Date: 03/04/19 06:57 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
I just re-read this story and realized I never left a review the first time. I just wanted to comment on how much I appreciate the intense attention you give to all the little details, the way someone with a serious addiction acts and thinks, how every single character and portion of your stories is carefully crafted to fit in the most particular of manners. This is a true work of art, and I'm thankful that you're creating these to share with all of us.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sometimes I fail, but I try to hold my writing to a high standard and ensure that every character feels real. You have no idea how much your words mean to me <3
Date: 09/11/18 03:17 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Oh i did, i was sad for the ending honestly, but it was really good, definitely one of my fav world settings besides wishing stone one.
Author's Response: Awesome! I've been tempted to write another story in a super-power world...and I think I just might do it.
Date: 09/08/18 12:23 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Well, whatever you're doing to archive that point, keep with the good job because it certainly makes the stories way more enjoyable. Oh a side node, finally reading (For a girl) ^^
Author's Response: Will do! Also, yay! It's a great story, I do hope you enjoy it.
Date: 09/05/18 01:02 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
You mention feeling empathy rather than sheer frustration like with those series you see where the characters just keep acting on the worst, but the way you made it in the story it was well founded, come on, she's all in pain and having no painkillers? of course she's going to go back to drugs if it helps her and eventually fall into them again all because couldn't have a controlled painkilled prescription. I love all the developments though, the way you guide the reader to feel so conected with each main character in the stories
Author's Response: Your note about how easy it is to follow the main characters' thoughts and actions makes me so happy to hear. For me, that's been one of the most difficult parts of writing, since it's difficult to put myself in the mindset of a reader and figure out how to get them truly connected with a character.
Date: 09/03/18 07:07 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Truly a beautiful work. Thank you for taking the time and for putting in so much effort and so much hard reality. I loved Ash and hated her for her frailty and her weakness and her humanity. This really was a journey to read and I'm sure to write as well - very excited to check out your other works!
One stupid nitpick I had - Glocks don't have safeties, altho I really enjoyed the hard boiled 16yro girl detective constantly referring to her gun as 'trusty' lol
I also really admire your ability to take this story places I couldn't predict, with huge world sized events fading away for intense personal drama and then weaving back together excellently. Really, really well done - I'd love to chat with you about your writing process if you ever feel like it!
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words! The most challenging part of this story was transitioning from a hard-boiled detective tone to a more nuanced teen narration style, and I hope that this change was done sufficiently well. Ah, I've shown my true stripes as somebody who has never fired a gun before. I'll have to edit that xD I'm flattered by your notes on my style. I'd love to talk about writing and answer any of your questions! I stop by the TGS Discord server every few days, and I'm always in the mood to chat. Thanks!
Date: 09/03/18 03:03 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
I'll admit it, it wasn't a full rollercoaster of emotions but it had me glued to the story the whole day, a whole day reading geeze X3
Honestly though, the way everything the way you described things in the life of Ash was pretty brutal, in a good sense, it's not the always so happy reflection the characters seem to make at the end, but it was aceptance for what happened until that point.
Honestly though, just like Ash, you got a gift to trap people in the stories, to make you try to reach out for them and help, this was more of a sad story all over, but if anything it was a really good ending, it was, satisfying.
Also, i noticed some names and last names being re-used in various stories, i guess this is either something you do in purpose, or not, or they do have some meaning the way certain character names tend to play certain roles through the stories so far.
Anyways, good work, i still got a few others to read, but i really should slow down a bit.
Author's Response: Hah! Glad that it was exciting enough to keep your interest! That's an interesting insight that you've made, about how the story makes you want to reach out and help Ash, and I'm glad that it's had that effect. She's certainly had a difficult road, and I'm pleased that her challenges evoked empathy rather than sheer frustration from you as a reader. Regarding the ending, I believe that this is one of the more bitter-sweet endings that I've written, and I'm rather pleased with it. Thank you for the thoughtful review! You're so encouraging, you make me want to sit down and finish another few chapters xD
Date: 07/02/18 03:47 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
> I've been tempted to revisit this story with a sequel :D
DO IT!! You have my support!
also: this is the link to a few covers I made for my kindle for your stories. https://www.deviantart.com/rinmitzuki/gallery/65787445/Book-Covers
Author's Response: Oh my God, that's gorgeous! Thank you so much!!!!!! I love the choice of imagery and tone for each of the covers, you've done an excellent job. *Hugs*
Date: 06/28/18 06:54 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Another flawless masterpiece! I'm so truly happy that you didn't superpower her addiction away! That lesson, while hard, leans to be self realized! I will definitely be making a nice cover for this for my kindle! Can I assume she's going to grow up to be a superpowered crime fighting detective?
Author's Response: Oo neat! Glad you liked it so much, and I agree that it would have been unfulfilling to have her addiction be deleted via superpowers. You can safely assume that she's going to grow up to have a wonderful, exciting life, and the ending certainly leaves us on a 'super hero origin story' note. I've been tempted to revisit this story with a sequel :D
Date: 05/29/18 09:24 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
I read through the story all at once. It's soooo good! I'm so surprised by how everything went together and when Ash was with Nate and Mark, it actually made my heart sink. 10/10 one of the best stories I've ever read.
Author's Response: Awesome! I know that this wasn't the happiest story in the world, but I'm pleased with how it ended (a little bittersweet, I think) and I'm glad that you enjoyed the ride!
