Reviews For Forgotten
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Reviewer: Soumahr Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/18/19 07:19 pm Title: Chapter 17

Your world building skill is amazing.

Reviewer: Lailaluvs00 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/18/19 06:30 pm Title: Chapter 17

Wow, very cool, and exhausting!

Reviewer: Calipso Signed Report
Date: 08/17/19 10:34 pm Title: Chapter 17

Ahhhhh, I cant wait for more.

Author's Response: Don't worry. More is coming.

Reviewer: BreeAnne Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/07/19 09:59 pm Title: Chapter 16

outstanding chapter

Author's Response: Thanks

Reviewer: AnnaLiebert Signed star Report
Date: 07/27/19 07:46 am Title: Chapter 11

Still waiting for the part of the story that makes it have a purpose or reason to read it besides more emotional fucking torture.. Also wtf does this have literal shit to do with TG?

Author's Response: That's enough. I have been nothing but polite to you. I respect that you have no love for this story and I accept that. But I do not accept the rudeness. You were rude the last two comment and I was hoping you would get the message. But apparently, you did not. I accept constructive criticism. I DO NOT accept rude s*** like 'literal s***'. If you have nothing nice or constructive to say, don't bother saying anything at.

Reviewer: AnnaLiebert Signed star Report
Date: 07/27/19 03:35 am Title: Chapter 8

Like who is this aimed at? All I see is endless paragraphs of emotional torture aimed at the main character. How is this fun? Who is this enjoyable to?

Author's Response: I was wondering when one would point this out. It is true, but unfortunately, happens all too much in this world. The world isn't a book where you can write a happy ending. Often times, there is no happy ending. The world is a dark place. The world of Forgotten is also a dark place. In fact, a deleted section would of revealed just how dark, to the point no one cares anymore. But if you also read the chapter, while she does what she does for herself, she also does it for Wren. Bug cares and is willing to put up with Cane in order to make sure Wren is safe. In darkness, light will emerge.

Reviewer: AnnaLiebert Signed Report
Date: 07/27/19 03:31 am Title: Chapter 8

... Seriously I don't get it how is this TG? What am I reading?

Author's Response: I feel proud that for your first reviews on this site, you choose Forgotten. Thanks for that. Aside from that, I mean, what were you expecting? Forgotten isn't a typical tg story. It's far from it. I will assure you that there is a tg element, but due to how the story is written, I cannot reveal it just yet. Thanks for the revie.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/25/19 05:12 am Title: Chapter 16

I still think somehow Jamie and Jared merged and that's how Bug came about. Or maybe not just Jamie and Jared but Judith too? I got to admit I still don't understand the male to female tags. I know it happens or happened somewhere but I'm so confused xD

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/24/19 11:06 pm Title: Chapter 16

Welp, now we see why everyone's so focused on Bug, if she can obliterate planets at will.

I am really looking forward to when the importance of Judith, the Tomb, and the first-born are revealed.

Reviewer: Stardraigh Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/16/19 12:34 am Title: Chapter 1

I enjoy this story. Looking forward for more.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/30/19 03:37 am Title: Chapter 15

Everything is coming to the end. Or at least a end, but we still don't understand exactly what happened to bug, maybe we never will. I have my theories but I cant wait till we see the next part. Or rather i CAN wait I'm just saying I'm excited, sorry xD

Author's Response: I would love to hear your theories.

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/14/19 05:50 am Title: Chapter 15

This story has been amazing. I'm so excited everytime a new chapter is released!

Reviewer: ZZChromosome Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/13/19 03:14 pm Title: Chapter 15

Wow! Now that was a helluva ride! Had to read it straight through and I'm late for work!

Looking forward to the next installment!

Reviewer: BreeAnne Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/13/19 09:18 am Title: Chapter 15

Great chapter! Can't wait to see what kinda of adventures are in-store for bug..... She has a loyal Cat... two side kicks and a little one to protect; on top of that she's going into battle. Whatever could go wrong or right.... lol... Again thanks for the great installment

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/13/19 06:09 am Title: Chapter 15

Looovee it! I'm frothing at the mouth for the next chapter!

Reviewer: Soumahr Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/13/19 01:45 am Title: Chapter 15

Is Judith some kind of God figure in their world?? The curiosity is killing me.

