Reviews For Ellie's Magic
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Reviewer: Grabber_blue_5oh Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/22/18 06:47 am Title: Chapter 1

When will there be more :o

Reviewer: Saklad Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/11/18 06:00 am Title: Chapter 5

Really enjoying it so far. I'm not sure what "more human" means though. Is that some sort of typo?

Are you going to make your end notes intentionally misspelled from now on? Is that a thing now?

Reviewer: Maryjane Signed Report
Date: 02/05/18 08:46 pm Title: Chapter 5

More confused than ever, can't believe that's all, or should I say disappointed that there isn't more.

Reviewer: Grabber_blue_5oh Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/04/18 06:26 am Title: Chapter 5

Very interesting story. Cant wait for more I'm already liking the girl he met in his dreams

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/04/18 04:45 am Title: Chapter 5

Haha! Love it! So exciting!

Reviewer: Hashamon Signed Report
Date: 02/03/18 11:42 pm Title: Chapter 1

Ten years in one place is a long time for a military family.

Reviewer: Fuskybusky Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/03/18 08:39 pm Title: Chapter 5

I love this story it is drawing me in!

Reviewer: Saklad Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/02/18 03:54 am Title: Chapter 4

It was a bit hard to follow Quinn's dialogue, even if that was on purpose. Otherwise, keep it up!

Reviewer: BreeAnne Signed Report
Date: 01/29/18 07:19 am Title: Chapter 4

Lets start with the positive, your character development its good; and the plot is fluid.

however you jump around a lot, it detracts from the story.

Author's Response: Thanks for the thought. I'll definitely keep that in mind when I'm writing the future chapters

Reviewer: Rellawing Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/28/18 03:31 am Title: Chapter 4

I really need to spellcheck when I'm tired '^^

Reviewer: Rellawing Signed Report
Date: 01/28/18 03:29 am Title: Chapter 4

I like the contrast between how El perceives himself and how everyone else perceives him here. It's shocking to see the difference between the two. I'm starting to get the feeling that El might have always been a girl but his mind was tampered with for some reason. Though why his father has no idea (or seems to?) about it, I don't get. XD

Another bit of criticism is for something I still do myself. Tense is really hard to keep consistent as Trismegistus Shandy (a really prolific author on this site) has told me. Most novice writers have a hard time keeping their tense either present or past or whatever. I do the same thing, though mys tory tries to use present tense, but focuses on one character's perceptions per scene. You do it from directly inside the character, which works for sure. but you still switch between past tense words in while your overall tense is present.
An Expert:
"The thought was scary, but now that I'm no longer moving from place to place."

Something to look out for! *smile* I'm glad you appreciate your feedback. I sure wish I was getting more on my story!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/28/18 12:11 am Title: Chapter 4

I say, I say, dis' is real good!

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/27/18 11:09 pm Title: Chapter 4

This story has so much potential. I'm so excited for more!

Reviewer: Fuskybusky Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/27/18 10:35 pm Title: Chapter 4

That was a really good chapter when are you gonna release the next one?

Reviewer: Madway Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/27/18 02:53 am Title: Chapter 3

Nevermind about the typo thing. Idk why but I thought it was called Magical Girls combat club for some reason.

Anyways, still good.

Reviewer: Rellawing Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/27/18 02:32 am Title: Chapter 3

And one more to give it stars!

Reviewer: Rellawing Signed Report
Date: 01/27/18 02:30 am Title: Chapter 3

Okay... this one is a little more complicated. I love it overall, but with caveats. Here's some constructive criticism:

1. The way we're bouncing around through the same scene from different perspectives, you may want to consider an omniscient perspective. I'm not expert in this though. XD I don't know if it would make it weaker, but it does simplify things.
2. That cat is way too well adjusted for having just been moved... of course the cat could be used to being moved all over like crazy, but I know mine would probably be a messed up ball of nerves if that was being done to him. Some cats do have different temperaments though!
3. Use of the word Homely. I know you meant homey. You should probably consider changing it to that. The typical definition of homely is ugly as sin. (to exaggerate a little for comic effect!)

If you've stuck around long enough to read this, once again I really do love where you're going with this, it seems really cute. I also think his father having one of those daddy daughter crushes on El at this point is pretty amusing. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks for the criticism. Anything to make my writings more enjoyable helps. I looked up the word homely and it has different contexts. Like the British use it for talking a place or area that is cozy while North Americans use it as a euphemism for a girl who's ugly. Thanks though for pointing it out. Love, Trap-chan

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/25/18 03:20 am Title: Chapter 2

awesome

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/24/18 03:35 pm Title: Chapter 2

Pretty good so far! Bit rough, but good for a beginning.

Reviewer: Madway Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/24/18 05:50 am Title: Chapter 2

So I noticed a typo. GMCC should be MGCC right?

Also could add numbers to the stats, add breackets and other things to maybe make them seem a bit different, though in the end it would still remain an arbitrary power system. Good story so far.

Reviewer: Rellawing Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/23/18 02:34 pm Title: Chapter 2

Nice! It's rough around the edges, but it definitely puts a new perspective on the scenes from the first release. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

Reviewer: Roadbandit Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/23/18 01:03 pm Title: Chapter 2

Very interesting

Reviewer: Firebate Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/23/18 12:31 pm Title: Chapter 1

Three thumbs up... now where is that third thumb (routing around on the floor) ah there it is. This start had me totally enthralled. I hope the story continues to be as Good as the 1st chapter implies. The only issue I had was 10 years in one place? Our longest posting was 5 years. I really envy anyone that got to spend that long in one place growing up. But I digress... great start! Keep up the good work.

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/22/18 09:56 pm Title: Chapter 1

Its a okay start. Looking forward to where you take it

Reviewer: Rellawing Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/22/18 04:18 am Title: Chapter 1

I read this because it looked like it might have an anime vibe to it. The club name seems pretty Anime. XD I look forward to seeing where you go with it, though I guess it's going to be a sex story, or one with sex? I hadn't noticed that until afterwards, checking your tags. I wonder if these girls he's snubbing are going to do things to him in revenge? *laugh*

Reviewer: liltiger Signed Report
Date: 01/22/18 03:47 am Title: Chapter 1

Your start isn't bad, but there really isn't much here. It felt like the first chapter ended before it even began.

But keep at it! You have talent im sure!

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