Date: 05/15/18 02:35 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Know all your Enemies: Once again a well written story I enjoyed. It honestly made me so frustrated when she started doing drugs again, but even more when she went to Nate for drugs when he was the guy who basically killed her friend. Of course it's perfectly understandable, I can honestly say I'm not sure I would fair much better if I was transferred into the body of someone who was a drug addict...I know I don't do well without caffeine right now. An epilogue would have been nice, but it was a nice end even without one. I'm just spoiled and want to know what happened to the Guard 5/5
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! I know that the story's plot sort've meandered in the middle, but I'm glad that you appreciated the cyclical nature of Ash's journey. As far as the Guard is concerned, I insinuated that they would likely disband after losing so many members, but there'd be no way for Ash to find out. I'm not ruling out a sequel of some sort, in this story world.
Date: 04/18/18 06:49 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
I've got to admire your skills: never before have I had to put a story down just because I felt too horrible to continue reading it. Of course, I finished the story later, but you caused me one night of nightmares, damn you Clarity (and damn me for reading it so late at night). There's something in being enslaved by drugs that makes me sick to my stomach.
Whether or not you intended this to be a horror story, I greatly enjoyed it as one. The writing was the usual Clarity-level (i.e. the best), characters were realistic - maybe even too much so :) - with a few unrealistic powers and the plot was great.
Author's Response: Aw, I know that this story is a bit more painful than a lot of my others, and it ends on a bittersweet note, not a fairytale like many of my other stories. I'm glad that you stuck with the story, and I can't tell you how happy I am about the stylistic feedback! I try to improve my writing with every story, and it's feedback like yours that keeps me going in the correct direction. Thanks!
Date: 04/11/18 03:13 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
I'm usulaay not interrested in fantasy character stories, but based on the other stories of yours that I've read and I've loved, I decided to read it. I have to say, I love your stories, this one was so very good! Ash is such a real character.
Please keep writing.
Author's Response: Yay! Ash was fun to write because she's the most impulsive main character I've ever had, and almost every decision she makes is the wrong one. I guess we all feel like Ash sometimes. Glad you enjoyed it, and I promise to keep writing :D
Date: 01/26/18 05:03 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Excellent one. I was initially reluctant to read because of its warnings. But I can say now I glad read this one. Finished it within 4 hours. Her journey was harsh but she rose like a phoenix. I liked the ending but an epilogue perhaps would have been better. Cheers :)
Author's Response: Noted! I'm still not an expert on endings and I'm hoping to improve in that regard. Thanks for the input :D
Date: 10/25/17 08:49 pm Title: Chapter 34: Flare
So what a story, and what an end. Honestly, I expected something else horrible to happen, but kind of glad it didn’t.
Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I spent a lot of time on the last few chapters of this story...I think I re-drafted them six or seven times before I settled on this ending. Thanks for the feedback!!
Date: 10/21/17 06:16 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
Embarrassed to say i ignored this one a while cause i didnt think i would like the premise.
But good is good, and this one is great!
The story gripped me and i couldnt let go before i completed reading it all.
And your writing is easy on the eyes and a pleasure to read!
Cant think of any other writers, who get me as emotionaly involved with the protagonist and characters as you do with your best ones.
You are a great writer Clarity!
Author's Response: Thanks, Elly! Glad you gave this story a chance, and I'm really happy that you ended up liking it. I'm beyond flattered by your compliments - they put a smile on my face. Thank you for reading!
Date: 09/26/17 12:38 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
I enjoyed this one a lot, though it was so emotionally intense in places that I had to take a lot of breaks to read other things. I really liked Ash's character arc, and her relationships with Lauren and Aidan.
One minor note, I-40 doesn't go through Colorado. And the context suggests that a state highway would be more appropriate than an interstate.
Author's Response: Nice catch, Shandy! It's actually a typo, it's supposed to be Route 40. I'm glad you liked the story, and I applaud you for getting through some of the emotionally raw sections. Love ya
Date: 08/27/17 05:16 pm Title: Chapter 34: Flare
Such a touching story and my emotions went high and low along with it. Prob my fav story I have read on here. Sad to see it end but also glad it ended the way it did. No big finish no superheroes fighting it out. Just ash sharing a special moment. Truly well done
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you liked it! While this probably wasn't my best-written story, it's one of my most personal ones, so I'm happy to see that it resonated with you and made your day a little bit brighter.
Date: 08/26/17 04:21 am Title: Chapter 22: Into the Darkness
At first I was very disappointed in the writer for having ash go back to the drugs. Her family and friends she worked so hard to see her as a 'normal' person again. And it's like a slap in the face to her dead brother that she would do these things... then I realized I'm not disappointed in the writer, I am disappointed in ash. I so want to walk away from the story because she is not the kind of person I would dare to read about... but I do care that's why I'm reviewing and reading. I guess that what I'm trying to say is it takes a very special talent to make readers care so deeply for your words. I wish I could rate it higher than a 5 even though I'm so upset at ash.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks Jindary! Ash's journey wasn't easy and it was fairly cyclical. On the other hand, the drug addiction battle and journey defined old-Ash, and our new Ash wouldn't have fully understood herself if she didn't travel that same path and emerge with additional strength (in more ways than one!)
