Date: 05/23/19 11:21 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
I love the entire story, it deserves a 5 star rating.
I love the characters, especially the fml and the ml they are both unique and entertaining to read about.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! This story was a lot of fun to write, and I learned a lot during the process.
Date: 09/05/18 12:58 am Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
Ok this has to be your most sweet story of them all, considering all the things the characters lived it sounds like it was just perfect. Then again, who doesn't want those kind of nanobots, looking better, looking younger, looking diferent, changing genders, all the posibilities and we're in that time though just starting, if only things worked that "perfect". Either way this was a really good and had feels too but not so strong like the others, love all your stories and im almost finishing them all D=
Author's Response: I agree that this one is a little more feel-good and less jarring, although the scene where Kayda comes to terms with her true self was a little tough to write, emotionally. Glad you enjoyed it!
Date: 08/16/18 12:22 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
Just thought this was funny: I downloaded this to my tablet to read while I was at the doctor’s office. I crossed out from behind the Orange Curtain to visit my doctor at a clinic in LA. It was only in the waiting room that I read the first sentence while looking out the window over Hollywood Blvd. and almost busted up laughing in public.
Author's Response: Haha, wonderful! I hate Los Angeles, so Kayda's little outburst there was definitely a bit of myself injected into the story :D
Date: 05/15/18 02:34 pm Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
Blitz was great. I liked that it was a bit darker (Although not all stories have to be) but not so dark where it made you want to quit reading. Emma was a great character, she really was what Nat needed to make her wake up. I like that you had Nat keep having racist thoughts and self doubt though the whole story it made the story a lot more realistic, people don't just change overnight. Honestly she got past it faster then I would have expected, but that was kinda explained with what she went through and the fact that she was never super invested in the Neo-Nazi cause to begin with..it was more a desire to live up to her dads expectations. Overall a great story 5/5.
Hush: I already reviewed this one on the other page. But really, this was my favorite out of the stories. I think that's just because I love descriptive story telling and a mute MC lends to that. If you wrote a sequel to this story and published it, I would buy it. 5/5
Perfect Harmony: This was decent, but the story felt more bland for some reason. The characters were all well written though. I enjoyed all the references to GOT....all the way down to the author killing off the character I enjoyed most. Poor Pensa. 4/5
Author's Response: Yup! This was definitely a character-driven story, down to the physical display of people's personality traits. I understand that the story's genre and setting aren't too appealing to everyone, and this was definitely one of my sappier stories. Glad you still found it enjoyable ;)
Date: 04/19/18 06:00 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
A bit more forgettable when compared to Hush and Blitz, I still find this story incredible (especially that beautiful epilogue). Damn, I wish I could participate in that game, you make it sound so cool, kind of like Game of Thrones or any great game set in the medieval. Let's keep our fingers crossed that one day we could cross that border for real.
I think I'm now spamming your stories with comments I should've written a long time ago, but you deserve each one of them for making me a happy reader.
By the way, I think Kayda's realisation that she's happy being a woman is explained in a very natural way that doesn't make it seem forced, at least for me. Sadly, that can't be said for all stories out there, where often it seems awkward.
Author's Response: Awesome! I wasn't sure how to deal with Kayda's realization, and it was probably the hardest part of this story to write. Thank you so much for the encouraging words! You're great!
Date: 04/17/18 10:10 pm Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
I really enjoyed the whole story and wish that this would become a series revolving around the game itself. Who knows if all of those revolutionary bugs had been completely snuffed out?
As for the story itself, I really find no fault in it, but I will say that it could have left a deeper impression by ending sooner. That isn't how you work, I've got that from reading Hush and Blitz, but if it had ended on the most tragic chapter, it could have been a very thoughtful and controversial conclusion. Just my thought on it, is all. :)
Author's Response: Thank you for the encouragement, and I'm really happy that you enjoyed the story. You're absolutely correct - I don't like sad endings. In the future, I might have a few more bittersweet endings, but I don't think I could possibly end on such a tragic note. Like you say, that's not how I work ;)
Date: 04/02/18 12:18 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
Superb. Your characters are compelling, and the story dances nicely between suspense and romance.
Author's Response: Yay! Thanks for reading, and for the vote of confidence. I know that my stories are a bit slower than most others on here, so I'm really happy that they resonate with some folks :)
Date: 04/02/18 04:46 am Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
Once again, I found myself looking at one of your story summaries going, "Ehh, I don't think I'll like this." But once again, I was proven so very wrong! Like the main character, I have never been apart of the whole GoT fandom, so it was fun seeing that connection. I do love a good isekai story though, and mixed with TG, it truly was a match for me. The whole mystery around who was behind the attacks was fantastic, because I kept changing my mind on what was going on. Good mystery, good characters, good story!
