Date: 02/04/19 09:31 pm Title: Chapter 33: More Than You'll Ever Know (Part I)
Wow... I finally made it to this chapter. It's so beautiful and sadly Jack is right. She doesn't want him to be a rebound, it needs to be real and pure and she needs to choose it after her head has cleared. Wow it's been a while since you've posted though, are you okay? I'm a bit worried...
Date: 10/29/18 01:05 am Title: Chapter 34: More Than You'll Ever Know (Part II)
Took me a while to add this comment about how you blew my mind by including North Twin Cone in the story. Wow! I know where that is, in fact I visited there for the first time this past summer! A prominent summit if you just pay attention, and not that hard a hike, but so easily overlooked in the Colorado Rockies. So for me, this particular "plot twist" had personal significance.
I like where you are taking the story, hoping you find time for a graceful conclusion before too long.
Date: 10/13/18 07:11 pm Title: Chapter 23: A Win-Win?
OH so she's not bi or pan. THough I kinda wish to know what hte machine would do to your sexuality if you were bi or pan or even asexual. Though she's not 100% right here. Ashley I mean. I've met asexual and aromantic men that would blow her mind xD Still this is really interesting still. Sorry it took so long for me to read it, depression is a helluva jerk.
Date: 10/03/18 01:55 am Title: Chapter 34: More Than You'll Ever Know (Part II)
Great chapters, glad it was Jack in the back yard (as strange as that was) instead of Brad. Naked in a hot tub with your borderline abusive Ex headed your way ... not a good place to be.
Sigh ... strange, I feel both happy and anxious at the same time. Jack and Ashley are talking again, friends again but not "together", so now we wait ... “Not too long, not too long at all,”
Date: 09/30/18 03:51 am Title: Chapter 34: More Than You'll Ever Know (Part II)
You about melted my heart with that one. Ashley has been through so much--she deserves someone like Jack. Here's to hoping we get to witness one more steamy love-making scene between them...
Date: 09/29/18 08:02 pm Title: Chapter 34: More Than You'll Ever Know (Part II)
This chapter brought tears of joy to my eyes ,and so wish my old best friend would come to me like jack did..... But this is what happens in story's but sadly does not happen like that in realty, but one can hope it would someday...Keep up the great writing ;)
Date: 09/29/18 01:14 am Title: Chapter 32: Full Circle (Part II)
😡 fuck brad
:O jack!!!!! BE JACK!!!! FOR FUCKING FUCK!!!!! x.x your killing me here
Author's Response: I'm on team Jack too ;) Rooting for him and Ashley... You'll see who is by the gate in the coming hours, just submitted the new chapters :)
Date: 09/29/18 01:11 am Title: Chapter 32: Full Circle (Part II)
No no no no no, you do not just leave it there.
I hope to God it's not Brad, that would be bad. I also hope it's not Jack, that late (or early?) Would be weird, or ick.
Author's Response: You'll see! Just submitted the new chapters, should be out by later this afternoon! Good explanations are in store if either of them (not saying who) is there. You'll know in the coming hours!
Date: 09/28/18 10:47 pm Title: Chapter 32: Full Circle (Part II)
I really really enjoyed these new chapters but ... oh my goodness, really? you really going to leave us hanging like that? ... when is the next chapter?
Doing my best to wait patiently for the next chapter .... when was that next chapter coming?
Not even going to speculate on who the mysterious shadowed figure is ... I'll just be here waiting for the next chapter... Any update on when the next chapter will be? :)
Author's Response: Coming tomorrow I promise ;) I hate leaving you and everyone in the dark... Especially since I did the same recently with the whole Lisa/ Ben introduction! But, I want this next chapter to be special :) Can't wait to post it tomorrow!
Date: 09/25/18 11:03 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
(My first comment!!) I've been thoroughly enjoying this story for over a year. Though I do have to admit that it feels like a different story now. I saw that in another comment you mentioned that you may rewrite/restructure the story later. That might be a good idea. The first 17 chapters are about boy-turned-girl who falls in love with their best friend during a winter vacation. Chapters 18-present seem to be about a victim of a bad transgender clinic who has to come to terms of her new life. Not that its a bad thing of course, but this does bring up the possibility that this universe you've created with the Transgenic 269 could very well be a series in its own right. After you've wrapped up Ashley's journey, you may want to double back on some other Transgentic 269's stories. There's plenty of stories to tell!
Author's Response: It means a lot that your first comment was on this story, so thank you :) It definitely feels like a different story, I agree. It was a bit intentional, as I felt like many TG stories have similar plots, but then end it after the main journey: the person stays as their new gender (usually) or goes back. I wanted to elaborate on a story that spanned after the initially presented storyline, as this is more closely to how life goes. That being said, I do believe their is a significant difference in the quality of the writing early on as compared to now. This was the result of two factors. One, I so quickly published the initial chapters without editing. And secondly, my background in TG fiction was in short form caps. In the real world, if I write, it is definitely on more academic subjects, and fiction writing had not done by me since high school. So, it took a bit of practice to re-cultivate my writing techniques, and the first chapters are not my best work. I very much agree rewriting/ editing the first seventeen chapters would be best. On a final note, the Transgenic 269 could most definitely be a whole universe. I feel Brad's story, as well as numerous others, could be told in this context. I will definitely follow up on those plots, once I finish a "Winter Trip's Twist" and publish another story or two I have nearly already written. Thank you so much for being a fan :)
Date: 09/25/18 06:57 pm Title: Chapter 30: And the Flowers Fall
Ashley dear, sorry for not commenting in a while, I'm happy you picked up on this story again. I'm enjoy where it's going so far. Wow, just apply a little to much alcohol and viola! Brad shows true colors and becomes an instant arse-hole! Kind of makes me wonder what Brittany was like in reality? Anyway, keep'em comin' Ashley, your doing great! Loving Hugs Talia
Author's Response: Alcohol does reveal a lot about people, with its profound ability to break down inhibitions! Thank you for the encouragement Talia, the story is finally coming (almost) to a close and I am looking forward to publishing the next final chapters. As for Brittany, a spin off story is definitely in the realm of possibilities, set four years prior to all the events. Looking forward to seeing where this story and the possible other one goes :)
Date: 09/25/18 07:06 am Title: Chapter 30: And the Flowers Fall
I'm thoroughly enjoying this story and especially newest chapters! After seeing Brad, someone that she thought had it all figured out break down, maybe Ash will see what her friends and family are telling her... that she has a lot going for her in her current form...
Looking forward to the next chapter :)
Oh, I'm betting that Lisa will be a helpful friend and mail that letter she finds on the bookcase....
