMMENT was in reaction to reading along in an otherwise excellent, engaging, and well-crafted story (more please!), but thinking, "wow, Sarah sure adapted fast to her new body, didn't she?" Not that you fail to revisit her surprises, but still, I would have expected her to wake up nearly unable to talk or walk, and it would take a lot longer to get used to the differences, and personally that's the kind of "how would it be?" explorations I enjoy -- along with the rest of the story of course.
Author's Response: I'd like to think the after-therapy she had when she had the biosculpt procedure done took care of that, but I know I didn't really go into it and mostly glossed over it. I (at the time) didn't think people would find therapy and such entertaining, but you've opened my eyes. Thanks for letting me know - and maybe next time I'll delve deeper into minute feelings and all the stuff you mentioned. Thanks!
Date: 07/14/18 03:11 am Title: Chapter 18 - Giving In
OK, clearly there IS a lot more you can do in a sim than "just" morph your body :-)
As if your future universe wasn't open-ended enough, adding in sims, and spending time exploring them, makes the story even richer! Wow.
Still wishing Sarah wasn't taking her transition so casually so quickly. Please continue to have her mull more on her physical as well as emotional sensations and surprises.
Author's Response: I'm not sure Sarah is taking it casually. She is still going to have lots of memories as John, and some trouble with her new emotions - after all, hormones have a hell of an effect. (I know they did on me!) How does she appear to take it casually? Is it that she's focusing on other things and not detailing every little sensation or new thing? I'd like to make the story better so if you have some examples how I could make it better, I'd love to see how! Please let me know, okay? As for the sims enriching the universe, I whole heartedly agree - they add a large dimension to the stories you can tell.
Date: 07/06/18 06:33 pm Title: Chapter 17 - A Private Moment
Yay, more. And the Burston tension is building. Now I'm hoping the story title relates in some way to what's about to transpire there... And that somehow Sarah's gender swap is an important part of it.
Author's Response: Hi Day Dreamer! Several things are going to happen on Burston - it will be a fairly long story arc - at least several chapters - I don't think you'll be disappointed!
Date: 06/28/18 11:05 am Title: Chapter 16 - Hairdressers
And so a potential end game? I wonder how true to her namesake THIS Sarah Kerrigan is going to end up. Still, a well developed and warm story so far.
Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Will it Work! I'm not planning any link to the Starcraft franchise regarding Sarah - but she does become more of an action heroine as time passes. There are still lots of twists and turns ahead!
Date: 06/26/18 03:02 pm Title: Chapter 15 - Dreams
Author's Response: Thanks Inanna - it was a tough chapter to write, getting the dream feel right, and then Sarah's realization when she woke. It was very tricky and I think I got the balance right. I am looking forward to some future chapters - there is going to be a fair bit of action, once the crew get their act together.
Date: 06/22/18 02:34 pm Title: Chapter 14 - Shopping
Very engaging story so far. More please.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying the story! There will be more - a LOT more - but I might not get another chapter posted for a day or so - I have another project I have to do away from the computer first.
Date: 06/19/18 06:54 pm Title: Chapter 13 - Recovery
Fabulosity continues! This is one of those rare stories where I hunger for the next chapter, and tend to drop everything to read it when it appears.
Thanks for the generally upbeat tone and straightforward unfolding of the plot so far. I was worried you were going to have John discover that being 3000 years old put him in the ineligible 0.1%, or there'd be a power outage, or whatever. I hope you'll continue the pleasurable romp, including natural romance and adventure, while maintaining the TG explorations too. Let's not have Sarah get too complacent, too fast, about her new reality.
Hmm... In a self-designed body, what is there left to alter for fun while in sim? (smile)
Author's Response: Hi Day Dreamer! Thanks for the kind words... This is intended as a slice of life story, so there's going to be ups and downs, good times and bad - and I'll be trying to keep a fairly upbeat tone. I don't think Sarah will be too complacent too soon - everything is still very new to her, from the food to the tech to virtually everything. The only "normal" for her is becoming Bear, Drago and Hortencia - and with them Normal is relative. Since she can change her avatar anytime she wishes, there is still lots to play with in sims if she wishes to do so... (and there will be more sim adventures too). I intend to try and balance out the sims with the main story so that the sims don't overtake the story but rather accentuate it.
Date: 06/15/18 06:55 pm Title: Chapter 9 - Jump Space
I think a little of both would be good, then as you continue you can add more as you go along.
Author's Response: I agree - enough to tempt the palate with some details, but not enough to derail the sci fi story that's going on.
Date: 06/15/18 05:49 pm Title: Chapter 9 - Jump Space
You're doing a great job of exposition, for what it's worth. I wouldn't mind seeing more of the sim,but I'm even more excited to see Edenelt.
Author's Response: If I do more of the sim, it won't take up more than one chapter... Edenelt is going to be very soon. Thanks for the Compliment Tessarion. I'm really glad you like the story so far.
Date: 06/15/18 02:43 pm Title: Chapter 9 - Jump Space
I feel like it would be a fun read. But at the same time it could really side track the story.