Author's Response: All will be revealed. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: Headhunter Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/12/19 10:45 pm Title: Chapter 15

Dang I just found this story a few hours ago and binge the hell out of it, I honest to god cant wait to see whats next in this awesome story

Author's Response: Wow, what timing. Thanks.

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 05/12/19 07:27 pm Title: Chapter 15

Eeeyyy, new chapter! And we finally get the full story on Lhasa! (And why everyone's freaked out that Bug survived the Destructor attack...)

I am definitely curious to learn more about Judith, though. And I like how one of Bug's abilities appears to be extreme, weaponized, talk therapy :-D

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/02/19 01:57 pm Title: Chapter 14

Wait waaaaaaaat?! I'm so confused, so the dude who has been trying to kill her is also secretely part of the good guys? I didn't expect that at all, or maybe he wasn't trying to kill her and I'm over exaggerating xD Either way though... the creators... oooh I cant wait for more! Sorry it's been so long since my last review, I'mn still loving this story just life has been a bit rough and I keep forgetting to comment. I guess you could say... I just a bit... FORGOTTEN kekeke xD Okay okay sorry xD

Reviewer: BreeAnne Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/27/18 09:43 am Title: Chapter 14

Keep it coming... it just gets better and better as time goes on

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/27/18 07:06 am Title: Chapter 14

I'm so happy about a new chapter! Not only that, but it definitely fleshed out alot of background and story about the world in-general.

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/26/18 04:05 pm Title: Chapter 14

Finally, some secrets are being revealed! I love how the stakes keep escalating- well done!

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/24/18 02:07 pm Title: Chapter 13

(Also, kudos to Galen for finally saying what I've been thinking- that maybe all this obsession with superhumans is causing more problems than its solving, and that the methods they're using are *obviously* failing).

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/24/18 02:06 pm Title: Chapter 13

This just keeps getting better and better! We're starting to finally see some hints as to what Bug really is. I'm looking forward to hearing more about the Forgotten and Judith...

(also, I would *kill* for Bug to get her hands on a history book...)

Author's Response: Me Too

Reviewer: Renee Signed Report
Date: 06/24/18 10:11 am Title: Chapter 13

I've been thinking about this story alot. Im glad to see it's going to be continued.

Author's Response: Yeah, it's been a rough couple of months for me. But hopefully, sooner than later, I will Chapter 14 and 15 uploaded.

Reviewer: Calipso Signed Report
Date: 06/24/18 09:15 am Title: Chapter 13

So lets just start this off with one little comment before getting into anything else. Is the government made up of nothing but a bunch of stupid fucking assholes?

Ok there we go. But yeah the government honestly thinks that their methods would ever ever ever make Bug willing to help them? How stupid are these people? Plus what on Earth, and amongst all that's holy, makes the believe they can contain her? Its honestly mind boggling how incredibly idiotic they are acting here. They really think they can force someone who is more powerful than a level 4 do their bidding? What will they use? The crysta... oh wait that wont work. Tranquilizers could work if her ability didn't automatically protect her from those sorts of things. They quite literally have nothing to force her with. Sure they could threaten her loved ones, but yeah lets make the person we need to save us all despise us instead.
It is honestly completely dumbfounding how they think they can in anyway get her to want to help them with the methods they are using.

I honestly hope they get the middle finger they deserve and their methods shoved so far up their asses their decedents will feel it.

Author's Response: It's more that they very desperate and desperate people do desperate things, even if it's stupid. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed Report
Date: 06/11/18 08:11 am Title: Chapter 1

Had to reread the story, it's so good! Any chance of an update soon?

Author's Response: The last few months have been bad for me. I've been sick, stressed, overtaxed, everything. College really drains it out of you, not to mention that I've had to rewrite the latest chapter a few times. But I'm almost done with Chapter 13, so hold on just a bit longer.

Reviewer: JumpierLotus Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/18/18 06:28 pm Title: Chapter 1

Ooohh, the mystery intensifies. I hope we can still have a bit of that, too, before it's all explained. Bugs is just so... sweeeet when she's so confused. I hope she doesn't get cocky with her newfound powers.

