Date: 05/10/18 05:23 pm Title: Chapter 1 Getting dressed to go to a masquerade party
Ok, I'm going to give a few criticisms.
To start with, let me say that I usually like your stories, but there are several running flaws that have bothered me for a while and I want to make sure you are aware of them.
Firstly, and most importantly, gay men dont have operations to become women.
I realize this may be simply because English isn't your first language and you are having trouble with the terms used, but it's actually very important to know that being transgender is when your internal gender doesn't match your physical sex. Being gay is simply being attracted to other people of the same gender and/or the bodies of the sex that is the same as your gender.
Someone born male, but feels they are a woman, can have an operation and take hormones to become physically more female, and someone born a woman but who feels they are a man, can take hormones and have an operation to become physically more male, but that has nothing to do with being gay or straight. And a transgender woman who is attracted to men is straight, not gay. If she is attracted to women she is a lesbian.
That's the most important bit, this mistake makes you seem very out of touch and even bigoted.
Secondly, I notice how you love referring to 'plastic' body appliances, breasts, artificial vaginas, etc.
This isn't quite wrong, so much as jarring, as the term plastic really doesn't imply the sort of realism that you then describe. Nobody who hears 'I have had plastic breasts glued on' would assume that they look realistic, it sounds like something very fake, like on a barbie doll.
And while conceivably, and certainly in Sci fi, you could have false body parts made out of advanced plastics that look and feel realistic, they would be so different from everyday plastic that anyone using them would call them by a more specific name to avoid confusion, especially when telling someone about them who doesn't know the science behind it. Something like a biomimetic plastic polymer, or carbon gel synthetic skin or something. Just saying 'plastic breasts' implies something very different.
I'm guessing the phrase is a bit of a turn on for you though, as you use it so frequently, so I'm not really expecting you to take my point, but I felt it should be said as you do this in all your stories.
The third, which ties in to both points, is that conversations in your stories tend to come off as stilted, probably because English isn't your first language. You have gotten much better over the years, but there is still room for improvement.
I suggest reading more, mainstream fiction, science fiction and tg fiction, from here, fictionmania and bigcloset, to get a better feel for conversation and popular phrases and terminology.
Still did enjoy it, and I hope you don't take offense.
Hope you keep writing, you are very imaginative.
Date: 04/28/17 12:36 am Title: Chapter 1 Getting dressed to go to a masquerade party
Really enjoying the story thus far! A lot of fine elements all at play. One small quibble, this is not the sort of story that should be tagged under extreme breast enlargement (unless that is yet to come!). Regardless, nice job!
Date: 04/15/17 03:26 am Title: Chapter 1 Getting dressed to go to a masquerade party
The word should be prosthesis, not pyrotechnics, which is fireworks.
Otherwise it is a good story.
adjective 1. Of or relating to an artificial body part or prosthesis : He was fitted for a prosthetic arm.