Date: 05/19/19 06:33 am Title: Chapter 11
I love the 1950s feel of the story but maybe some period references might help the authenticity be a little more vibrant. Penny arcades, Malta shops, egg creams, soda jerks, milk trucks, men with hats, casual drinking and smoking, maybe the odd period slur (though not racistolease) I know its correct for the period but it's still..... disgusting.
Date: 04/27/19 06:21 pm Title: Chapter 10
"Living in sin" Wow.. I defended you dude, I didn't realize you were this much of an asshole. Also Lauren should have been smarter, what she did may cost them more than they realize... This man is a christian, they are capable of untold violence and destruction...
Date: 04/22/18 08:20 am Title: Chapter 7
Well well, her daughter huh. Gee I wonder what they're going to start to call him later. This is interesting though, they let a trans man leave, maybe they arent' going to change Michael, maybe Michael is going to change himself. I'm so intrigued I need more please!
Date: 03/12/18 10:17 am Title: Chapter 6
Oh my the plot thickens. Is little Michael being groomed to become one of those young school children? Or is he destined to work in the restaurant serving guests. And what of the mysterious man, who was he? What does he want? What is that strange plant and what does it mean? So many questions, I cant wait for more! The lack of spacing makes it hard to read and follow but your writing is so engaging I can forget it sometimes.
Date: 03/12/18 08:51 am Title: Chapter 2
I don't know if you noticed but your first two chapters of this story haves no breaks in between paragraphs. It makes it very difficult to read with no spacing. I'm enjoying the potential so far but it's just a very difficult read.
Author's Response: Thank you for pointing that out. I have not really read my stories on the site, they seem a lot more spaced out in Word. I'll try to make things more legible in the future.
Date: 08/13/17 02:55 am Title: Chapter 4
The computer reference, while not part of the story, merely the narration, felt a bit out of place. But the chapter was still pretty awesome. You say its a si-fi transformation in both of your stories? I'm very interested to see how this all works... Especially with time tossed, and the historical setting it takes... And i'm really curious how they keep this town full of women secluded from the outside world.
Date: 08/13/17 02:27 am Title: Chapter 4
Ah Hah, an anachronism. I don't think computers would be in the normal vocabulary in 1957. "She gave the feeling of a computer simulating human behavior."
Author's Response: Yeah, you guys got me. That line was going to be even worse; it was going to compare her to the Terminator. Probably should have just taken it out completely :)
Date: 07/29/17 01:44 am Title: Chapter 3
Haha. Things just arent going well for our protagonist. Loved the chapter. It wasnt perfect, but it was still amazing. It felt more like a teaser though, with how little went on... i hope more comes soon.
Author's Response: Sorry about the tease, lol. In this chapter, I was trying to set up things for later; I realize now that it got a little slow, I'm still trying to find the pace for this story. The next part should come out soon. Thank you so much for your reviews!