Date: 08/25/17 04:47 am Title: Chapter 18: Awake
First time a story here made my eyes water... touching to say the least. The parents story is very touching
Author's Response: Writing Ash's parents was the saddest part of this story. They have all the money in the world, along with grand intentions, and their lives are still marred with tragedy. I guess what I wanted to portray was the idea that wealth doesn't grant people fulfilled lives, and that terrible things can happen for no reason at all. I'm glad that you found their journey to be moving.
Date: 08/24/17 05:01 am Title: Chapter 10: Crazy
I like the way it veered off the plot line. My fav part of the story is getting to know ash. So many stories here do not spend time on getting to know the character and you have done it perfectly. Well done.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you very much. I'm glad you liked this story. Ash's journey was very fun to write, and I've been tempted to write a sequel about her (as the ending sort've frames this as an origin story)
Date: 06/26/17 08:33 pm Title: Chapter 34: Flare
Great story, both dark and emotional, not everything is butterflies and rainbows but it can become that way. I liked the ending very much. I always feel a pang in my chest when a good story comes to an end and I feel left with wanting more and I think that is a mark of a good story teller.
Author's Response: Aw, I really appreciate that feedback. I'm currently working on two new stories right now, and I'll try to start posting them relatively soon!
Date: 06/25/17 07:46 pm Title: Chapter 34: Flare
I like your story, congratulations.
For a moment, he reminded me, to "the 4400"
Author's Response: I just looked up that show, it seems interesting! I'm glad you liked my story. I kind've ended it like a super-heroine origin story, and I might pick it up in the future for Part II...maybe not, though.
Date: 06/25/17 06:41 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
This story was just fantastic. I wish I had your skill and talent in writing. I think I'm reading or read all your stories and you really have a gift for emotional narration.
Thank you so much for sharing the story of Peter/Ash with me. I literally cried, laughed aloud, and just really adored seeing the growth of the main character.... It's a perfect way to end, even though I wish there were more lol.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks Alisha! You made me blush. I've been working on my story-endings, and this is the first one that people seem to enjoy, so I'm pretty joyful about that. Thanks for reading, and I hope you find my future stories to be just as fantastic.
Date: 06/25/17 05:02 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
Good Story, dark but nice. At least you finished it.
Author's Response: And at least you read it xD I always finish my stories, and I'm happy to see that you liked this one! My future stories probably won't be quite so dark.
Date: 06/24/17 12:53 pm Title: Chapter 34: Flare
Excellentky written, Clarity! You are the light in the darkness when it comes to giving me hope that there are still good writers here. I've said it all in my previous reviews, but damn do I love your writing style and character development. You strike an excellent balance between dialogue and narration. Your characters feel real with flaws and specific emotions. Thankfully, I've never had to deal with a lot of problems that Ash had to in this story, but you wrote it so well, I think I could relate to her anyways. You did an excellent job, Clarity, best of luck in all future endeavors. :)
Author's Response: Thanks Lanz! I worry about my balance between dialogue and narration, because oftentimes I end up inserting narrative, character-internal paragraphs between lines of dialogue, and I'm not sure if that makes the dialogue more difficult for readers to follow. I'm happy that you enjoy that particular writing method, though! I'll continue doing it into the future.
Date: 06/24/17 03:23 am Title: Chapter 34: Flare
Shoot, this has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I've lived a relatively sheltered life so I can't really relate to Ashlyn's problems. This has been a great read. I'm looking forward to even better and more enjoyable stories from you in the future!
Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked this story, and I'm happy to see that Ash's experiences have given you a glimpse into a different world. I have two new stories that I am working on, and I'll begin posting both of them within a month or so.
Date: 06/15/17 09:35 am Title: Chapter 33: The Little Flame
Another chapter, so soon! You spoil me! The story's wrapping up nicely... ;)
Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter will be the last, and it's a fairly lengthy one. I hope you've enjoyed the ride, and I do hope that you like the ending!
Date: 06/13/17 03:03 pm Title: Chapter 32: Chemistry
Something positive finally happened in her life and Taylor forgives her plus she is back in rowing team that's so exciting. Love this chapter and thanks clarity for such amazing clarity 😻😘
Author's Response: You're a beautiful Sanro!!!! I'm trying to make the ending somewhat upbeat, but without losing the dark undertones that the rest of the story has. Let me know your thoughts on how well I do on that front.
Date: 06/12/17 06:05 pm Title: Chapter 32: Chemistry
Nice one again, Clarity. Some tears here, but I loved it.
Author's Response: Aww hugs
Date: 06/12/17 08:13 am Title: Chapter 32: Chemistry
The beginning threw me off for a second, because Ash seemed unusually overconfident, but I like how it contrasts with the other emotions she displays in the chapter. It just felt a little weird lol.
Author's Response: That's a fair criticism. I tried to write it to convey Ash's excitement and confidence about her plan, which crumbles to dust as soon as she puts it into practice.
Date: 06/04/17 03:37 pm Title: Chapter 31: Sunrise
Geez, Clarity, I was thinking I would have a relaxing Sunday, but after chapter 19 the emotional roller coaster was almost too much. Nevertheless I simply could not stop reading. That puts you in the same league as Anne Perry, Jan Guillou and Bernard Cornwell for me. I hope you find a serious publisher and make some money, darling. Ten stars for you. ********** seriously.
