Date: 02/07/17 09:04 pm Title: Chapter 1
There are grammar, spelling, and format issues in this that make it hard to read. I believe I see potential here but there issues need to be fixed. Also, the length, even if just an introduction, is rather short. I think it should be longer.
Date: 06/24/16 01:13 pm Title: Chapter 1
It seems like something is wrong with the format. I find the lack of period dots very out of place and difficult to follow on what's happening in the story. I suggest you go back and see that it's fixed before continuing, and while you're at it, it might not be a bad idea to expand the length a bit as I'm afraid this beginning is hardly qualified for a rating more than 2.