Date: 03/14/18 07:45 pm Title: Chapter 10
I devoured the first ten chapters and am eagerly awaiting more updates! One of the few examples of a seemingly invulnerable character that I have found interesting, probably because she doesn’t come across as a Mary Sue but as a genuinely interesting individual who is sympathetic. Also this is better D&D fiction than the official books.
Date: 08/02/17 07:38 pm Title: Chapter 1
Was this discontinued? I reread this story every couple of months and would like to know what is going on. Thank you.
Author's Response: It's not strictly discontinued, but life hasn't been easy and I can't really find the time or mental energy required to write much anymore. I can't make any promises but there's a decent chance I will put my notes together well enough to continue and finish the story some day.
Date: 09/09/16 03:43 pm Title: Chapter 10
Brilliant as always! But Annie and Rose seem a bit distant in the last few chapters? Do the others know about their relationship?
Author's Response: They should, more or less. I just haven't been focusing much on the relationship lately, beyond a few cuddles here or there. It'll become prominent again in future chapters, and even more so in future story arcs.
Date: 07/28/16 09:55 am Title: Chapter 1
In all the time I've spent reading online, this has to be one of the better ones I've read. The story is long and in depth, and does not seem rushed or boring at ny time. The characters are interesting to follow, and the plot is rich and with many high points. And of course, the writing is on spot from the author, with (in my opinion) flawless grammar and diverse sentence structure.
Date: 07/04/16 10:14 am Title: Chapter 1
I just discovered this story, even though I have been reading TG fiction for over a decade. This is probably the best such story I have ever read. The characters are compelling, the prose is good, and I feel drawn into a believable and rich fantasy setting. I enjoy learning about the world alongside Anne, and I look forward to finding the answers to the mysteries behind Anne's existence. It's sexy without being overly porny.
I'm looking forward to reading more!
Date: 06/28/16 01:57 am Title: Chapter 8
First, I want to alert the possible readers of this review that the next text is full of spoilers, you are all warned. My objective always is to show the writer my view of their stories, so they can see through my eyes, and maybe, give them some help to continue writing it.
Your story is very beautiful and you focus the story on the important events and characters, you don’t waste any sentence and you don’t deviate the attention of the reader, that’s a very good way to write a novel. You are talented and I appreciate that you bring to us this nice piece of work.
Anne, the protagonist and the beautiful sorceress black elf. Very long pristine white hair, blue eyes, pitch-black skin, silvery tattoos, nude/cloak/robes/adventurer clothes/purple cloak, winter equipment and clothes, adventurer pack and unarmed/rapier. She is an outworlder, we don’t know anything about her “previous life”. As a sorcerer, she focuses her magical power to the existence sphere. The blade dancing skills are impressive, Anne got a fantastic body. Mina told Anne that Illesine wanted to be a goddess, but that she was a priestess to some goddess, we don’t know If the deity pact continues active, but we do know that Illesine achieved her objective to become a goddess, maybe that is related wuth the curse of immortality. The way that you proved Anne’s immortality was hilarious, a goblin spiked trap hole, yeah, maybe they need a trap detector in the group, I thought that Yelen was some kind of thief at that time, so it was even more funny, hehehe. I like the progress of the character, she keeps learning things about herself, well… her actual body and embracing her desires. I like the way that she is turning more feminine with each chapter and she doesn't seems to mind, a very positive attitude.
Minacavere or Mina, an elven black cat, the former familiar of Illesine, and now Anne’s. I love her, she is cute and lovely with that green eyes. The bound between Anne and her is really cool, another thing that I always liked of D&D familiars, but with something new, the talking part. “You distracted me with your petting” soooo cute!!! one of my favourite sentences. The way Mina played with the party at the forests was fun, the mischievous cat. I love that you don’t use Mina as a mere “comic relief”, she is important in her way and she is too cute to not love her.
Rose Alauda, the half-elf traveling mage/scholar. Black hair shoulder length, blue eyes, pale skin, leather clothes, slim sword and metal wand. As a mage, she is a versatile caster, she likes using the mental sphere, but she knows lots of spells. She is very proud of herself, very confident, a “lovable” nerd for the arcane arts and she gets what she wants. She is a lesbian for Anne. Anne playing with Rose was fun, you sir clearly did something interesting with the magic lessons between the girls. Then you continued their relationship, and even you place them in a very romantic environment for them to make the confessions, past and love, really beautiful. They are a nice couple, and I support their love.
Elara, the elf priestess of Mellesine. Light blonde hair, pale blue eyes, robes and unarmed. As a divine sorcerer, she can use protection and healing spells. She is caring and a kindly, for accepting a "lost child" she owned my total respect and admiration. She is the first to help Anne as a confidant, but then I went with suspicion because of the conversation between the high priestess and Elara. She follows Mellesine goddess and she seems interested in seeking information about the goddess Illesine.
