Date: 06/04/17 02:42 am Title: Chapter 1: Gary
Like nowawoman mentioned, there are some grammar errors. I also felt that closer to the end of the chapter it was a bit rushed
Author's Response: Yes I did rush this story and I was probably excited to publish my first story to have a completed first chapter. Most of my unfinished works are in the beginning stages and I just never find time to sit down and write when I feel I want to. I plan on editing this at some point before publishing my second chapter so its easier to read, with correct grammar. Thanks to you all for your input.
Date: 03/25/17 08:52 pm Title: Chapter 1: Gary
The ides isn't bad and your descriptions show promise, too, but you repeat words too often, example:
He later came back and had some lunch, and read one of the books he brought with him.
Later in the day he decided to take a dip in the lake,
two 'later' in much too close a proximity.
I do not know if this is your first story. If it is I think you need practice and someone editing, then you will most certainly turn out quite some nice stuff in future.
Author's Response: Though it is not my first story it is one of my few published works and first on this site. I wrote it over the course of a week or so and edited it during that time. So a couple errors may be present, however it shouldn't distract from the overall story. I hope to continue this series however life is busy at the moment so I cant say for certain when the next chapter will be ready.