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Reviewer: Inquazo29 Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 01/07/18 08:30 pm Title: Chapter 1

Pornography is allowed, just not in the description of the story.

You isn't a proper noun, so it isn't supposed to be capitalized, except at the beginning of the sentence. Grammar overall is a little shaky, but I'm sure you could change that.

Getting married after less than a week of knowing each other seems a bit hasty.


Pretty great story. We hope to hear more from you in the future.

Reviewer: Funtime60 Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/06/18 04:03 am Title: Chapter 1

The grammar is understandable, but needs lots of work. Also the formatting is not one used in America at least. This made it a bit difficult to understand at times and I would recommend looking at that a bit. Additionally, at the end, I know nothing about adoption, but you may want to clarify the child's age. I think it would be weird and rude to change their first name unless they were a infant. Overall, great job, there's no way I could write something as good as this in any language.

Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/05/18 10:41 pm Title: Chapter 1

I do not like the "unconventional" style of writing, but the story itself is so good, the faults with the style can be overlooked.

It reads like a "Treatment" that screenwriters use to tell the story of their screenplay to a potential producer.---It's "good" in that respect too. Its also too short, and would be about the right length if a proper writing style were used. ---I recommend reading some good short stories, by commercial authors you like and then follow their style and punctuation. STORY is YOUR strong point. Perhaps you might want to try your hand at Screenwriting too.
I personally don't like your Technology, in my opinion, not as "advanced" as I would have liked, but that is my personal opinion and I do not rate on my opinions. ;)
Keep up the good work

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