Lionel Borne, the human imperial knight vigilant. Blonde hair and beard, plate armor, crimson cloak and huge two-handed sword. I laugh when Rose explained how Lionel swings his giant sword, hehehe, maybe if he admits that he uses magic, his pride will be hurt? He is the most serious member of the party, and she is the most racist too. That explains his desire to hunt outworlders. He acts like a tank, a front slow warrior that can endure the hits of the enemies.
Yelen, the human thief?. Brown hair, sword and blue energy pistol/rifled musket. He is mysterious, he seems to like Anne physically, and who isn’t? He is cautious, like Lionel, but he seems more open and respectful. He acts as an agility fighter of some sort, he has a lot of mobility and he can use short and long ranged weapons.
Illesine, the previous immortal drow. We don’t know a lot about her, but I can understand that she was desperate to die with her people, the drow promised land or something like that. Elves are something difficult to understand, specially drows, and you hardly ever know what are they thinking, so you did a good job. Her story is interesting and I love to know more.
The TG element of the story is good, a way to introduce some background and a way to give the main character the immortal perk and some other nice assets with a warm body swap, goodbye manhood, hello womanhood. Hehehe. The nice assets include the enchantments of the body, very interesting, I’d love to have that kind of atributes and enchantments on my body, all of them :).
After the first chapter I thought, OH! A story in a medieval setting with similarities with D&D, I need to read more about it. I like drows too, so, this story was calling my attention. You introduced a full party: tank, healer, thief and mage, and with the addition of an unknown class for the MC (sorceress was an assumption, but definitively not a fact), I was hooked to the story.
Sorcery and Magery, you explained a lot of it and I appreciate it a lot. In your world, magic is divided in sphere/energy types: Thermal (Fire and Ice), Existence (Light and Darkness), Mental (Will, Sense and Emotion), Divine (Deity Spells), Pressure?? (Wind and Earth), Law?? (Order and Chaos) and Mystery (Crystal). And then, you added other magic types: Elementalism (Spirits/Elementals), Druidism, Astrology and Magitech. The magic of your world is very interesting, I’m like Rose, a nerd for magic arts, so I enjoy when Rose or Anne explains magic.
Races, you explained a little of “what the other races say about drows” and I liked a lot the way that Mina explained to Anne. The culture differences of surfacers/overworlders, underworlders and outworlders, that explains nearly all the distrust and even the hate, the unknown is scary to the weak of mind. Mortal races, human, dwarves, goblinoids, sylphs, etc. Immortal races, elves, half-elves, dragons, fae, shapeshifters, undead, etc. I’m craving to meet this creatures and other darklings of the underworld.
Deities, we know that the elven have seven gods in their pantheon. Mellesine, Elara goddess of nurturing, comfort, protection, family and other things related to home. Llorenine, the goddess of spring and life, and her symbol, the blooming flowers. Illesine is another one. The others are unknown, two more goddesses and two more gods. I think that the goddess relations are somewhat important for the story, so I'm interested in the other deities too.
The scenarios are vivid and detailed, the way that Anne saw the forest and the caves was really beautiful. The goblin cave with night vision, cooool!! There are other scenarios that aren’t as detailed, but it’s reasonable, the MC cannot see in daylight. The world, Nur, seemed a very fantastic place. Another of my favourite sentences is: “It figures that the people here would name their world Earth too. The world is the ground beneath your feet, what else would you call it?” yeah, all the sentient species will name his world Earth or an equivalent, hehehe. The elven city of Dalveria was very beautiful too, I liked the “glass district” with the restaurant where Anne and Rose had their precious meeting, and obviously the Orchid Cathedral, the gardens, the flowers, the vines... a really wonderful place. You try hard to give as much details as needed to see the scenario and is one of the things that I like the most about you.
The dialogues are cute and interesting, I like that you tell us always the name of the person when the story changes the POV. You are more a writer of emotions than a writer of dialogues, I love to be an omniscient about the emotions, they feel more real.
The combats are awesome, even a simple combat with goblins (furry ones, yay!!!) was interesting and the use of magic and weapons was cool. The cave dragon and the wyvern were epic and we can see Anne’s power. Other “battles” are funny, like the big wolf hide and seek and the drunk party of “robbers”.
You really like girls with blue eyes, don't you? Hehehe, womens can be real goddesses with other color of eyes, but I understand your tastes. Maybe I will love a little more variety of characters in your story. We don't know a lot about Lionel and Yelen, I expected more development of them. And we have another addition to the party and we don’t know her name, or anything relevant about her.
