Date: 12/05/19 04:04 am Title: Chapter 6
"Well, now that we got your measurements, since summer's coming up, we gotta get you a swimsuit!" Lily said excitedly as they entered another clothing shop."
I fell like such a pervie, but this sounds like so much fun. Shopping is truly the apex of TG fiction (plus showers). Anywho... if I had a magical TG experience, bikini shopping would definitely top my List of Fun Things to Do.
Author's Response: Gotta get some swimsuits, that's for sure. And since it's for the summertime, it should be very light, in order to be nice and cool... >.> <.<
Date: 12/05/19 03:53 am Title: Chapter 6
"Yeah, I'm using my official big sister powers to veto that." she said, starting to giggle."
Okay, this cracked me up. I have 5 little sisters (3 currently pregnant - WOW!) and no big sisters, so I have no knowledge of any alleged "big sister powers," but you've got me totally convinced that it's a real thing.
Author's Response: Hehehehe, just try telling Lily that they don't!
Date: 12/05/19 03:39 am Title: Chapter 1
Right... so... the friendly guinea pig bunch, Frank, Kevin, and Steve are all hanging with me while my daughter is in the hospital. Don't worry, she'll be back soon. Anyway, they really enjoy "taking a break" from each other's company by sitting on my shoulders while I read Internet stories. Currently they're on my desk, hiding under a towel with some lettuce while they grumble at one another.
I'm enjoying your story immensely, it hits all my sweet spots, especially the loving and welcoming (if a bit bossy and domineering-for-your-own-good) family environment.
I'm not sure why I've avoided this story before, but I'm glad I stopped doing so.
Author's Response: Awwww, a grumbly bunch of cuties! :) Yay! Thanks for giving it a chance!
Date: 12/05/19 02:51 am Title: Chapter 3
Ch. 3 - Never been a fan of furry fiction, but I'm totally engaged in this story!
Frank the Guinea Pig is sitting on my shoulders and he is 100% swept up in it, too... as far as I can tell. I really like the fun, supportive, and family-friendly characters you've introduced so far.
Author's Response: YAY! Anther convert! JK :P Oh? I'm happy Frank's enjoying themselves, but what about Kevin? *Blush* They're fun to write as well!
Date: 12/05/19 02:31 am Title: Chapter 1
"even what looked like a middle-aged Coyote man arguing with a German Shepard cop who was writing him a ticket in front of a flashy sports car parked next to a fire hydrant."
He's a German Shepard, of course he's a cop. I bet the entire SWAT team is mostly Dobies. And probable a couple of... Minotaurs? For breaching operations, of course. This new world is fascinating.
Author's Response: O.O I hadn't even thought about Minotaurs! OMG! Also, yay!
Date: 05/16/19 10:25 am Title: Chapter 1
Really good story. The world building is excellent and the characters are cute. I appreciate how you're steadily explaining the magic of the world. With stories like this I always want the characters to just start experimenting with magic and testing the limits, but that's only because I'm a nerd. :D
Author's Response: Hello fellow nerd! Thank you very much! I will admit that the world building is my favorite part of writing a story, especially one with magic in it!
Date: 05/16/19 12:00 am Title: Chapter 22
Ah Taylor's is becoming so cute. But she needs to open. Up to her older sister and set things right when she is back. She grown much when I started reading this story but I have a bad feeling on this trip. Like someone may be hurt or something.
Author's Response: Cute is good! Cute is what makes the world go 'round! Yup, agreedles... wait, which older sister? Lily or Molly? Or maybe... both... o.o That she has. Awww, don't feel bad! ...Or maybe you should... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [Nu Spoilers!]
Date: 04/13/19 10:39 am Title: Chapter 1
The is a wonderfully mystical story. Your storytelling has captured me and selfishly really makes me wish for more. Thank you. It truly is a wonderful time reading this story.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! More will be coming!
Date: 02/20/19 06:52 am Title: Chapter 21
the biggest issue with Taylor's life is that i love reading this so much but it takes so long for updates *cry*.... Also I'm itching to find out about that possession thing, but i hope it doesn't get too bad.
Author's Response: Sorry about that. I'm going to try and update more quickly.
Date: 10/19/18 09:35 pm Title: Chapter 20
Omg so happy for a update. But been so long that the chapter kinda confused me so ima have to start the story all over :/
Author's Response: Sorry about that. I promise I'll try not to take too long with the next chapter!
