Date: 02/12/18 03:31 pm Title: Choose your character
I do like what you've done. Although please don't shove all the dialogue into a single line. It makes it confusing as to who is speaking.
TGS was never really designed for interactive fiction. While you've done a decent job, if you want to up your level then I suggest looking into an easy to use program called Twine that was built for stories like these.
Date: 02/12/18 07:50 am Title: Chapter 19
I like what you've got here, but it feels like the possibilities aren't explored thoroughly enough, and the different branches don't diverge enough. For the most part, we're experiencing the same events from different points of view; the choices don't matter as much as they should in a story like this. And after the transformation is over, the story is over a couple of hundred words later. I'd like to see you explore the form in a longer, more complex story, maybe with fewer viewpoint characters, but where the reader's choices have a bigger impact on the story, and they have meaningful choices to make after their transformation. I look forward to seeing more your work.