Author's Response: Oo happy to hear that it kept you in suspense! I like to write mysterious stuffs, but it's hard for me to gauge how well I am unraveling that mystery, since I already know the end result. Am I hinting too much? Too little? Glad you liked it!!
Date: 03/30/18 10:23 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
Well done. I really enjoyed the premise and the unfolding of the story. I would have liked some closure.
Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you enjoyed this one! In hindsight, I should have managed the 'plot realism' element better and had a more complete ending. The current ending is sentimental, but it leaves some untied loops with the exact workings of certain story mechanics - which isn't good. Thanks for reading!!!
Date: 02/02/18 12:58 pm Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
The ending was so perfect. I often fantasize about being pregnant
Author's Response: Awesome! I spent a while debating how to end this story. It was a bit of a fairy-tale ending, but I felt that anything else would be unfitting for our pure protagonist.
Date: 01/28/18 03:14 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
Better late than never, now that the story is concluded, reaching back to add my, "BRAVO!" This was entertaining as could be, creative and funny, moving and intense, and oh yeah, perfect on the TG angle too. Thank you again!
Author's Response: Yay! Glad that you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for your vote of confidence!
Date: 01/12/18 05:26 am Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
This may be one of my favorite stories I was a bit skeptical with the whole being in a game thing as the preprogrammed traits but you made it all work so well. The characters were so well done and I was left with so many feels. “Fook me, Arden!” definetly one of the funniest things I've read in a while. It was soooo good. It had the skyrim and Game Of Thrones feel but somehow I was engrossed even more. It makes me wish the Shattered Crown Chronicals were real so I could spend more time in the amazing world of Athos.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad that you liked the story, and I wish that I'll be able to write a legitimate fantasy series some day. If you want to read some awesome world-building, check out Brandon Sanderson's novels!
Date: 01/11/18 11:06 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
I really liked this one up until near the end. VR games physically transforming their players is a common trope in TG fiction, but it doesn't really make sense, and up until that point (fairly late in the story), everything made sense as near-future science fiction, only to become science fantasy in the last couple of chapters. I loved the plot and character arcs, and the romance between Kayda and Dan, though; I even enjoyed most aspects of the ending, despite the sudden left turn, and will plan to read it again sometime.
Author's Response: In my experience, almost everything is a common trope in TG fiction, if you read enough TG fiction. After all, there are only so many ways that you can package a physical change in a lasting way. When I began designing this story, I realized that I really had two options: either the players could be forever trapped in the game, or they could be changed in real life. Those were my options, if I wanted the changes to be permanent and the story to have any sort of coherence. As far as the details are concerned, I concede that I could have added more details about the nanobots earlier in the story, but I didn't want the ending to be too obvious. I still wanted there to be some mystery over which of the two routes I would pursue (whether they remain trapped or not). On the 'science fantasy' note, I tried to make the whole story fairly fantastical, and it was never my intention to write a hard sci-fi story.
Date: 01/10/18 04:06 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
Love you, Clarity! This story is one of my all-time favorites! Very well written, expressive, and exciting. It was a great pleasure to read, thanks so much for sticking with it!
Best of luck in the future, Lanz
Author's Response: Yay! That warms my heart. Hope you enjoy my future stories just as much!
Date: 01/09/18 08:30 pm Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
The theme of the story is discovery, but that is introduced in the midsts of the flowing tale of Evan and his four friends. The VR element should not turn readers off nor the gaming element. The world is rich and the story flow is perfect to pull you into the story. I enjoyed the story and recommend it highly.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad to hear that you enjoyed the story's flow. I sometimes worry that my stories unfold too slowly, or that they're potentially boring, so I appreciate the vote of confidence.
Date: 01/08/18 06:15 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
What shall I say, Clarity? I just love this tale. Congratulations.
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you liked it!
Date: 01/08/18 05:51 pm Title: Chapter 18: Epilogue
OMGGGGG!!! THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! OMG I"M GONNA CRY THAT WAS SO CUTEE!!!!! I love this so much, this series gives me hope and life. Thank you so much Clarity! You write such cute stuff. And awwwe she's pregnant God I'm jealous. Maybe someday I'll at least be able to adopt. Having my own daughter would be so nice, I'd give her so muhc love she wouldn't know what to do with it. No one would ever mistreat her in my home and I'd let her be herself no matter what as long as it wasn't hurting anybody physically!
