Date: 02/17/19 06:30 am Title: Chapter 1
Story is really good, i love how detailed the world is and how the characters react to each other. Im am a little scared since last update almost been a year ago. if there are updated versions on another website then please tell me? i would very much appreciate it.
Date: 06/07/18 04:52 am Title: Chapter 8
"Again, with a history like yours that comes as no surprise but you can not deny that it was also thrilling, the idea of relaxing for a bit, letting somebody else make decisions for you, confident that you can trust them to care for you just as good or even better than you would care for yourself."
I wasn't expecting to get called out by a story on TGS today, but there you have :-P
Lovely, can wait to read more (and see what the magpie king's story is)!
Date: 05/24/18 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love the interplay of dominance and caring Kayra demonstrates. The implications of this dynamic increasing (vowing to obey as apprentice, etc) make me very excited for future updates.
Growing so weak as to be unable to move after 1 day of dehydration is a little far-fetched, but I'm more than willing to excuse it as a narrative device for the enabling the "nursing back to health" scene.
Date: 05/20/18 04:10 pm Title: Chapter 5
Quite well written!
The "Nameless Hero" kind of makes me think of the Gothic Trilogy, where the protagonist had such power over the gods as mere mortal because he had no fate to guide him either. I do like the idea of a "forgotten child", and will incorporate it into my headcanon of the Nameless Hero.
I wonder, will our own Nameless have issues with his sexist views, as described in chapter 2/3 and being a dryad? For as much as they (she?) know, women are snakes with no compassion. I do wish for a happy ending, but this would be a nice hurdle for Karya and our Nameless to brave.
Author's Response: While I did play Gothic 1 and 3 I must have missed the parts where they spoke about the fact that the protagonist doesnīt have a name and what that means for him. Or maybe I knew at some point and now it subconsciously influenced me while writing my own story, who knows?
Date: 05/19/18 04:55 am Title: Chapter 4
Goddess, it's stuff like this that reminds how much I'm a sucker for gentle lezdom. Well done!
Also, one quick suggestion- "did somebody enjoy themself" would be better as "Did somebody enjoy herself?", since Karya is obviously aware of our protagonist's gender.
Author's Response: So, I discovered the respond button. Though I am responding to Tessarionīs comment that is only because it is the newest one at the time of me writing this and it goes to all of you who have reviewed my story so far. First of all I would like to thank everybody who has taken the time to leave a review on my story because without you I would have never found the will and most importantly the courage to continue writing this story. I really mean it, without you this story would have ended after chapter one. The same thanks goes to those who pointed out small mistakes and what I can still improve. Let us together strive to make every new chapter a little bit better than the previous one. One last thing I would like note is that the story will go on a brief hiatus as I will be away on a personal matter. I do, however, hope to get back to writing with the beginning of June, so look for new updates after the first of June 2018. Note that the ending of chapter five has been intentionally made the way it is, so if you have any suggestions regarding the name of our heroine or what changes could be done to her body, however large or small, I am open to suggestions. We will see each other again in June.
Date: 05/17/18 03:37 am Title: Chapter 3
First chapter of this was basically unreadable. It has gotten much more interesting and readable over these last two chapters. That said you're still lacking a bit in some basic world building for what is supposed to be a fantasy series. Need more of that to understand this world. Definitely much improved though and I will be reading new chapters.
Date: 05/16/18 10:28 pm Title: Chapter 1
The writing is quite good for a non-native speaker, and the storytelling is enjoyable. Thank you, and I look forward to seeing more.
I noticed just a couple of words you used in a way a native speaker would not. "naval cities" should probably be "port cities" -- the context implies trade, which means a merchant marine, not a navy (although the kingdom probably has a navy as well). Also, you several times refer to the "ground" of the carriage; it should be "floor". Generally you have the floor of a house or vehicle, and the ground of an outdoor space.
Date: 05/16/18 11:09 am Title: Chapter 3
This whole character study has been interesting. Where is the will to own one’s situation? They went from mercenaries to murderers, and now our protagonist is in a vastly different situation.
Karya also seems to have gotten an unfair review in the story summary. Definitely alien, but so far she hasn’t seemed malicious. We’ll have to see as things go on.
Thanks for sharing!
Date: 05/15/18 08:12 am Title: Chapter 2
Soon it looks like Carl is going to get a painful reminder that the female of the species is more deadly than the male. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I really like what I have seen of this world you have created.