Date: 06/20/18 07:24 pm Title: Chapter 6
Oh wow... this kid is in the denial of denial city. Kid... Ai yi yi you just pushed your best friend away. I know why... I did the same many times and while you might be gender fluid like cait is, locking it up inside will kill you. Can you hug this kid for me?
Date: 12/18/17 08:23 am Title: Chapter 10
Feedback... feedback.... I honestly don't know what to say. You certainly still have my interest. You've approached this story and it's beginning in a very different way to how I would have. I'm curious to see what the main arc is actually about - becoming a hero? (A villain?), accepting themselves? Adjusting to life? A romance? Merely accepting their powers/learning about them? Endless possibilities...
Author's Response: I did put quite a bit of main story development in these last few chapters, but I assure you that this is still only a piece of the puzzle, and that there are more to come before the picture becomes clear ;)
Date: 12/18/17 03:50 am Title: Chapter 1
I have a feeling that her becoming a woman and is able to change her new form slightly is not because she is a shifter.I think her real ability is magic and it can alter her form like a shifter but to a limited degree.Another reason I think her ability is magic is because she had access to her mind scape before her change and when she changed her mind scape changed drastically,which I think wouldn't happen if she was a shifter.
Well this idea seems the most logical and besides the story has the magical gender change tag after all.
Date: 12/04/17 12:16 pm Title: Chapter 9
It feels unlikely that the MC would possess the exact same powers as one of the people already in the super-group, so I'm going to guess that she instead copied or mimicked Cait's powers in some way. It would just feel odd for such a varied group to have two people with identical skill sets.
Author's Response: ;)
Date: 12/03/17 02:53 pm Title: Chapter 9
"Plain old vanilla humans" don't just get powers, right? I feel like they're somehow an extension of Cait's powers or something, idk. Either way, good chapter. Keep em coming
Author's Response: Sorry, i'm a sucker for what my friends call "marie sue's", which are essentially god powers :3.
...But all will be revealed in time!
Date: 11/26/17 03:49 am Title: Chapter 8
Good chapter, but a total curveball. I was expecting it to be really different; not just a sudden wake up. This character's confliction about what they truely want feels a little bizarre, to me at least - I hope you come out with a definitive stance for them to take on what their identity is, even if they reach a conclusion of 'i don't know what I want'. Keep em coming :)
Author's Response: I guess my intent was for it to be something like 'deep down i know what i want, but i can't bring myself to admit it' kind of feeling. She's got a lot of inner turmoil going on, so you'll have to see how things play out :P
Date: 11/11/17 07:58 pm Title: Chapter 7
Good chapter. People tend to put in dreams and stuff as filler, without them serving real purpose, but that's not what's happening here (it seems). I'm assuming you're creating a kind of metaphore or something for our character's reality here. Idk, I'm enjoying the story so far either way. Like I said previously though, it still feels a bit like we're building to something really great. Keep it up! I look forward to more.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! Yes, the mindscape is most certainly important for the story as a whole ;)
Date: 11/06/17 03:41 am Title: Chapter 1
Fantastic job world building. I've been avouding this story because the first two chapters were too slow with regards to the transfornation for my tastes, but I picked it up again to read as a story (and not just my usual looking for smut) and it's so good. I'm excited to see how the mindscape has changed post Chapter 6. And it's funny, the world is full of such super heroes and villains yet you make them all seem so human. Again, awesome job.
Author's Response: Thanks! And keep an eye out for the mindscape changes, since its going to be playing a theme *wink wink*
Date: 10/25/17 01:45 pm Title: Chapter 4
Hey Titan, nice story so far. I'm enjoying your take on the Paragon verse; I'd forgotten how much I missed it since Minikisa stopped. I like your writing style, it seems similar to mine, so I've been able to keep up with things. There weren't any major grammatical or consistency mistakes, but you might be able to adjust your word choice in a few places to enhance your writing.
All in all, I like your story and look forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'll keep your tip about work choice in mind moving forward ^^
Date: 10/24/17 12:15 pm Title: Chapter 4
Pretty good chapter. I'm somewhat surprised he didn't get attacked or anything on the way home,but i guess that would have made it predictable. I hope things start getting interesting soon. So far it's been a fair bit of setup for obviously something coming...
Author's Response: I'm close, I promise! :3 Give it another few chapters, the setting is just about done, and then we'll get underway!!~
Date: 10/17/17 04:15 am Title: Chapter 3
What's a UHOW? Was that defined somewhere else?
Author's Response: United house of waffles, it was mentioned in one of the 'of Heroes and Villains' stories (I think the first one), and I'd wanted to give a little throwback to the original story
Date: 10/07/17 03:05 pm Title: Chapter 2
An intriguing start. I wouldn’t worry too much about any rough edges in your writing, just concentrate on your plotting and characters, both of which seem pretty strongly conceived, and I think the rest will develop as you progress.
Date: 10/07/17 06:51 am Title: Chapter 2
Grammar and writing is better than a lot of stuff on this site. As for the he said/she said, don't worry about it, most people just read over it. If it concerns you, write the dialogue in a way that makes it obvious who's talking and when the speaker changes.
Bit of a plot hole where she's not seeming like she's going to heal him for a few hours in case something else shows up, but then she does heal him in the same exchange. If she hung around and I missed that somehow, she missed a lot of studying time. Just needs a line or two somewhere to explain - if she's going to hospital wards where people are dying and she has a personality that is so invested in saving people she'd become a doctor, why waste her power on a non-life threatening injury when she could possibly save a life later that day. Probably need to find a balance where she is so invested in not have this Guy in pain that she's willing to let someone else die, or she has to not care about other people so much - at least not so much that she'd become a doctor to save people she couldn't use her power on.
Other than all that, I'm really enjoying the story - I love the universe that Minikisa created. I think there's a way to tag this story so people can find this one by looking at others in the same universe.
I'll rate when there's a bit more story to your story ;)
Date: 09/29/17 04:24 pm Title: Chapter 1
I like the humourous approach here. Hope it continues along those lines. Stars wll have to wait for a bit more, though.
Date: 09/29/17 02:59 pm Title: Chapter 1
So intersting start but I don't quite get the last bit, but maybe it's intentional.
Also in the beginning, the office. Where are the other people? Did they evacuate?
Author's Response: I guess I didn't really think about that :P. They're not really consequential to the story at all, so I guess even in my head they kind of just fell back behind the ambiance of the office. If I edit later, i'll be sure to add in some screaming and arm flailing office-goers ;)