Author's Response: She does have a lot going for in her current form! But, I think she wants to keep all her cards open and as a result has instead ended up with a life full of indecisiveness. She definitely needs to appreciate what her family and friends are indirectly indicating to her :) Just published two new chapters, which should be out on the site very shortly this evening! I hope you enjoy
Date: 09/25/18 06:37 am Title: Chapter 30: And the Flowers Fall
Poor ashley I just want to hug her. I hate drunks and I hate abusive people :(
Author's Response: Me too! Sadly is based off a combination of people in my life and situations I have seen. Life gets better though :)
Date: 09/25/18 03:40 am Title: Chapter 30: And the Flowers Fall
Well that seemed long overdue for poor Brad. Hopefully his friends can stop babying him and actually help him either come to terms with it or go back to being a woman. I'm really liking Lisa's development as a real friend, I can't wait to see what happens with her. Perhaps she'll find true love like Ashley and Jack :D Keep up the great work Allison!
Author's Response: I appreciate the very kind words Maria :) I too love Lisa, while I despised Ben... Lisa is a transformed person who gives me a little hope for this world. She took the best qualities of Ben (of which there were few), and let them blossom.
Date: 09/25/18 02:23 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Poor Ashley. Too bad Brad turned out to be an ass.
Like I said before, people tend to say what they mean when they're drunk.
I do hope that Lisa reads the letter, I really like the addition of her character.
Date: 09/24/18 08:58 pm Title: Chapter 30: And the Flowers Fall
Wow! Really great chapter! The character of Brad was handled really well and he has clearly played an important role in Ashley's life. Although I'm glad that it's over.
Hmmm. Leaving that note on the bookshelf, though... right where Lisa might stumble across it.
Author's Response: Thank you ImaginaryGuest! Brad is truly a combination of people in my own life. He is clearly very dedicated and persistent regarding what he wants and he tries to put up a strong face. Beneath that is a much more complicated picture. He truly believes that acting one way will make it so, even when that one path may not be best for him or the others around him. On another level, he has a tendency to use people for his goals, even when there is the possibility they may be harmed in the process. It is a chance he is willing to take! I am sure we all know a "Brad" in our lives! As for your second topic, just wait and see what happens ;)
Date: 09/24/18 04:33 am Title: Chapter 29: Prayascitta
When you said "I promise her friend group will return" I was not ready for a gender morphed Ben to show up outside Ashley's door. Luckily Ash believed the ID picture and Ben/Lisa didn't have to resort to dropping her skirt to show Paul's signature branded on her butt as proof :)
Starting to see some leaks in the perfect impenetrable wall that Ashley has built around herself ... too many compartments fail and the ship goes down, how will Ashley deal with that?
I cant wait to see where where this goes!
Author's Response: Haha, if you read the new chapter I actually did mention that high jinks, thought it would be pertinent to the situation and had already wrote it before you comment ;) Very interesting maturation that Ashley undergoing right now!
Date: 09/24/18 04:14 am Title: Chapter 29: Prayascitta
I'm extremely happy with this chapter. Brad seemed very caring about ashley not walking to work and making sure she was safe. And I'm glad she forgave lisa and is helping her out and didn't kick her out on the street. I've had the closest of friends just drop me like a sack of rocks whenever I hit rock bottom and really needed help. I absolutely loved this chapter. And how close ashley and lisa are being. I would type more but I'm half asleep and don't wanna spew gibberish
Author's Response: Hold onto your bootstraps Grabber_blue_5oh ;)
Date: 09/23/18 11:46 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Following up on your comment about an alternate ending, I had actually thought about something similar in the very early brainstorming stages of "A Simple Favor." Namely, after a romantic getaway in a lovely vacation destination, the main character has to change back into a guy and cut off the relationship that he had developed with his best friend. However, then the best friend turns around and changes his sex, becoming the main character's new girlfriend, so they can continue their romance in that way.
I'm all for Jack changing into a girl just to restore their friendship, but I'm also a huge Jack x Ashley shipper haha.
Author's Response: Haha, that was what was exactly as a possible plot point. Would have worked out very nicely in "A Simple Favor", as well as a "Winter Trip's Twist" (obviously that is not going to be the real reason. I guess the cat is out of the bag as to the complete plot of the alternative timeline I will write after the epilogue of the main story; maybe with some twists on it ;) As a side note, I too am a Jack and Ashley fan! Way more healthier of a relationship
Date: 09/23/18 11:20 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Hummmmmmm... I don’t like Brad.
He seems exactly the kind of man I feel uneasy about. Somehow his interactions with Ash are too stereotypical of how a man should treat a woman, and how manliness is awesome.
Date: 09/23/18 10:53 pm Title: Chapter 29: Prayascitta
I still don't like Brad, though, but I think Ashley is starting to find the people who are a good influence on her.
Author's Response: Ashley is definitely developing the healthier support network she needs to get by!
Date: 09/23/18 09:21 pm Title: Chapter 28: The Pieces Stitching Together
You've taken this story WAY, WAY beyond where I thought you'd end it... Bravo! Continues to be well-written, and many surprising plot twists. The "Transgenic 269" is an awkward label, I wonder if it would be used in real life, but all the rest -- sure -- can you imagine the clickbait websites and the tabloids if this happened? I'm glad you're continuing Ashley's story so far past the original ski trip.
Author's Response: Thank you so much Day Dreamer! :) I originally planned for it to extend past the Winter's Trip, but I didn't think it would get this far (though it is slowly wrapping up). And I totally agree, "The Transgenic 269" is a somewhat awkward title for the group. But, I thought of newscasters saying it. They would need a quick moniker to refer to the people trapped without having to explain it over and over again, and there are many disaster tropes that are now normal but back in the day did have some level of awkwardness to them: e.g. the grass knoll, Pearl Harbor, D Day, 9/11, the Iranian Hostage Crisis (which weirdly the Transgenic 269 was based kinda on). But that being said, I totally, totally get where you are coming from! And as for your question, dear god I can only imagine. There would be lifetime movies, testimonials in tabloids, books, jokes on late night comedy, SNL skits, and tons of press events about it. It would be the talk of the nation and people would be glued to their seat!
Date: 09/22/18 04:46 pm Title: Chapter 28: The Pieces Stitching Together
Perhaps Jack is our mysterious visitor - maybe he decided the only way to reconnect was rebalance the gender equation between them?
