Date: 08/19/19 01:39 am Title: Ch. 23: The Game: Part I
Wow, I can't believe I never reviewed this.
I re-read the whole story so far to refresh my memory. Glad I did, it gave me a better understanding of the characters and plot.
The concept is great, but there are a couple of plot holes I hope you can fill in.
1. If the girls have all of this nearly magical equipment, why not just heal Mackenzie so she can play again? Is it because her injury was too severe for her to just 'magically' recover in time?
2. Why did the girls turn Devon into a Barbie doll right off the bat? It sounds like they could have left her more athletic until after the game, then dialed the body up as sexy as they wanted. Don't get me wrong - I think the bigger the boobs and bubblier the butt the better - but if the objective was to win the game they should have kept that the focus during the transformation.
3. Seems like any equipment sophisticated enough to make radical enough changes to turn Devon into Emma should have a 'Male/Female' switch on it. If the change is indeed permanent, then that M/F switch could turn Mackenzie into Mack so s(he) could have a future with Emma.
The fact that Emma didn't get aroused in the girl's locker room makes me think her time with Mackenzie is short. I like happy endings, probably because I've been through enough sad ones. I hope Emma and Mackenzie work it out.
You have a talent for cliffhangers. I like the way you break up the chapters.
I hope you continue this well after the game. I want to see how Emma does as a knockout girl in the long term. And at least some sex. Maybe Emma and Mackenzie in a threesome with the captain of the baseball team?
As always, thanks for taking the time to write your stories. Elron.
Author's Response: I LOVE reading your reviews, thank you so much for including so much detail in them! Please keep the feedback coming, I always love feedback on my characters and stories. -Baq
Date: 09/22/16 02:25 pm Title: Ch. 1: Introduction
I just read the whole story so far was disappointed that he did not fight back and leave and have the girl's get McKenzie to talk him into it as for the game maybe they should lose for doing this to him and have him question himself
Date: 09/20/16 04:23 am Title: Ch. 6: A Flawless Figure
What the girls are doing to our guy, it's hard to believe and it's illegal, not to mention rushed. Your viewpoint of femdom is, dare I say, twisted and sickeningly awful. You could have done so much with your well-balanced writing if you've just stopped for one moment to think of your characters, think of a way to develop and shape them up. I will not ask for any quality of this untasted kind and I feel sorry for those who have tolerated or enjoyed it until now. The main character's development is the recipe for a good story. If there is no fight left in him, it's not the main character anymore...Although I should have expected it as much, transgender people after all.
Best of luck in your next work. Raise your standard a bit more and increase the length of each chapter, else, feel free to continue with your merry way. Terribly sorry for the harsh comment. I know different strokes for different folks but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to trashtalk this content. Unintentional or not, I don't have the stomach to endure nor ignore it.
Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't like it (through chapter six), but if you kept reading you could see that the main character does develop in a way that shows a clear identity crisis and question of self. You're perfectly entitled to your opinion, as am I. Also, if you've read any other story on this site with the tag "Forced" in regards to change, you'll see that mine is not the only one with a question of legality. I'm still new to this, as you can see I'm only on my second story (and first in nearly a year), so I'm still trying to figure out how to write this kind of material for this type of audience. Hopefully you change your mind as the story progresses. Also, I'm not transgender. I just like reading about that kind of stuff and thought I'd give writing a try. Baq
Date: 09/16/16 02:49 am Title: Ch. 1: Introduction
Just Read Ch12-14, really like the way you're going with this, completely relieved my previous fears. Looking forward to future chapters, keep up the good work!