Author's Response: Stop, I'm blushing :)
Date: 06/04/17 12:14 pm Title: Chapter 19: Interrogation
Clarity, I id not read this story before, because I normally prefer more reality based stuff. This, though is just amazing. It had me captured all through the first 19 chapters since breakfast and I am determine to finish the so far existing rest today. Well done!
Author's Response: Yay! It's a lot of words to read in a single day, there's no rush xD I, too, prefer more reality-based stuff. I tried to keep the story 90% realistic, and I'm really happy that you like it!
Date: 06/02/17 05:18 pm Title: Chapter 30: Mountains Beyond Mountains
Well she is on her way to recovery lovely chapter clarity thanks
Author's Response: Yup! This story is winding itself down, and I'll try not to make the ending too lovey-dovey. My goal is for a kind've bittersweet finish, with more sweetness than bitterness.
Date: 05/30/17 07:50 pm Title: Chapter 30: Mountains Beyond Mountains
Nice chapter; I'm curious where the story will lead from here... This section seems to be wrapped up, so I can't help but think of what could be in store. ;)
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words. The Guard portion of the story is indeed wrapped up, and the remaining few chapters (I only have 3 more chapters in my outline, including the conclusion) deal more with redemption and Ash's future. One of the consistent pieces of feedback I've heard is that my stories end too abruptly, so I'm going to kind've coast into a finish on this story. The rollercoaster is largely over, and we're just edging our way into the station :)
Date: 05/22/17 05:24 pm Title: Chapter 29: Ash
Holly molly Guacamoly that was quite a blast and superpower. She is definitely a ticking time bomb but nevertheless awesome and cute. Hope in tests they won't find about oxy or else maybe she gets charger or arrested? Awesome chapter dear clarity 😍😘
Author's Response: Thanks Sanro! The next few chapters should be cuter and awesomer. From here on out, the story will revolve more around redemption and self-understanding than anything else.
Date: 05/22/17 03:30 pm Title: Chapter 29: Ash
Really glad you brought this back. Some stories just forget about their original plot but this was cool. Was totally hoping for some Human Torch action but nuke everyone works too XD If the next chapter isn't the end, rather than draggin it on into heaps of other stuff a plot lines etc. it would be cool to see like a couple snapshots of the rest of her life, like working out the powers, getting professional with the rowing? a final relationship status perhaps? Idk, either way, good job.
Author's Response: The current layout has 5 or 6 additional chapters, but there won't be any new major plot lines explored (although existing plotlines will be developed). I've been told in the past that my stories end too abruptly, so I'm going to slowly pace it into a graceful conclusion...I hope.
Date: 05/22/17 08:29 am Title: Chapter 29: Ash
I like the reflections Ash goes through in this chapter. The inner voice changes tone well from shock, acceptance, and then slight paranoia. I can't say it enough, I really love your writing style, keep up the great work. ;)
Author's Response: Yay! That's what I was attempting to pull off. I'm glad you enjoyed it
Date: 05/18/17 06:17 pm Title: Chapter 28: Amaterasu
Yes! This chapter was great! Very well written as usual (alight with the same force that lit the stars gave me chills lol).
Author's Response: Thanks! I try my best :) I'll be updating this story more frequently in the coming weeks
Date: 05/05/17 03:42 am Title: Chapter 26: The Big Bad Wolf
Amazing story! Though, it was quite dark and depressing... It would be nice if ash finally starts finding true peace and perhaps hooks back up with the boy from the mental institution
Author's Response: Ooo maybe that will happen! You'll have to wait and see ;)
Date: 04/28/17 07:02 am Title: Chapter 25: Judas
Hmm.. "Ash" is getting a bit "heated". Cool developments, eager to see what happens next, as usual ;)
Author's Response: I love the pun, and you called it! I guess the 'Ash superpowers' plot line was too obvious to fool you ;)
Date: 04/20/17 03:10 pm Title: Chapter 24: Phoenix Falling
Oh well this is getting really messed up for her and she seems to ruin everything, Hope she gets out of this mess soon as I am worried for her but thanks clarity for awesome chapter 😻😘😍
Author's Response: She can do it! clap your hands if you believe :clap:
Date: 04/14/17 01:02 pm Title: Chapter 23: Fast and Furious
Still going strong. Terrific storytelling and characterization. Thankyou.
Author's Response: Thank you. The feedback from reviewers has helped me grow as a writer (I hope), and I just try to make each story better than the last. Glad you're enjoying it!
Date: 04/14/17 05:23 am Title: Chapter 23: Fast and Furious
Old gray matter plus mysterious blue liquid equals new superpowers, guarranteed. I'm enjoying the story still; it's coming along great ;)
Author's Response: Oh dear! We'll have to wait and see, won't we? :) I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I'll try to get the next chapter out some time next week
Date: 04/03/17 01:30 pm Title: Chapter 22: Into the Darkness
... Eh, well this awkward. Though it never hit me that Ash was a good chap. But never expect that she was this much disappointing. Being an ex-agent of an organization, although naive, I'm really expecting that she would have a shred of loyalness to the one she's close to, even though she's still somewhat confused. But no, she just auto ditch after the moment she had promised like the one after she talked to fox.