Author's Response: Didn't want to respond until I released the next chapter ;) The idea soooo floated through my mind! I would have loved to tell that tale. Seeing you write this comment, I might be inspired to write an 'alternative timeline' chapter where Jack is the mysterious visitor (a girl). Of course, I will do this when I am finished with the epilogue. Any thoughts on this? :)
Date: 09/22/18 04:37 pm Title: Chapter 28: The Pieces Stitching Together
Mmmm not liking brad. Got something he wanted instead of getting what ashley asked for after he asked her what she wanted. :(
But hmm who is this
Author's Response: Brad seems well on the outside... This chapter, plus the coming more reveals a multi-layered story! Can't wait to hear what you think of Chapter 29 that just came out!
Date: 09/22/18 12:07 am Title: Chapter 28: The Pieces Stitching Together
Oooh he's so controlling. Brad's really not dealing with his change as well as he'd thought, or perhaps too well. I hope Ashley is able to escape the ocean of toxic masculinity before it drowns her. It's unfortunate her sisters don't see how terrible he is, but friends for years kind of acts of as a blinder.
Author's Response: Very good observations, pretty much right on for the money! Friendship can be a total blinder, and obviously her sister's are close to Brad (formerly Brittany). Brad does have a lot of issues, and stereotypically like some guys... He can act like he has it all together, when he doesn't. Just wait for the coming chapters!
Date: 09/21/18 09:08 pm Title: Chapter 28: The Pieces Stitching Together
Dang what a chapter! This one definitely hit home some feelings for me that Brad and Ashley aren't exactly right for each other, but he does seem to be what she needs right now.
I'm guessing that the mystery visitor is Ben, but I suppose we'll see. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: You totally guessed it ;) I had already written the chapter when I saw your comment. I was like... Was it that obviously haha? I hoped I could be a little more sneaky, but maybe I was wrong :) Good job on figuring out who!
Date: 09/21/18 01:40 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
ImaginaryGuest - You gotta put "Spoiler Alert" in front of that ... argh, now you have my mind spinning back to the possibility of Jack and Ashley together again. I agree with your sentiment (Yes Please!)
Date: 09/20/18 04:26 am Title: Chapter 27: Birds of a Feather Flock Together?
I fell in love with this story a year ago, checking hourly, then daily for new chapters... finally i would just be like..." I remember that great story ... something about winter... let me search that... ugh, still no new chapters" So you can imagine my joy when I rediscovered your story last month.
I feel so invested in the story now I must ask, what happened to all of Ashley's close childhood friends? I know we hear a little about Dan, Kate, Olivia and Carson from Erika in Chapter 20 (My favorite chapter so far by the way), but do her friends really just stop trying to contact her because she is not responding? Maybe even make an unannounced visit to her work or her parents house? Wouldn't they try again after they hear from Ericka that Ashley is still around? (of course I'm assuming that Erika ignores Ashley and spills the beans, who was she was texting during her visit with Ash... hmmm)
Let's not forget Jack, his (now her) best friend since childhood, who he loved like a brother. How could Jack just give up on his best friend that he shared so much with both as a guy and then as a girl. I know Ashley's mom had some sort of intervention here but then there was the hardware store meeting with Ash's dad... anyway, I'm starting to wonder if Jack is not as good a guy as I thought...
Please don't take my musings as criticism, just the ramblings of a fan who truly admires your work. Finally, I've been reading and re-reading the published chapters as I anxiously wait for for you to continue telling your story of growing up, self discovery, finding happiness and hopefully love.
Author's Response: Hi Monkeyboy! Your musings are not at all criticisms... They are real questions that need to be answered! And, I like them. I will start off by saying that clearly Ashley has built a fortified wall around her, and nothing can penetrate through. She has blocked numbers, moved out of her parent's house into an apartment, and refused contact with anyone (sans a month of texting Jack initially after the Winter Trip, and running into Erica). Going AWOL does send emotional reverberations to those around you and they react accordingly. And on a practical note, large friend groups do have a fluid nature, with members being more active or more recluse and fluctuating between the two as time moves on. But many questions are unanswered related to them: Do they even know she is still Ashley? What do they think of her? Why haven't they tried to reach out further (they did text for a while, and Carson did send a wedding invitation in the mail)? Honestly, we don't know, which you pointed out, because they aren't a part of her story at this point in time. But, I promise, her friend group will return. As for Jack, and I believe I just wrote this in another response to a review, we truly don't know his motivations or whether he is a good or bad guy. We just know what happened in Steamboat Springs, his absence (clearly influenced by what Ashley's Mom told to his Mom), and the emotions and words Ashley feels about him. Maybe the old adage is true, that you should let someone go if you love them enough. But, maybe it isn't. We will see very shortly here in a few more Chapters. On a different note, I too get giddy publishing the chapters of this story. I spent a lot of time this past year looking absentmindedly of this site just kinda sullen that I writer's block (and other things going on as well). It is thrilling getting back to it! Sorry for the long post, can't wait how you interpret the new developments occurring next which are essential to the ending :)
Date: 09/20/18 03:21 am Title: Chapter 27: Birds of a Feather Flock Together?
I read this too quickly the first time through, basically scanning for the physical details I enjoy. This story has plenty of that: Ashley’s frequent references to her new anatomy and physique, and how that impacts everyday situations. But I skimmed right past the subtle and eminently believable inner monologue that reveals Ashley’s emotions.
The author understands that we rarely think “I like this boy” and then kiss him. Rather, one thing leads to another, we kiss, and we agonize later over what it meant. We constantly second-guess ourselves, question or rationalize our decisions. Ashley feels female, even identifies as such, from almost the moment she switched, but what that means evolves over time. At first it’s just physical, but as she falls for Jack she finds herself exploring her new self emotionally and culturally as well—through clothes, makeup, flirting, and ultimately, falling for a man.
This tale is like a transgender Brokeback Mountain. In fact I’m surprised this never came up in earlier reviews. In both, a magical stay in a remote location leads a person to discover a new side to their sexuality, and to fall head-over-heels in love. But the real world is waiting back home. Only with the passage of time can they learn what the experience really meant.
Something in Ashley’s personality before the switch must have led her to get so swept up in her femininity and in Jack, not unlike Ennis (Heath Ledger) in the movie. To someone else, Dan for example, curiosity might lead to sexual experimentation, but not to the intense feelings Ashley develops for her friend. But that doesn’t mean she’s not regretful, heartbroken, depressed, and overall confused afterwards. It seems perfectly natural to me that she’d experiment with another girl—and no less natural to realize, to her surprise, that she didn’t much like it. In short, “Part II” of the story makes Ashley and her journey all the more real.