Author's Response: Me too :)

Reviewer: Renee Signed Report
Date: 04/11/18 03:15 pm Title: Chapter 12

I love this story, keep it going!
Bugs' totally a level 5

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 04/05/18 05:48 am Title: Chapter 1

Ooo she's a unicorn! It'll be interesting to see how these events add to Bug's personality.

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/27/18 11:42 pm Title: Chapter 12

Way to ratchet up the tension and stakes in this chapter! You handle action very well.

Of course, now my major question isn't "What level is Bug?", it's "Is Bug actually human?"

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/27/18 01:39 pm Title: Chapter 12

Ooooh! loving this! Get em bad guys, bug!

Reviewer: Lailaluvs00 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/17/18 04:21 pm Title: Chapter 11

Dang!

Reviewer: Amanda Lynn Signed Report
Date: 03/17/18 05:05 am Title: Chapter 1

I love Bug, I like the nickname better than Claire. I get the feeling we're going to find out that level 5 is not the highest but that Bug is actually higher. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/17/18 04:16 am Title: Chapter 11

Moreeee! Don't leave us hanging! This is amazing!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/17/18 01:02 am Title: Chapter 11

Aw, I just want to hug Claire. Thanks for sharing such a fun story, Paradox!

Reviewer: Calipso Signed Report
Date: 03/16/18 01:00 pm Title: Chapter 11

I already commented on BC but wanted to do so here as well.

These kids are so caught up in their own racism and hatred they cant see the danger of what they are doing. Its sad they are so blind to the fact they are very possibly dooming themselves. I just hope her powers do still work. While I never like needless death or murder, I actually hope Greg dies. He is clearly far too gone for any kind of help. The kids around him will hopefully have their powers stripped and be arrested, but sadly Greg just has too much evil in him.

I find it interesting though, that while Lacey reacted to the crystal already, bug hasnt reacted even slightly. In fact it seems that the crystal was able to effect Lacey even when it was hidden which would mean its effects dont require line of site. This would indicate that Lacey would have either lost her powers when they arrived or when they walked into the room. Regardless, Lacey would have been almost immediately effected by the crystal from the moment she was in its range. She lost her abilities and it took time for the effects to show. Yet these stupid kids dont seem to realize that Bug just read someones mind. They all have weapons because they cant use their powers in the presence of the crystal, yet they fail to realize that Bug being able to read Caras mind clearly shows she either isnt effected by the crystal or she is more powerful than it. They are in for one hell of a rude awakening.

So says orientation doesnt change, although I guess it depends on who its referring to. But if its referring to Bug, and if there is any kind of romance in the story, then Im slightly hoping she ends up with Sybil. Sybil just seems like a really sweet girl, especially since she was able to see past the racism. Sure she may be scared but who wouldnt be shocked. I just hope she get over her fears. But again that depends on who she was in the past

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/16/18 07:45 am Title: Chapter 11

This chapter was amazing! The ending took me by suprise. I can't wait to see what you have coming next.

Reviewer: damare8 Signed Report
Date: 03/16/18 06:34 am Title: Chapter 1

I really love this story! I can't wait to read more!

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed Report
Date: 03/16/18 03:50 am Title: Chapter 11

Also... who or WHAT the fudge are the forgotten?!

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 03/16/18 03:48 am Title: Chapter 11

I still suspect she's Jared, but just what happened to her. Bug.... who are you, what happened? Was Jared Japanese? Maybe not... maybe... did Jared merge with a Japanese girl and that's why he's Claire now? Maybe I'm completely wrong who she is I wonder...

Author's Response: I always enjoy reading your reviews. Anyways, as for Bug's past, just wait. I got a bit surprising coming up soon. As for the Forgotten, it involves the war and I will answer it, hopefully, in the next chapter, or even in one the smaller mixtape stories I'm going to write.

Reviewer: Trismegistus Shandy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/19/18 06:41 pm Title: Chapter 10

I just realized I've been giving you feedback privately and have never gotten around to leaving a review. So:

The story starts off with a bang in terms of plot, but takes a couple of chapters to get going in terms of characterization. Natural enough, when you're working with an amnesiac main character, but still something to work on if you ever do a rewrite. After that, though, once you've gotten us to care about Bug, it's an intense emotional roller-coaster ride. You're slowly trickling out bits of worldbuilding background no faster than we need them, which is good. I look forward to seeing how the rest of it plays out.