If you aren’t aware of it’s existence, I invite you to join the chat for writers and others, like a simple reviewer myself. https://discord.gg/0ySrJuAHD2P8jf7w
I will wait for more chapters of “Wanderings of an Elf” to come to light, It will be my pleasure to read them.
Thanks a lot for your time.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, there were a few things that stood out to me as significant.
Date: 06/15/16 12:30 pm Title: Chapter 7
I flat out love this tale. I must of read what is here so far at least four times. I am excited to see how Annie progresses within the world that has been created for her. I was curious as to the sudden change in update schedule but your (the author's) response to another review answered my only concern. So.... *applauds*
Date: 06/12/16 08:02 pm Title: Chapter 1
Just curious. When do you normally update?
Author's Response: I don't have any kind of schedule. I posted the chapters that are on right now because it felt like they were getting in the way of writing future ones. Since I dumped them on this site all at once that might have given you the impression that I wrote them all very quickly, but they actually took several months. Don't worry, I'm still writing and intend to finish this story.
Date: 05/20/16 07:07 pm Title: Chapter 6
I am so in love with this story! Please stop updating it as I am reading yours instead of writing my own lol :)
But seriously, it is brilliant, I love the way you have taken time to build up details of characters, and how they interact. You have obviously thought long and hard about each character and put a lot of effort into creating the fantasy world.
Definitely my favourite story on here at the moment!
More please x
Date: 05/19/16 04:32 pm Title: Chapter 5
This story is amazing, Inira! I love it! I love the familiar Mina, and I love how alien Anne feels and how you describe her night vision and light blindness. I love her burgeoning relationship and I think this story is awesome!
Date: 05/19/16 04:05 pm Title: Chapter 5
Loving the story so far. The writing is very solid and the characters are interesting. I don't view the whole observer aspect of things as an issue. The main character is still just figuring out what's going on, and they have the unique situation of not needing to truly become invested in anything or anyone because they're immortal.
Make an enemy? They'll be gone in 100 years. Get exiled from an empire? It'll be gone in 1000 years. Run out of money? You don't need food or water to survive. Want to build an empire or become a master at any skill? Work at it for 10000 years and anything is achievable.
In many ways, a truly immortal character is an extremely tragic character. Think 'me' from doctor who. Anyone they love or care about will die eventually. Anything they find interesting will eventually become boring. They can achieve anything, but why bother to try if you know that you can do it even before you start? This aspect of immortality is obviously something that the old owner of that body discovered, but Anne has yet to realize just how much of a curse true immortality really is.
Date: 05/18/16 04:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
Really enjoying this story, I love how our main character is basically a tourist in this fantastical world you've created. Also that although they are trapped forever, it's not a 100% a curse because of the cute cat familiar (OMG I love Mira
Date: 05/18/16 03:03 pm Title: Chapter 1
Your story is looking pretty good so far, though I found the start to be be quite clunky. While the world in itself is interesting so far, I feel like we know more about the supporting cast and the world than the protagonist/narrator. He seems to be from our world, but we don't have a clear idea of who he is our what their objective is. If it's to find out how to get his body back, then he should show more initiative in doing so. Thus far, he's acted as a self-insert, asking questions about the world and getting a bunch of exposition in return. There is the mystery and wonder of exploring his new form, but we don't get any strong emotions from his musings. As it currently stands, he's more of an observer than an actor in his own story.
The actions sequences could also use some work, because they're not particularly engaging as they currently stand. Instead of focusing on what everyone else is doing, you should place more emphasis on his own actions, interspersing those of the other character as need be. The combat and magic scenes thus far don't have a lot of weight to them, and feel more like opportunities to show off the character's skills rather than a stressful combat.
The lack of a clear conflict, and the protagonist's stake in it is also hurting the story a bit. Clarifying those should help develop both the plot and the characters.
Overall, a decent story that will be interesting to read as it further develops.
Author's Response: I agree that we don't know much about the protagonist, but that was what I intended. I actually had a history for him/her in mind but it honestly didn't have any bearing on anything in the current world, so I dropped it. You can call that a self-insert, but I'd just call it a blank slate. Or at least an unknown slate. As to her being an observer, that's also a theme that I went with and even based the story title on. She's wandering around, not really knowing what she's doing. I'm not sure if I've posted the chapter with it yet, but if I didn't then there's definitely a dose of angst coming about what kind of place she has in the foreign world she's in, and trying to find out what she's going to do with her life. The action sequence being observer-based was also by design. I was trying to show that she doesn't know what she's doing. She's never fought before, it was all new to her. In the future she'll get better at it. Anyhow I appreciate the feedback.