Date: 10/18/18 10:14 pm Title: Chapter 20
Well Taylor is not doing something right at the end of this one. She looks like she is scared. I hope you don't take to long to get your next chapter out. I wonder what type of fox she is going to be still. She getting god at her spells. Is she going to be a fighter or a mage. or will she take part of the Ritual.
Author's Response: More worried than outright scared. Sorry about the long wait. And don't worry, you'll get to see it yourself!
Date: 07/25/18 01:30 pm Title: Chapter 19
Yes! This was a great chapter! I didn't see the attack coming at all and how you had the MC talk about how she wasn't actually from the compound was really well timed.
Author's Response: Thank you! I was hoping to surprise readers with the attack! As for the reveal to Lily, well, I was hoping that it was time for it.
Date: 07/25/18 12:35 am Title: Chapter 19
You were getting me awfully worried with the whole voider talk and fake memories...
Glad there was a cute save, although I'm still worried for poor Taylor :S. Not a fan of identity loss/mind control alas.
Author's Response: Awww, please don't worry! Also, more cuteness is on the way!
Date: 07/24/18 07:08 pm Title: Chapter 19
Oooh :o white fire....... I needs more :o
It was cute to c:
But need more o.o
Author's Response: Yes, white fire! I know the feeling, of needing more that is. Cute is always good! I'm glad that you liked it, and more will be coming!
Date: 05/13/18 07:43 am Title: Chapter 1
But in the end i can't really see her with bat boy. Like romantically. Like maybe great friends. But they are just to shy to eat other. Plus know the old saying right opposites attract. Hahaha just messing with you. But still i can't see them together. Maybe her and wolf boy. Or something but yea. Can't wait c:
Iv missed this adorable story so much. Its funny. All my shows are ending and now all my fav stories are updating hahaha
Author's Response: Oh? You can't, can you? ;) Then I wonder who else she could possibly wind up with, romantically! :3
Date: 05/11/18 03:43 pm Title: Chapter 18
I love this story. I hope it doesn't go on too long though. I was expecting taylor's spirit dimension to be of earth, maybe later on it will be? I get the gist it changes based on mood.
Author's Response: Yay! Well, I do plan to continue it for a while longer. Hmmm, it's formed to suit the individual.
Date: 04/03/18 05:37 am Title: Chapter 17
Rreading the story just made me appreciate it more. Talyor is so good with magic that it makes the story a bit thrilling. I do hope you include more of Lilly and Shaun’s older sister and Uncle though. Both of them made the story really fun to read. Can’t wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Hehehehehehe, magic would be fun to learn in this universe! Oh I will! More is coming!
Date: 02/27/18 03:32 am Title: Chapter 1
Bad ass.... Like where she finds out she's really strong and can do things others can't do. Bad ass :p
And your living me hanging on stories. I need more updates x.x
Author's Response: Oh yeah! Not spoilin' nuthin'! Sorry about that! :D More will be coming!
Date: 10/03/17 10:53 am Title: Chapter 16
Overall, I like the worldbuilding, and Taylor's relationship with her adoptive family. And it's really funny in spots. The pace is a little slow, though.
I'm curious as to why you immediately switch pronouns to "she" as soon as Taylor sees her changed body in the mirror, while in _The Thaumaturgist_ you continue using "he" for Daso long after his transformation.
It's too late to fix this sixteen chapters into the serial, but it's a little confusing to have two major characters named "Laura" and "Lily", both starting with the same letter and roughly the same length. Keep that in mind for future projects.
The Hystrid siblings are interesting, but I'm a little uncomfortable about the way the version who turned into a woman is super emotional all the time and the version who remained male is coldly logical. It plays into stereotypes. It would be more interesting if it were the other way around, or if there were some other personality difference between the two that doesn't map to male/female stereotypes.
More to follow in a private email.
Date: 09/27/17 05:30 am Title: Chapter 16
"That's not how you become a zombie. There's actually a couple of ways that I know about, but those both involve being exposed to some kind of really dangerous radiation for a long period of time, and not getting any treatment for it"
Author's Response: You're the second person to reference the Fallout-verse. I promise you, there are ghouls in this world, but they are different, and created in an entirely different way! But that is to come later!
