Date: 04/15/17 09:57 am Title: High School Drug Pusher: A Prologue
Always an interesting psychological ride. I feel like the pregnancy aspect of most of your stories is always very teased, but I'd love to see it explored in more depth - the characters coping with their changing body past the initial phase. Looking forward to the next one.
Date: 04/14/17 09:06 pm Title: High School Drug Pusher: A Prologue
I'm going through my own thing, shifting desires as I get older, so it is a lot harder to really hook me in general. Whereas a couple of years ago there was almost something I liked on this site every day, now I am lucky if it is once a month. It might be partially the stories on the site's fault, but I think it is also my own self, either age or some mental block. Btw, further context since you're curious at this point: I'm 32 years old; for all I know you may be older but feel a lot younger than I do; I also surround myself with a lot of older people, and they certainly complain a lot about their age, so it has an effect on me.
Wow, what a way to start a review.
I'll compare to Girl Unraveled because to me that's the one that I like to come back to. I think you nailed that story particularly in the first 3 or so chapters. I *really* enjoyed it because it was the first time I read a story, not about a guy becoming a girl, but about a girl who had every reason to think she was a boy until recently. Well now that I word it out, I have seen that story line in the past. But I will say that what was really good about it is that it cleanly separated out the homosexual aspects of this fetish by making the story about a girl, so right off the bat I was mentally connecting to her as I would with a girl, not a guy who is not a girl yet, and I thought that was a clever way to distill the best aspects of the fetish (I can't speak for everyone, just for how I come at this fetish).
You also capture innocence well, and this is where I'll make the first mention of this story. This story features a drug dealer, and I appreciate the realistic way you talk about drug dealing, not glorifying it but not making it sound too harsh either. And the way he approaches it, strict rules and a lot of research, taking responsibility (at least initially) for what he's pushing, I can really relate to that. For all I know you may have picked some elements of this story up from Breaking Bad, but I never watched the show so I would appreciate it as though any idea were new. (Also, I imagine Mark is a small fry compared to that show.) I'm about 50/50 convinced that you were a dealer at some point, so that's a big compliment to your writing style. I'm saying it was very authentic, and even living an experience does not mean you can always convincingly put it into words.
But to what I was saying, even this guy who is a drug dealer, so you have to assume he has an unvarnished world view, when it comes to discovering this new aspect of himself, both the desire to see others get transformed, as well as his own inevitable downfall, you do a good job of portraying the novelty of it. For me, TG stuff is all about novelty. Well, really all forms of erotica and porn. I need to be shocked into finding something hot, because I see something I've never seen before. In this story, there were two bits that I really liked, and I wonder if you can guess them before reading further. They are the 3 videos (video #1 for sure), and the diary entry at the beginning of the Video 3 chapter, which has a much different voice than the rest of the story. It reminds me of when I had a conversation with a girl who shared a TG fetish and asked her about the nature of it, and when I used the word "corruption", she was like "yessss".
In real life I am a 100% logical guy. Logical all the time, except for when I escape it in these stories. I'd assume you're the same, because if you're not, you're way too good at writing characters who are. But what's great is breaking through that defense in such a person. It's particularly interesting because they have such strong defenses. There's a code to crack, maybe one that has never been cracked their whole lives, but then just the right trigger gets their eyes to dilate and their cheeks to flush and then the brain is now operating in a completely different mode, one driven by a single purpose: to reach an orgasm. The mind might think it is the same mind, but it's not, its dial is turned to another setting and while the conscious mind is an observer, it largely is taking its orders from a different part of the brain, much like the feeling of nodding off before sleep, but a lot less overt. There is no pleasant way (except the obvious one) out of this mode, and it will nag at you as though you were hungry and haven't eaten all day, until you fill that purpose. That's the deal. You orgasm, you have fulfilled your copulating instinct, you get your logic and rationality back. And we rely heavily in modern society on building big defenses, sort of a kind of "house training", so we only allow ourselves to open up to the possibility of exploring this alternate mode when we're at home, alone or with a loved one, in total privacy.
Your stories do that with your characters. When the story starts, they are one way, been that way their whole lives, it is consistent, reliable, routine and they know how it all works. but now we're joining them just as something is coming in to throw a wrench into things. They will need to discover a new side to themselves, and realize that this new side is way better than anything they had ever seen before, to the point that it can cause the giggles over the absurdity of it. But they have a modesty about it, where they want to keep it secret, thinking they can handle it on their own, that it never has to escape their own knowledge or control. All while the problem gets worse and worse, until it gets better and better.
I am of the opinion that the secret to a great story is a great premise. I've loved plenty of stories with spelling mistakes and mediocre grammar. I always stop to notice when an author appreciates the minds of those who would come to a site like TG storytime, but try to show them a different narrative than they're used to hearing. Maybe not everyone will love it, but others will think it is the greatest thing ever. I can appreciate that about your stories. You don't play it safe. You stand out and it is very rewarding for me as a reader.
This review was a total disaster, perhaps. I hope it holds some value for you, that I just went total stream of consciousness on you. The important thing to know is this: I appreciate the effort it takes to write a story, I love that you wrote this story, and I will always look forward to future stories.
Enjoy your day.
Date: 04/01/17 09:08 pm Title: High School Drug Pusher: A Prologue
You my friend made me start an account on this site, just to review your work. I just had to say you're the biggest tease. This story is so well-written; I wish I could write this well. Chapter 12 video 3 of 3 still kills me. I normally don't get so involved with characters, but if I was Mark
1. Tom's hand would be almost bitten in my haste to get that pill in me
2. Ken would be missing a couple of body parts for the interruption
Needless to say your characters frustrate the hell out of me...Good Job
I will not be checking this site every couple of hours to see if a new chapter is out....I swear
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm guilty of teasing with this story. I probably have more misdirections in this story than any two of my other ones combined. I appreciate the feedback and you won't have to wait long for the rest. I'm finalizing and editing the last couple chapters as we speak.