Jack’s personality and motives are less clear at this point. At the cabin he seemed less conflicted than Ashley, not just physically but emotionally too, and it’s unclear why. (Her looking like a girl doesn’t full explain it.) Perhaps more will be revealed later on.
Author's Response: I am completely flattered brucejedi, and your comment made my week. I obviously am on the same page with you, realizing essential one's truths come through experimentation and discovery. Maturation and self-realization is never known to be a one event process, and Ashley's story reflects that. She needs to place herself in situations to reveal what she likes and doesn't like. This is a journey for her that has many amusing experiences and depictions; I too often scroll through this site looking for exactly what you do, that is one of the reasons I put them in here! But, they also set the tone for the environment of not just her outside metamorphosis, but her internal change. And hank you for pointing a thought that occurred to me about a year ago... This story is a lot like Brokeback Mountain! I swear it wasn't intentional (I haven't seen the movie, but I know the plot), yet that is how it is coming out to be. Maybe it is a common allegory to many different aspects of our lives, even outside of the LGBT culture? Just a thought to ponder. As for Jack, I have intentionally left Jack's motivations and thought process be muted through the story. When the plot begins, Ashley is like many of us at that age, on the cusp of adulthood but unknowingly self-centered in the sense she can't see the bigger picture. In her journey, she isolates herself from Jack, and clearly we can't know what Jack feels because he is, for all intensive purposes, and outsider to her life. By this stage, she is distinctly more awoken to what is happening around her and her place. We will know exactly Jack's perspective by the end of the story :) On another note, sorry for the long block of post, apparently I can't make separate paragraphs in the 'Author's Response' section on this site.
Date: 09/19/18 02:21 am Title: Chapter 27: Birds of a Feather Flock Together?
When you first mentioned Brad earlier on, I knew you'd find a way to get these two together. Maybe Brad will make her forget Jack and learn to love being a girl.
Author's Response: Not giving anything away. But like I said in an earlier reply to a comment, Brad is definitely an essential component to propel the conclusion of A Winter Trip's Twist :)
Date: 09/19/18 02:07 am Title: Chapter 27: Birds of a Feather Flock Together?
Oh, the. Possibilities... I do like the turn of events.
Author's Response: I like the turn of events too :) It only seems natural that there are other people out there in the Transgenic 269 disaster? It also is totally logical that one would know other people who have gender morphed permanently on their own accord, right? The disaster Ashley went through is beyond just her, and there are exciting elements of the story to pursue in relation to other people. As a side note, the possibilities are out there for a spin off story with characters connected directly or indirectly with plot. Super exciting!
Date: 09/18/18 11:50 pm Title: Chapter 27: Birds of a Feather Flock Together?
Two chapters of a Winter Trip's Twist in the space of a week? What have we done do deserve this blessing?
I can't help but feel that, in spite of their shared experiences, Ashley and Brad aren't really right for each other, but that may just be because a few things about Brad set off warning sirens in my own head.
Author's Response: To deserve this blessing? Have just been very motivated to tell her story, with such great fans like you! I don't want to give much away at this point in time, but I will say that Brad is a crucial part of what ends a Winter Trip's Twist. Wait and see, the conclusions are developing right now, as slowly as they come with my style of story telling!
Date: 09/18/18 01:26 am Title: Chapter 26: A Little Black Dress
Hey, im still following!
I'm so glad you added some more work drama, i wonder how this will change things professionally for Ashley.
And did i mention i love chapters that involve the three sisters. Who'd have known Ashley can hold so many drinks.
Author's Response: Can't wait for you to see where this goes... Ashley's support network is real, and she had accepted them :) Pretty awesome to have her be one of the sisters
Date: 09/17/18 09:19 pm Title: Chapter 26: A Little Black Dress
I am not an editor, nor have I ever aspired to be one, so I can't give you much that will be of any practical use.
That said, I know what I like... and I really like this story. It's one of a handful I've ever felt the need to check daily for new chapters. Thank you so much for sharing!
Author's Response: Oh, I love your comment Bmyself! More chapters are coming, I have written three more as of right now but I just need to proofread them. I get excited publishing them on this site! :) Can't wait for you to read more of the story and see how it ends.
Date: 09/17/18 01:17 pm Title: Chapter 26: A Little Black Dress
I’m starting to notice the attitude change.
Author's Response: Love that you picked up on that Evenrude. You will see even more of Ashley's attitude change in the coming chapters (which I already wrote, just need to edit them). Good things are ahead in the long term :)
Date: 09/16/18 11:39 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Ah, it seems it took a little alchohol to get the car going, now that it's going, I fear it will stall in the morning when she wakes up.
Funny thing, though, you always tell the truth when you drop your inhibitions, and she did it with her sisters, they won't let her forget it.
Author's Response: So many times, I too have told a truth when I dropped my inhibitions... Those are the moments that can change your life, when you reveal a bit of yourself you have kept hidden. Her sisters will definitely not forget. The car is indeed revving up for Ashley, but the road ahead is most certainly winding! I promise though, she won't stall completely, but may end up in places she wasn't expecting :) Thanks for being a fan Amanda Lynn!
Date: 09/11/18 08:10 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
One of the most intriguing fiction stories I’ve ever read.
I have always liked stories that involve the subject of gender differences and this one is a great combination of “modern”” technology and personal experience, mixed with human interaction and illegal activity.
You might consider polishing this up a little and working it into novel. It is begging to become an R rated screenplay.
Keep it up. Lots of readers are chewing their nails waiting for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you so much evenrude! Yes, I do plan on going back and editing/ revising every chapter when this is all done. I know I definitely rushed publishing some chapters, because I was so excited to share it! And, I completely agree, this would be a great story to revise into a novel... Or an R rated screenplay ;) I strived to make this story realistic and believable, and not a 'cookie cutter' TG story. Ashley has quirks, faults, uncertainties, and events which are out of control in a world where she interacts with others who have equivalent idiosyncrasies in their own lives. This is very much the story of me, you, and all of us in the setting of a world with technology many of us hope would exist. Anyways, enough with the pontificating on my part! I truly appreciate you being a fan, and a new chapter is coming very soon (have been busy work wise)... And there is a very clear direction and momentum in this story, even if there are more bumps in Ashley's path.
Date: 09/10/18 11:01 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
If imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, then I've already given this story five stars. For the sake of formality, I will say that I love this story. I love the themes involved and the way that you tell it. I love that things aren't coming easy to Ashley, but I hope that she finds happiness. The events of chapter 25 reflect a situation that I'm in right now where I'm out of touch with a former partner, so thank you for that.
