Date: 06/20/17 10:59 pm Title: What's on the menu?
Language has gotten more polished, and I always like to see some righteousness. I can't figure out if the threat level is balanced or not, but players always mess with game balance — just look at EVE or Battlegrounds. Personal and emotional threats make for good stories, but are hard to systematize and make into games.
Keep on writing, trying, and being yourself. Work|life|school balance is hard, not taking medical needs into account. Thanks for sharing.
Date: 03/25/17 05:47 pm Title: Medieval Knights
Why does the User need to wear clothes in the VR chamber? And if the clothes are part of the user interface, why does it have to be a skirt and such? Why not just a jump suit?
I suppose I should read more.
Author's Response: It will be explained, a girl has to have some secrets you know ;)
Date: 03/11/17 04:03 am Title: Medieval Knights
I loved it evelyn a superb story waitng for more updates
Author's Response: I will have time in May to start writing again, so about another two month Hiatus. This is going to get probably the first update after fallout gets it's beginning rewritten.
Date: 07/28/16 12:09 am Title: Dearly Beloved
So, I am immediately a whole lot happier after the end of this chapter. If what was going on continued for much longer I would not have been able to keep reading. I know conflict makes the sweeter moments even more so, but there are some things that I just can't stomach and this was one of them. I seriously hope we don't see more of this happening to Evelyn's loved ones and friends.
Either way, it is an interesting plot you have going on here and I hope to see it till its end. Keep up the good work (and hopefully no more enslavement of main characters). Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Author's Response: I am glad you enjoyed! If you are intrested I will try and explain some things that should make it more obvious as to my intention in this chapter.
This chapter was by far the longest and I did that intentionally. I know most people are against things such as mind control and slavery (Which I will explain in a minute why I used it in this particular story.) and as such I didn't want to end with Evelyn being in limbo, so I am glad to see it had the intended effect on you when reading it.
To explain, I was going to make this chapter the standard 3,000 words, which would have ended with her getting her dress for the wedding, but as I said before most people find mind control offensive and try and stay away from stories that contain it. Therefore I could not end this chapter without having Evelyn escape so I purposely postponed releasing it until I was done and she was finally free. My goal was not to scare away my readers, while still following my intended story path, and I am glad to know that at least you stuck it through to the end! I hope everyone else did as well!
So let me explain why I added this into the story when I already have a story where the main character has been held captive for almost the entire story, and this has to be with representation. So in order to understand why I decided to do this we have to look at both the books I am writing Fallout and Logout (which the names should suggest a connection).
Jasmine is a character that is suppose to suffer, she tries very hard and never gives up but ultimately bad things keep happening and it shows her powerlessness. I have felt this way in my life multiple times, and there is always something that I cannot control, so jasmine is essentially a representation of the things I cannot change and the pain I feel when I lose control. It's a psychological horror as I called it before, and it's suppose to make the reader feel sad and desolate, not happy and hopeful. Therefore it is not a story meant for many people, and though sadists also probably take joy in the story that is not it's intended effect. A person is suppose to feel the pain that she has been through using their empathy. Think of it as similar to those people who cut themselves. They release endorphins which gives them a slight high and makes them feel better for a short time.
Evelyn is somewhat the opposite, though not completely. She is the representation of how I feel when I succeed at something I thought was impossible, or when I feel unstoppable and the moments leading up to that feeling. She started off scared, and tried her hardest to maintain her composure, but overtime she realized how powerful she truly was on the inside, it just took her to her breaking point to realize what she was capable of, and managed to not only save herself but completely crush her enemies and also save the people she cared about. This story is suppose to bring hope and a feeling of relief for the reader.
Furthermore, though I purposely wrote the story in such a way as to not scare off people who thought it would be nothing but another 'slave tg' story, my efforts undoubtedly led to some people dropping the story during this chapter. I am sad to see those readers stop reading, but it was necessary for me to catch the vision that I have for the story in my head. So I am glad you continued to read until she was finally safe, and I hope everyone does what you did during this chapter.
As for future slavery, I don't want to spoil the story, but I can say that if you analyze what I explained for the archetype I decided Evelyn to be, you can probably guess whether or not she will end up in another position like this. That or wait until the next chapter where it should become obvious.
Lastly, thank you for the review! If you wish to discuss this more, or have more questions, I am often on this site's discord channel and you can pop in and talk with me sometime. The link is right here. https://discordapp.com/channels/174594808638078976/174594808638078976
Date: 05/25/16 05:46 pm Title: Maid to Suffer
Why am I not surprised the cis men try to make it a fucking r*pe fantasy. Men are the fucking worst. Slave collars? Oh I hope they all die horribly.
Author's Response: First allow me to say, thank you for your review! If you want something to rage at please check out my other book which I will finish editing to make it easier to read like this one soon. It follows a cis gendered person who gets a lot of bad luck in their life. They aren't a bad person (As most cis people aren't), but I made it as a way to expel some of my own pain in life and so it's extremely violent. I just finished editing chapters 1-7 so they were easier to read, I hope if you decide to read it you enjoy it. :)
Date: 05/25/16 03:39 pm Title: Maid to Suffer
What a fabulous chapter full of everything and so amazing love this chapter a lot dear Sarah you did amazing job with this one and thanks for the quick update 😻😘😘
Author's Response: Thanks again Sanro, I enjoy your support :)
Date: 05/23/16 04:11 am Title: Medieval Knights
I love the story but I want her to release the dragon and kill the whole clan
Well keep up the good work and can't wait to read the next installment
Author's Response: Thank you for your review! As for releasing her dragon powers all I will say is that suspense must be built :)
Date: 05/07/16 03:35 pm Title: Problems Inn Chastity
I love this story! Will you be doing more of it? There seems to be a really long wait between chapters, which is a shame. I really like this one!
