Date: 04/29/16 02:02 pm Title: Chapter 1 - The Family meeting
I like the concepts of your stories. They seem pretty cool.
However, when I read them, it is kind of like reading a shopping list, or an itemized report. I think you really need to stop introducing huge lists of characters and just concentrate on a couple. People can't keep up with 5 new brothers every third paragraph.
So far, your stories read like a book-report of a different story. Move beyond just telling, step-by-step, what happened; instead, tell little vignettes of details within the story, and let us readers piece together the full tale.
I can't rate your story more than a 1 because really, dude, they just have too many names of people that are extraneous to the story and too little incidental detail.... and too much 'listing' of events.