Date: 01/05/18 02:29 pm Title: Matty’s Summer Looks with her Girlfriend
Paragraphs! Brava! I appreciate you going to the trouble, it’s much more readable now. I hadn’t understood the circumstances surrounding this story, or how long ago you wrote it. You might feel it’s weak, but I think that’s mostly a case of being your own harshest critic.
Author's Response: Thanks, Jenny. I said you were right from the start. ;-) However, I think this is one of my worst stories; and I'm afraid it has deterred people from reading my next one, "Matty’s Life with William Part Zero: Preque" which is much much better, and the beginning of a series. I considered not even posting "Matty’s Summer Looks with her Girlfriend," and now I wish I hadn't. If you read my newer one, and agree it is better, maybe a 5-star review would help it get at least a few more reads. Thanks either way, your reviews and feedback are appreciated and spot on. :)
Date: 01/02/18 03:38 pm Title: Matty’s Summer Looks with her Girlfriend
This is one of my earlier stories from many years ago, and I consider it one of my weakest ones. I am posting my stories in the same order they were on another website nearly a decade ago. I do realize the run-on paragraphs make it hard to read; but I'm leaving my stories as they were. I did learn from this and following stories I believe are much better in formatting, style, and content. Thanks.
Date: 01/02/18 02:29 pm Title: Matty’s Summer Looks with her Girlfriend
Your story is wonderful and titillating, and your images are beautiful and actually aid your narrative — I say this as someone who generally dislikes the distraction of images, and I genuinely hate poorly-done, mannish transformations… ugh. Your transformations are anything but poorly-done.
Now the less-than-great: there are lots of reasons to use paragraphs, but I’ll just mention two. Paragraphs organize the author’s thoughts, and aid the reader’s comprehension. Even more important in a forum such as this with extremely wide lines of text, paragraphs are a great benefit for tracking from one line to the next for the reader’s eye. There’s a reason scholarly papers, with their oversized paragraphs, are published with double-spaced lines, and it’s so that the reader doesn’t get lost every time she finishes one line and goes to the next. Time and again, I had to pause to figure out which new line of your story best matched contextually with the one I’d just read. That’s frustrating, and detracts greatly from reading enjoyment. Please, Matty, paragraphs are your friend — and mine. :D
Author's Response: Thanks and you are absolutely right. These stories were published on another site almost 10 years ago. This was an early story for me and I learned a lot as I went along. You will see improvement in following stories. The flawed intent of not using paragraphs was that each little story was like it's own paragraph, like little blocks of mini-stories. Indeed this does not work and I thought about reformatting this old story to make it look and read better but decided to leave it as it was. That is probably a bad decision; however, since I consider this one of my weakest stories I'm just going to leave it the way it is and let readers see the improvement in following stories. Thanks for your input; you are completely correct and you will see I learned this about a decade ago and fixed it in following stories. Already submitted awaiting approval is my next story, "Matty’s Life with William Part Zero: Prequel." Please read that and see the improvements... and please leave a review of it. Thanks again.