Date: 05/15/17 10:16 pm Title: Introduction
I'm rather enjoying the story you are creating here, and I'd love to see where you plan on taking your character. While the other reviews have talked about the walls of text, well that doesn't bother me much anyway (try reading a scientific journal some time!!) and its far from the worst writing styles I've seen on the web over the years (one guy loved starting every word with a capital letter. Bleh!). Also I started writing with just a massive wall of text with no paragraphs, indentations or spacing between sections. Its just a learning curve for what works when it comes to this sort of thing and you'll find it becomes easier for you the more you write.
Anyhoo, keep up the good work with your story! Looking forward to reading it!
Date: 05/15/17 06:40 pm Title: A New Life Begins
Hi, I can see Hikaro's criticism as sot of just, even though I already read the version with more spaces in. I like the story, there is no doubt about that.
Nevertheless you need to get more into telling the story by verbal interactions. They lighten the mood and break up the "text walls" a lot. I know formatting on TGS is a pain in the ass. I have the same problem sometimes, but that has got nothing to do with writing style, that is the way you tell a story.
You tell a nice story, but you need to also concentrate on the practicalities. It is a bit like driving a car at a constant speed through a varying landscape. It is no fun. Speed it up, calm it down, have funny and loving moments and sad ones, too. Life is like that.
I am trying to encourage you, as I can see you really want to write this story, so well you should. Perhaps ask another writer to give some advice? Good luck.
P.S. if you'd like contact me on the discussion page.
Date: 05/02/17 09:30 pm Title: Introduction
I tried to read this, I really did. I got maybe a paragraph in. It's difficult to get through the wall of text, like a fourth grader wrote it or something. No, that's insulting to fourth graders.
Please, space out your paragraphs, it helps like nothing else does and it means your story is readable. I can give you no better advice than this. Though I derived no interest in what little I was able to read before my eyes gouged themselves and jumped through a window, I'm certain there are others who would be interested, and they deserve better than a wall of text. In no way is that a "writing style".
Author's Response: I'm sorry that you didn't like my story, but I thank you for putting at least a little meat into your review. I had never heard the term text wall before and I assumed that it was because I used so much conversational quotation. The paragraphs were there, I just hadn't tabbed or doubled spaced them. I have made a quick attempt to fix it, but it was just really fast so I hope I didn't make things worse. Apparently it doesn't matter because nobody likes my story anyway. Thanks for educating me.
Date: 04/30/17 12:55 am Title: Introduction
Text Walls! By the holy scriptures! My Eyes!!!
Author's Response: I'm not sure why, instead of just selecting another story, you decided it would help in any sort of way to bash my writing style; but that is what you are reading, my writing style. I think that text walls bring the characters more to life. If you don't like, don't use it and/or don't read it.