Author's Response: Yay! I love how positive you are! You're awesome, lil
Date: 01/08/18 01:04 pm Title: Chapter 17: Drive
You are the best and this was a beautiful ride. She seems so happy and confident. I am happy with this thanks for the beautiful ride. Hugs clarity 😍😘
Author's Response: You're the best! Thanks for reading, and thank you so much for your words of encouragement! Love ya
Date: 01/06/18 10:43 pm Title: Chapter 17: Drive
Aaaaah Clarity. I've made an account just to write this review - your writing is excellent and you had me nearly in tears for this latest chapter, so happy for Kayda and Dan after all they've been through, that she's found such a convincing happiness. I hope it's a real compliment to your writing that all of this feels so real, true and affecting, Kayda feels like a real person who earlier in the story I just wanted to hug, and now I feel so happy for how far she's come.
Thanks for the stories that you write Clarity, I've enjoyed them all and I think this is your best yet.
Author's Response: Awesome! You have no idea how much that means to me, and I'm honored to hear that Kayda's journey resonates so well with you. I plan to write many more stories on here, so keep your eyes peeled :D *Hugs*
Date: 01/06/18 04:23 pm Title: Chapter 17: Drive
Awesome chapter, Clarity! I'm feeling that happy-sad feeling that comes from a good story coming to a close. Always fun to read your writing, keep up the excellent work!
Author's Response: Aw, I know that feeling quite well, and I'm glad that this story managed to evoke that much emotion! Thanks for the feedback, and thank you for helping me along this journey :)
Date: 01/06/18 08:48 am Title: Chapter 17: Drive
Clairity, this is so lovely! I like the way Kayda gets herself together and doesn't succumb to her old anxieties in the end. It might have been nice to hear Dan admit - at least a little - that he was as worried as her about their future and as insecure in his love for her as she was in hers. It would have gotten a true equality across.
But all said and done it is a wonderful story. I am glad you persuaded me to read on, now I would not want to have missed it for anything. Great work, love.
Author's Response: Thanks, Mooni, and thank you for the feedback! I tried to allude to Dan's emotions, but I don't think I was as explicit as I should have been. I added a few more details to his speech, though, and I'm super glad that you stuck with the story, despite its VR/AI/etc themes! Love ya
Date: 01/06/18 06:56 am Title: Chapter 17: Drive
Great job as usual Clarity. I can always count on you to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Your stories never fail to cheer me up whenever dysphoria rears its ugly head. *Hugs*
Author's Response: Aw, that makes me really happy to hear. :D Different stories on this site evoke a variety of emotions, and I decided that we could all use some more cheery tales!
Date: 01/06/18 06:41 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
This is without doubt one of my favourite stories. As ever your writing is excellent.. both dripping with description and..(sorry about the pun) clarity. OK I'll admit that it helps my enjoyment that I am a Game of Thrones /Lord of the Rings fan..I mean I have spent 18 years dreaming of being Arwen...but as always your characters are believable and just plain likeable. It is a measure of my love of this world that you have created that I am left thinking of the minor characters and their back stories..will Mum and the Duke end up together? Who will run the doggy day care when Kayda visits her (new and much nicer) Mum? What about Glen's fiancée? How is she going to react?
Author's Response: Hehe nice pun! Thank you so much for the kind words, it really warms my heart to hear that my characters seem so real for you. I'll try to address some of those open ends in the epilogue, but I may not touch on everything. Thank you for reading!
Date: 12/28/17 09:37 pm Title: Chapter 16: Branches
OMG YES YES YES! I wish I could have landed in one of these pods. Science hopefully will be this amazing someday. If only... I admit I'm a little sad and jealous of Kayda. But I'm also happy for her, I know my happy ending wont be like hers but I'm content with that. I know I can forge just as real a relationship with my own honey. I'm a fighter too and I'll fight heaven and hell and earth to be with the man I love!
Author's Response: Aw *hugs* We have the capacity to change our endings, making them a little bit happier. It's all about how we look at things.
Date: 12/18/17 05:38 pm Title: Chapter 16: Branches
Did I already review this? Not sure. Either way, another successful happy ending! And yes, Kayda, you are kinda badass.
The death scene in the previous chapter was tear-jerking, and I wasn't sure how you were going to pick up the return to reality. Well done!
Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! Glad that you've enjoyed it, and it's not over yet! I'll give you a conclusive ending to this one ;)
Date: 12/18/17 08:18 am Title: Chapter 16: Branches
You could have totally ended it there. But imo one more chapter will nicely tie everything up. Unless there's another story arc coming...?
Author's Response: I thought about ending it there, but decided that it'd be a bit of an abrupt end, so I'm going to add at least one more chapter or two. There won't be any more major story arcs, it'll be more of a wrap-up
Date: 12/18/17 07:57 am Title: Chapter 15: Thin Ice
Okay, so I was more or less right. There weren't a lot of other logical options. Good execution/explaination though.
Author's Response: Yup! You nailed it! I didn't want to spoil it at the time, though. Good job! I'm glad that you found the execution to be adequate. I changed it a bit after 930's feedback!
Date: 12/17/17 08:39 am Title: Chapter 16: Branches
I like stories of all types, except femdom and forced feminization. For a story to be consistent new things that weren't mentioned to have happened in the first chapters can't just be introduced as facts near the end.
A couple of meanings early on such as mentioning that he read the terms and was confused about the nanobots that were there to enhance the experience would probably be enough.
Of course this change isn't realistic, the main part is set in a futuristic sci-fi environment and having something change you as radically as the alleged bots did in just two days would kill you.
You are very good at writing and telling stories, but there are still areas for improvement. One thing is weaving everything together (as in this case), another is stretching what's believeable too far (the story where everyone understood the mute girl no matter what she was mouthing).
Author's Response: Good feedback! I added some more information about the bots at the beginning, to help connect the story. As far as the mouthing is concerned, I think we've already been over that.
Date: 12/16/17 07:27 pm Title: Chapter 16: Branches
Hmm, branches? I hope our little badass gets her man!
Author's Response: Yay!
Date: 12/16/17 12:22 pm Title: Chapter 16: Branches
Yeah, I'm not buying this transformation at all. It'd be one thing if the bodies that their minds were uploaded into weren't virtual at all but rather some sort of android/human mixture. More detail could have been put into describing how the pods functioned etc. in the beginning to make this believable. As it stands it seems more like this chapter is an extremely deluded dream belonging to a person refusing to let go of their online alter ego.
Author's Response: I added a bit more info to this chapter, about the actual change. This story isn't really about the physical change, though, so I didn't want to spend too much time on it. Also - if you want realistic changes, perhaps this isn't the genre for you
Date: 12/16/17 08:32 am Title: Chapter 16: Branches
You truly managed to outdo yourself Clarity. I went from crying sad tears when I re-read the previous chapter, to happy tears on reading this one.
Author's Response: Aw! Glad that this story meant so much to you. Love ya
Date: 12/15/17 10:22 pm Title: Chapter 16: Branches
I saw the Droozle twist coming but wasn't expecting the results. Interested in what comes next... too often these stories have no follow-through and never really explore the aftermath.
Author's Response: I'll try to follow through!
Date: 12/04/17 02:01 pm Title: Chapter 15: Thin Ice
What a lovely and heartrending story thus far! I cannot wait to see where you'll take us (and Kayda)!
Author's Response: I love that word! Heartrending...I hope your heart isn't entirely rended, because there's more love to come!
Date: 12/03/17 03:02 am Title: Chapter 15: Thin Ice
Damn. What an emotion filled chapter... very well done.
After the second guard falls off the edge, Dan calls out "Kayda" while he's on the ground. In that section "laying" should read as "lying", but the "lay" farther down is fine.
Again very well done on this chapter, I'm super curious what will happen next!
Author's Response: You're lying! Just kidding, nice spot! You're wonderful!
Date: 12/01/17 09:43 am Title: Chapter 15: Thin Ice
Awsome, hun, absolutely awsome. So is there a future, is it now that the love story starts in reality?
Author's Response: Mayyybe :D
Date: 12/01/17 08:17 am Title: Chapter 15: Thin Ice
Oh wow I am so sorry dan died and now she is dead too maybe and I didn't want this to end they were so beautiful together but I am hoping only good things come out after the dark. Hugs 😍😘 😻 and thanks you are lovely
Author's Response: Yay! You are lovelier
Date: 11/17/17 04:55 pm Title: Chapter 14: Into the Storm
Another really nice chapter, Clarity, can't wait for more.
Author's Response: Thanks, Mooni! You're the best, and I promise that more will come. Sorry for the long delay
Date: 11/17/17 02:34 am Title: Chapter 14: Into the Storm
Awww... they're so cute..