Maybe if you post it separately as an interlude chapter between the main ones.
That way you can also gauge interest when compared to the main chapters.
If anything I could use more info about the future stuff . Kinda feels like everything is happening today.
Author's Response: Hi TmC! Thanks for commenting. I'm not sure about the Sim's either but showing one or two might have a story purpose possibly. I'd like to comment on your "feels like today" comment though. In the Imperial Core worlds, the worlds are well populated and unbelievably high tech - they don't have matter transmission or stuff like that, but its really really advanced. In the Spinward Marches (which are on the verymost outer fringes of the Empire), where our story takes place, the tech levels (and populations of various planets) are all over the place - there are some capital worlds with highly advanced tech, and many many worlds with tech barely advanced as high as Earth in the 1930's. This mix of low tech and high tech planets means that the average tech falls right around where we would feel comfortable - around TL 8 to TL 9. The VR systems installed in the ship are considerably more advanced than what our technology would allow, as are the Jump Drives and Gravitic Engines - but a lot of people have a "if its not broken, don't fix it" attitude that allows a lot of low tech answers to fit in a high tech society. I'll try to make note that on the really High tech (or Low Tech) worlds to show some of the dramatic differences in lifestyle and society. Hopefully that will help. Thanks for bringing the topic up!
Date: 06/15/18 01:49 am Title: Chapter 8 - Let's Trade
Excellent blend of, well, everything! Fiction, far future, dialogue, people/quirks, interactions, pace, TG twist, all of it. Looking forward to, I hope, a lot more, as you continue to explore this universe and the people in it.
Author's Response: Thanks Day Dreamer! That's a very nice compliment! There will be more, I promise.
Date: 06/14/18 09:24 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Awakenings
I like the new development!
If there ever were especially Star-Crossed Lovers....
Here they be.
Author's Response: Well, we'll see as to the star crossed lovers part. No Promises. I'm glad you're enjoying the story Griffin!
Date: 06/14/18 07:22 pm Title: Chapter 8 - Let's Trade
I am truly enjoying this story. I also very much like the name Sarah. I hope this story gets to be finished.
Author's Response: Thanks FifthJirk! I like the name Sarah too. I'll be finishing this story in time - its going to be a long story. I might break it into parts to make it an easier read, I think. Thanks for responding!
Date: 06/13/18 05:51 am Title: Chapter 1 - Awakenings
“We’re not thieves...
well,we are thieves.”
That’s the scene that I was thinking and I keep thinking of Crow when I read about Bear...
Which reminds me-
I don’t how defined J’s future is but it did cross my mind that if things go well between
them and Bear (like some thrilling heroics) perhaps they will draw closer-
even to the point that J may opt to take up the image of his lost love...
maybe something slightly different like hair colour to keep from feeling to much like a cloneshadow,
I was thinking that it would be more an extreme expression of gratitude,
not some kinky fetish,etc.
It was just a random thought in passing,though-
even if your design is totally different I thought I just thought that I would mention it
because it’s probably something that most of people would do if they had the chance-
design and create their ideal self.
I probably would,too-
but not by looking at many,many people and then trying to create the ultimate compilation....
whatever that is.
It’s like hair-
it sure can be beautiful but it sure can be trouble,too.
Kinduv like people,
the more exotic they are the more likely they are to leave you stranded....
Author's Response: I LOVE that scene in firefly! I'm SOOO glad that's what came to mind, because its kind of what I had in mind when I wrote it, along with a scene from Wreck it Ralph. John's future is not defined - I'm writing this to see where I end up. I have some plans for John - and for the others on the crew - but there is LOTS of wiggle room for a few requests (depending what they are). I don't think John would want to duplicate Bear's girlfriend even that close - John/Sarah is far more likely to be herself. And you are totally right about hair - I wouldn't know about the cars. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
Date: 06/11/18 01:06 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Awakenings
Sounds like this is going to be a long one, awsome!
Author's Response: Yeah, this is going to be a long one! I might break it into parts, but I haven't decided yet. I hope its interesting enough for you to stick with it!
Date: 06/11/18 02:50 am Title: Chapter 6 - The Book Job
Great so far and I would like to know more about Hortencia.
Author's Response: Thanks Wolfguard! There will be more revealed about Hortencia, but maybe not for a little while. Eventually she's going to take Drago home to meet her parents - and we'll learn a LOT about her and her family then - but that might not be for a while. Thanks for reading!
Date: 06/10/18 03:26 pm Title: Chapter 5 - Bear's Story
Love this! Great world-building, and it's always nice to see a story on here with an actual trans character.
Author's Response: Thanks Tessarion! I appreciate the kudos! Most stories I write have a trans character in them. You might like Empire City and Mandate of Heaven too.
Date: 06/09/18 07:50 pm Title: Chapter 5 - Bear's Story
Had to laugh at John's and Herc's situation outside of Drago's door. XD
I feel bad for Bear. T_T
Just curious, are the creatures Strzyga?