Author's Response: Thank you ImaginaryGuest!!! I am a very big fan of your latest work, so the admiration is mutual. The events of Ashley's life are adapted, I have came to realize, from situations I too have experienced. It is very hard to watch that those you love 'move on' with their lives, or think that thought, especially when you realize you haven't. I didn't want to gloss over Ashley's journey and make a story where she becomes a girl, loves it, and that is that. I don't feel our own lives play out that way, and it wouldn't do her justice to give her a idealistic story. So, I very much appreciate you "love that things aren't coming easy to Ashley", that makes me very, very happy :)
Date: 09/07/18 11:53 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
I feel the need to address this issue further. The story has gone on hiatus twice, which is fine but it feels like it has lingered on for too long considering how it is written. Few stories start with introducing a whole other cast midway in.
You do make grammatical mistakes in most chapters, usually it is repeating words or forgetting one word. There are also inconsistencies considering the whole struggle with her sexuality Ash has in the recent chapters. In earlier chapters it was spelled out very clearly how the procedure worked and how one's sexuality would do a 180, Ash also admitted this much in a few places, so to repeat this feels unneeded.
Do not get me wrong, up to a certain point this story was stellar but as I said in a previous post, it has become dragged out. The whole thing will end up being over 100k words, which is a bit too long. My suggestion would be to cut some parts once you are finished if you want to publish it, because it certainly is good enough for that.
Author's Response: I appreciate your honest reviews 930310, and I want to respond fairly to a couple of your points. I agree that 'few stories start with introducing a whole other cast midway in', especially in the TG body of works. But, this phenomena is what I believe limits our genre, and isn't reflected in the great works outside of our interest. Books like Siddhartha, the Odyssey, the Grapes of Wrath, etc are not limited to the cast supplied in the first initial chapters. Instead, they revolve around central figures (i.e. Ashley and Jack) and themes (e.g. denial, the path to self-realization & happiness, resilience, the passage of time, introspection into relationships, etc.) which are carried through the novel. Now, I am not capable of making a great work of art like what I listed above, but I am trying to aspire to something bigger than what many stories in our genre do. Given that, if 100,000 words are insufficient to tell the tale, so be it. It is a price I am willing to write. This story has intricacies that I find very intriguing As for her ignoring the fact that she is straight despite people telling her 'gendermorphing can change your orientation', I intentionally mentioned it multiple times throughout the piece to highlight her character traits; she possesses a tendency to deny the obvious. Why do people smoke despite clear evidence it is bad for you? Why do we engorge ourselves around the holidays and then one day look in the mirror realize 'damn I am now fat'? Perhaps most relevant, why do some gay people (of which I know a few with this story) have to date in a straight world to realize their true sexuality? Self-denial is a very powerful basic human tendency which Ashley possesses. One may intrinsically know something, but they may not fully process it; especially when that facet of themselves (their orientation) has been influenced by years and years of drilled in social norms and self-expectations. I hope this illuminates why we repeatedly have very differing opinions about my story and the direction I am taking it.
Date: 09/06/18 03:47 am Title: Chapter 25: If You Read This I Just Want to Let You Know...
I am really enjoying this story more and more.
Ashley has to make a decision, keep waiting, possibly forever, to be turned back to make or just accept being female and get along with life. She is stuck in neutral with the clutch depressed. She needs to put it in gear and see what this baby can do!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Amanda! :) So true, Ashley has decisive decisions and potential turning points in her life, but like many people she has the tendency to ignore and delay these junctions. Events nudge her in the right direction, and eventually hopefully she can show some self-initiative to live her life to the fullest. Love you analogies!
Date: 09/03/18 09:03 am Title: Chapter 20: Revelations in Conversation
I just finished reading this story uptodate last night.
At first i was like oh great the storys ruined when i read that you where doing a 7 month time skip, but it turned out i love the idea of the '296'.
But the reason im commenting on this chapter is because its kept with me all day, i keep finding myself thinking about it. It was just perfect.
Hopefully we see more social Ashley, oh and more chapters!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Renee! I really wanted to explore that concept, a gendermorphing clinic being shutdown for safety violations, as it seemed a probable occurrence if they existed. That plot twist was in the original story plan, and I am sooooo excited to finally write it. This is truly a story about how Ashley deals with change with regards to her own idiosyncrasies, and I love seeing Ashley grow in the chapter. Thanks again for your enthusiasm and more chapters are on there way :)
Date: 08/30/18 03:51 am Title: Chapter 23: A Win-Win?
Awwww no more sexy bi scenes. So heart breaking :(
Can't wait for more
Author's Response: Don't worry Grabber_blue_5oh, I can guarantee there will be many, many scenes that are right up your alley coming up soon :) Maybe just not up Molly's alley for Ashley lmfao
Date: 08/30/18 03:05 am Title: Chapter 23: A Win-Win?
This story was one of my favourites across the site, but I must agree with the other reviewer that the quality of the narrative has taken an unexpected turn. Whereas your writing feels cleaner and better, since they returned from the cabin the story feels like a mess. Many things don't make sense, and worse of them all is the MC not realizating she was always straight. Geez, it's not like women need to experiment to know if they like girls or not. You're telling us than in more than half a year she never realized she was no longer attracted by girls? Right.
I guess you as the author have an idea where you want to take your story, and that's fine. So just don't mind me. But me, as a reader and unaware of your intentions, the story is becoming more complicated without good reasons, and in turn more and more unappealing.