Right after the triple asterisk, when they're walking up the stairs, I would switch the order of words from "warm breath against" to "breath warm against", but that's just personal preference, both work.
Right before the sex starts, Dan grabs Evan's chin, but it reads "gasped" instead of "grasped".
That's all I saw this time! Very well written as usual, I really like the foreplay and emotions involved. They aren't just having sex, they're really making love...
Keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Nice catches, and thank you! My intent with this chapter was to make sex a minor component compared to everything else, so your feedback makes me quite happy
Date: 11/11/17 09:41 pm Title: Chapter 13: Rumbles in the Deep
Okay, okay okay. Here's my theory: something went wrong back at Droozle and they quickly realised they weren't able to have contact with the players. Knowing this they attempted to shut the game down, but found they weren't able to extract people as intended. So in order to shut the game down, they sent more people in with the task of killing the unaware players to wake them up then suicide in-game to wake up themselves.
It's either all that or something widely more nefarious.
Either way, your story has me hooked. Good writing and great job!
Author's Response: I won't rule out this possibility, either! You're awesome!
Date: 11/10/17 06:23 pm Title: Chapter 13: Rumbles in the Deep
At the end of the paragraph when they're approaching Frostmount Gate, the sentence "It was one of those sights that simply take your breath away, and leave you searching for words." needs an adjustment. You can keep it in past tense with "took" and "left", or you can change them to "takes" and "leaves" because the subject is singular. Personally, I like took/left but both can work.
That's all I saw this time! Excellent work as usual, always fun to read your writing :)
Author's Response: Good feedback! I took your suggestion and altered that sentence. You're the best!
Date: 11/10/17 05:50 pm Title: Chapter 13: Rumbles in the Deep
Oh NOOOO, not a cliff hanger! That is just too much *giggles*
What a story!
Author's Response: I'm so sorry about the cliffhanger! I considered wrapping the next chapter into this one, but I decided that it would be a bit too much clutter for one chapter
Date: 11/04/17 06:27 pm Title: Chapter 12: Biscuit
Aww they are sooo cute together!
Seriously though Clarity you should really consider publishing your works, ive bougth plenty of mixed story books on kindle that dont hold a candle to most of yours.
And you seem to get better and better the more you write.
Author's Response: Aw, you're making me blush! I try to improve with every story, and I have to thank all of you and your great feedback for any improvement in my writing.
Date: 11/04/17 05:15 pm Title: Chapter 12: Biscuit
Ok, this much cheese is making it a calorie-bomb! Biscuit and occupation talk felt strange here since they're supposed to be the best of friends. Surely they must have talked about this in the past? Other than that, which was distracting from the mood you had been setting up, the chapter was pretty stellar.
Author's Response: Haha, yeah this one was a bit cheesy. Originally, this chapter was a bit raunchy, but I re-wrote it because it didn't make that much sense story-wise. Regarding the Biscuit comment, I tried to demonstrate that Evan's friends seldom talked about his job, thinking (correctly) that it would embarrass him. Perhaps I didn't do a great job of getting that across. I'm glad you like the chapter, aside from that!
Date: 11/04/17 03:49 pm Title: Chapter 12: Biscuit
Aww my feels ;)
Nice chapter, as usual; no typos, etc.
I know I've said it before Clarity, but I really enjoy your writing style. The dynamics you create between characters and they way you describe things is so fun to read. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Cool! I was worried that this chapter might be a bit slow, since not much happens on the action front
Date: 11/04/17 08:38 am Title: Chapter 12: Biscuit
The way you describe Dan, Claire, even an entreched lez like me gets second thoughts *giggles*.
Not qute serious, but youre GREAT!
Author's Response: haha that's wonderful!
Date: 10/27/17 03:29 pm Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
This story has a very appropriate title since the way you are writing is pretty much perfect and harmonic.
Author's Response: Aw, that's heart-warming feedback. Thank you very much, 930, your reviews always mean a lot to me. You read very carefully and you don't mince words. I like that :)
Date: 10/27/17 01:04 pm Title: Chapter 11: Morning Dew
Very enjoyable chapter; not because of the blood and gore, but because of the self discovery. Our heroine is truly happy in her new life. It will be interesting to see how her life evolves, and what will happen when the game ends, if it ever does. I wonder what they will name their children?