Author's Response: Thank you for the Review! Yes, I am currently writing both this and another story so I will finish both of them. I actually was hesitant to start this one because I was worried that it would cut into the other stories development (I also hate when an author has too many stories going at once so it takes forever for an update to come out) but I decided to give it a shot. Both do work well together, because Logout has very short chapters and The Fallout in Jasmine's life has very long ones. So I can release roughly Two Logout chapters for every one Fallout one.
The main reason that it's taken so long for this one to be written in though isn't the other story it was schooling and other things that came up. I not only had to start therapy to see if I had GD (which I found out I do so now I have to try and get my body ready for transition) I also was transferring to a university from a college to finish my degree, and I was studying for finals and finishing projects because I need to keep a 3.8 or higher GPA for my scholarship (I currently have a 4.0). I succeeded on those things but I had to take a break from writing :)
I decided to give myself a week to just focus on getting my body ready for transitioning because I have to go to a specialist sometime in the summer to get medication, so I didn't write very much last week either, just about 4k words in Fallout because I found sometime to do that while relaxing. This also means that I will be releasing more chapters in logout soon, I will probably have the story finished by the time August rolls around :)
Date: 05/06/16 11:28 pm Title: Medieval Knights
This is a great blend of genres, and I'm excited to read more. That being said, the lack of spaces in between paragraphs makes it easy to get lost sometimes.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Currently most authors on the site put a break between every sentence and I am generally doing it every 3-5 sentences, so I was already considering breaking up the story a bit more. I will do an experiment in the next chapter to see how well it works compared to my current method, but thank you for the suggestion!
Date: 05/05/16 06:05 pm Title: Problems Inn Chastity
Wow very lovely and beautiful chapter just awesome this came out so well and thanks for the lovely update dear Sarah very happy that you are going to start your transition and best of luck for the job 😘😻 take your time we are here always for you :D
Author's Response: Thanks Sanro, I hope I turn out well when I am finished.
Date: 05/05/16 04:53 am Title: Problems Inn Chastity
SO FAR YOUR STORY HAS CAPTIVATED ME.
PITY ITS NOT COMPLETE. I'LL ADD THIS TO MY STORIES BEING FOLLOWED AND COME BACK WHEN ITS DONE.
PS. I ONLY GIVE STAR RATINGS TO COMPLETED STORIES.
Author's Response: Lol, Okay. Thank you for your review! This story will probably be complete at the end of the Summer.
Date: 04/09/16 10:39 pm Title: Function Disabled
Ohhh! No complaints other than the fact that the kiss portion was very quick. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Don't worry, it's going to continue in the next chapter. I just felt it was a good place to end a chapter so I took it so I could get the chapter out for everyone :)
Date: 04/05/16 02:49 am Title: Medieval Knights
Hehe... $30 minimum wage... inflation must have messed up economy...
Author's Response: Well, I estimate that we will be able to do neuro uploads like this by 2045 but gave myself some padding, I guessed what minimum wage would be around that time using a ratio between the current minimum wage and that of 45 years ago.which came out to around 1:4.52 then multiplied 4.25 * 7.25 = 32.77 and just rounded down to 30 :) historically the minimum wage has remained very close to the same when adjusted for inflation, the highest it was was in 1968 when it was $1.60 when adjusted for inflation this is equal to around $10
Therefore in 2016 the VR bed would cost around $2,350 assuming we had the same technology for life support and other tech used in it which would shift the Production Possibilities Frontier that we currently have outward quite massively. Subtracting this outward shift and using current technology would probably end in us having a bed that costs around $1,000,000 in today's money if not more. But considering that the bed has to have some form of AI in it it's not even possible given current technology, similarly with neuro interfacing. Think about how much computers cost in 1970 compared to today, and they were not even close to as powerful, so when converting this I just said eh, I will guess :)
Sorry for being such a nerd. Thank you very much for the review :)
Date: 04/03/16 06:31 pm Title: Medieval Knights
This turned out so awesome almost like a dream many of us share together hoping this story get lotsa support 😻😘
Author's Response: Yep it sure did. I will unfortunately probably not be able to make another for at least another 3 weeks if not 4 because of school. But after that I will come back and probably write another chapter in this and the fallout in jasmines life.
Date: 04/03/16 05:30 pm Title: Medieval Knights
Ooh, very much liking the story so far! Glad to see that people are enjoying the world I created, virtual reality is a genre I don't think we see nearly enough of. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story - keep up the good work!
Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so much JoeForest. I really do like your story as well! A few weeks ago Sanro actually came to me and said she was looking for more VR stories and I told her was planning on writing one after I finished "The Fallout of Jasmine's life" but she told me a premise and I decided to give it a shot and I think it worked out pretty well. Also let me know if you prefer male or female pronouns (I assumed you wanted male ones because of your name when I mentioned you in the final note) and I will adjust them accordingly, or if you don't I will assume you don't care :)