Date: 09/27/17 01:30 am Title: Chapter 16
I love this story! I truly hope the next chapter won't be too long away... Once this story is finished I'll definitely check out your other stories
Author's Response: That's so wonderful to hear! I'll try not to keep you waiting! Awwww, why wait? ;)
Date: 09/26/17 08:39 am Title: Chapter 16
Great chapter. And I'm so happy she has a mother like the wolf mother. Can't wait for more. Iv missed this story a lot. Maybe she can find some deep strong power that make people shit them self's haha she's so adorable can't wait for more -huggles-
Author's Response: Thank you! Hehehehehehehe. More will come! Awww, I'm sorry! Hmmmm, I'm still deciding! Adorable is what I'm shooting for! -Huggles Back-
Date: 08/14/17 09:00 pm Title: Chapter 15
Introduce a bully and the remove her almost instantly ?
You're not good at creating antagonists.
Nice Chapter though.
Author's Response: She's not intended to be a long term antagonist, just more of a quick wake-up call to Taylor that this world is a dangerous place. A proper antagonist is coming.
Date: 07/28/17 04:21 am Title: Chapter 15
Was going to read chapter 2 and 3 before I went to bed. Next thing I know its almost 2 am and just finished chapter 15.
I am so exited for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Yay! That makes me so happy to hear! Also, I have so been there! "Just one more chapter, and then I have to get some sleep, wait, is it really already five A.M.?! O.o"
Date: 07/25/17 10:32 pm Title: Chapter 15
Actually read all the chapter till now in one go and completely loved the story so far and would like you to continue. Also I feel like she needs some D now to relieve some tension with everything hehehe thanks so much 😻😘
Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad that you enjoy it so far! I have every intention of continuing the story! Uh...*Blush* Thank you very much!
Date: 07/24/17 09:55 pm Title: Chapter 15
Great chapter poor Taylor :(
Lots of huggles :3
Can't wait for more. Hope she becomes a badass that's be awesome. She's such a sweety
Author's Response: Awwww thanks! :) I know, I can be a little mean to my MC's from time to time... Huggles back. :3 More will come indeed. No spoilers! And that's what I envisioned when I thought her up!
Date: 06/27/17 04:55 pm Title: Chapter 14
Oh No! I hope that they can get this fixed and makes me wonder just how much trouble Lily has been in the past : ) Love the story, who doesn't love cute fox girls.
Author's Response: The Magi are all VERY experienced. They are also very experienced with Lily before.... ;) I'm so happy, and yes, I agree wholeheartedly!
Date: 05/29/17 03:26 am Title: Chapter 13
Love this story! It would be Interesting to see more talk about Taylor's home world... And perhaps having it have some role in the story? Nonetheless, good chapter, I can't wait to see more
Author's Response: :) Taylor's home world will become the point of discussion later on, I promise! Thank you very much, more is indeed coming!
Date: 05/10/17 06:23 am Title: Chapter 12
Yay! I love your story sooo much. Between the paw-holding and all of the tail-wagging, this story is beyond cute.
You're a wonderful writer, and every new chapter brings a smile to my muzzle. Hearts and hearts and hearts.
Author's Response: *Blush* Oh, thank you very much! Among all the other things I was shooting for, cute was also one that I'm proud of too! This review has brought a smile to my muzzle too! Hugs and hugs and hugs back atcha!
Date: 05/10/17 05:41 am Title: Chapter 12
This is a fun chapter! I like how you include background info mixes in with what's happening. I can't wait for Molly to be introduced, you've made all the characters have good personalities so far.
Author's Response: That's what I was going for! (By which I mean a fun chapter with some background info!) Thank you! I'm sure that you're going to like her as well!
Date: 04/18/17 11:38 pm Title: Chapter 1
I do appreciate your efforts and interactions.
Your character sculpting is worth the time to bring them more to Life.
On a different note,
if you have something you like or tend to repeat,
try to find synonyms or different ways of describing it so as not to be repetitious.
Even Tolkien used "fey" and "fell" quite often in the LOTR series,
Make it into a challenging sort of wordgame-
an opportunity to learn and improve your ability to express yourself.
As for what others think or say-
there is no perfect colour.
One person's pain is another person's pleasure...
One woman's trash is another man's treasure.
You will never satisfy EVERYBODY-
Some people aren't happy unless they're miserable-
which means,of course,that they are never REALLY happy!
Author's Response: I appreciate these wonderful reviews! I agree, and fleshing them out is really fun! I know that I probably use words a little repetitively, but I do try to think of synonyms. Thank you, and everyone else, for such wonderful reviews!