Author's Response: That's good feedback, thanks Portia! I'll focus more on the character-building a little less on the gory stuff. Also, I'm not quite sure if we're going to have a true epilogue for this story, so we may never know the childrens' names xD
Date: 10/27/17 12:05 pm Title: Chapter 11: Morning Dew
Nice chapter, very exciting! Didn't see any grammatical things this time. Keep up the great work, I always love reading your works :)
Author's Response: I'm trying to eliminate them! (although I'm tempted to include a typo or two, just so I can hear your thoughts on a given chapter) I'm glad you found it to be exciting! I was worried because I don't think I'm the best combat-writer, but I'm trying!
Date: 10/27/17 11:16 am Title: Chapter 11: Morning Dew
Getting ever better, Clarity, adding suspense to the cute love story, you're definitely advancing fast to the top of the favourite author list.
Author's Response: Yay! I'm beyond flattered, Mooni!
Date: 10/27/17 04:31 am Title: Chapter 11: Morning Dew
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee more of Dan and Kayda. This is so cuteeeeee! Also wow they're both amazing and defeated the evil fake soldiers! I thought it was that they were in a different world or something. I never suspected people would intentionally sabotage or is there more to this... hmmm the mystery unfolds!
Author's Response: Yay! The mystery does indeed unfold, and so far nobody has guessed the ultimate outcome! Muahahaha
Date: 10/27/17 03:51 am Title: Chapter 11: Morning Dew
At this point, I'm not sure if it's dismissal, or whistling in the dark, but Dan's approach here seems very short-sighted. Also, does Kayda still have the ‘in love with Arden’ status, since personality is changing the character?
Been having a lot of fun with this, even though I'm not particularly a GoT fan. Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: That's a fair assessment, and you may be correct. Here was my thought process, when creating Dan's approach: 1) Dan is generally a short-sighted and impulsive person, so he doesn't see the ominous happenings as particularly scary. He'd rather live in the moment. 2) Dan's primary objective is to get Kayda to open up and become a little less up-tight and worrisome. Thus, he has almost fallen into a pattern of telling her 'stop worrying about x,y,z,'...which may or may not prove to be dangerous, down the road. Glad you're liking the story!
Date: 10/27/17 02:08 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
This story is probably one of my top favorites already on here. I love the chemistry between the characters. I appreciate the gradual romance, it is hard for me to connect to the story without it. Pacing seems good so far. Looking forward to more updates!
Author's Response: Thanks, Catmeow! I love your name, by the way. This is my third draft of the story. The first two drafts had a bit of a faster pace and less relationship development between Evan and Dan, but I adjusted the story arc after receiving some early feedback..so you should really be congratulating yourselves! You folks have all given me some great feedback!
Date: 10/21/17 07:40 pm Title: Chapter 10: Under the Stars
Awwwwwe! That's so sweet, I just hope nothing too traumatic happens that makes her lose herself in this. I cant help but think this game they're playing is based off a certain series involving a throne made of swords. But wow, this got so personal and intense. Oh sweetie (ie: Evan) I hope you find true happiness.
Author's Response: I won't break your heart, I promise!!!
Date: 10/21/17 12:34 pm Title: Chapter 10: Under the Stars
Aww, chapters like this always make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Dan and Evan have such a meaningful relationship; I love it. No typos this time. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Yay! Warm and fuzzy are wonderful emotions to have! Thanks for all of the feedback; you're great! P.S. I'll try to keep this no-typo trend going.
Date: 10/21/17 06:40 am Title: Chapter 10: Under the Stars
I can only agree with Sanro, Clarity, so sensitive and sweet!
Author's Response: Yay! Thanks, Mooni! You make me a happy Clarity
Date: 10/21/17 05:19 am Title: Chapter 10: Under the Stars
This was one of the best chapter if I would say so for this story thanks clarity you are amazing and loved this chapter hugs 😘😻
Author's Response: Aw! That's very sweet, Sanro. I was worried that people wouldn't be interested in a chapter where the only 'action' takes place via dialogue, but I suppose I was wrong :D
Date: 10/21/17 03:54 am Title: Chapter 10: Under the Stars
Great one. Awesome how you rather than rushing the two into having sex let their friend-/relatilonship deepen further.
Author's Response: Thanks 930! My original version of this story was a lot more sex-centric, but your reviews inspired me to spend more time developing the characters. You're very helpful!
Date: 10/16/17 04:43 am Title: Chapter 9: On the Road
Nice chapter; Dan and Evan have a fun dynamic between them. Reminds me of some of my friends :)
Early on in the chapter, Evan is thinking about his irl mom, and in that paragraph, it says "wroth". Wroth is technically a word that just means angry, but you might've meant wrath. Just personal preference :D
Keep up the great work! I always love reading your writing!
