Date: 06/03/18 02:29 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
Thanks for the response. I completely understand not wanting to put out a deadline when you aren't even sure if it's possible for you at the moment. Hope things work out for the best. Till then I'll patiently wait for when you are able to post again. Really looking forward to it.
Date: 05/18/18 09:31 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
Started reading this story pretty much first thing after finding this site. Really like it and was happy to see it being update at a fairly rappid and regular pace, but now it's been months since anything has been added. Was just wondering if you plan to continue it and if so when you think you'll be starting to upload again. Would really like to see this story continue.
Author's Response: Yes, I do have a couple of chapters half-written. I had some troubles in real life, so I had to take a break. Currently they are in no condition suitable for submission. I kind of refrained from replying, because I didn't want to commit to a follow-up, only to disappoint on a schedule failure. I might submit a couple of short stories in the meantime, but I am still actively working on it.
Date: 04/09/18 04:40 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
If you ever want any help with your story, be it grammar, spelling, or just story ideas in general then I'd be more than willing to help. just shoot me a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org if you ever want help with anything ^^
Date: 04/09/18 04:33 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
Absolutely amazing! I would love to see Shina maybe grow a bit more perverted though, since (for me at least) her physical transformations seem to be a bit more precedent than her mental ones. I'm really loving the story, keep it up!
Date: 03/02/18 06:56 am Title: Chapter VII: Tsunder and lightning
Unlike previous chapters this one actually seemed to have some bad errors. Mainly just that within the same paragraph you'd have 2 characters with dialogue areas. You're only supposed to have 1 character speaking.
Author's Response: So far I've been grouping by topic rather than speaker, I can fix that. It's kind of weird though that you've noticed only in the last one since I've been consistent in all of them. Hopefully now's ok.
Date: 03/02/18 01:41 am Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
Surprisingly good, like That's it's an actual story. Feels fleshed out, no major writing issues that anyone without an English degree would care about.
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm a bit self conscious of my writing because I'm aware that some sentences do sound a little odd, but I cannot pinpoint what exactly, probably as a consequence of my native language's syntax creeping in at times.
Date: 03/01/18 08:44 am Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
Very quickly becoming one of my favorite stories on this site. Great setting, deep background, and an interesting main character. Hope to see many more chapters!
Author's Response: Thanks, since my language skills are mediocre at best I try to concentrate on the story instead.
Date: 02/27/18 12:50 pm Title: Chapter VI: Slime and prejudice
This is really growing into an interesting pace. I like the idea of a virtuous man sacrificing identity for the right, and making a difference.
Even if that includes making nice to slimes, and infiltrating a military camp. Looking forward to reading the next chapter!
Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: Thanks, I actually have a tiny bit of remark about virtue, perceived virtue and responsibility, which I do plan to include on the story, but I won't be able to fit it inside for a while.
Date: 02/26/18 02:48 am Title: Chapter VII: Tsunder and lightning
Thank you for this funny chapter, and this whole story (so far)! I am thoroughly enjoying it!
Author's Response: You're welcome, I'm a bit struggling a bit trying to mix the fun and serious parts. I don't want for the story to feel too heavy despite the more or less serious background. I'll take this comment as an acknowledgment that like this is not too bad.
Date: 02/21/18 07:26 pm Title: Chapter VI: Slime and prejudice
Great story. I love the parts where the main character turns more and more into a succubus. Slow changes are good! Can't wait for the next chapters.
Author's Response: Thanks, I prefer myself slow transformation stories. There's some nice allure when the character is conscious of the change and has to rationalize it and make its own, they can reject it, they can embrace it, they can ignore it, the real expression of their essence is shown. To further pontificate, if you'd let me, forced transformations particularly fit this style. The forced element helps to remove elements of guilt from both the reader and character and depending on the choices they make, they can highlight the nature of the change too. If one willingly chose something, and after some experience likes it, it must've been a good thing. If one forcefully get something cast upon them, and ends up liking it despite their initial idea, it must've been a really good thing to do so.
Date: 02/21/18 05:35 pm Title: Chapter VI: Slime and prejudice
Oh bullshit, "Instinct" my ass, he just wants to sexually harass her.
Author's Response: Let's say that he's capable to mix business with please, he got a chance and seized it. Regardless of his intentions, Shina has to deal with it.
Date: 02/21/18 03:33 am Title: Chapter VI: Slime and prejudice
Goddamn fat pig
Great chapter except for the fucking pig. He annoys me to no end. Blah. Cant wait for more though :)
Not of the pig though
Author's Response: The pig might come back, with a vengeance!
Date: 02/17/18 12:36 am Title: Chapter V: A kindred magic
Oh my god I loved it. I love those 2 together though rel and shida they are ma lovelies 😍😍😍
And oh my god bery's slime puns and facts kept cracking me up. But I'm sure if I heard as much of them as shida did I'd have probably tied bery to a tree... Omg omg omg draconic :O omg omg omg omg I LOVE YOU :3
They need to let me put a 10 dammit. Im glad that she progresses at a smooth rate..... Wounder if she'll be a super bad ass later on o.o
I have much much much more to say. But I need to keep some talk talk for next update... Just in case if its a dud :o
Author's Response: Thanks, you might have to wait a little bit more before sexy times. Even if I enjoy teasing the reader with more of less explicit references, I don't want to throw smut narrative unless it's naturally part of the story ( there's going to be plenty of occasions I'm slowly setting the scenario for ).
