Date: 08/18/18 09:33 am Title: Prologue
I really enjoyed most of this story.
I usually avoid identity death when possible, but I must have messed up the filters. I was assuming Suki would be spared because I thought I had filtered out identity death in my search, so I was a bit disappointed when I discovered my mistake. I decided to still give it a chance because I was already pretty invested and was enjoying it a lot so far.
I avoid identity death for two main reasons. The first one is that I find off putting, but that's just my personal taste, so not much to argue there. But the second is that I find that after the identity death the story often falls kind of flat. I've found the same problem with many stories involving time travel, it's one of a few plot devices that are rarely executed in a way I can enjoy.
When Eric suffered identity death I didn't have a problem because Rich was carrying the story. The moment Rich died though it threw out of the window all the development of the main character so far. It was back to square one. The fact that it happened towards the end and the story rushed forward didn't help, towards the end I was mostly skimming.
Here's my two cents of more tolerable ways to handle identity death:
- The story ends when the main character dies. There's an epilogue maybe, but that's it. It usually leaves me with a sour taste, but if the story is half as good as this one I'm not even mad.
- Identity death happens early enough in the story that there's time to rebuild things after.
- There's multiple main characters so when one identity dies the others carry the story.
That's of course my very subjective opinion. Like I said I really liked this and other than my gripe with identity death it was good.
Date: 10/22/17 05:57 am Title: Prologue
Emotionally, I agree with those.previous reviewers more articulate than myself.
I think it's just that we aren't used to our titillation stories being tragedies.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review and sorry about the mixed feelings. Just as a word of warning, my other stories tend to have similar endings, in case you ever wander there.
Date: 10/17/17 04:50 am Title: Prologue
I’m torn about this. The chapter where Suki was being put into the chamber actually made me cry. It very much so felt like a beautiful moment where she finally came to realize that she likes being a women. What even drove that home was the thank you statement. I understand that she was still upset about her situation in general, but Marcus should feel worse. The way you wrote this made it seem Marcus was falling in love with her. I thought the story was going to lead us to a place where she would actively choose to stay and be more than a maid for him. He has many positive quirks that are attractive. I can see now this isn’t where the story is going. It’s actually taking a fatalistic approach. I almost feel like we could see a guilt suicide from Marcus too. I respect your creativity and love this story, I just wanted my love fantasies to play put lol.
Also, I hope this didn’t sound negative. That definitely wasn’t the intent.
Author's Response: Oh wow, it looks like people were really mislead by the story. Don't worry about sounding negative. If you didn't like something it's fine to say it. Your concerns sound very similar to those Lady Yuki voiced. I'd suggest reading my response below if you haven't already. Hopefully, that will relieve any concerns that the story was written the way it was because "author says so." Thank you very much for your review. The same offer I extended to Lady Yuki goes for you: If you want to discuss anything about my stories more extensively, where I can respond better, consider shooting me a PM on TFGamesSite or send me an e-mail at email@example.com. Feel free to use a throwaway/secondary e-mail if you do. I understand not everybody wants to associate these niche fetish stories with their main e-mail, obviously.
Date: 10/15/17 07:32 am Title: Day 167
I feel bad saying this, as I love your work, but this latest set of chapters has left me very dissatisfied. The over all quality of this piece hasn't suffered one bit, but I find the direction the characters are headed in very unfortunate.
1. Suki was Suki before she ever entered the chamber. She didn't need to be modified or manipulated so she could care about/want Marcus. That much is obvious from her final request of sex with Marcus and the subsequent flood of emotion she felt afterward. All she needed was help reconciling who she was before and the fact that she is happy with who she has become. Instead she's turned into some fantasy/fetish creature and her whole character just seems to be lost on this new woman who took Suki's place.
2. I had hoped that Marcus would grow some by this point. It's obvious that Suki is happy. It's obvious that she cares for him. It seems that she is everything he could ever want, yet he still felt the need to destroy the woman who had come to genuinely care for him and create his fantasy woman. I realize that Marcus is the type that always gets his way, but I had hope that his time falling for Suki as she transitioned from Rich would change his view.
I've felt for a while that this is the place this piece would end up, I just didn't expect it to feel so wrong. I saw real potential for growth in the characters, but now they just feel hollow. However this is just my opinion and I also have no idea what twists and turns you may have planned for the future so please take my criticism with a grain of salt. Your work is still wonderful, well structured, and immaculately written, and I am still very much looking forward to the next installment.