Author's Response: I'm glad to have alleviated any concerns you might have had. If you're interested in suggesting any other ideas for where this story could go, I'm always open to suggestions. Baq
Date: 09/16/16 02:00 am Title: Ch. 14: A Lack Of Confidence
chapters too short but good any way
Author's Response: One of my biggest turn-offs when reading a story is long chapters that drag on. I'd rather have 25 400-word chapters than have 10 10,000-worders. Glad you like it. Baq
Date: 09/16/16 01:26 am Title: Ch. 1: Introduction
At first I read your story and thought "this is good but it lacks that IT factor. The thing that make you remember it." Well 48 hours later I remember it so, I'm giving it a 5. At the time of thinking this though it was only at ch 10. I feel you could have ended it there but, am happy you're continuing it. The direction I think you're taking it could ruin but, it could also make it better and I have full faith that you will make it better. Fan of transformed too btw. Just my 2 cents as an anonymous user online on a transgender fiction website lol
P.S. I absolutely disagree with a previous review slamming the characters for turning him into a babe. One of the characters herself has 36DD breast and they have a machine for feminization that could easily be used to make their breast and proportions smaller for games then bigger again. For me, that didn't ruin it all, I would think if anyone was being forcibly turned into a girl they would, at the very least, want to be hot as hell.
Author's Response: Glad to hear you enjoyed Transformed. And thank you for defending my characters' choices. Baq
Date: 09/14/16 07:21 am Title: Ch. 11: One Of The Girls
Things seem to be going well. I love that you are continuing and Im glad I was able to help. I will say that (and this is just personal opinion based on my style) I think you made a misstep with the whole "instant girl mind" thing. Navigating to challenges of womanhood can often be a fountain of conflict and possible character developments.
Of course this is your story and if that is the direction you want to take things then it is wonderful. It is still a very fun read.
A friend and fan,
Author's Response: I appreciate the feedback. I'm working on changing that section right now, as I didn't like it either. Baq
Date: 09/13/16 10:52 pm Title: Ch. 1: Introduction
I was unsure of how to contact you other than through the reviews so I wanted to leave a few ideas for further plot points on here.
1. Meeting Mack as a girl.
2. Practice for the big game.
>I think there is a lot of room for some fun here because of Emma's generous proportions. She would need to use her athletic skill to ovecome the body she was given which could end up with some awkward and funny failures.
3. Emma has to find someplace to stay to avoid her family fonding out about her transformation until she is ready to tell them.
4. Possibly fighting to try and get changed back.
>maybe even bargaining to be changed back after the big game (whether or not she actually can be changed back is another matter all together.)
5. The game itself and the struggles there in if she is not the star of the team.
>she would only of had limited time to prepare so she would probably not be the best which would clash with her ego of being an athlete on the way to the pro leagues. It give she some conflict and gives her a chance to overcome some shortcomings.
6. The game is over (Win or lose) Mack is thankful to Emma for doing what she could for the team and decides to thank her very intimately. ;-)
7. Emma comes to acceptance and finds a new path in life. An unexpected path, but one that is full of love a friendship and happiness.
Also there could be a sort of "girls day out" sort of scene after Emma is introduced to Mack where we get to know more about everyone and some bonding can occur.
Just some suggestions since there were asked for.
I thought it was fun in it's own right, but there is definitely room for more story.
A friend and a fan,
Author's Response: Please keep the ideas coming. I usually end my stories with the transformation, but I'm intrigued by the possibilities you've introduced by continuing past it and trying life as a girl. Any other suggestions you have, please let me know. Baq
Date: 09/13/16 09:21 pm Title: Ch. 10: Some Acceptance
This story was really awful. The people involved in the process of transforming Devon must be the biggest idiots alive. They wanted a good field hockey player, not a big busted prom queen. Emma will be terrible at playing fockey with her proportions and entirely altered body. Also, you got entirely off track and left way too many holes in the plot. Redo!
Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't like it, but I wrote the story I wanted to tell. I'm moving forward with the story so maybe some of the issues you had with it will be resolved. Baq
Date: 09/13/16 02:25 pm Title: Ch. 1: Introduction
This was a fun story, but I find myself wondering why it stopped. It didn't seem like a cliffhanger or some form of intentionally used device. The story just stopped with no resolution. I would urge you to continue as it was well writen, quite fun, and seemed to have so many other parts to explore.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. I might add a few more chapters to resolve it better. I'd like to hear some of your ideas for other parts it could explore. Baq