Date: 03/25/18 04:28 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
I looked into the story because of the become only attracted to women tag but I feel the story is a little misleading because of the ending. It seems it would be more appropriately tagged as "becomes bisexual". Its just that if they fall in love with a man, marry them, have children woth them, and live the rest of their lives together then is it really "becomes only attractef to women"? The story is very well written and I thoroughly enjoyed the chapters I read but if I hadnt checked the ending before getting too deep into the story I would've been heart broken. Sadly I cant finish the story anymore but please know I very much had enjoyed the several chapters I had read earlier. So thank you for the story and all your hard work. Take care
Author's Response: Oops! I never noticed that I put the wrong tag for sexuality there...
Date: 04/23/17 02:54 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Happily ever after
A little rough around the edges but a good story nontheless. Though i almost didnt read it at the start, im mostly glad i did.
Author's Response: Thanks. It was the first story I wrote and I know there is room for improvement. Hopefully I will be able to write something new during the summer break.
Date: 12/05/16 05:12 am Title: Chapter 18 - Happily ever after
Wow! Amazing story. Love the attention to detail.Took a long time for me to read it but it was worth my time.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. 111 000 words are MANY words. Please feel free to read my other stories, they are somewhat connected.
Date: 04/28/16 09:04 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Happily ever after
And that's a wrap. Thanks, Jim. It was an enjoyable story. I have one request: Study how authors and publishing houses insist authors detail dialogue. Not the dialogue, itself, you did a fine job in that department. It’s the way you laid it out. Let me demonstrate. This example is from my novel, “Kayelle’s Return,” available on Amazon Kindle and formerly available here as one of TG Storytime’s and Joe’s "Editor's Picks."
This is how the scene appears in my novel:
Ray spotted the jeep. “Oh, fuck.” The jeep had landed front forward, it stood almost upright, its front grill mashed into the earth. It looked as if someone had picked it up and dropped it on its head.
“We crashed,” said Alex. “I couldn’t get the nose gear up in time.”
Ray nodded. “We’re lucky we’re not dead,” he said. “Think it’ll still start?” Steam, from a ruptured radiator, curled out of openings in the hood and grill.
“No,” Alex said.
“Alex, we passed through a vortex. This can’t be happening.”
“Yeah, but it is,” Alex replied.
“Is this still Earth?”
And this-- I suspect-- is how you would have typed it:
Ray spotted the jeep. “Oh, fuck.” The jeep had landed front forward, it stood almost upright, its front grill mashed into the earth. It looked as if someone had picked it up and dropped it on its head. “We crashed,” said Alex. “I couldn’t get the nose gear up in time.” Ray nodded. “We’re lucky we’re not dead,” he said. “Think it’ll still start?” Steam, from a ruptured radiator, curled out of openings in the hood and grill. “No,” Alex said. “Alex, we passed through a vortex. This can’t be happening.” “Yeah, but it is,” Alex replied. “Is this still Earth?”
The problem, Jim, it is difficult to tell which of them is speaking because the entire exchange is jammed together in a single paragraph, whereas in the example above each character is given his own paragraph, even if it’s only a few brief words.
Your way, I had to pause and wait for you to tell me who was speaking. In the future, don’t do that.
Author's Response: Thanks for the criticism.
Date: 04/28/16 03:42 pm Title: Chapter 12 - Straight out the window
Here would be an interesting place (end of Chap. 12) to place a point to ponder. Back when Rick was first injured and lost his teeth, Johnnie/Jennie could have arrived at a brilliant "fix" to Rick's injury (which would have completely ruined the plot, but is par for the course on my stories). Jen could have run to Rick's house, found an article of clothing Rick had not worn recently and had him touch it while touching the medallion. His body would have been reconfigured back to his prior state back when he last had worn that particular garment. And as result, he'd get his teeth back, his jaw would be fixed, no worries about a recovery diet until he healed. It's a favorite scenario of mine they never explored on Star Trek because it would have limited the drama in their storylines if people could be cured of their injuries by having their damaged parts reconfigured in a sort of search and replace kind of molecular assembly/disassembly/reassembly. You see, the trouble with a technology like that, is that no one would need fear death anymore. And that makes for very poor drama in fiction stories where dying and injury are always things to try to avoid.
I’m also famous on this site for revealing and criticizing all the time travel errors Bob Zemeckis made in his Back to the Future trilogy. Knowing full well, had he avoided them, the storyline would have sucked.
Still liking the story, however, Jim. Wondering where in Chapter 13 we're heading next.
Author's Response: The issue is that by using the medallion there won't be any evidence of Roger having commited a crime. Since he needed to understand that he was doing a few things wrong, he had to injure Rick (at least in how the events unfolded).