Let me be blunt, she's too selfish, spoiled, and ... What's the word I'm looking for.... Broken?... Disgustingly cold?... Something along that lines. Also, thruthfully, she didn't deserving any pity nor sympathy. And thoroughly disgusted on her fleeting thought of regrets. I really thought that she and Foxcan be close with each other. I guess that Fox committed suicide on the sideline after witnessing being betrayed. She's too good of a character with much potential... I feel sad that you threw her away for some development. If anything, I think Fox deserved more. But alas, she didn't receive her worth.
The other characters are great that I want to give it a 5, really. However, I really think the story downsides with the MC's selfish wickedness. I just hope that she'd really stop her blasted wickedness, and her disdaining actions. I think 1 Fox is already enough, don't you think? Anyhow, will still follow observe if she's really deserving of the characters that was wasted for her.
Author's Response: I'm sorry that you aren't enjoying the story. As far as Ash is concerned: she's a flawed main character, but I wouldn't say that she's wicked. Selfish at times, yes, but most of her actions have good intention. When she kissed Nate, she did it out of both her own impulsiveness and the distant belief that it would somehow improve Fox's situation. Yes, it was unfortunate that Fox died, but that's life. People live and people die, regardless of how interesting or good-natured they are. Fox's death also served as foreshadowing for Ash's path.
Date: 03/24/17 07:10 pm Title: Chapter 22: Into the Darkness
It's peachy easy actually. She got laid, regreted it later then became suicidal just like Fox. If those "superpower vials" she had snatched from the Guard's rat weren't up for consumption then she sure as hell didn't have anything to lose at that point, big bonus for depressing end score if you make her overdosed. That or we can simply take care of Nate, then again drug dealer is harder to kill than drug addict so...I could pay tribute to the Dark Lord and sacrifice both you and the story if you want me to. This chapter would be the last stop and Ash and Nate lived happily ever after, Aiden got the boot, Jake got the double boot, Taylor hicked, Lauren cried, everyone cried,...Except for Dr Brine, yes, perhaps it's better than nothing. The fact that my favorite character is rotting somewhere far away from this madness is a fact worths celebrating.
Author's Response: I'd never kill off Ash!!!! (or would I?)
Date: 03/24/17 03:24 am Title: Chapter 22: Into the Darkness
Omg that's not going so well for her with oxy. She is turning into a junkie and hope she recovers from this phase in future but you are very cute story writer and this chapter was awesome 😻😍😘 waiting for next hawt chapter
Author's Response: Thank you :) Unfortunately, there won't be too much more hawtness. The downward spiral has only just begun
Date: 03/15/17 03:48 pm Title: Chapter 21: The Solution
This chapter reeks of malevolent darkness and the perpetrator is no one but the mightiest entity, the author, the appointed Holy Knight. Clarity the Paladin has pulled the cultist away from the Dark Lord's demise, truly a marvelous sight to see 930310 posting a primo review. The Time of Ascension is rapidly approaching with each day passed, it's getting closer, I can feel the light...so warm, so enchanting.
That's honestly the biggest surprise in this chapter, not gonna lie. Glad to see somebody happy with the stuffs they read, not so much with a certain someone who's high on blueberries though. Still, it does show you how far you've gone, eh? Cheer, mate!!
Author's Response: hahaha I don't think I'm a Paladin, but I'll take that if it's a compliment.
Date: 03/15/17 02:23 pm Title: Chapter 19: Interrogation
There goes another hard beef of testosterone for the lead lady, carrying its arousing aroma outside her reach. I doubt in the next few chapters she's gonna get to sink her teeth into that juiciness...Oh, seems like I'm getting ahead of myself again. Never mind then, pardon my petulance at the moment. This chapter is simply too wonderful not to leave a review so let me begin.
Seeing you mentioning that name...I hope Dr Brine gets to be on with the story again, I'm starting to miss that Orange Glo swagger.
Author's Response: Dr. Orange Glo is definitely not coming back. He's rotting in prison somewhere prob
Date: 03/02/17 07:54 pm Title: Chapter 20: Simple in the Moonlight
Nice chapter as usual! Keep up the great work :)
Author's Response: Thank you! They'll keep coming, although it'll be a bit infrequent. I know where the story is going to end, but I'm still trying to figure out how to get there...if that makes any sense!
Date: 02/20/17 08:04 am Title: Chapter 19: Interrogation
Hmm... I wonder how trustworthy this Carter character is. It feels to me like he's not very high up in the Guard, maybe pretty close to where Peter was. Nice chapter as usual; I'm still on my toes ;)
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm still on the fence regarding where I want his character-arc to land...but I have a few ideas.
Date: 02/12/17 05:00 pm Title: Chapter 18: Awake
If Ash wasn't popular enough before then now she is basically a VIP celebrity...of bad rumors, guess it should be the other way around. But hey, girls behind backstage are the hottest (to me) so I'm positive she'll be alright. Else, there're always Lauren, Aidan and his beloved sister Taylor.
Author's Response: Oh yes, the rumors have only just begun
Date: 02/05/17 03:39 pm Title: Chapter 17: The Life of Aidan
Nice chapter as always! I like Aidan a lot; he seems like a good narrator. I wonder how ling he'll be sticking around. His friends are on the dumb side, but hey, everyones got those friends lol. It's interesting to see this side of Taylor, I had almost forgotten that people can be multifaceted.