Author's Response: Thank you Akabana for the constructive criticism and feedback! I really appreciate it and I can see where you are coming from. To address some of your concerns, I can understand your perspective that women donít need to experiment to know if they like girls or not. At the same time, Ashley still has lingering notions in her head that she is her male self.. Despite every steamy thing that happened with Jack at the cabin, there is self denial between what her mindís reality is vs what she believes it to be. There is a deeply ingrained notion in American male culture as a guy that you are obsessed and love women. Add to this, she still operates under the assumption she will change back. Throwing away decades of male social norms and expectations is not going to happen in a week or even a month. Additionally, it takes years for some people (gay or straight) to discover their true sexuality, and they have many uncomfortable encounters along the way. Ashley is still metaphorically growing up from a girl into a woman, except in an adult body with adult situations. Her encounter with Molly was an explicit mini-story in her journey of self discovery; just like our own misadventures becoming the gendered adult we are. Couple all this with a severe baseline masked depression that has tanked her libido and the fact her new body is female. Girls donít feel the about sex in the same persistent way that guys do, and in my observation most women arenít obsessed with sex unless in the right situation; Iíve had many ex-girlfriends express to me they can go months without mastrubating and donít fantastize about what is in guys pants or even think about their attractiveness often. Ashley clearly had an immensely gratifying time with Jack, but in the seven months following the right situation hasnít presented itself. More a girl than she thinks, Ashley has transformed from a driven initiator (as a male) to a passive and selective recipient of sexual interactions. She hasnít confronted her own sexuality in the same way that she did as a male. I believe this makes seven months passing, even despite her liason with Jack, very plausible to realize her true orientation. I appreciate your other concerns. As for the the direction of where the story is going, I just wasnít satisfied ending it after the cabin. I find many completed plots in our genre unfulfilling, because they demonstrate a true lack of the complexity that is real life. Like, people donít change genders and then accept their condition in a matter of weeks or months (I have even read stories where it is days). Hell, most typical romance novels are hundreds of pages. I feel Ashley, and the rest of the characters, have particular quirks that need to be explored accordingly. I completely understand though that the story has taken a different direction than at the cabin, and I appreciate that sentiment. I know exactly at this point where the story is going as I have a firm outline. We have around 8 chapters left which span across the next several months. I am looking forward to hearing what you think Akabana and I immensely value your opinion :) Thanks again for the feedback and sorry for the super, super, super long response! :)
Date: 08/30/18 01:57 am Title: Chapter 23: A Win-Win?
Try not to take the really negative reviews to heart. I think she is like this to everyone. It's not helpful and really demoralising isn't it. Anyway other than some editing the story seems to flow quite well. Keep working on it, you got this.
Author's Response: Very much agree, about not being helpful and is quite demoralizing. I took a year long hiatus writing this story, and honestly it was a major factor influencing it. There is constructive criticism and then there is unrealistic expectations that only fit the singular reader and not the authorís needs. My motivation and drive was severely diminished reading the reviews that no matter what I did, I did something wrong. I do recognize now that she is like it to everyone, and many other authorís have responded to her in much the same way. When I canít connect with a story at all, I stop reading, but I respect the authorís vision; but that is my personal approach. I am definitely going to take your advice, and keep on persevering. I have an outline of exactly where the story is heading and itís conclusion; we have around 8 chapters to go. I really appreciate your feedback and one of these weekends I am going to go back and do some touch up editing :)
Date: 08/29/18 06:17 pm Title: Chapter 22: Northern Lights (Act II)
Please keep up the great writing & work ,as I am so loving this story : )
Author's Response: Thank you so much oneanonly_kittykat! :) Glad you are loving it and it is reviews like this that motivate me to keep on writing to finish the (long and tortuous) story!
Date: 08/29/18 07:33 am Title: Chapter 22: Northern Lights (Act II)
This lesbian sex scene really has no purpose whatsoever in the story other than eroticism. It comes out of nowhere and a lot of detail is skipped.
I seriously doubt being high like she is would make her this compliant to do this.
I can honestly say that I feel that the quality has dropped significantly since they left the cabin and now the story is unfocused.
I think that I'll wait until the story is completed before finishing reading it.
Author's Response: I appreciate your criticism of the story, but I find it unfounded, This scene is pretty crucial to Ashley's development and yes it centered around eroticism; look what site you are reading this on, I am proud of that. I think you seriously underestimate what people will do when they don't fully recognize truths about themselves (which is changing), are drunk & high, and are in vulnerable situations (emotionally distraught over that revelation). Sorry to burst your bubble, but this story has more focus and aim than it ever had. Don't expect the quality to change or improve either, because clearly some of my most dedicated writing is not up to your expectations. Also, the story is not ending anytime soon. I have clarity in my vision for where this goes, and there is still a lot to be said. After reading the sum total of your reviews, I would recommend reading another story, because clearly I am not living up to your expectations and never have.
Date: 08/29/18 07:03 am Title: Chapter 21: Northern Lights (Act I)
Ok... Is Ashley no longer heterosexual? There's some editing that you need to do here. Some words are repeated in some places.
Author's Response: The question should be answered here pretty soon! Thanks for the heads up. I will take a look when I have some free time to see how I can improve it!
Date: 08/29/18 01:55 am Title: Chapter 21: Northern Lights (Act I)
What's more awkward Ashley (The Character)? Going to work and seeing an angry coworker or going to work and seeing a coworker you kissed/had sex with that you don't actually feel anything for? Unfortunately, reality has rudely awakened her and she's doing some stupid, self destructive shit in response. But there is hope, and I look forward to reading it soon Ashley (The Author)!
Date: 08/28/18 07:07 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Ashley has to figure out that she really prefers things this way.
She found out she can still have a relationship with her dad, her relationship with her mom and sisters is better than ever, work is going exceptionally better and let's face it, she's happier.
She needs to get back with her friends, Jack and his girlfriend are not long term, Jack's in love with someone else. This girl is a rebound.
Date: 08/28/18 06:32 pm Title: Chapter 20: Revelations in Conversation
Poor Ashley... ugh that therapist was a crock. Ashley you kept lying to yourself, you never wanted to go back, you can say you did but you didn't and you know it. I suppose it's not the therapist fault, they were just trying to give her the best course to getting back but there is no getting back because that's not what she wants. I'm sad now though because Jack is no longer an option, but i hope she finds peace maybe in a nice girlfriend but I'm not so sure that's possible for her anymore.
Author's Response: Don't worry, Jack is most certainly an option. I feel her therapist has her best interests at heart, but her therapist doesn't live Ashley's life either. The therapist gives advice from an outside perspective to help Ashley get resilience to survive and attain her most public (though completely not what we want) goal; to get back to being a guy. That is it. The therapist sees her as one of the Transgenic 269, who by all logic should want to return. We all know it is more complicated than that, and Ashley's true keys to happiness is ultimately what will be discovered in this story.
Date: 08/28/18 05:36 pm Title: Chapter 20: Revelations in Conversation
I feel so sad for Ashley and Jack! I hope there's still hope for them... This is a very powerful and poignant story, Ashley.
Author's Response: There is still hope for them, a lot in fact. This draws on a lot of my life's own personal romances, I have come to realize, and sets it in Ashley and Jack's universe. Thank you for the compliment Kathryn :)
Date: 08/28/18 01:44 pm Title: Chapter 19: Sisterly Love
I am so loving this story and can not wait for more , hope I don't have to wait to long ; )
Author's Response: You won't have to wait for more of the story too much long... Already submitted a new chapter which should be out in the next few hours. I hope you enjoy it oneanonly_kittykat :)
Date: 08/27/18 09:29 pm Title: Chapter 19: Sisterly Love
Awwwwwwe! Sisterly love! I love my online sister too and cant wait to do fun girl's nights with her! And that voice... is it... OMG!!!!
