Date: 01/13/18 05:33 pm Title: Chapter 1
The plot isn't terribly orginal, but you have some moderately interesting characters here, and some interesting plot twists. Unfortunately the main MtF character, Steve, is one of the least interesting; as others have noted, Philip and Ivy are more interesting but get less time.
Another issue is that the dangling plot threads from the prologue seem to go nowhere. It seems like Cindy in Philip's body just gave up, and did nothing in her remaining months; in her place, I would have started divorce proceedings (on the reasonable grounds that my "wife" immediately went off on vacation on being informed that I was terminally ill), changed the will to cut "Cindy" out of it, and told her she had to give me a younger body if she wanted any of her estate's money. The trip to Hawaii was hinted to be a body-hunting expedition, but it turned out later it was just a vacation.
Also, why would Philip be such an idiot as to leave the mirror in the house, and not secured in a safe, where Cindy in his body could get at it? Without that foolishness on his part, Ivy couldn't have found it and there would be no story. But based on his other actions, Philip is not such an idiot as to make that kind of mistake. If your plot depends on a smart character making a stupid mistake, you need to explain why they make such a mistake -- being drunk, concussed, in love, or distracted, for instance.
Author's Response: Trismegistus Shandy, As always, thanks for the feed back! Cheers Zapper
Date: 09/27/17 04:45 pm Title: Chapter 5
Okay, having finally gotten around to finishing this I can say that I did enjoy this tale, but as mention by previous reviewer it does have some flaws. I won't elaborate on them, because I feel they did a more than sufficient job of that, but I think with some polishing and an extended ending this could really be a gem. Still it was enjoyable enough, and despite it's shortcomings is still better than most of the tg tales out there.
Author's Response: DAW - I'm sorry it didn't live up to your expectations.
Date: 09/24/17 07:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
It surprises me how much I liked this story. Although stories with identity theft and unwillingly stuck body swap excite me, usually the end leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
In this case however the ending left me very satisfied, as everyone involved was eased into liking their new roles before the final deed was done (Cindy not so much, but for some reason that didn't bothered me, maybe that comment about blocking the sun?).
Not to devalue your work, but I knew how it would end from the 3rd chapter, but how the ending was achieved was, in my opinion, very well executed. It was kinda Stephen-Kingy, if you get what I mean, which I like very much. But I agree with 930310 about a possible sequel like that. See their reactions, some character development, and a bit more of Philip's good side, I'd like to have the new Cindy more like an antagonist and less as a villain, I guess. I hope we get to see it someday.
The one thing that I don't get is the travel to Hawaii. I was expecting something else but it seems it was just some vacations after all.
Author's Response: Rks, Thanks for the thoughtful review. At the moment I've got no plan to do another story here. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Date: 09/22/17 02:55 am Title: Chapter 1
This story looks promising. I've only read the first chapter (so far), but the concept of the mirror is an interesting one and I do look forward to seeing how the rest of this tale pans out.
Author's Response: Thanks DAW - I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Date: 09/20/17 06:53 pm Title: Chapter 1
I an only agree with 930310. There is a possibility for a real story with developing feelings other than Just needing sex. Ivy is the only one who really wants more from life. The uncle is but a ghost (even as Cindy) and the twins are hard to make out at all.
It Is more like a draft then a finished story
The idea is good, though.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. :-)
Date: 09/20/17 04:21 am Title: Chapter 5
A bit of a strange place to end a story. It feels more as if this is the end to the first part of the story. You've set up the characters, that they want different lives and that there is a villain with a somewhat powerful object.
Personally, I'd go further and make the next part more of an adventure. The three realize the mirror's gone and set out to retrieve it since they still have some attachment to their previous bodies. During their journey they learn that not everything is perfect with any life and grow as characters. Eventually they locate the villain, confront her and somehow acquire the mirror. When it's time to use it, alll three of them agree that they prefer being who they now are. They like who they are not just because of the sex or the money (which is pretty much what was the sole motivation for the twins to choose stay) but because they feel more at peace with themselves. There were some hints that the twins liked playing dress up as kids, this could be expanded upon and deepened. The two come across as rather shallow.
The only real character growth you had in these chapters was the rich girl wanting more from life than money and luxury. She's the strongest character but she gets the least time.
Just food for thought.
Author's Response: Wow - awesome review. I really appreciate the thoughtful analysis. At the moment I don't have anything outlined or planned for this story. In truth it was kind of a side project as I work on something much larger. As you've suggested, if I were to continue it I'd add more adventure. (I like reading and writing TG mystery-adventure stories.) I also agree the character development would need to be deepened and more fully drawn out. Thank you for the food for thought! Cheers Zapper
Date: 09/18/17 09:17 pm Title: Chapter 5
Amazing work as always.
Any chance of an epilogue? Would really love to see how they react after finding out that they're stuck.
Author's Response: I've got no plans, at the moment, to do an epilogue. I've got another large project I'm working on and with limited free time to write I want to focus on that. Still, I won't say never, just not in the near future.