Anyways, I didn't see any errors this time, wooo!!! I really like your story Clarity, as of right now, your story is the only one I'm currently following on TGS; no one else has updated their story in months T-T
Keep up the excellent work :)
Author's Response: Aw stop. I'm blushing
Date: 02/03/17 07:54 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Glad to see you back with this story.
Keep up the good work. :)
Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying it! I'm going to be releasing a new story within the next couple weeks, but will also be adding to this one as well. This story is going to be much longer. As you likely noticed, there are a lot of moving pieces and sub-plots to this story that need to be developed and resolved, and its going to take quite some time :) Generally, I don't start posting stories until they are at least mostly finished, and I broke my rule for this one. I'd pre-written everything up until the end of Chapter 16 three months ago, and have only made minor tweaks since then. Now, I'm going to try to add to this story episodically and we'll see how that goes. I'll try to maintain the quality levels, so the chapters may arrive more slowly. I do, however, have a pretty comprehensive outline for what is to come. Both happiness and struggles lay ahead for Ash.
Date: 02/03/17 12:45 pm Title: Chapter 17: The Life of Aidan
Wow tay got some clarity after visiting her to get clarity for her and Aidan needs clarity too cuz until no clarity he will always seek clarity for the sake of clarity to get ash back in clarity which doesn't have so much clarity but you my clarity aways have clarity so waiting for next chapter to get more clarity 😍😅😘😻
Author's Response: Next chapter will arrive, and with it: clarity!
Date: 02/03/17 07:39 am Title: Chapter 17: The Life of Aidan
The darkness of despair consumed all, yet the beacon of hope continued lighting the way to vivacity and ended on a bleak amour.
A coma, huh? Last time I checked she got shot in the belly and not anywhere near her head, therefore the cause wasn't neither the trauma or the bullet. How intriguing! It is like Chapter 2 all over again. If I have to say, I hope it got something to do with Peter's power! The part about Aidan with his friends was a fresh touch on his true feeling for Ash too, better than a whole chapter delicating to some guy's inner inner monologue for sure. But Taylor...hmmmm, to say I'm not moved by her tears is an understatement, I'm just surprised by how fragile she is being portrayed here while a couple last chapter did the contrary, almost too favorable for our main heroine. But I digress, she is honest and showing honesty towards someone you don't like is just...let's just say I have a soft spot for 'em (tsundere) Also, been hell of a while since the last chapter, hasn't it? Glad to have you back!
May the holy light be with thee.
Author's Response: I appreciate the thoughtful analysis. You're a fun reviewer! This chapter wasn't designed to be very exciting or sexy, but I realized that Aidan didn't have any sort of personality and I decided to lend him some humanity. As far as Taylor is concerned, well...nobody is pure evil or pure good, we're all somewhere in between. Also, I wasn't gone for that long! Just a couple weeks :)
Date: 01/23/17 09:15 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
While I try not to review stories until complete, this is one of my favorites on the site. Character transformation paired with interesting people, and a complex story history make for a rooted and intricate plot which I'm sure is tough to build on but a joy to read. I hope you haven't burnt yourself out as this latest chapter 16 was quite short. Only a rushed ending could ruin the foundations which have been laid.
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. Don't expect a new chapter to this one any time in the immediate future, but it will be finished eventually. If I had to take a guess, I'd say that the completed story itself will be about twice as long as its current state.
Date: 01/20/17 09:03 am Title: Chapter 16: Young Blood
Great chapter as usual! In the 4th to last paragraph (the one where he's contemplating the friend's he's made), at the end, it says "and - like". It threw me for a loop at first. I think you could either combine it with the next sentence, or remove the and, both would help the flow of the sentence. I'm curious how Peter/Ash will deal with this near-death experience...
Author's Response: You're absolutely right, I must have missed that! Thank you
Date: 01/19/17 05:16 pm Title: Chapter 16: Young Blood
Omg this was so sad and I pray she survives all this cuz without her there will be no clarity in the story dear clarity and to achieve clarity for the sake of clarity she must survive the whole clarity but I don't know how much clarity will be there left for her clarity to live life with clarity 😻😘
Author's Response: Clarity clarity clarity clarity
Date: 01/16/17 05:49 pm Title: Chapter 15: The Oak by the Lake
One more thing, FIDDLEEEEEEE!!!
Then again the killer is still on the loose so his death doesn't affect much as a whole. I hope Ash would get a wake up call from this and try her best to do better next time. Goddamn, 2 deaths in a row and now Ash got a suitcase full of superpower at her disposal! I'm practically drowning in pleasure right now...this is exactly the tone of writing I want. Sweet, Sexy and Extremely Brutal!
Quick question: If you mix one of those vials with Orange Glo, what kind of cleaning agent is gonna come out?
Author's Response: Celador!
Date: 01/16/17 05:19 pm Title: Chapter 14: The Red Fox
That was unfortunate, then again the killer is still on the loose so her death doesn't really affect much as a whole. I hope Ash would get a wake up call from this and work her best to do better next time around, she made perfectly clear that she didn't want to have any regret and I'd hate for that tiny hope to perish. Off to chapter 15!
Author's Response: Don't worry, chapter 16 is all sunshine and rainbows.
Date: 01/13/17 04:41 pm Title: Chapter 15: The Oak by the Lake
Nice chapter once again! The action is building up now!
During Daniel's monologue the paragraph that starts with throughout needs quotation marks at the beginning. The paragraph before doesn't need quotation marks at the end because it's the same person talking, but in general you add quotation marks at the beginning of a paragraph like that.