Reviewer: M A Thermidor Signed Report
Date: 02/18/18 03:52 pm Title: Chapter 10

Great chapter, but excluding the previous 9 you've only written 1. Please write more.

Reviewer: A01 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/18/18 09:20 am Title: Chapter 1

I love this story, its developing really well. However, I'd wish you picked up the pace with he writing, its been ages since ive seen a new chapter (not including the new one)

Author's Response: College is a real b****. But thank you for the review.

Reviewer: Stephe2006 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/18/18 06:00 am Title: Chapter 1

Came in late but am loving the story. Loved the events in chapter 10 hopefully the next chapter will come a little quicker.

Reviewer: Lailaluvs00 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/17/18 08:52 pm Title: Chapter 10

So much fun, so far apart....sigh

Reviewer: Amanda Lynn Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/17/18 07:43 pm Title: Chapter 1

Ok, keep going, loving it.
Waiting to see when the TG element comes into play, but am loving it anyway.

Author's Response: That's great. It will be awhile, but you will be deeply surprised when you read it.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/17/18 06:56 pm Title: Chapter 10

How can the school allow this to happen? Does Galen care about anyone? How can he enlist someone like Gare who is clearly a horrible human being. Is he training super heroes or super VILLAINS? Also Frank and his family need to die.

Author's Response: I think you will be surprised at the path Galen takes in this story. As for Gare, well, you'll have to wait.

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/17/18 06:22 am Title: Chapter 10

Ok, the ending for this chapter was amazing.

Reviewer: AlexaTiresias Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/17/18 03:31 am Title: Chapter 10

Oh man! i hope things are going to get better for Claire soon, this is just painful to read as it is. *hugs*

Reviewer: Fuskybusky Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/17/18 01:33 am Title: Chapter 10

Such a cliffhangers, and when will the next chapter be out?

Reviewer: Tessarion Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/05/18 02:54 am Title: Chapter 9

Exquisite world-building that leaves me wanting to know more, and very compelling main characters. I look forward to reading the rest!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/02/18 04:10 pm Title: Chapter 9

OMG this is amazing! Moooarr!

Reviewer: Inquazo29 Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/19/18 04:30 pm Title: Chapter 9

That was...

Sad-isfying.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/15/18 11:03 am Title: Chapter 9

Jamie? Who the fudge is Jamie? I thought for sure she was Jared... guess I was wrong hum. Oh well cant wait for more!

Reviewer: Lailaluvs00 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/14/18 02:29 pm Title: Chapter 9

Very cool stuff here, im hooked!

Reviewer: Arial Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/13/18 02:41 pm Title: Chapter 1

This is becoming even better and better. It has a good storyline, which is forming in a good way, without just throwing all the information at once and it is showing some character growth as well, which is slowly starting to show us more about Bug/Jamie. This story is definitely one of my favourites!

Reviewer: AlexaTiresias Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 01/13/18 06:19 am Title: Chapter 9

Damn. I love this story excellent work as always Paradox, but I have to read each chapter in increments; it's just to gloomy and depressing otherwise. Will things get better for Bug? *hugs*

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/20/17 07:08 pm Title: Chapter 8

Jeez... they just let the bigger kids literally harass and assault the younger ones? The hell kind of screwed up school is this. That army dude isn't the problem this school is jeez!

Reviewer: Shadow Dragon Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/20/17 04:03 am Title: Chapter 8

Lack of hope or not, that still doesn't excuse the actions of those little pricks!

Great new chapter Paradox! Can't wait to see where this goes from here!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/20/17 12:30 am Title: Chapter 8

Love this!!! I really hope to see more soon!

Reviewer: Shadow Dragon Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/29/17 05:31 am Title: Chapter 7

Awww, this was surprisingly cute!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/24/17 06:29 am Title: Chapter 7

Amazing!

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/23/17 06:28 pm Title: Chapter 7

OH NO BUG! Don't cry, Lacey loves you and so does Grandma in her own way. She is sorry and she'll treat you better. This was a feel good chapter but it also lent us another mystery. Jared... I wonder... is Bug Jared? (DON"T TELL ME) We'll have to wait and see! Also you say the general is not evil? Maybe he's just cautious or something, but regardless of his reasons he has to understand Bug is a TEENAGER, teenagers cant be held like prisoners. It's not in their nature.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/15/17 06:44 pm Title: Chapter 6

Oh my gosh this chapter was intense. Finally Bug came out and said what she was feeling. I hope some kind of compromise can happen. Even though I know the evil general doesn't understand she's a child. I hope Bug can find a happiness since it seemed like so much terrible things have already happened to her...