Date: 04/16/17 05:04 am Title: Chapter 11
Think of it this way-
you are bringinging these beings
Many people just create roles of convenience for them to toy with...
especially in this genre
which is already far too often merely erotic or even crudely deviant.
Explore your feelings while helping others to ponder
their own feelings-
ask unanswerable questions
and yearn to express your
Strive for the impossible-
attain for an exquisitely emotional empathy
with your reader.
you are already giving life
to someone who doesn't even exist outside of your life...
this is an impossible
simply share life.
Undertake artistic linguistics...
through a forge that burns with purest fire-
avoid the brute force of a mere blacksmith.
Be a wordsmith!
that's not what most writers do.
those who burn to express themselves seek to do more than merely excite carnal desire
or flatter emotional indulgence.
To paraphrase Michelangelo:
"Every block of stone
has a statue inside of it-
when I saw the angel in the marble I carved
until I set him free.....
that is the duty of the sculptor."
When your Heart feels like stone...
maybe you just need to bring forth
It is within the sculptor’s power to find the perfect
form and features of a goddess
in the shapeless block of marble
and chip off all extraneous matter-
to call forth the Divine Essence to stand for itself.
even in every "accident" of Life,
the poet sees something Divine...
they carefully scale off all which encumbers that Divinity,
that it may be revealed in all of its transcendent splendour!
You are free to write frivolously and then raise&the tempo,tone
even into momentary madness...
that your Creation may LIVE.
As a reference to all this,
Tolkien once wrote of how the dwarves were brought into being in his grand opus,
It was a well-told tale-
well fitted to their gruff exterior
yet revealing their Heart...
seemingly hidden within stone.
Look at up and read it...
even if you have read it before.
~with a d84;a039; of 🔥•
Author's Response: Woah...that...was...awesome!!! And very uplifting, thank you! I have always felt that my characters, in every story that I have written, were, in their own ways, alive. I have every intention to write on, in this life and hopefully the next one too!
Date: 04/15/17 10:52 pm Title: Chapter 11
I like this chapter. It develops each character a little more and gives so info on how the world works around them. I only have 2 problems with the story so far. My first problem is with myself; I can't view the characters as anything else than anime characters. Like they're regular people but with ears and tails. This is my fault only though. The second problem is that I feel, unless this is build up for something, the story is move at a slow-pace. I get that there's TONS of information that you want us to know about, but I like a moving story much like the first 9 chapters. Still even with my complaints, I liked the chapter as a kinda of teaser, given you an idea of what's coming up.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the chapter, and the story! It was only thanks to some friends' help with the finer points of character development that I was able to...well...develop my characters a bit more. Hehehehehehe, Said friends have also critiqued my pacing, and so, please note, that I shall indeed be stepping things up a bit in future chapters.
Date: 04/15/17 10:06 am Title: Chapter 11
Character development moving nicely,I like where you are going! Let's see more school with the learning of magic,and dating. Thank you for your story..
Author's Response: You will indeed see more of school life and such, I promise! Thank you for your review!
Date: 04/09/17 07:32 am Title: Chapter 10
Yes! New chapter! Still an awesome read and can't wait to see more! I can't think of anything that needs to be said, maybe check the spelling of so words, other than that it's awesome and I can't wait for the next chapters.
Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed the newest addition! I shall indeed go over the spelling once more, and the next chapters are already in the works!
Date: 03/19/17 02:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
I guess I'll write this down for the sake of it actually somewhere. I actually had a good think about it with the help of Susy and we both have very similar takes on what is done right and what is done wrong. So I believe that we can probably find similarities between my review and hers. Now let's get started.
Your descriptions are incredible, with immersion that allows us to feel like we're part of the world. Your imagination and concepts are your own and it gives us access to a unique world that none of us can even say we have considered in the past. You gave us a unique engaging story that made everyone want more and many of whom are waiting for me as of this moment.
The world, I mentioned above that it was unique and engaging. But it also deserves a spot of its own. You approach world building in the right way, building it brick by brick. You don't unload unnecessary information, but rather feed it to the readers when they need the information. As such new concepts aren't overloading the thoughts of your reader and their desire to learn more with Taylor drives them to read more.
The characters. This one tends to be a fairly interesting ground. I'll get to that later. But the side characters are some of the best I've ever seen. And I'm talking even amongst those who are professionals. They feel living, active and different to each other. You can write assholes and sweethearts, which tends to be very difficult. One might find themselves leaning to one of the other, which is why you might find some of my worlds filled with... Less than savory individuals.