Also later on in that paragraph I think takes should've been take because The Guard is still the subject.
Great work! :)
Author's Response: True! I wasn't sure how the quotations work in monologues, since I usually try to keep dialogue sparse. Thanks for the kind words :)
Date: 01/12/17 07:43 pm Title: Chapter 15: The Oak by the Lake
Noooo! Oh, this sucks. I'm grief-stricken to think of what the foreshadowing and dream could mean for the single round discharged. Crap. Love the story; I'm just wrapped up in it like a good novel, waiting for each chapter release.
Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying it :)
Date: 01/12/17 04:57 pm Title: Chapter 15: The Oak by the Lake
Ok, that's an explanation I can buy. I still would've liked a bit more exposition here in this part. Lauren could've partaken more in the discussion as well because, well... she's the new Ash's best friend and it would have given clear incentive of her understanding what is going on. Shoving her behind a tree isn't really that clear and if you don't read the story close enough you will wonder where she's gone while Daniel and Ash talk.
Author's Response: That last note is a fair point. I rewrote this particular chapter a couple times, and I didn't want it to focus too much on Lauren. That's what next chapter is for
Date: 01/06/17 03:25 pm Title: Chapter 14: The Red Fox
Very well done. The Ash and Daniel scene felt quite fast, but upon re-reading I remembered his power, so it seemed justified. More intrigue is building; I'm curious what its leading to!
Author's Response: It's going places ;)
Date: 01/06/17 07:52 am Title: Chapter 14: The Red Fox
Thr meeting Ash had with Daniel felt kind of rushed. The two have not seen each other for quite some time and they only devote a single sentence to discussion regarding their mission.
They could have delved deeper into Ash's form being stuck and try discussing a solution instead of making out.
Author's Response: I'm glad you noticed. There is a reason for that.
Date: 01/01/17 08:49 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Why not a heroine of skill, you ask? Do you really think Ashley is ready for that TITLE?! No! Don't get carried away, she got potential but she's too under-leveled to even dream of it! She's weaker than a Lv.1 Grunt! Her strength, her speed and her will, all 3 of them SUCK! The only 2 redeeming qualities of her are dexterity and luck, bad luck included. If you are hoping for a better response from me then you must lead her! Bathe her with power, wit and courage! Until then, I will refrain from answering that question. But let one thing be clear, I'm not sexist!
So long as she continues to accept the fate of a Norm, she shall remain a remnant of the legend, a fallen heroine. It's now or never, Great One! Would you battle against me with valor and claim the title for her, or are you satisfied?
Author's Response: Haha. Fair play.
Date: 12/31/16 01:52 pm Title: Chapter 13: Impulse
I'm kind of confused why she thought it was a good idea to try and confront him without a plan in mind. Did Peter finally lose it? All I see was a helpless sheep babe trying to put on a wolf clothing instead of the other way around. But everything's gonna be alright, I believe in you! It'd be perfect if you could point out what I missed during this chapter. I'm feeling so light-headed these days, wouldn't be a surprise for me to be wrong.
Author's Response: Well yeah, that scene is supposed to demonstrate how Ash has become impulsive and is starting to lose the Prior Proper Planning mantra.
Date: 12/30/16 05:32 pm Title: Chapter 10: Crazy
That's a shame, I was actually enjoying this part more than the mystery. Why does she have to even care anymore? A new and bright future is waiting for her...But that's okay, I know our main character will pull through this somehow! After all, what he's doing is far from the selfless protagonist I'm picturing him to be and I prefer a hero of skill to a heroine of luck.
Author's Response: Why not a heroine of skill?
Date: 12/30/16 04:42 pm Title: Chapter 8: Catch and Release
Love truly is the most beautiful thing in a world. I feel like Peter's sense of responsiblity is slipping quitely away into nothingness for the blooming blossom that is Ashley...Oddly sad in a weird way, don't know what else to describe it. I wish I had some alcohol to slip my drowsiness away too.
Author's Response: This isn't a particularly happy story. My apologies
Date: 12/30/16 04:22 pm Title: Chapter 7: Doctor Brimmer
Kitty, a thieving cat, how fitting! The good doctor forgave her and even offered her the humblest way to make amend, Dr Brine is truly the epitome of mental challenge and good taste! Orange Glo sale got a rise all thanks to the hansy gentleman, I wonder what type of cleaning product would he introduce next. Would he invite Ashley to be the model again or would he instead pick Sarah...or would he decide to swing the other way around and seduce Jake into the mix?!! Holy cow, this man is dangerous! KILL HIM! ABOLISH THAT ABOMINATION OUT OF THIS WORLD BEFORE ALL HOPE IS LOST!
Author's Response: I'm all about product placement ;)
Date: 12/30/16 03:41 pm Title: Chapter 6: A Night in the Park
OO Well that's cute. There was this sullen feeling I got when Peter tipped the news over to Jake, one part of me didn't want Ash to slip but on the other hand, I don't know jack about drug and medication and crap like that so maybe it was for the best that happened. If I was cooped up with the mental, I'm sure the obvious choice would always be the only sane but potentially dangerous one...Hold on, you don't get to choose when you're mental, kinda forgot...In a sense, Jake's decision threw me off a bit but judging on the larger scale, it seems reasonable enough for him to fall for Ashley.
