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Reviewer: Natasa Jacobs Signed Report
Date: 03/16/19 10:50 pm Title: Chapter 2

Even though I said this story needs work, it's a really cute story and would love to see it continue. Keep up the good work. :)

Reviewer: Natasa Jacobs Signed Report
Date: 02/24/19 09:08 pm Title: Chapter 2

This story needs work. The sentences are way to close to each other and there are no paragraphs. There are a lot of things that are needed to be improved.

Author's Response: Thank you

Reviewer: Musicat Signed starstar Report
Date: 08/02/17 08:20 am Title: Chapter 2

2 stars is generous.

Author's Response: i know thanks

Reviewer: Susy Signed Report
Date: 07/30/17 02:06 am Title: Chapter 2



That is a link to the TGstorytime discord server. I'm there most of the time. Go to that link, make an account, and we need to talk. Your story has potential, it sounds interesting but honey, it looks awful. The grammar is okay, but everything is else is a mess. If you want to improve as an author, go to that link and send me a message. I'll happily help you out as much as you're willing to. Because of what you have now, it's very ugly.

I'm willing to help you, so go there if you have the time. (As I find chatting a better way to communicate than periodical messages through reviews.)

Lastly, I won't rate this story, as what it has now it's a reflection of what it is, and I don't want to destroy any chance to get that rating up.

Reviewer: Selvanius Signed Report
Date: 07/21/17 09:36 pm Title: Chapter 1

Whoo! 6 sentence chapters! Aim for a thousand at least.

Reviewer: Jacks-O-Lance Signed Report
Date: 07/21/17 07:35 pm Title: Chapter 1

Need ALOT more words...An interesting title, nonetheless....Need help with making this better?

If ya care to chat, you can find me over on DeviantArt or on Discord...Your Choice...

Author's Response: i would appreciate the help. i think i have seen ur work on deviantart. are u good at drawing? i would love to include some of ur pictures and writing in my story

Reviewer: Archer Signed Report
Date: 07/19/17 06:50 pm Title: Chapter 1

What author considers a single paragraph a chapter? Instead of asking people to be patient, why not simply hold off on posting until there's something for the reader to actually sink their teeth into?

Author's Response: sorry i will take that into consideration. i was trying to save the action scene for the next chapter.

Reviewer: FaithRomeyer Signed star Report
Date: 07/19/17 03:16 am Title: Chapter 1

Beneath the skin, we are already one.

Was it not your sin trapped the unicorn?

Even now...The evil seed of what you've done

GERMINATES within you.

Reviewer: Susy Signed Report
Date: 07/19/17 02:42 am Title: Chapter 1

Nothing else to say.

I'll hold the rating as there is nothing to rate.

Author's Response: its my first story please be patient. I know ur a great author, im only a newby pls dont give such negative feedback

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