Reviews For Riley and Jeremy
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Reviewer: BalletBoyJamie Signed Report
Date: 08/28/16 07:47 am Title: Chapter 3

Please... just.... stop adding multiple new characters each chapter. And honestly, you don't need to give peoples full addresses, first and last names, and all these unnecessary details; tell a story, not an itemized fact-list of Things That Happened.

Reviewer: GollyWally Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 06/21/16 03:47 pm Title: Prologue

I'll give you credit for your intentions but this story is just a big info dump with little coherency or feeling. I feel like you're reciting your family history, in a way, like it was written in your family's history book.

I'll also give it to you that coming-of-age stories are not by any stretch of the imagination easy to pull off. Pacing, as is a big problem here, alone can be a pain to deal with, but a good coming of age story, though they don't typically have "blockbuster" legs, can be about as heart-wrenching as any book there is.

Don't quit, you've got a good basis to your story, but you need to go deeper into the coming of age theme than just reciting everything that happened from age 5 to 17.

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