Date: 11/12/17 04:21 am Title: Chapter 12
Wow! Bullets flying out of left field. At first I was feeling somewhat panicked, but then I was dying laughing at the "well this sucks" line. Same sorta feeling with "Where else would I go?" Great job. More is always appreciated!!!
Date: 08/07/17 10:09 pm Title: Chapter 11
This chapter left me absolutely giddy and wanting more, so much more!. I am not sure what it was, the meeting of the two new girls, the unexpected sex scene between Becca and Allison (strange because I'm not usually that interested in sex scenes), How Allison's Empathy ability is being developed. (I"ve always had an interest in Psi),or what; but I absolutely loved this chapter.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
Date: 03/07/17 12:31 am Title: Chapter 8
This was actually a story I really hoped would be continued. Even though the transformation happens fairly quickly, the subtlety with which she adapts to them is compelling. I find myself really wanting to see a love interest develop. I have a suspicion that whether you actually develop one or not, that conflict will keep me hooked until the end.
Note: You only get to keep 4 stars if you finish the story. Otherwise you have to return one.
Date: 02/21/17 09:47 am Title: Chapter 1
My issue with this one is that EVERYONE is understanding all of the time. There are a couple of characters who fal out with Allison, and the weird stalking guy, but other than that, there is very little conflict and almost no tension.
The dialogue is good. You didn't try and come up with a synonym for "said" on every line, and used a few adjectives as you could. So I kept reading and will keep reading.
Date: 12/16/16 02:15 am Title: Chapter 1
Hey all, Sorry about the formatting! It looked like there were spaces between paragraphs on google docs. I guess not! I just went through and tried to add spacing. You apparently can't indent the beginning of paragraphs when cutting and pasting your story. I will try to submit the next few chapters next week and do it as a file so it doesn't go wonky.