Now, I need to emphasize that I find it easier to go on for a while about the flaws of something which can make the good seem almost diminish the importance of the good. But I find it hard to appreciate the good over the bad, because when someone does something good, it is just that, it's good and everything you've done is very good. When it comes to the bad, it's so much easier to dismantle the bad than it is the good.
The character. Note the singular use of the word. Taylor is fairly one dimensional as of the time I left this review. When I am asked to explain her, I can only come up with the word "Shy". We know nearly nothing about her. She doesn't even inform the audience of her likes and dislikes bar some of the girlish treatments she receives and the many times he blushes. While the many other characters have been fleshed out, Taylor lacks depth. She seems more like a concept than a person. I imparted that the perspective could change to another character and it would feel more natural. What's more, I actually made a joke that we probably know the mall better than we do Taylor. You have no clue how much more of Taylor I want to see than that god damn mall.
The plot. I know you said it will appear, but watch your word count, man. It's 30k now. It's 30k and there's no plot! The only plot is breasts and this isn't plot. We're not a manga/anime here. I see the word count and then go, "Wait, it's only been 3 days!?". So much has happened in such a short time and not much of it connects itself to the main story's plot. Currently, a lot of the story feels like filler content or a 4-koma comic. Even slice-of-life stories have some sort of plot, which typically comes in self-discovery or romance. The goal of reaching something else like the end of school life. This is a judgment on the information I have available and after speaking to you directly, I have had a glimpse, but a glimpse isn't really going to cut it for people who don't have direct contact with you.
And I believe the last pacing. It tends to involve itself with the plot a lot. But you mentioned that people have informed you that it seems to be going quite fast. I have to say it again here, it's going pretty slow. After reading through all the chapters, I feel like the time that should have passed should be at least equal to a week, but only three days have passed. I'm kinda curious now what will happen if you do have to wait a few days because right now I'm worried that you'll have us wait in real reading time.
Anyway. That's about it. I don't tend to find myself writing reviews because they tend to be overly long. And I definitely won't be commenting on their appearance or the way you describe things. Those tend to be a habit of your writing style. This will eventually become your signature, so if you don't like some of the ways you might describe something or maybe a descriptive word you use often (blush in this case) then it's best to change them now. As for the story. I really like it, but solving the bad when you can will make it something I would more than happily read as the chapters are released.
Author's Response: :) Once more, you have givien me quite a bit to think over, and in some places, some things to re-think entirely. Once more, thank you!
Date: 03/19/17 01:27 pm Title: Chapter 9
That is a very unique story with a lot of potential.
You may consider emphasizing the cartoon/anime aspect a bit more so as to make some of the more difficult things to understand a little easier to accept,
perhaps showing a convergence of magic with imagination,
in a childlike/fairy tale sort of way.
I know you have something of a fetish for blushing-
it can actually be somewhat distracting but hey,
it is YOUR story,right?
It might have been good,though,to describe this as actually affecting the colour of the fur,
not just the skin tone,which would be hard to see,after all.
You kind of insinuated that when you mention Shaun's eye marking turning pink
and you also showed how magic could effect fur colouring in a rather stubborn way-
I would think that showing a convergence of magic and emotion would be a good route to explore.
Like the flash of blue during her meeting with the snow leopards...
This would probably give you a route of exploration to pursue regarding
Taylor's unique circumstances and how form&shape her abilities and her destiny-
perhaps as she becomes more comfortable with her new self&circumstances
her "feminine intuition" begins to blossom and she discovers that this magnifies her
aptitude for magic,especially regarding perception,empathy and insight/foresight.
Many times in the stories of this genre(as well as others)
the hero/heroine has some vague,unexplained superior empowerment that even they don't
it is simply because they have a special object or birthright.
If her abilities and potential become gradually pronounced,
it may gradually begin to dawn on everyone,especially Ben,
that she is a figure that has been foretold of,
yet not as they were expecting her.
The reason I am saying all this is not to write your story for you but rather to encourage you to consider more meaningful character developments and aspects than most people would consider.
do not become predictable!
Don't be spastically random-
just consider more than one option for your story line and pursue the unexpected.
Keep people guessing.
