Date: 03/23/19 02:52 pm Title: 5 PM
Sorry for not reviewing sooner. It's not an excuse, but too often I get wrapped up in my own work to focus on what other people are doing.
For this story I feel you are working out an idea similar to how I work out ideas in my stories and I can really appreciate it. Dialogue. For several chapters you manage to hold the story together using only the back and forth of a discussion between two characters we don't even know and it is very impressive.
I'm not sure how I feel about the 'story' itself (I think the characters and 'plot' here come second to the theme you were trying to achieve anyway), but there are a lot of concepts and ideas that are worked out through this very simple device of two personalities trying to interact with one another. So much so that, somewhere in '9 am,' when the format changes it becomes a little jarring I'm afraid. I'm not sure if I'd be more in favor of everything staying in a dialogue format or if this transition came a little smoother a bit but it definitely took me out of the rhythm.
Also, I definitely find the male character more interesting than the female character. While I think you nail the personalities, interactions, thought processes and genders of both, the female character feels more like a putty, allowing the male to dictate the conversation and allow herself to be sculpted (almost like 'he knows best') and I would have preferred more fight, angst, resistance... something to round out her personality a bit more.
Author's Response: A lifetime of events have taken place since I wrote this story, so it is a blast from the past to get a review. I appreciate that you read it, it means a lot. I hope that overall you derived some enjoyment out of it. That's why we publish after all. Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Date: 03/05/17 02:13 pm Title: 5 PM
This is one of my all time favorite stories and I made this account just to find this story again and review it. I love the unique narrative style, and the subtle changes throughout each chapter. I feel like everythings already been said before me, but I love this story so much.
Author's Response: Thanks. For this story I was just inspired and wrote all in one day. It is a rare occurrence, but I'm glad you ended up liking it. I have a story in the works, but it is definitely a long-term project so won't be released any time soon. But maybe a quicker concept might come to me in the meantime. You never know. I can't just sit down and write, I have to come up with a really tantalizing idea, and it isn't every day that I can do that. Thanks for reading, and now that you have your own account, consider trying writing something yourself if you're so inclined. Most of the stories on this site are written by just regular people, and yet what comes out is some really great stuff.
Date: 08/27/16 09:40 pm Title: 5 PM
That was really special, unlike anything I've read before. I mostly read on here for the sex, and while I like a story with it, I usually want to get to some good stuff without too much delay. This is different - it's obviously foreplay quite early on, but such a slow, tantalising climb works to make the wait totally worthwhile. By turns (and often all at once) sweet, sexy, intelligent and just plain hot!
Author's Response: You just described exactly what I was going for, so it is a pleasure to know I nailed it. Thanks for the review. :)
Date: 08/21/16 01:02 pm Title: 10PM
Actually, I want to elaborate a bit more on my earlier review, since I think I was underselling chapter 6-7. They weren't just "dime a dozen" well done erotica, because the uniqueness of the earlier chapters carried through to make me really appreciate the characters perspective. So I should call it "great" rather than merely "welldone", but I am attributing much of my enjoyment of it as being the payoff of the fantastic earlier chapters that paved the way for it.
Author's Response: Well thank you. It is nice to know my writing is appreciated. Your kindness about my story makes me very happy.
Date: 08/21/16 12:55 pm Title: 10PM
I didn't mean to imply that I did not also enjoy chapters 6-7. To quote another reviewer, "Fantastically erotic and a unique way of telling the story" is something I would say of the story as well. However, it was specifically chapters 1-5 that were the unique aspect and 6-7 that were fantastically erotic (although 1-5 were fairly erotic as well). The erotic portion (6-7) was well done, but well done erotic stories are a dime a dozen. It was the uniqueness of the earlier portion that made the story great for me, so I wanted to emphasize that. There was nothing wrong with 6-7, it did not begin to lose me.
Date: 08/21/16 01:27 am Title: 5 PM
Fantastic story! Especially the first 5 chapters. At first I was slightly grumpy about the sometimes confusing all dialogue with no indication of speaker, but it won me over in the end. After the somewhat insidious nature of the guy's suggestions was revealed, I actually restarted the story paying more attention to them and it really enhanced my enjoyment of the story. I really liked the gradual mental readjusting, it was slow enough to feel like a smooth and gradual shift, but because of the way your story was only dialogue you were able to fit that slow change within a much smaller reading space, which made it more potent.
