Date: 04/25/18 03:27 pm Title: Just a bad case of the flu
Personally Kiki's Delivery Service is my favourite Ghibli :).
Interesting story, clearly inspired by MORFFS and other similar stories but I am still intrigued.
Author's Response: I have yet to see that one, but I bet it is good. Yeah, I've taken inspiration from MORFS, Twisted and other stories like that, not necessarily because of the cool powers, but because it turns the main character into something different in a country with a relatively homogeneous population. The cool powers are a plus, though. Sadly, I couldn't come up with a cool name like MORFS :( poor me. JumpierLotus
Date: 04/25/18 05:04 am Title: Just a bad case of the flu
The mother is unrealistic. Yeah, let's scream at a very ill child and make him feel lie crap. Good idea...
Other than that there are a few weirdly constructed sentences as well.
Author's Response: Yeah, I could have done that a bit better. In my head, it sounded a bit better, but it didn't translate that well to text, at least not yet. And yeah, I too noticed there were a couple weird sentences. Apparently, I still left some. It might be partly the fact that Finnish is quite different when it comes to grammar, and also I did write it a bit fast as I have had the idea for this story for quite awhile and wanted to get started quickly. I'll try to learn from my mistakes and fix them later. Thanks for your review. JumpierLotus
Date: 04/23/18 11:03 pm Title: The last day of summer
Hyvä alku. Kerronta hieman tahmeahko ja kieliasu simppelihkö, mutta kyl se kirjoittamalla paranee. Lisää vaa.
Suomi mainittu, torille?
Author's Response: Torille. Juu, vielä vähän hakusessa nää asiat, mut tekemällähän sitä oppii.
Date: 04/23/18 05:43 pm Title: The last day of summer
Your grasp of english is better than that of many natives, so I
wouldn’t worry on that score.
It’s an intriguing start and flows well, I’m definitely looking out for this one.
Little query: Gameboy’s came out in 1989 yet you state the 70’s. Mistake? Or is your story set in a universe that ran slightly quicker along the tech development track?
Author's Response: Oopsie, thank you very much. I originally wrote the Gameboy part when I didn't have internet, so I just put some decade and couldn't check if it was right. Thank you for the compliments, they always boost one's confidence :) I try to have the next chapter available soon, but can't promise anything. JumpierLotus
Date: 04/23/18 03:16 pm Title: The last day of summer
Hi Juniper! I know you said your English might not be good, but I think you do yourself a disservice - I could read everything quite nicely and the writing flowed pretty well - at least as well as some english speaking writers does. I don't think you'll have a problem with anyone complaining about your writing / english. I like the story so far - keep it up! (I'll leave a rating when I see another chapter or two)
Author's Response: Yeah, I guess my grammar is pretty good, it's just those little prepositions, because they often work differently compared to Finnish, for example at school - koulussa (literal translation IN school). Thanks for your positive words, now I know how it feels to get feedback :) quite intoxicating. I'll try updating it somewhat often, but since I'm just learning, the chapters might come a bit irregularly. JumpierLotus