Author's Response: Evil General? That is a creative way of describing Galen. I have a future chapter planned that will reveal more about Galen's past.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/15/17 06:44 pm Title: Chapter 6

Oh my gosh this chapter was intense. Finally Bug came out and said what she was feeling. I hope some kind of compromise can happen. Even though I know the evil general doesn't understand she's a child. I hope Bug can find a happiness since it seemed like so much terrible things have already happened to her...

Reviewer: blue98 Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/14/17 06:22 am Title: Chapter 6

Loving it! I'll take more as soon as you can give it! I love the world building and the overall senario. It helps that the descriptions and dialgoue flow like a movie in my head... keep it up!!!

Author's Response: Thanks. I got a ton planned and several reveals coming up.

Author's Response: Thanks. I got a ton planned and several reveals coming up.

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 11/13/17 06:10 am Title: Chapter 6

Yay! A new chapter! And thanks for having Nancy realize how she was treating Bug! There doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with the chapter, good job.

Author's Response: Thanks

Reviewer: aquerty Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/16/17 05:07 pm Title: Chapter 5

Thx for the update keep it up

Reviewer: Shadow Dragon Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/16/17 12:58 am Title: Chapter 5

Oooooh boy! So Bug's got telepathy and super strength? Hope this little mid-day excursion doesn't keep her from going to that special school! Also hope she's okay! Great new chapter Paradox!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 10/11/17 01:52 pm Title: Chapter 5

Awesome! I so can't wait for more!

Reviewer: Amanda Lynn Signed Report
Date: 10/10/17 04:43 am Title: Chapter 1

I hope you continue this story. I like it.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/05/17 07:04 pm Title: Chapter 4

I cant wait for more :D What is Bug? I wonder..

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/04/17 11:46 pm Title: Chapter 4

Love this!

Reviewer: Mr5yy Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 09/04/17 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 4

I like this story. I was unsure in the beginning, but now it's really getting good!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/09/17 02:47 am Title: Chapter 3

No motherly bond? :O I hope she ignores them, or bug doesn't want to join the government and decides to stay with her.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/08/17 04:41 pm Title: Chapter 3

Also... She cant form a motherly bond? How the fudge is she supposed to stop that? Freaking creep, I hope he dies horribly.

Author's Response: The motherly bond thing is Galen's way of protecting Nancy. Galen implied he knows what happened to Jerri, one of Nancy's adopted daughters, when she was in Korea and that Nancy seeks redemption for allowing Jerri to meet such a fate. Galen doesn't want Nancy to suffer if he has to take Bug away. As for your other review, I will visit the war itself in a later chapter, but for now, just understand that there is a moral cost to war, and that this war has been going on for the last 14 years globally.

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/08/17 04:40 pm Title: Chapter 3

Scumbag government that doesn't care about anyone but itself. Poor Bug, people like Galen only want to use her. I kinda hope he gets his.

Reviewer: Shadow Dragon Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 08/08/17 09:27 am Title: Chapter 3

OOooooo, cryptic! I LIKE it! Excellent new chapter!

Reviewer: Hikaro Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 07/15/17 10:06 pm Title: Chapter 1

Alright, as-I-read commentary of chapter 1.

Bug's dull surprise is annoying. "Oh, I woke up. Oh, I don't remember anything. Oh, there are dead cows. Oh, people will find me because of dead cows." Assuming this is handwaved as her being in shock, it still feels absurdly stupid.

These farmers are mostly stereotypical. Also, "An old man, with a gun, a middle aged man, with a gun, and a younger man, with a gun. They all had guns." This last line makes half of the statement prior absurdly redundant, and that's not even getting at the amount of unnecessary commas. "An old man, a middle aged man, and a younger man, all carrying guns." or "Three men with guns appeared, an old man, a middle aged man and a young man."

What is the old man's justification for "I believe she is far from harmless"? He doesn't seem to have one, despite all the evidence pointing to her not being harmless.