As for Taylor,
it would probably be better even if she doesn't recognize even her role if she end up
hearing of a legendary arrival to come-
instead just feeling somewhat sympathetic but doubtful about what such a one would face...
try to keep your balance between the blending of lighthearted childlike adventure
with momentary seriousness because
the best thing you have going for you is your character development-
Unique story settings often have a hard time trying to maintain momentum
as the novelty wears off.
things will start to get monotonous&repititious and writer's block will usually start to set in...
Reasonable pause for reflection and doubts&uncertainty,
coupled with moods and questions of identity can gradually open up a character.
Just let the character discover themselves and take everyone else along for the ride...
Indecision is quite normal for sentient beings and having the freedom to change your mind is essential to the flexibility that we all need to flourish and grow.
The key to survival is adaptabilty-
not mere brute force or strength.
What good is knowledge without wisdom?
Author's Response: Wow! That is a lot of helpful advice! I certainly will take what you have told me into consideration, and hopefully make my story better in the process! Thank you!
Date: 03/19/17 05:16 am Title: Chapter 1
I'm loving this story! Your writing is very eloquent and you've done a great job of making strong characters with believable dialogue (especially Lily's). Dialogue is hands-down your strongest writing skill, from what I've seen, and you've done a solid job of portraying character emotions while using 3rd person. However, I agree with Azaira that there could be more descriptions of what it feels like to become a fox (how fur feels, snout details, etc).
Zootopia is one of my favorite movies of all time, so I knew I'd like this story when I first read the description. Looking forward to more, and keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! And I understand about adding more details about being a fox, and shall be working on it. I love Zootopia too!
Date: 03/18/17 08:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
I would absolutely love to see more, This story is extremely entertaining... One of the best i've seen on the site! Keep it up! Cant wait for the next chapters!
Author's Response: Wow. *Blush* Thanks! I am very happy to hear that people like my story, and I shall indeed be keeping it up, so you will definitely get to see more!
Date: 03/18/17 06:10 pm Title: Chapter 1
I drop by and there's already six new chapters? Yikes, you're spoiling us.
The goal of good world-building in fiction is to continually make the reader more curious about the world while strategically sating their appetite. So far, you've been doing a pretty good job of that. The weird little mysteries that the native residents take for granted (like that eye-creature in the fish tank) help bring the story to life.
Also, I suspect Taylor is eventually going to run out of convenient interruptions. It will be interesting to see how much longer she can keep her cover story intact, and exactly how the heck she's going to explain herself.
Author's Response: Hehehehehe, they had to be validated. Thank you very much! One of my favorite parts about writing is the world-building aspect! And you're not wrong, Taylor is going to have some explaining to do!
Date: 03/18/17 05:56 am Title: Chapter 8
With this being a different world, there is even more areas you could change here.
Most civilizations work on base 10 numerical systems. But when you get down to implementation technology, they tend to go with 2's. Binary, Octal, Hexadecimal. In an actual technologically advanced society, they would forgo a number system based upon the fingers a person has on their hands. Rather, with a society like yours, where I seriously doubt every species has ten fingers, it wouldn't develop to be 10.
Um, I had one or two other things I wanted to mention as ideas and/or examples, but I forgot... ;;
Anyways, they're basic things that nobody ever thinks about. If you can review what is 'basic' and check whether it might or might not apply to the common sense in your world to find what could be different, then you could easily create an entire new depth to your story that most can't even begin to cover.
Author's Response: Wow! You have given me a LOT to think on Azaira! Thank you! I mean it when I say that I take all constructive criticism into account, as well as advice. Thank you again!
Date: 03/18/17 04:34 am Title: Chapter 5
Story itself is great. Functionality of their bodies and the world could use some slight work.
For example: clothes covering fur would be quite itchy. Of course, this may have some convenient fix in their world. But you need to ask yourself if some of this is even needed. Does she have fox feet, or human feet? Would they be capable of wearing shoes with fox feet? Their bodies are covered in fur, and her breast size might be small, or maybe she has a bust built in a way that doesn't cause discomfort while running, so would she even need a bra?
Another aspect would be 'make-up'.
I can see nail polish. But do anthropomorphic foxes even HAVE lips? Or eyelashes? With your story, you have many unique options available. Instead of going the normal 'human' route, why not make some changes? What about special 'dye' for their fur? Rather than 'lipstick', why couldn't they dye the tips of their ears? Or even entire parts of their bodies? With a white belly and neck, she could probably dye her paws white to a great effect. Maybe add some cute 'stripes' on her cheeks or arms. Does she have a white tip on her tail? What about mixing it up in reverse? Or even adding lightning bolts onto the arms of a delinquent? Hearts and other 'cute' motifs, or something, could be added for girls.