Author's Response: I don't blame him at all :)
Date: 12/30/16 02:39 pm Title: Chapter 2: One Giant Leap
Splendid! Nondescript black coat was a clever touch! Not only did he manage to shift successfully without anyone getting weirded out, he did it while on the run and in a freaking crowd to boost! My mind is going numb from all the potential...Such a shame the first thing I got from it is a bad news though. I mean, how devastating would it be to lose it?! You portrayed Peter's psychology perfectly! At that crucial moment, his life was only a hair away from his identity.
Cheerleader...This is gunna git gud.
Author's Response: There's always cheerleaders involved! Glad you're enjoying the story :D
Date: 12/30/16 01:56 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
This is amazing! Mystery striken murders, paranormal activities and humor. I didn't expect my heart to shake with this much rapture when it's only just the beginning! Just the thought of turning the page over terrifies me, I don't think I'm not going to have a very good night sleep today...
Author's Response: Oh no, I hope you slept okay! Sleeping is important :)
Date: 12/30/16 07:26 am Title: Chapter 13: Impulse
That beginning was pretty ominous and foreboding... I wonder how it and the oxy will play into the story. Great work on another chapter! As a side note, I'm curious, has Peter given up on trying to return to his former self? He seems to be adapting to living as Ash quite well, and is even beginning to feel the normalcy of life again, after the loony-house. Just a thought; keep up the great work! :D
Author's Response: Thanks. To answer your question: it seems so.
Date: 12/30/16 03:35 am Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Gutted about the oxy. Anonymous emails and letters shoved under doors are possible ways out too.
Well done on a good, but frustrating set of chapters.
Author's Response: Thank you for giving it a read, I'm glad you've enjoyed it. Don't worry, it only gets more frustrating.
Date: 12/29/16 11:21 pm Title: Chapter 1: Noir
Absolutely loving it so far.
I'm worried about the oxy being reintroduced back into her life. Hopefully it doesn't wreck everything that she has worked so hard to repair.
Author's Response: Glad you're liking it!
Date: 12/25/16 07:30 am Title: Chapter 12: Smelling the Flowers
Hey Clarity, great as usual! Just wanted to point out a few typos ;)
When Fox is talking about her tattoos, she says "the only ones who see those are me are well hung". You might've meant 'or' instead of the second 'are'.
After the triple asterisk, everything is centered.
This one barely counts lol, but you put dumby instead of dummy, when Lauren and Ash are talking during the visit. It isn't a real word anyways lol
A couple lines after that you wrote "me parents" instead of 'my'.
That's all! Sorry I'm not really providing any constructive criticism... Again, great work, looking forward to more! I'm also a bit curious how Ash and Fox's friendship will grow; should be interesting, I think.
Author's Response: Yeah, I edited the centered part immediately after posting, but it probably won't update until next chapter is released. Sorry for the typos, and thanks for catching them! I was tired when I typed this part up.
Date: 12/18/16 12:47 am Title: Chapter 10: Crazy
Absorbed in this but glad you're working back towards the nasty bits :) I hope to read more about Ash's efforts as cox in, presumably, an eight. I'm guessing it's not as easy as it looks - those racing shells are looong.
Author's Response: Yup. It's an eight, and there will be more on that. Glad you're enjoying the story.
Date: 12/17/16 10:42 pm Title: Chapter 10: Crazy
I like this chapter. It feels like this is how an adult would analyze a high school. Only one thing, and I'm not sure if I'm right or not; converning the seven P's, should it say "prevents" with an s? If not it's fine because its just an anagram, so anything goes really :)
Still really enjoying this story and your style of writing. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Good catch! Yeah, it's supposed to be Prevents. Thanks for the kind words.
Date: 12/01/16 03:29 am Title: Chapter 6: A Night in the Park
Very interesting alternate universe. Enjoying the story and looking forward to more. You'd better not end it without explaining how he gets stuck, and how he resolves the mental institution detour (grin).
Author's Response: Thank you for reading. As far as explaining why he gets stuck, I'll dive into that soon enough, but don't expect anything crazy. Everything will be explained in due time, but this is not going to be a short story.
Date: 11/30/16 11:39 pm Title: Chapter 6: A Night in the Park
Nice chapter! After the second kiss it says "couldn't help but resist" but I think you meant either "couldn't help but" or "couldn't resist" because it's a double negative.
Other than that, great chapter :)
Author's Response: Nice catch! That'll be fixed soon enough, and thanks for the kind words
Date: 11/25/16 06:25 pm Title: Chapter 5: And The Cups All Tumbled Down
This story is awesome! Keep it up, I want to read more! Very well written, with no noticeable errors/inconsistencies. Great work :)
Author's Response: Thanks! I've taken it upon myself to be more diligent about re-reading and re-writing. As an unfortunate consequence, the chapters have been coming a little slower.
Date: 11/16/16 06:41 am Title: Chapter 2: One Giant Leap
An interesting Start, but unless you haven't seen it, the Villian seems very similar to the bad guy in Heroes. Using Telekinesis to open the brain and then stealing the powers from the other operatives.
I honestly hope to be surprised tho, ad will still be tracking this for updates :)
Author's Response: The villain is partially inspired by heroes (although there are several differences, as you'll find), but that's where the similarities end. I see it as less of stealing and more of an homage to an awesome character. I guarantee there will be surprises.