Until then I remain a fan,
Author's Response: No need to feel bad at all. I agree with many points in your assessment, even if I feel differently about them. To a degree, these things happen the way they do due to the fact that this is a very erotic story, and thus the main focus is titillating the reader, not necessarily stimulating the mind. However, I still uphold that the actions are conforming to the characters. Marcus is very pragmatic, as well as possessive and rather stubborn. I'm afraid the next chapter will only emphasise these "qualities" of his. He goes through with the plan he's made for Suki from the beginning, because that's what he set out to do. Rich, on the other hand, has come to terms that he now has to play the role of Suki, but it can't be comfortable to change who you are in possibly the most radical way there is. Changing your race, changing your gender, changing your personality, all within a mere five to six months. He thinks the Initiation is an easy out to not feel conflicted about what's happened to him. I'll address your two points more specifically. /1. That's exactly right. Suki was Suki before she entered the chamber... for the most part. I'd hoped it was clear from the gloomy tone of her request that she was not overall that happy about everything, but felt rather ambivalent about things. Likewise, those tears after losing her virginity seem to be interpreted by you as simple tears of joy. I understand how you got that impression, given how profusely she thanks Marcus, but I'd argue her weeping stems more from the conflicting feelings during her first sex act as a woman. The pleasure and the love she's shown vs. the forcible act of how she got to that point, and how unnatural this setup is for her, considering who she was just half a year earlier. Making her unequivocally happy and accepting of her situation would be the weirder choice, I feel. You're also right that it's highly immoral that she is just turned into a fantasy of Marcus'. That is part of the point. Marcus certainly doesn't think of himself as evil, but calling him good would probably be the bigger stretch. He makes some justification for being surrounded by attractive maids, mainly that he fulfills their sexual needs and fantasies, and that they come to the manor of their own volition, but ultimately, he is still cultivating a personal harem that moonlights as his primary source of income. 2. A very good observation; Marcus hasn't grown much. Keep in mind that the Initiation was done by Suki's request though. I won't pretend that Marcus wouldn't have pressured her to do it eventually - which is what Suki correctly predicts internally, as she ponders her decision - but I think it's clear that he has his qualms about doing it. He keeps prolonging the procedure, leaves the room, takes care of things upstairs and in the basement, answers questions at length, agrees to take Suki's virginity, then remembers something else he wants to tell her, and has offered her more time to think about it. That's a LOT of delays. He ultimately goes through with it, which emphasises his stubbornness, but I'd hoped it becomes clear that he is somewhat conflicted, too. On top of that, he feels an odd obligation to finish the research of his father, who actually disapproved of taking in Suki. But Marcus has his mind set on perfecting the Initiation./ I want to make a pragmatic meta point as well. I can't tease the Initiation as this mysterious process (and in a way, looming threat) for 120,000 words or so and then make a 180 last minute saying that Suki didn't need it after all and she won't go through with it because she doesn't need to. People would rightly be upset at that dramatic bait and switch. In terms of the future for Maid to Last: There will be more two more chapters, and they will be relatively short. They will not give you what you're looking for (character growth), but instead simply serve to wrap up the story. I will say that I have planned one, possibly two sequels, but there are some big obstacles. I will have a lot of RL work coming my way in the near future, and I have other projects that people expect updates for. Also, writing in one universe for such a long time is kind of stressful. I usually write shorter stories to change things up a bit, and MtL has turned out much longer than I expected. So I don't want to get your hopes up; the sequels may never see the light of day, or when they do, it might be a year from now or even later. But I think your points were very constructive and are things that I planned to address in those sequels, if they ever make it. Thanks a TON for your review! While I'm very grateful for each one, no matter how short, I love the ones that tell me about actual grievances and suggestions people had with and about my stories. For the future, if you want me to respond, it would be great if you shot me an e-mail (can find the address in my author bio) maybe. I can't format these responses, so they show up as a huge wall of text, and I can't edit them either if I forgot something for example. E-mail would allow me to respond a bit better. Also, I'm not sure if I said this already, but don't feel obliged to give me five stars every time. If you had complaints about the story, it's okay to reflect that in the score, or just leave the score out and write me something. Like I said, the opinions are much more valuable to me than the stars above them. Thank you again for sticking with the story and taking it in so intensely. Even though you were disappointed lately, it's very encouraging that you care about the story so much, both positively and negatively. I hope I can make it up at some point in the future.
Date: 09/20/17 01:40 am Title: Prologue
I've never found a story written in the second person that doesn't sound stilted and wooden, but you've managed a miracle with this piece. Your dialogue is incredibly smooth and well-written. I can't wait for the next page!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I actually should have an update up very soon, because I actually drafted some later chapters a while back and thus don't have that much work to do. After that, I'll have to take a break again though and things will slow down a little :)
Date: 09/16/17 04:05 am Title: Prologue
I actually made an account just so I could review this one. This is really one of my most favorite stories on this site. I love the dialogue between the characters, it just feels natural. My only gripe might be how slow the physical transformation of the main character is(although it is starting to pick up more now). I really like the cultural development on the characters, and the variance on how quickly some people change. I can't wait to see the story progress more.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you! My plans for the story actually changed a lot; I didn't think it would turn out half as long as it already did. Like you said though, things are ramping up, and we'll have some pretty major decisions coming up very soon.
Date: 09/15/17 02:56 am Title: Day 104
This story has been a long back-and-forth. Can't really say this is earn your HAPPY ending, but she definitely seems to have dodged the… awful end, I guess?
