Date: 05/22/17 07:44 pm Title: Chapter 1 Missy Comes Home
Well written if somewhat disturbing. A couple of comments:
1) The use of black men as demeaning sexual partners is dangerous. I am white, but am wary of casting characters based upon black men with long dicks. Likewise, having black children is tricky. I realize this was a religious couple, but casting all evangelicals as racist will draw criticism from that group. The better route is to use drug dealers, or felons, as the men recruited to service the family.
2) Wasn't sure about corrupting Jerry Jr., since the same could have been accomplished via the drugs without the labor. Poor Jr. is a sympathetic character, as is Beth, unless you feel that the sins of the father are visited on the children Perhaps a less aggressive treatment would have been better.
I am not that big on grammar, but a few glitches, such as she did it to, which should read she did it too.
Good luck. I enjoyed the story and it definitely got me hot in the sex scenes, but I fear that you may get some negative reviews based upon the elements mentioned above. Otherwise, thanks for sharing and nice job. Jo