Date: 08/26/17 06:48 pm Title: Chapter 12: Apocalypse
This was an interesting story. Wheels within wheels, and personal temptation. I would have liked it if Judy had learnt a lesson applicable to the next life, but I think I see what you were trying to do with the ending. Being so short and abrupt, I feel a little bit unsatisfied, but it works.
Overall, you did a great job for your first publicly released story. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to seeing the next one!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I thought about doing a lesson learned kind of thing, but halfway through I instead opted to make it a stuck in a bad situation kind of deal since I found it easier to write for that.
Date: 08/24/17 04:48 am Title: Chapter 8: Choices
Choices is s good name. And I feel she lost her wittiness /:
Author's Response: Yeah it kind of got harder to write dialogue with later chapters.I scrapped some of it from this chapter because they didn't make much sense and seemed very random. (Eventually I might come back to this story when I can have a fresh look at it)
Date: 08/24/17 12:34 am Title: Chapter 1: The Heist
You should give her a sexual appetite, you know, give her major crushes like most preteen girls! I know its supposed to be dark story and all, but it'd be nice if it had something personal and sexual!
Author's Response: I kind of wanted to, but I wrote this story with the thought of what someone said in that too many people turn their characters into sexual objects on this site, so I wanted to do something different.
Date: 08/23/17 09:44 am Title: Chapter 8: Choices
Just a quick reply as suggestion for chapter name: Choices; Decisions; Alternatives?
Anyway, thank you for this great story so far!
Author's Response: Thank you for the suggestions. I think I'll go with choices since it's short and sweet. Also thanks for reading, the final 3 chapters should go up tomorrow. For now I'm sending in chapter 9 and 10 which should take a while to be approved.(about 7 hours)