Date: 03/04/19 10:18 pm Title: Chapter 17
Wow this is getting serious, and exciting!
Weird family though, i hope Nick can manage to convince Emma of his true feelings. If he has them!
And i am pretty sure she is in love, or at least has a pretty big crush on him herself, even if she doesnt quite realize it yet. Or how girly she is becomming.
Looking forward to more!
Date: 02/19/19 04:49 am Title: Chapter 17
Moomlucy, you're doing a great job with the suspense. I kind of trust Nick's family now, but only so far. I hope Nick can earn Emma's trust back, but it won't be easy.
I'd like to find out more about what they did with Ben, and why Emma is not allowed to know about it.
Please keep it up and don't rush. This is really shaping up to be a great story.
Date: 02/09/19 02:52 am Title: Chapter 1
I do wish your story was completed to so I could review in earnest, but I did want to give you a shout out as I am also writing a story about someone with PDMS.
Though you say you struggle with the language, I think your story reads very well, fluid and cohisive so far. Mostly, I think and linguistic differences actually give the read a unique voice... almost an accent if you will. If you could cultivate that a bit more, I think it could add a lot of spice to your future stories.
The only thing I will say, critique wise, is to keep in mind that we readers do not know everything you know. Feel free to slow down a bit and explain things in more detail about what is happening. Your most recent chapter (16 at the time of this review) had me feeling a bit lost.
Author's Response: Thank you for your comment. I try my best to add some spice to my stories. I guess chapter 17 clarifies your confusing.
Date: 07/27/18 12:15 am Title: Chapter 1
I really hope you intend to continue this story...I have been checking everyday for more! :)
Author's Response: Hi, thanks for the positive feedback. I intend to continue, but recently work has been very demanding (a lot of deadlines)! In two weeks, I will be more free and I will certainly write a few more chapters :) So please be a bit more patient.
Date: 06/02/18 05:21 pm Title: Chapter 15
Well youve hooked me on the characters and the story. Good work! This must be very hard to do in another language, while there are tense and grammer problems here and there they are usually easily to siip over and dont disrupt the story for me so keep it up!
Date: 04/23/18 06:10 pm Title: Chapter 14
Great chapter, once again. Okay, you asked for advice with the grammar, so I'll try and help, even though I'm not that sure either, as English isn't my native language. Someone else perhaps could tell why something is wrong.
In the end of the chapter: as LITTLE attention as possible (instead of least)
I SWEAR (instead of swore)
Then there's the typo: NickED walked a bit faster...
Then there are a few ones that seem a bit awkward but I have no idea how to fix them, or if it's just in my head.
Indeed, as you said, you are improving. Way less errors and more natural dialogue. Good job!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot :) I corrected the mentioned mistakes. Thanks. I hope you enjoy the remainder of the story.
Date: 04/18/18 05:57 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hmmm... interesting so far. I was kinda hoping for something like Clarity's 'Blitz' or O2bxx's 'For a girl' when I read the description (I loved those), but I was still pleasantly surprised you didn't take the same approach. Despite a grammar mistake here and there the story flows well, maybe sometimes the dialogue seems a bit clumsy, but all in all very good.
Author's Response: Thanks for your feedback. I tried to be a bit more creative in my story-line, although, nowadays, it is pretty difficult to be innovative and creative! Anyways, I hope you enjoy the rest as well. My English is not perfect and I am completely aware of that. However, I try to make less and less mistakes! The whole writing experience is a very nice English practice for me. I would really appreciate, you readers could give grammar feedback.
Date: 04/13/18 11:53 pm Title: Chapter 12
Are the shots turning her into a tsundere? First shes's like "I like this" Then she's like "NO GO AWAY DUMMY!" It's like a classic tsundere response xD
Author's Response: I think the tsundere could be because of the temporary hormone imbalance! or the drugs! or it's just how Emma is!
Date: 04/12/18 05:10 pm Title: Chapter 11
It's fine, it's still a good story, it moves a little fast but it seems like that might be your style. Either way wow he doesn't even recognize her. That dress was very pretty.
Author's Response: :) I didn't want to make it go fast! I don't decide on the speed of the story! I just write the story scenario! It just makes sense that, based on her situation, she has to progress in looking feminine and fast!
Date: 04/11/18 08:13 am Title: Chapter 5
OK, you clearly don't know that Luke is the short form of Lucas, having two brothers with essentially the same name is totally confusing, please change one of those names - preferably the older brother's. Other than that and the obvious small problems due to language barrier this is an interesting story
Author's Response: Thanks for your feedback! Indeed, I didn't know that. I changed the older brother's name to Luis. As for the language mistakes, I will try to improve my English and make less mistakes. After completion of the story, I will review the whole story once more.
Date: 04/11/18 06:41 am Title: Chapter 10
I feel so bad for this kid... a Trans girl would find this a dream come true. But I don't think this kid wanted this even the slightest... If eel so bad for this kid and I'm worried the shots will do more than just change the body...
Author's Response: I am sorry that this story brought sadness to you. I hope the remaining becomes less sad. Thanks for the support anyways! Maybe my next story will be about a Trans girl! Who knows?
Date: 04/10/18 12:19 am Title: Chapter 8
Love it!!!!! Keep it going!
Author's Response: Thanks for the positive feedback! More will come during the next few days. I try to add a chapter per day during this week. From next week onward, I will try to add 2 to 3 chapters per week. I hope you enjoy the rest!
Date: 04/09/18 08:03 pm Title: Chapter 8
Well that was quick. And the parents sueing, i didn't even catch that. Nice foreshadow. Yep dear old daddy screwed them over. Well I hope this kid finds peace and learns to love life. I still cant help but feel like this was engineered by the government. In the "saving of mankind" they rarely care about individual lives or wants.
Author's Response: Thanks! :) We still don't know who helped the doc and who didn't. Lucas has little chance to know! He is way occupied with other things!!!!
Date: 04/07/18 03:09 pm Title: Chapter 6
Great chapter. Besides some rough spots in grammar here and there, I think you played the scenario out quite well. I do feel some sympathy for the doctor though, perhaps over time he will decide the doc made a good decision and forgive him? I mean, there is no doubt it was cruel, but he might be happier this way, plus he has a chance at saving the future generations by helping to find a cure. I'm glad you didn't just go straight down the acceptance route, it's nice to see the character evolve and get through its struggles of the changes, eventually leading to it living a normal life.
Author's Response: Thanks for your feedback! As I said before, English is not my first language and I am learning via my mistakes. I will try to make less and less grammar mistakes. Please feel free to mention my mistakes and how I possibly could correct them. I would really appreciate that :) I am happy you enjoyed the scenario. I hope you enjoy the rest :)
Date: 04/04/18 09:28 pm Title: Chapter 4
Oh God that's not good... there has been far more evil done "for the good of humankind." I get the feeling him passing out is going to make them make the choice for him. That's terrifying! Poor boy!
Author's Response: Thanks. Well, we will see! :)