Author's Response: Thanks, Lanz! I appreciate all of the positive feedback! Regarding 'wroth', the original phrase I wrote was 'his wroth nature', but it sounded a bit nerdy so I omitted 'nature'...and I've since re-added it, because it makes more sense (as you pointed out). Love ya!
Date: 10/16/17 02:28 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
I swear to you, if you stop writing this, I'll behead you like Ned Stark in the very first episode of game of thrones.
Really though, loving the got inspired story!
Author's Response: Oh deer! Please don't! :D Glad you're enjoying the story. I was originally going to write it as a piece of GoT fanfic, but I felt like the whole fanfic genre sometimes relies too heavily on assumed knowledge and kind've turns people away.
Date: 10/16/17 01:32 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
Usually not wild about RPG fantasies since they are formulaic and all... But this one is creative, surprising, and a whole lot of fun. Especially like the mix of "in real life" and "play the role so you don't let anyone else down." Eagerly awaiting whatever happens next!
Author's Response: Yay! Glad that I made the genre a bit more enjoyable for you. There will be twists and turns, I promise!
Date: 10/15/17 07:52 am Title: Chapter 9: On the Road
Another great chapter. This is (so far) the best story you've written here.
Author's Response: Aw, that means a lot to me. Thank you very much. I try to improve with every story I write, and I really do appreciate your feedback. It's really helpful!
Date: 10/15/17 05:35 am Title: Chapter 9: On the Road
Nice story! So now we wait to find out how many of the guards following them are crazy players, atleast one; first the stumbling guard and then the disrespectful guard at the wedding hall and now a shitty tent job... Exciting!
Author's Response: The mystery builds! Don't you worry your pretty nose, there are more surprises to come ;)
Date: 10/15/17 05:07 am Title: Chapter 9: On the Road
This just gets more and more mysterious. I'm starting to think they were actually transported into those bodies and the NPCS are actually from this world. That's why they break character every so often. I was right about Dan being arden maybe I'll be right about this too. I cant wait to read and find out. Still so many mysteries though, what is going on and poor Pensa and Justin... what a monster to do that to someone.
Author's Response: Maybe you're right! I suppose you'll have to wait and see! I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story, and I'm pleased that you enjoy the mystery twist :D Love ya, Lil!
Date: 10/08/17 03:29 pm Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
I guess that it is from reading too much literature (of all sorts, not just TG). You start seeing patterns and tropes.The "falling in love with best friend"-sort is heavily used when it comes to Gender Benders. Even if they aren't "in love" yet, there is a strong attraction between both of them that, given enough in-game (is it still a game?) time, probably will evolve into something real.
Author's Response: Yup! Although I've seen that 'trope' used in other stories, I haven't yet had it as a major plot device in any of my own stories. Think of this as my take on that genre.
Date: 10/07/17 12:36 pm Title: Chapter 8: A Red Sun Rises
Wonderful plot, Honey!
Author's Response: Thanks! It's about to get a lot more plotty!
Date: 10/07/17 06:11 am Title: Chapter 8: A Red Sun Rises
Wow! What an unexpected turn of events! I would never have guessed that Dan was Arden...
Stellar writing, as always.
Author's Response: Hehe yeah, you caught onto that one rather quickly. Don't worry, though, as there are even more twists to come! ;)
Date: 09/30/17 08:16 am Title: Chapter 7: I Do
Uh oh, cant contact the admins? That's bad news. And this guy is super nice and stuff.. . I wondered if he was Dan (oh the irony) but he seems too nice to be Dan. I wonder who Dan is. Anyway I love this story, and it's so sweet he wouldn't take advantage of her while she's ddrunk. What a kind gentleman!
Author's Response: Indeed! Glad you're enjoying the mysteries, and the truth will slowly unravel as the story progresses
Date: 09/30/17 04:46 am Title: Chapter 7: I Do
Nice chapter as usual, Clarity. :)
A couple typos:
When Kayda and Pensa are talking about the Admin Contact not working, it says "her face was shining with joy," which might be a typo.
In the next section where it talks briefly about the gods, "possible" should be "possibly."
A few paragraphs after that, where Kayda's father speaks, the second guard follows "suite" instead of "suit."
Love your writing as always :) keep up the great work
Author's Response: Fixed! Thanks for pointing those out! I might have to start making more typos, just because i love hearing from you :D
Date: 09/26/17 09:21 pm Title: Chapter 6: The Pink Canoe
More character development! And cheers for making the scene work.