Date: 02/09/18 01:02 am Title: Chapter IV: The early bird catches the bookworm
Misaania might help you check out the stories made by him they are kinda similar to yours he's makes a lot of my favs. They are mid evil style with magic and so on and so forth. On another note glad to see them talking. I hope she keeps her tan skin that'd be lovely. Hope she doesn't get insane proportion. To outrageous is just...... Yea no.. Lol. Def can't wait for more. But def interesting that she adopted him into her family wounder how that LOVE works. Still love it though and def can't wait for more another thing I love long stories. Also dragon people are awesome. There's a shit tonight of races I like but not they really arent much of a monster type hahahaha well there's lots I could say but def can't wait for more. Glad she showed alil bit of a sad size still like her alil dom though ;)
Can't wait to see how mark changes (emotionally and mentally and all)
Author's Response: Ask and ye shall receive. PS. No, she won't turn into a freakish proportions monster, she's supposed to be a master of seduction after all!
Date: 02/08/18 07:18 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
I love the way she is. I don't like humiliation or straight up being cruel and getting treated like trash. I dont like that shit either. Like from time to time small parts are OK but I couldn't stand it for long periods of time I love how she's loving yet forceful at times. Def can't wait for more def a new favorite story of mine. Im jelly of him for sure :p
Date: 02/06/18 11:05 pm Title: Chapter III: Sex appealing to the court
I like her all forceful def my type of women ;)
But great chapter. Great detail. I absolutely can't wait for more
Author's Response: Originally, I planned rel to be all forceful and dominant, but it only ended up as needless cruelty. This contrasts to two principles: I am severely turned off by humiliation content and therefore writing humiliation-based stories would feel unnatural and would require a decent degree of self coercion on my side, I could maintain it for some length if necessity arises, but not base a whole story around it since it'd eventually kill my enjoyment. The second reason is that Rel just didn't turn the kind of person that would boss around people. She is a playful dom ( and probably wouldn't mind being a switch ), but not a dominatrix. She genuinely cares for Mark and her own decision was driven by her despair combined with simply being used to have every one of her whims satisfied, because she holds the highest power in her state. She is guilty, but not beyond redemption.
Date: 02/06/18 10:51 pm Title: Chapter II: Purple hazing
I like that your making mark shocked and not just so into it. Great chapter. Cant wait to see what more awaits
Author's Response: It only seems natural for his character, he's a reserved individual ( for now )
Date: 02/06/18 10:29 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
:o oh ho...... Very interesting. I love the detail and length of the chapter. Great story. Guessing its kinda set in mid evil times (which is my favorite) can't wait to read the other chapters
Author's Response: thanks, it's a sort of medieval fantasy land, I might take some licenses as I see fit, but I'll try to keep consistency
Date: 01/29/18 11:05 am Title: Chapter II: Purple hazing
Perhaps I'm harsher then the average reviewer here but I found it hard to read through the first chapter of this story. You have an interesting story here and I am usually a fan of succubi stuff but it desperately could use a native speaker to edit a bit to make things flow better. The second chapter was much improved but could still use editing.
Author's Response: I don't mind criticism, do you have few pointers? Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who could edit it.
Date: 01/28/18 09:34 am Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
I really enjoyed the story so far, the world building and fantasy aspects are really fun to read. Good luck with th wrest if your story.
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm actually unsure myself whenever I am too verbose in my descriptions, on one hand they add immersion, on the other they detract from the story
Date: 01/28/18 07:03 am Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
The only issue I had was that final sentence, it seemed grammatically incorrect. But other than that it was great and I'd hope to see more soon!
Author's Response: I've rephrased it slightly, hopefully now's better
Date: 01/27/18 08:59 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
Grammar seems fine. The only issue I spotted was the occasional misspelling. In a few cases it seemed that a similarly spelled but wrong word was used, but overall it was perfectly understandable to me; your average English speaker.
Author's Response: I try to use a spell checker, but unfortunately, it cannot distinguish the meaning between words, only that a valid dictionary one was being used. I'll try to search for a better one which also provides definitions.
Date: 01/27/18 05:05 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
For English not being you native language it didn't really show at all through the chapter, the only time an error jumped out at me was this line: 'shapely legs with plump thighs an curious spaded tipped tail instead rest against the ground' it should probably read like this 'shapely legs with plump thighs and a curious spaded tipped tail rested against the ground'.
Other than that your first chapter was very good, much better than a lot of the online fiction I read on other websites where some of the authors first language is English.
Author's Response: Thanks, fixed
Date: 01/27/18 02:40 pm Title: Chapter I: The Rocky Mountains horror picture show
So, there were a couple little word use issues here and there (I can't remember where exactly, sorry), but the story is overall very interesting. I can't wait to see where you take this! Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Author's Response: Thanks, if you can pinpoint them, I'll try to fix ASAP.