Author's Response: Such a mysterious hehe. Don't worry, you will know who the voice is here really, really soon! I am the exact same, I kinda love how Ashley is connecting with her sisters :) Totally fun girl's night would be great, count me in!
Date: 08/27/18 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 19: Sisterly Love
Bum Bum BUUUUMMMMM lol
Uh oh :o
Love the sis. Maybe we'll get a prego ashley Someday to c:
Author's Response: Ohhhhhh, we will see ;) Ashley still has a lot of her journey left, and I can't wait for more of it to come out. The sister's are awesome.
Date: 08/27/18 05:38 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Time skips.... Aren't they convenient. Oh, and the clinic just happened to be shut down the very same week that Ash and the gang went on a trip. I know that some things in life just happen to line up just like this but really?
Let's see what happens from here on out.
Author's Response: @930310-My original vision for the story had the 'shutdown' as one of the central plot points, and I stayed true to my conception. Drawing the short straw to become female for the trip was one 'twist' in this trip, but this is an equally valid 'twist' in a Winter Trip's Twist. If we stretch our imaginations far enough to believe gender morphing is possible, than it is no less plausible that sometimes things go awry in some instances, even if it is one is million people. Ashley is one in a million, and this is her story.
Date: 08/27/18 02:30 am Title: Chapter 18: Over and Beyond the Mountains
Oh my! Paul is more than just a dick, he's a grade A bonafide asshole! Yikes! And oh dear poor Ashley. I hope she finds some peace, it sounds like she's got it really hard.. if she hates being a girl that much, why not persue being a trans boy? I guess she'd rather have the full physical transformation but that alone is a bit strange. Seems the transgenic clinic did a number on her psychology and brain. Yikes! But what about Jack? What happened to him!?
Author's Response: Not to give away too much, but I just wrote another chapter and literally used nearly that same verbage about Paul haha. The thought did go through my mind about attempting to be a transman, and we might see elements of that later in the story. But, ultimately Ashley is a person who adapts to her circumstances, even if it isn't easy. Being a woman isn't just a choice for her at this moment, as much as it is a reality, but she is trying to soldier ahead and make the best of it. And yes, the experience of going to the Transgenic Clinic did do a number on her psyche. She possesses the memories, intrinsic social expectations, and life learned behaviors of the guy she once was, which is now overlaid by a woman's neurology, a female body, plus the added experience of everyone now viewing her as a guy. Additionally, she came to realizations about her friend group, was betrayed in one form or another by people in it, and experienced a deep, deep love for one of them. Despite all impressions you might get seven months after her change, she is a hot mess.
Date: 08/26/18 10:43 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
I'm kinda surprised at Ashley's attitude toward being stuck. At the end of the last chapter she seemed genuinely conflicted on if she wanted to change back and now suddenly all she wants is to change back. I would've thought that being stuck female indefinitely would've made her excited to have an excuse to give being a woman long term a 'test-run' so to speak.
Author's Response: I can absolutely see that viewpoint. On one hand, Ashley loved her time with Jack and deeply, deeply cherished their time together. At the same time, both Ashley and Jack recognize Steamboat Springs and their closeness is like this Shangri-La. They are perfect for each other. But, there is still the outside world, with the expectations and pressures that come with it. These pressures are both external (e.g. her Dad's initial attitude) and internal. I feel embedded deep in Ashley is the attitude ingrained in most guys at a young age, "be a man." She never had any inclining to be a woman before this, and she was truly peer pressured into becoming the 'she' she is today. 'To man up,' Expresses itself in many different forms in a guy's life, even when the guy doesn't realize it. Ashley will come to many realizations in her journey, but first she must break down the barriers that prevent her from getting there. I didn't find Jack and Ashley's one week of experiences in Steamboat Springs definitive enough that she would reach those conclusions at this point, especially considering she did harbor any gender dysphoria before. There is still the rest of their lives they have to deal with. She is dynamic with the idiosyncrasies that make us human, and with that she is on a journey of self discovery. All that being said, if I was in her situation and got stuck as a girl in her situation... Yes, yes, yes I would stay female and be with Jack! Hope you enjoy the story :)
Date: 08/26/18 10:19 pm Title: Chapter 18: Over and Beyond the Mountains
:o i love the inside piece of what happened. I can't wait for more. Maybe she'll try to date some other guys or girls and then reliese she wants her jack c:
Author's Response: I like where you are going with that Grabber_blue_5oh! I envisioned this direction to the story since I first conceived it, and I am finally excited to write it two years after coming up with the idea. Hope you enjoy the chapters to come :)
Date: 08/26/18 06:41 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Just don't rush anything. I absolutely love this story. Its so cute and sweet. And I love that ashley is struggling with it cause its realistic. Not a 100% accepting. But definitely don't rush it. I absolutely love this story. Its extremely cute specially those 2 they are so sweet with each other and jack isn't trying to fuck her brains out. And ashley isnt being a whore. I absolutely love this story
Date: 08/26/18 04:06 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Don't you go and break the laws of gender bending now, you hear me?
The chapter felt rushed. You focused a lot on the internal struggles while decently important moments just swept by. I understand the fear of confrontation that you are trying to relay but you might actually have benefitted from splitting the chapter in two.
Anyway, I look forward to reading the conclusion of your novel.
Author's Response: Hahaha. Yes, I agree. The chapter did feel rushed to myself as well. Ashley is contemplating and yet the focus of the events she mulls over sweep by in this chapter. I thought the same thought, that maybe I should split the chapter in two. This would give the reader more time to contemplate her decision making process. Ultimately, I did not, because I felt I couldn't slow Ashley's journey at this point. There is inertia in where she is going and in the conclusions she makes. It is ultimately a very good place she is traveling too, and the conclusion is coming closer every chapter.
Date: 08/26/18 02:39 am Title: Chapter 17: True Love Stories Never Have Endings
Nooooooooo :( i want her and jack D:
This is so heart breaking
Author's Response: Grabber_blue_5oh-So do I! Jack and Ashley complement each other and yet there are so many complications... Don't break your heart yet, they are right for each other.
Date: 08/25/18 09:50 pm Title: Chapter 17: True Love Stories Never Have Endings
I'm hoping for the happy ending, personally! I love this story! Thank you so much for writing it. Its been inspiring me to try more romance in my writing too!
Author's Response: Kathryn... Happy endings are coming, and I love that YOU love this story. Real levels of romance is sometimes underplayed in our type of fiction, but I think it is one of the basic human lenses that we view the world from. Thank you again for your kind words and I want to live up to your expectations.
