Date: 06/20/17 04:14 am Title: Part 7
This is a fun concept, and you write it well. I'm loving the longer chapters! Sometimes the plot seems disorganized, and it's a little too broken up. If you have the time, writing in a batch rather than a chapter at a time can help keep main ideas alive through several installments.
Date: 06/18/17 12:10 am Title: Part 7
Interesting and fun plot, but the story pacing gets really confusing a lot. Perhaps try to slow it down a bit by actually explaining what's happening? Just a tip!
Would love to see more, but as it is now, just reads uncomfortably.
Date: 06/04/17 05:09 am Title: Part 6
Loved it! The shortness of each section doesn't bother me all too much, I just would love to see more. Also, you might want to clarify a bit on this mind controlling... And I'm sure you already plan on explaining why Janet is as she is. (I hope Janet isn't being controlled by this sentient blue organization)
Date: 05/07/17 08:31 am Title: Part 1
I just batch read the first few parts and it's pretty good stuff, Inparticularly enjoyed the mental changes, and how our hero is grappling with them. You're slowly building an intrigueing plot and even though the chapters ARE short - you're updating often which balances it nicely. In think I'll probably let a few chapters build up before I batch read again.
Date: 05/02/17 02:17 am Title: Part 3
Hmm. This story seems far from finished. The chapters are also way too short. The grammar is mostly good but there are some errors here and there. The story itself feels rushed and characters seem to be thrown in when the story needs them.