Date: 06/23/16 11:04 pm Title: Day 126 - The Vapid Whore
A very good story! Bravo! I don't quite understand what happened in the ending though, why did she lose her ability to think?
Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it. She didn't exactly "lose" her ability to think, I think that's too severe. Just got a little scatterbrained, that's all. It's purposely left ambiguous. Some might prefer to think that David just has that strong of a hold over Ayumi. That maybe there was more to it than just the suit. Or maybe part of the suit remains inside her? It did enter her heart in her dream, and she has been wishing to be more like that w**** on the screen. Perhaps she just wanted it so much that she unconsciously started acting ditzy, and couldn't turn it off after a while. I wasn't really sure which explanation would please the most people, so I decided not to give one. A bit lazy, admittedly, I could've probably dropped a few hints at least.
Date: 06/19/16 06:19 am Title: Day 1 - The Dream
Indeed, the formatting is a nice touch. You did well within the limitations on this site though, by hearing the quotes interwoven with the internal dialogue, and the mention of the headphones, it is obvious that there is a continuous audio loop being played in Alex's ears. Many authors would either miss the mark, or be super literal and explicit (not sexually explicit, I mean the common dictionary definition of explicit).
Date: 06/18/16 05:40 pm Title: Day 3 - The Girl
The story on a whole isn't my thing, but I'll give 5 stars for the two passages in the first 8 paragraphs of the third chapter where thoughts are first interrupted by the subliminals. That was very well executed.
Author's Response: Thanks for being here again and thanks for the review :) That part is actually my favourite too, and it's a little different in the original version. If you want to give it a look, there's a pdf download for free on my profile. You can choose between MEGA, Google Drive and Mediafire. It's just a little formatting quirk but I think it's even better there. Give it a try if you want, and thanks once again!