Date: 08/25/18 01:06 pm Title: Chapter 16: Follow Your Bliss
I just registered to say thank you for updating this!! This is my favorite story on this site, and I've read it so many times. I was sad that it seemed to be abandoned, but now it's back again!
Author's Response: SomberAmber, just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you telling me this. It really means a lot, and only encourages me to finish telling Ashley and Jack's tale. I know the story seemed abandoned, but honestly I wasn't ready to approach this story again after events in my own life. There is hope for Ashley and Jack and it is coming soon.
Date: 08/25/18 03:11 am Title: Chapter 16: Follow Your Bliss
I am so happy to see this story back! I've loved this story since its first appearance, and I can't wait to see how it ends! I love the emotions between Jack and Ashley and I can't say how much I have enjoyed this story. I'd give it 8 stars if I could.
Author's Response: Jack and Ashley represent a lot of the emotions that I have felt in different relationships, so it only felt natural telling there story. The ending is still not clear (obviously), but the feeling between them are. Thank you Kathryn for being a fan of them!
Date: 08/25/18 12:57 am Title: Chapter 16: Follow Your Bliss
I absolutely loved it. And I absolutely can't wait for more. I absolutely love this story. And can't wait to see where it goes. I want them 2 to be together
Author's Response: Thank you Grabber_blue_5oh... Every day this past year the ending becomes more and more clear to me, and I am excited to tell Ashley and Jack's story. Good endings lay ahead ;)
Date: 08/25/18 12:41 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
5 stars for the whole story. I am SO HAPPY YOU'VE COME BACK! Ever since I started reading tgstorytime in 2016, I've been looking forward to this story being finished. I hope Jack and Ashley decide to stay together and marry and be happy, and all the other good things in life! Screw whatever those asshole friends of her say. Fingers crossed for a happy ending! :D
Author's Response: Thank you so much Maria! I am back and I want to finish Ashley and Jack's story... In a lot of ways, this is my story, and I want to do it right. Life gives oneself a lot of misdirection, and that is how I consider some of her friends. You have to filter the good stuff from the bad life. There are happy endings to this story.
Date: 08/24/18 09:05 pm Title: Chapter 16: Follow Your Bliss
Really glad to see this one being continued. Hopefully we won't have to wait another year until the next chapter...
As for the chapter itself, I feel that perhaps it was overly sexualized. My own ideas were a much more romantic and gentle cuddle on Jack's bed where the two eventually got the deed done, slowly and that they somehow managed to acquire birth control (perhaps from one of the other couples there?)
Still, I liked the chapter and the chemistry between Ashley and Jack. It seems Jack is at least partially hoping for things to continue like this once back home.
Date: 04/11/18 05:33 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Any plans on finishing this story, AshleyAllison?
Author's Response: Sorry for the EXTREMELY slow response. Yes, there are plans to finish the story. New chapter coming up later today, and I have the chapter after that ready. The ending is close, but there is still more of a story to tell.
Date: 09/14/17 12:50 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Thank you for this story. I went in expecting a plot like several other group vacation stories, but you surprised me. I especially appreciate how Ashley starts to embrace her change. I am envious on the long toime friendships described in the story and I still don't understand what Kate's problem with male Ash was. To hold that dislike there must have been more than just the shrooms misunderstanding.
Date: 09/12/17 05:52 am Title: Chapter 15: The Starry Night
This story is so cute and so pure. I really really hope they end up a couple. Ashley seems so happy with her Jack, it seems tragic for them to split... I really hope somehow both of them find peace and make a decision they both can be happy with.
Date: 09/12/17 03:20 am Title: Chapter 15: The Starry Night
Wow, I wish I could download so I could read even when not online.
I really really love this story. It is predictable, not that that is a bad thing. This is more or less a romance and all romances are predictable. Only thrillers are not predictable.
Cannot wait for more! Fast becoming my favorite! Who wouldn't want to be Ashley!
Date: 09/11/17 03:20 am Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
This is a very nice story with vivid description and thoughtful insight into the main character's emotions. I actually like your other story even more--any plans on continuing that one too?
Author's Response: @brucejedi-I love that you are enjoying the story so far! I really like my other story (A Parent's Incantation) as well, and unfortunately haven't got around to adding more as I have used my writing time on this story or other stories I haven't put up yet. Long story short... I definitely want to finish it! Will hopefully try to tackle it when I have this one done and no other stories come in the way.
Date: 09/10/17 04:36 pm Title: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw
Nice but a short chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. The introductory chapter was shorter than others, once you get further in the story you will see they are longer. I am glad you enjoyed it, but hopefully I can do better for you in coming chapters as your 2 out of 5 stars rating is the lowest I have ever received.
Date: 09/05/17 03:50 am Title: Chapter 14: One Last Hoorah?
Oh Ms.Allison! This chapter took way to long to get here! Please, please, please, more soon! OMG I truly wish this were possible. Ashley's still trying to convince herself it's just a temporary change, I see. I think her lack of conviction tells a different story! Loving Hugs Talia
Author's Response: Thank you Taarpa :) Ashley definitely has choices ahead!
Date: 09/04/17 08:33 pm Title: Chapter 14: One Last Hoorah?
I really hope they stay a couple, she is heavily confused right now. And Jill is trying to help I guess, but not understanding what's really going down. Ashley's immense inner turmoil is so reticent, much like my own was growing up. I know that's not 100% the case with this story... but I really hope she chooses to stay. She seems so much happier but I suppose only you know the truth. Thank you for this wonderful story, I hope you are well.
Author's Response: Much of her traits I find in my own story as well, this low level inner turmoil. Of course, others try to give their opinions or advice, and when you are in that moment you disregard them for better or worse. Appreciate that you see a little of yourself in her.
Date: 09/04/17 10:08 am Title: Chapter 14: One Last Hoorah?
Great to see this story, which is one of the best here, continued. It felt like a bit of the story was skipped when Ashley waited for the bathroom.
This chapter was perhaps a bit too heavy on internal monologue. It feels like the "Will she choose 'stay'" has been thrown around a lot in the recentmost chapters. It might be better just to ignore the question for now and let life take its course. The question can be brought back up either when the trip ends or when it is time for the retransformation.
There is a story on Fictionmania by the very good writer Anon Allsop that gets this part down to perfection.
Date: 04/20/17 05:04 am Title: Chapter 13: The Truth Confessed a Little at a Time
Really good so far. A few grammar things along the way. You seem to mistake too for to occasionally. I love the intricacies and inner workings of Ash's mind. I just wanna keep on reading.