Author's Response: Well, it hasn't ended yet, but yes, it's not an overly happy story. Sorry if you didn't expect that. Thanks for leaving a review!
Date: 09/13/17 05:47 pm Title: Prologue
I've seen your story before but only recently I came down to read it, I believe firstly because I'm not the biggest fan of the blind submission that often follows maid stories and secondly because I usually don't like the imperative tone sometimes associated with texts in second person, and lastly, I didn't find the first chapter very compelling.
Now, after reading all that's done so far I must say about those things then that I like the justified submission that Suki now presents, and love her contained rebellion. I'm glad that you used second person, it works well on this story and I believe it's one of the few cases of second person done right, and to be honest I'm not sure why, but I believe so. About the first chapter though , I still believe it's not the best it could have been.
That said, I liked almost everything else about your story and it's been one of my favorite updates to look forward on the site recently. Keep 'em coming!
ps. I believe something went wrong with the editing of the italic tags on this last chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you for sticking around long enough to take the story in! The second person style is a decision I've been questioning for a while, and will probably drop for future stories. I'm glad you came out enjoying Maid to Last nonetheless. I'll readily admit I'm not great at introductions, heh. Thanks a lot for reporting the italics issue! I completely forgot checking for it and would've missed it entirely if you hadn't mentioned it.
Date: 09/13/17 07:36 am Title: Prologue
I've seen translations be put in the afterward section in other stories. Possibly a solution.
Author's Response: I've just updated the appendix with a bunch of translations. Writing down translations for Day 104 made me realise that there is an unusually large amount of French in there. Just trying to keep things fresh! If you ever feel communication via reviews gets too awkward, you can message me via PM on tfgamessite.com if you have an account, or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you don't, that's fine by me. Thanks again for the helpful feedback!
Date: 09/13/17 07:06 am Title: Prologue
Thank goodness you've updated. I was starting to wonder how many times I could reread the previous chapters without going crazy from waiting....lol
Once again, I love your work and cannot wait for the next update. One piece constructive criticism would be to include translations (probably in parentheses) of non-english words/phrases that are being seen for the first time. I find myself on Google Translate quite often in recent chapters.
Again, I cannot wait for this to continue.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot once again! You raise a good point about the translations, but I'm worried including translations for words will disrupt the flow of the text. I'd have to think of a good way to implement it. To calm your worries, I don't actually speak Japanese myself, so the non-English words will mostly repeat themselves. On another note, Rich/Suki doesn't understand them either, so think of it as a good way to sympathise with the protagonist ;) I can't promise anything, but I'll think about it. I do have the appendix ready, so maybe I could use hyperlinks for translations, but I don't think that'd work on TG Storytime, only for the download versions.
Date: 05/30/17 05:48 pm Title: Prologue
Love the story. Can't wait for the language changes to start in earnest. This is hitting all my buttons. Hope the next update doesn't take too long!
Author's Response: Thank you kindly! The language change excites me as well, and will be introduced relatively soon. I think this next update should be done quicker than the last one, but I don't want to make any definitive promises.
Date: 05/22/17 06:20 am Title: Prologue
I always find stories written in the 2nd person to be rather hard to connect with. That is not the case with your work however. The story of Suki is so engaging that I don't even notice the (in my opinion generally irritating) writing style. I cannot wait to see what happens as this story unfolds.
Looking forward to the next update,
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, the second person perspective is probably my most controversial choice, and one that I'm internally debating for a while now. It's something that might change in the future, but I couldn't quite decide yet.
Date: 05/18/17 08:13 pm Title: Prologue
I'm baffled as to why this doesn't have more reviews.
It's easy to write a pure porn tg story, but combining hardcore eroticism with genuinely interesting characterization and suspense takes talent.
Welcome back--I was getting worried this wouldn't be continued. I'm eager to find out what happens to Suki next.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! Such high praise means a lot. Hmm, I get a lot of feedback on TFGamesSite, so I suppose that's one reason why there aren't more reviews here. Addressing the protagonist as "you" is also a pretty controversial choice. I've recently been playing with the idea of changing that for my future stories, but haven't quite decided yet. Don't worry, we're fast approaching her new life and an eventual conclusion. It'll still take time, and many more words, but we'll get there.
Date: 02/22/17 07:24 pm Title: Prologue
Very well written! Great weaving of words, and was an absolute pleasure to read through. Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it and can't wait myself to get back to it once I have time.
Date: 02/22/17 12:50 am Title: Day 30
Uhhh... you mentioned an appendix with images? I can't find it.
Author's Response: Yeah, I haven't managed to put that here yet. If you want to see it, go to my profile and download the pdf version, it's already there. It's nothing big, though.
Date: 02/16/17 03:15 pm Title: Prologue
This is a great story so far, can't wait to read the rest! 4 out of 5 stars :p
Author's Response: Thank you! I've got some busy times ahead, but I do plan to earn that "Deviant" rating ;) The juicy bits should start appearing soon in the story, once I have some more time to write.