(Also, as a side note, there are places where contractions should be and aren't. Or are not, as the case seems to be.)

The paragraph starting with "The sudden turn..." has a few moments where Bug and the old man speak. These should be in separate paragraphs, splitting best when Bug says, "Ouch,". (Rather dully, I might add.) Happens again with the old man and his son in the next paragraph.

So somehow, after running through woods she doesn't know, falling into a creek she has no experience with, following a path that clearly wasn't there before, Bug has somehow ended up right the fuck where she started. This is, in every possible way, unfathomably stupid, unless the forest is fucking alive like the Amazon River is in the show The River.

'"Police car?" Then it dawned on me. "Police car!"' Comedy? Yes. Is Bug objectively an idiot despite the memory loss? Also yes.

I'd just like to point out that every time the old man says "twerp", I'd like to ask why in the hell he's chasing Ash Ketchum and trying to capture Pikachu.

Also, I'd like to point out that the cops arrived to catch Bug quite quickly. This is cop ex machina of the highest degree, even if the cops lived next door to the farming family. This is cop ex machina of the highest degree even if the cops lived with the farming family.

I can't exactly understand how running into the home of the man who wants to murder you for no reason is a good idea, but what the hell, why not?

Alright, legit review moment here now that the chapter is over. It's rough around the edges, but nothing on this site isn't (especially my stuff). Bug is currently less a character in her own story and more a device for telling the story, and the old man is a charicature that I hope never, ever returns. I'm not one to shy away from swearing (except when approrpiate), but every other word out of his mouth is "fuck" and "twerp", which is annoying to a large degree.

Back to Bug being a device instead of a character, I have to say that for this reason, I don't really feel like following her story for her. And since no other interesting characters have appeared, following the story seems less like a thing that could happen. I don't know when I'll get to chapter 2, but I'll give it a try, hopefully there are characters there that make me want to press on. Hopefully Bug has grown at least somewhat from plot device to character. I'm not gonna lie, the dull surprise is the biggest problem.

Not a whole lot happens in this chapter, which can be a good thing and can be a bad thing. It's a good thing when the "not a lot" happens to progress something, but Bug starts at a farmhouse and ends at this farmhouse, a merry chase that does overall nothing. This is when "not a lot" is a bad thing, because the plot of this chapter was "Girl wakes up, gets chased away from farmhouse, returns to farmhouse". If you ever feel like going back and beefing this chapter up, I would suggest a little more in the woods, like maybe some sort of hint that Bug is going round in circles, but I think you could strive toward making the future story more interesting rather than stalling yourself on the opening.

Overall, I'm giving this a 3. It's not bad by any means, but it could be significantly better. Work toward making the future better and then go back to this if necessary.

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/08/17 07:07 am Title: Chapter 2

I really don't like how this is going for our protagonist. I really hope s/he gets a break soon!

Reviewer: Lilchelly Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/08/17 04:53 am Title: Chapter 2

More andd more puzzle pieces thrown at us and still not enough for a solution I think (unless you like blind guesses) anyway thank you for this story I cant wait to see what else you unfold, this looks like fun. Love how they're terrorizing the poor girl giving her every reason to be afraid. Hopefully that old lady can help her...

Author's Response: I don't mind blind guesses. They are very entertaining.

Reviewer: Shadow Dragon Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/08/17 03:56 am Title: Chapter 2

Yay for the new chapter! I sympathize with "Bug", even if she did kinda make things worse for herself. Can't wait for the next chapter!

I will say that things seem to have escalated quite quickly, which can be nicer in short bursts, and definitely worked for the story here!

Reviewer: FaithRomeyer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 07/03/17 03:52 am Title: Chapter 1

Good looking premises.

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/27/17 01:23 am Title: Chapter 1

Oh dear! This was a really exciting start! There are a few grammatical errors here and there, but stylistically, this story is a 10x improvement over some of your earlier stuff. Awesome job!

Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/27/17 01:03 am Title: Chapter 1

Wow! Uh oh... I don't like the prospects for our superhero... but, Was the military involved in this? I'm really curious for the circumstances.... Can't wait for more!

Reviewer: Shadow Dragon Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 06/26/17 08:01 am Title: Chapter 1

OOoooooo! I'm already hooked! Great start to a new story!!!

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