My one criticism would be that just jumping straight into the story with the nonstop dialog right off the bad was a bit jarring. I think it might have been better to open with a more traditional narrative type paragraph or two before diving into the nonstop dialog, to ease the reader into it. As is, if the reader doesn't read the synopsis, they will be really confused.
Author's Response: Thanks for your feedback, both positive and negative. It is well received, and I completely agree with your assessment. I'm happy that you picked up on the gradual mental transformation. I wrote it literally that she just kept being confused about how she felt, and kept "clarifying" her position, but the subtext is that yes, there is a big difference between how she thinks at the beginning versus at the end. Also thanks for the five stars, much appreciated. I have a question though: what started losing you in the sixth chapter? Was it that the sex became more explicit, and you aren't a big fan of that, did you not like her becoming a fully heterosexual woman, did you think I didn't write a convincing sex scene, or is it something else? There may be an opportunity for improvement for my future stories here. Thanks.
Date: 08/16/16 09:14 pm Title: 11 PM
Oh wow such a change from the beginning. I'm glad they're both happy I hope I can make my hunnie happy like that someday.
Author's Response: Happy you enjoyed it. Thanks for being an exemplary reader! Getting your feedback as I've been uploading each chapter really makes me happy to share my story with others.
Date: 08/14/16 01:20 am Title: 9 PM
Annnnd I start thinking of my own boyfriend again and how "fascinating" it is when we do our own stuff, hehehe.
But in all seriousness I'm super curious as to how this person got transformed like that. Like... was it the "boyfriend?" Like what changed him and did all this weird stuff to him???
Author's Response: Yay! I was actually really curious whether you would continue to identify with your boyfriend in this story. Glad to hear its still the case. As to your latter question, there is an explanation I had in mind but it is never covered in the story explicitly, so I'll just say it here. Basically "she" transformed about 2-3 weeks ago through an unknown but safe-to-say advanced mechanic. I like to consider it a natural but perhaps mutated biological agent, but I leave it open ended. All her changes right off the bat were physical, so that part is straightforward. Otherwise, her mind was primed to encourage the formation of female neural pathways and the demotion of male pathways. This is why "he" noticed she was easy to manipulate in the past, before the first chapter of this story. He exploited that at the start of the conversation, and it is fair to say he didn't have the best of intentions at first, something between selfishness, teasing and manipulation, but also some compassion, in that he wanted her to accept her female side since there didn't seem to be any way to go back to being male. But as you've seen in this story, he kind of softened to her and now his feelings for her are causing him to treat her with a lot of kindness for the most part. Anyway, back to the neural pathway point I was making. In their conversation, they fall on this concept of fascination, and they really happen to hit it on the head. She feels a lot of interest in learning when there's a female thought or pattern, and that's what fascination is. It is really intense in her case, and causes her to get a flush of happy every time it hits her.
Date: 08/11/16 02:02 am Title: 5 PM
I really liked the flow of this story. The way the focus is always on what's being said and you know who is talking at any one time. The only thing that was jaring was the present tense actions. she did this, he did that. Not sure how you could fix it, but I'm certainly going to be reading the rest.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm aware, I felt it too during the re-read. If you can stomach through it I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story. Not to spoil things too much, but there are large sections later in the story where it shifts from dialogue to narrative. I understand if some people are not happy that I am putting out something that is not super polished, but for me it was either I put it out as-is or I just keep it to myself. I only publish maybe one out of four stories I write, depending on if I enjoy them. I really enjoy this story. So I hope you continue to like it too. Thanks for the rating, much appreciated.
Date: 08/10/16 07:27 pm Title: 6 PM
I'm so confused... how did this happen to this kid? Also, like... the friend is kinda taking advantage of this person being all confused and having strange things happen. I'm not sure how I feel about that... though I get to thinking about my own boyfriend when you describe the friend's body and yeah xD
Author's Response: I hope to somewhat answer your questions in future chapters, where they revisit the beginning. The full story is already written. I admit that there may be a few plot holes in it, but I wrote this story more for the imagery and character evolution than for the plot. If you think of your boyfriend when you read it, it may be because I am infusing a lot of real life stuff into this story, which I like to think adds to its realism. Thank you very much for the five stars. :)