Author's Response: The problem for Bear's people, the people of Burston is that they only have folklore of what lives in the woods - and that folklore is mixed with folklore from old Earth, so many of the stories mention vampires, werewolves, goblins and more - but no details or facts, just supposition and superstition. Stryzga, being a form of Slavic vampire would definitely be amongst the tales of the creatures - but would not be limited to Stryzga. I'm leaving the nature of the monsters fluid for now, because a future mission might have the big damn heroes come back to Bear's planet to find out the truth behind the monsters...
Date: 06/09/18 01:58 am Title: Chapter 4 - Avatars
I'm really liking the universe you've crafted here. It seems like someone waking up from cryo from so long ago isn't a big deal though,like it happens all the time.
Author's Response: It is a big deal - but at the same time there are stories of other people surviving huge stints in Cryo - but I think the longest ever recorded was about 750 years. John's accomplishment is nothing less than a miracle or a fluke, and people will take note of it. Sorry if I didn't convey that well enough earlier. Bear and the others were very surprised to see John alive! To be fair they cursed their luck a bit too, but things worked out in the end.
Date: 06/08/18 02:48 pm Title: Chapter 4 - Avatars
This was entertaining. :)
I really hate how inspectors are like that. The moment they find something outstanding, it is like they have a bite on some new juicy topic to gossip about for their dull day to go by faster.
Laughed about the way Hortencia might give fashion advice. XD
With the avatar's look, I might be in the wrong to compare actual people, but I had an image of Lena Headey's character Cersei Lannister. I hope that doesn't ruin anything, but please do correct me if my mind's eye is straying far off the mark. :)
Author's Response: I took a look at Cersei online - I'd say John's Avatar has a rounder more oval face, slightly finer features, and looks less annoyed. Cersei never seems to smile in the pictures I saw and I didn't like that. I didn't actually have a real person in mind, but if I find a pic that fits my minds eye, I'll send it to you in chat. Actually a face from comics that's pretty close is Power Girl. I do emphasize face - the rest of the Avatar does not necessarily look like Power Girl (unless someone has a request for it to?)
Date: 06/08/18 01:02 pm Title: Chapter 4 - Avatars
So far the stories been pretty good. I like the crew of the Fortunes Favor, though I was wondering how Bear has a Russian accent if he’s not from earth. Keep up the good work, can’t wait for more chapters.
Author's Response: Many planets in the Imperium were settled by people of one nationality or another - it would not be weird to find entire planets settled by Chinese, Russian or Western European settlers. There are some planets that are settled by Norwegians, etc... Now over the past 1000 years a lot of the accents tend to thin out and become generic, but Bear is from a planet not on the usual space ways, which means few travellers - and off world contact is at a minimum, which means local 'accents' can foster and grow. Technically, Bear would call his accent by the name of his home world - it just SOUNDS Russian to John. Bear's planet was settled mostly by Russians and Slavs. I hope that helps.
Date: 06/06/18 02:38 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Hortencia
Hortencia is awesome! :D
I enjoyed this chapter, especially the very end when we get a glimpse at John's internal thoughts on the interactions with the crew influencing a positive growth. :)
*P.S.- This chapter kinda makes me want to return to writing Forest and make some improvements that you had advised me on. >.>
Author's Response: I'm glad you love Hortencia - I debated over wether to have an Addams in the story, but it made sense to me... If they were real, putting out a movie or two would make people assume they were fantasy - a great way to hide themselves if they were real. I hope you like Bear and Drago as much when they get more screen/page time too - Bear has a curious history, as does Drago - and they're very much Brothers from another Mother. I'm glad I helped you want to write again!
Date: 06/06/18 01:58 pm Title: Chapter 2 - The Fortune's Favor
“We are not bad guys – but we are sort of bad guys..." This makes me picture Bear as Zangief from the scene "Bad-Anon" meeting in the movie "Wreck-It Ralph." XD
I really liked one way you handled a scene using Bear. Having him speak, but simply state that he was gesturing with his hands. It allowed me to imagine how he was speaking with his motions rather than directly being told how he moved. If I may, I'd like to try this, might slim down my own writing and encourage more immersion, like it did here. :)
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked that scene - that's exactly the feeling I had in mind - and strangely, exactly the scene I was thinking (in wreck it ralph) when I wrote Bear's line. I'm glad you're enjoying it!
Date: 06/04/18 11:52 am Title: Chapter 2 - The Fortune's Favor
A slow burn, but interesting. I like a good balance of drama and world building — you have a good ratio here. Let’s see how the next great space western goes!
Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: Thanks Will! I'm glad the chapter didn't dissolve into an infodump! I love getting feedback so, thanks!
Date: 06/03/18 02:07 am Title: Chapter 1 - Awakenings
Definitely enjoyed John's comparison to cousin It. XD
A little curious if China experienced something I once read in a book by Max Brooks. >.>
Going to keep an eye on John to see how well time is spent on the second chance at life. :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Mr. Simple. The comparison to cousin It might be more appropriate than you know! Are you referring to the Max Brooks novel World War Z? Because I forget what the chinese did in that novel. As for John, he has some mourning to do - for him the deaths of his friends are still new, but after that he intends to keep living and moving forward, even when its hard.