Date: 04/27/16 08:54 pm Title: Chapter 6 - Morning brings new surprises
Hey, Jim, Paul (Pablo) here. What I like about your stories is that you don't indulge in the silly fantasies many here do as to the real ramifications of changing one's gender. If you've read the international news lately, you're aware that several "redneck" states south of me here in New Jersey, U.S.A. are making way more to do over transgender-types and their need to use the restroom facilities that they wish to than just a concern over possible harm to young girls in the ladies restroom or the women there in general. It's all just an excuse to lash out at a society that is trying to "evolve." I'm only at Chapter Six of your story. Do I like it? Yes, very much. I just have one question: what is it with you and lasagna? Is that all your characters ever it? Jeez. I mean, try spaghetti once in awhile. Or steak? A pot roast. Rotisserie Chicken would be a nice change.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading so far. The lasagna was more of a gimmick that I threw in. They will eat other things later on.
Date: 04/20/16 06:02 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
This is definitely among my favorite literary works on this website. I love the concept of the medallion and how it's powers are slowly revealed throughout the story.
The characters are all unique and their interactions with one another feel genuine. I love how realistically they think and act.The story quickly drew me in and kept my attention through each chapter. I never knew what would be happening next!
Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words! A "prequel" is currently being written (20k words so far)...
Date: 04/17/16 09:32 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
After finishing the story I can say with confidence that it has earned a spot among my personal favorites on this site. Absolutely amazing work. I sincerely hope that you do continue on this path and follow their children. After reading your story I'm confident you could write an amazing sequel and I hope to see more from you in the future.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Date: 04/16/16 09:12 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
I absolutely loved this story! It was great! I loved how he changed back and forth and it wasn't just a being stuck this way and accepting it and growing to love it but he played with the idea for a while until finally making a decision. I hope there is a good story in there somewhere to be written about Jessie or about maybe their kids somehow come across it and uncover the truth or something. Would be great reads!! Great Work!!!
Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words! I am entertaining the thought about making this a "one story per generation"-series.
Date: 04/16/16 07:00 am Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
It's nice to have another good well written "tame" story that focuses on living life as the other gender and not on the sex that happens after. Honestly one of the best stories I have read on here. Great job. I look forward to reading your future pieces and seeing you grow as an author. :)
Author's Response: Thank you for yor kind words! :)
Date: 04/15/16 09:29 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
Yeah, it's on me. I never really thought about it until just now, that Adult (R on fictionmania) is a non-explicit version of Explicit (X on fictionmania). I always thought Adult would mean there would be some happy happy fun time. Most of my friends in the TG fiction world like to write non-explicit stories, and I always found that weird because that's all I care about. For me the best stories are the ones I visit for the really nice sex scenes, but stay because they weave in some plot and I'm like "aw man, now I've gotta read the rest of the story to see what happens next."
But I'm happy to encourage you to write the kind of story you want to write. Perhaps it doesn't line up with my preference, but with over 25k reads, you certainly have some who must be fans already (just that most people lurking on this site like to keep quiet).
Best of luck!
Author's Response: Thank you. I added the "Adult" tag because there was some minor violence, Roger hitting Rick for example, which I couldn't see as Kid-friendly. Sorry if my reasoning was inaccurate.
Date: 04/14/16 09:22 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
I don't have much to say other than you're a great writer. Think you might write something more explicit in the future? I see you have the chops for it in the moments in the story when you hint at it (especially early on, like the waking up to spooning and an erection). Your writing style combined with something more explicit would be really up my alley.
Author's Response: I tried keeping this novel clean of such happenings since I'm not inteterested in writing eroticism. Thank you for the review.
Date: 04/14/16 08:18 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
Fabulous tale! "I can't believe I read the whole thing" (grin) but actually I savored it, and was glad you told it slowly and with introspection. My only disconnect was why they wouldn't use the Medallion to backtrack and fix physical injuries. However aside from that I was really happy to see a new Zulo tale in the traditional pattern.
Author's Response: The reason why they didn't backtrack was because they wouldn't be able to explain their miraculous recoveries. How would Rick explain regrowing five teeth? How would Johnnie get away with bones that just were clean from scars?
Date: 04/14/16 12:44 pm Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
Great story ! How can it be your first ? Had to download it and I never did it before.
I'll just say at start the first chapter or two feels too forced, but I suppose you quickly learned because after that it was a great ride !
Author's Response: It was the first story I wrote. I've only read stories before but never written any. It's always hard to come up with a winning concept from the beginning and usually things just "fall into place".
Date: 04/11/16 12:08 am Title: Chapter 1 - My uninteresting life (so far)
I really like this story! The medallion seems like something I've read about before - you mentioned this was something called an altered fates story - has the medallion been used before? I hope these two lovebirds sort their problems out - and could you please, please, stop hurting rick? He's got a heart defect and is -5 teeth... I care about both of these characters, and it seems like he's getting his ass kicked... LOL. I wonder why its always the dad that doesn't understand, and usually the mom that does? I really can't wait for more!
Author's Response: More is on its way! And I don't think there anymore injuries for Rick. But these things are just part of life. Nobody is immortal, not even with the help of the medallion of Zulu.