Author's Response: Yay! Glad you liked it! I know a lot of my stories are a bit character-focused, and I just hope that it doesn't bore people :)
Date: 09/26/17 05:28 pm Title: Chapter 6: The Pink Canoe
I did not expect that. But umm awwwwe he's starting to wonder if he'll love him. That's so cute, I hope not. Though I suspect that people that kill NPCs like that and break character are not allowed to respawn. Or he's dead, I'm still wondering about that. Are they reallyl in this world and not just hooked up to a machine? I wonder. Don't answer me of course I cant wait to find out!
Author's Response: So many mysteries! Glad you're enjoying the story, I always look forward to your reviews!
Date: 09/26/17 12:57 pm Title: Chapter 6: The Pink Canoe
I'd rather see her sail an actual canoe than a metaphorical. There really wasn't any need for a masturbation scene in this story since there probably will be some funny times with the husband later on.
Author's Response: Think of it as a preview xD
Date: 09/17/17 05:30 am Title: Chapter 5: A Mere Flesh Wound
Wow... no respawn? Maybe because he broke the rules, omg is he dead for real? Honestly I didn't like him at all, and he seemed a real creep. This is pretty rough, I wonder what happened? Are they actually in the book now, and any deaths are very real and very permanent? He had such a terrible life in real life... an abusive and monstrous father, but this woman seems such a really nice mother (if a bit over protective and demanding) compared to his previous father..
Author's Response: Yeah! It's not a Clarity story without a small degree of mystery! Love ya, Lilchelly!
Date: 09/16/17 03:50 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
Gee, I wonder who the fourth member of their group became...
One would assume that the Evan's spouse-to-be will play an important role in the story and given the amount of characters introduced it seems likely that we've already encountered his real-life counterpart.
Of course, a twist might be thrown in. Who knows?
Author's Response: There will be twists in this story! However, if you're hoping that the fourth member of the group successfully turned himself into a bear, I've got unfortunate news for you. Not everything can be a twist, after all.
Date: 09/15/17 11:11 am Title: Chapter 5: A Mere Flesh Wound
Getting a little SAO in here? Good way to get the conflict rolling. Honestly, I think Evan worrying about his traits is a little on the nose, but it fits the character of a sensitive nice guy in the role of a sensitive nice young woman.
Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: I'm glad that you're liking the story! Evan and the whole 'trait-reveal' was just my way of revealing my thought process as a writer. Every time I write a story, I try to brainstorm 3 to 5 traits for every major character. No character has all positive traits, and no character has all negative traits...I feel like it's a good way to organize my thoughts, and I intended for Evan's trait-reveal and reaction to be a bit interesting for readers. P.S. What's SAO? xD
Date: 09/11/17 07:25 pm Title: Chapter 4: Northern Strong
Good stuff so far, Clarity! I really like this setting; it kinda makes me want to finally get around to watching Game of Thrones. I like how fleshed out Evan/Kayda is becoming as a person, his thoughts seem very real.
I saw a couple of typos, so I'll just list them here:
Ch1 - when statuses are being discussed it says "ancy", but I think you meant "antsy"
Ch2 - "scratchy" should be "scratching" right after they discuss traits
Ch3 - a period is missing when Evan is talking about animals (before "Unlike")
Anyways, really good writing so far, looking forward to more! :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! I fixed all of the errors that you found, and I can't thank you enough for bringing them to my attention. You're the best
Date: 09/05/17 04:59 am Title: Chapter 1: Droozle
This remindsbme of a story on FM called "Westernworld" or something like that. So far things are looking great, you're setting up a potential love interest by having two of the three friends already in relationships.
Author's Response: I believe you're referring to the television show Westworld, or some related piece of fanfiction. I suppose that's relevant in the 'experiential entertainment' sense. I know that this story and setting aren't unique and that other similar stories exist, so I'm trying to make this one stand apart by developing a relatable yet flawed main character. I also plan to take this storyline in an interesting direction. There will be unforeseen twists! I'm glad that you're enjoying it thus far, and you may be onto something with your prediction. You won't get any spoilers from me, of course. My lips are sealed. :D
Date: 09/05/17 03:53 am Title: Chapter 3: The Duchess
Awwwe! Poor kid. This was a really sweet section, I love the mother daughter bonding.
Author's Response: Yay! Glad that you enjoyed it. I'm trying to work in some more scenes between the two of them, but we'll see!