Date: 01/25/17 04:28 am Title: Dan on the Bus
The bits with the rape are a bit weird, not sure the story needs them. I felt the story over all lacked coherence and looked like a shopping list. None of the characters felt like people, there was very little motivation for anyone. Also buses have drivers. Overall a bit cheap, even for a short story.
Author's Response: 1) What r***? 2) Yes introduce the characters use them and get rid. 3) Most were influenced by magic. 4) The Driver was mentioned many times. 5) It's meant to be cheap