There is SOOOOO much more opportunity and imagination available for this than 'make-up'. They are a different species, with many variations within their own, so why not come up with various ideas to replace the human concepts? (I think nail polish would probably still be a fad)
I believe foxes eat meat and fruit, so there's also this aspect. Does each member of the family have the same type of diet? Can they eat all the same things, or would some be pure herbivores, while others are pure carnivores?
How about clothes? I can believe some clothes would use holes, many of which would use the tails to keep them in place. But what about a slit in the back for convenience? Rather than raising a skirt, it would simply slide to either side of the tail(probably be for longer skirts, however, since they have the length necessary to maintain integrity of this function).
Is her hair, HAIR, or is it longer fur? Is it simply a mane? I believe it would maintain the same color as most of their fur in a society of anthropomorphic peoples, rather than humans with animal parts. Many animals have much finer, denser, and softer fur than humans. Is this maintained in their hair? Or maybe it would be better to have only some areas of the body covered in fur, while others show bare skin?
There are lots of little bits in your story that could be added and/or cleared up with a single line or paragraph, while adding a further degree of depth. Other parts could use a little changing here and there, shifting it to a more animistic variation, giving it a more realistic feel. - Definitely feel the 'body art' dye is a much better alternative to 'make-up'.
Date: 03/18/17 12:15 am Title: Chapter 1
I'm really enjoying this story so far! I like how your character development is coming along, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this story grows. Then again I'm a bit of a sucker for a good magical tale, or tail in this case!
Author's Response: And grow it shall! Thank you for the kind words, and more chapters are going to follow!
Date: 03/17/17 05:44 pm Title: Chapter 3
This story has incredible promise so far. It's already captivating with what I've read.
Am definitely looking forward to see how this story plays out.
However, it seems like your formatting disappeared in the third chapter.
Personally, I tend to skip stories with blocks of text and/or lack paragraphs.
Don't know if there's a way to edit chapters, but hopefully I can read the third chapter properly when the fourth is released.
Author's Response: It makes me very happy to know that you think that my story has a lot of promise! And thanks for pointing out the problem with the formatting in chapter 3. I have made the corrections to chapter 3.
Date: 03/17/17 05:28 am Title: Chapter 3
This story is ridiculously promising.
Your setting is like if Zootopia was an urban fantasy anime...and somehow, you're making it work. I think it's because you have a good sense of how to handle exposition, a fun interplay between the three main characters, and a brisk pace that is neither too fast nor too slow. I'm particularly looking forward to how things go between Taylor and Shaun; Shaun seems like a decent young man...wolf...dude? The image of him accidentally getting his tail wrapped up with Taylor's was freakin' adorable.
One nitpick, though. You have a tendency to use periods improperly at the end of quotes. When the quote comes before a dialogue tag, you're supposed to use commas.
i.e, ["It's okay." Taylor said, also blushing.] should actually be, ["It's okay," Taylor said, also blushing.]
Also, a more general suggestion I have is to use commas more frequently. Without them, sentences can improperly combine clauses and sound awkward.
Phew, now I'll send my grammar Nazi off to grammar Nuremberg. Good start, my man. And I hope to hell you keep writing.
Author's Response: I thank you for the advice! I do not think that you're being a grammar n*** at all, and I found that example to be helpful. I'm glad that you enjoy my story so far, and when the remaining chapters that I have written so far, for this is still an ongoing project of mine, I hope that you shall enjoy them as well.
Date: 03/16/17 04:49 pm Title: Chapter 3
A really good start to a story I think has good potential. I can't wait to see what else you have in store for Taylor. Also, I can't wait to find out what a Voider is.
Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you enjoy my story so far! As for what else happens, you'll see. ;) Thank you for being so welcoming!
Date: 03/16/17 01:20 pm Title: Chapter 3
Dam, that's a lot of blushing.
Despite my personal dislike for anything more animalistic than Felicia (from Darkstalkers), I found I'm actually curious to see where this goes. Maybe being text helps my mind imagine my preference when it comes to these things.
Author's Response: Hehehe, *blush* I'm happy that you like what I've posted so far! More is coming, so hopefully your curiosity will be sated. :)