Date: 04/01/17 07:50 am Title: I Should Know Who I Am By Now: Calling out Winter
You really are a very good writer. Do you write professionally? If not you should consider it.
Author's Response: "Professionally" is a broad term but yes, there are things I get paid to write. Appreciate the kind words and I'm glad you like the story.
Date: 03/19/17 10:23 pm Title: Summer's Final Heat: Zero Cooldown
I really like how you have managed to nestle a love story into this mix of sex and drugs. I really do hope that Mark doesn’t change as well because the position he's in is from a narrative point of view very intriguing.
Author's Response: Thanks! I was worried you wouldn't like this one. (Bad news for Mark I'm afraid however, very unlikely he's going to come out of this unscathed).
Date: 03/13/17 12:27 am Title: Nikki and The New Drug Called 'P': Bitch!
You are very talented at writing. There are some grammatical issues but they are minor. The story seems to mainly revolve around sex, which is a bit of a pity since there is potential for more.
Author's Response: I would like to go through this point by point because you're the type of reader I am looking for. However, I will warn you that this is perhaps not the story you might be looking for. Per the tags, it has "Explicit" and "Sci/Fi" listed, and were I to write more serious stories I probably wouldn't post them on this site. That being said, if "sex" was the main plot device, you'd at least think I could write a shorter story, right? It may be pointed out that I have sexual elements in every chapter, but I also reference drug use in every chapter (which you don't seem to have an issue with.) I'll challenge myself to make the more lude elements more meaningful if you'll challenge yourself to try and read more into the comparison I'm going for, deal?
Date: 03/13/17 12:13 am Title: The Effects of Hormones on a Curious Boy: An Experiment
The rapidness and effects of the female hormones given to Craig seem highly unlikely. Female hormones can (unfortunately) not alter your voice in any way. Other than the inaccurate hormonal effects the story is very good.
Author's Response: While exagerated perhaps, a lot of what I use come from the accounts of people I know who went through it. One might say, for example, that she did believe her voice higher or another that she noticed physical differences after 9-12 months HRT. Is it true? Who knows, but it's enough at least for me to think it could be and what's good enough for my perception is good enough for Mark's (his perception, in the story, is as flawed as any average person's might be.)
Date: 03/12/17 02:06 pm Title: High School Drug Pusher: A Prologue
(Note: this is a review for Chapters 1-5.)
You've created a somewhat unusual main character with Mark. He seems like a generally average but adventuresome straight guy, but his reasoning for taking the P pills at first have to do with his drug dealer code of ethics if you will, not any desire to transform. His changing view on things is making the story very interesting.
I look forward to seeing where this all leads.
Author's Response: Appreciate the feedback and, yes, the moment I thought about Mark and the story's concept I knew I had to write it. Hopefully I can continue to keep his point of view fresh as the chaos around him begins to overwhelm the very rules he had hoped would control it.
Date: 03/06/17 04:14 pm Title: The Trial with an Unsuspecting Subject: Video Evidence
Your writing stands out as having its own flavour. I feel I could choose a story at random and know if you wrote it or not. It's a great flavour btw.
When I come about good writing, as I do with good anything, I can't help but try to reverse engineer it and figure out what it is that appeals to me. I even do it with my own writing: I don't like everything I write, but I do like some of it, and to try to understand what about it I like, that's my path to being more consistent, which I guess is my goal.
The comedic, less sensual way of describing a move you often do in your writing is, first establishing the potential, then the inevitability, then leading along with a series of micro changes, and then BANG someone lost patience and now the transformation is complete. Like fishing. What can I say, it works.
You can go on forever with micro change after micro change, but that's more literature than erotic writing. At the same time a story can just start with a huge change, but then its over before you know it. No, a good shock to your reader goes a long way, but first you have to lull them into a slow rhythm, the way tension builds in a suspenseful movie.
I have much more to absorb from you yet. The closer I get to understanding how to write to my satisfaction, the more I'll be able to share the stuff I write. And in the last year there's almost no authors I enjoy anymore (I wonder if that's just that I'm getting older and less easy to please), but I still really enjoy whenever you post stuff.
Author's Response: That's high praise, surely more than I deserve. With Pusser the story started as a very simple idea, and guiltily I am back to my 'pill' trope (though it fits into the UR21 universe). I've found most readers of the TG genre either like more concrete, realistic situations or quick "poof!" stroke stories. So I'm often afraid my style (which tends to split the two) doesn't have much of a place. I like your fishing analogy however. Indeed, I've teased in this story more than any other I've ever written. This slows down the beginning, but there are a number of "lures" there which should make for a pretty frantic ending.
Date: 02/22/17 01:00 am Title: The Effects of Hormones on a Curious Boy: An Experiment
The character here is wonderful. Too often on the site we see "loner guy," "business executive," "student," "business executive," "profession not mentioned," "business executive." It's very refreshing to see someone break the mold and offer a character archetype with a little depth and potential.
Plus it's hot as hell.
Date: 02/18/17 05:17 pm Title: The Effects of Hormones on a Curious Boy: An Experiment
Yup, you're one skilled author. The physical descriptions, the mental ones too, the gradualism, the reveal, the corruption, all the elements are there. I know to always look forward to any chapter you write.