Date: 03/13/16 03:37 am Title: The Man
Umm... I haven't actually read this, because there's no formatting. There are no quotation marks for dialogue, spelling and capitalization errors ("I" should be capitalized, not "i" for one) and it's one giant block of text that turns away readers. A quick skim reveals the plot to be interesting, though, so I may keep an eye on it if you can try to fix up some errors. New lines of dialogue should be in new paragraphs for instance. I'm not going to put a star rating on it yet, too, because I don't want to give out a low rating based on first-story mistakes. I made similar mistakes for a while too, after all.
Author's Response: Th after i submitted i saw the errors right away. The quotations were missing because of a copying issue. Thanks for the reply, ill be editing this chapter later today.
Date: 03/12/16 04:50 pm Title: The Man
Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Slow down there. Okay, so since this is your first story and you don't have much experience with writing, I will go over a few basics for better writing. This story looks like someone asked a 10-year-old to write this, which is good! You have to know that there is room for improvement.
Capitalization- It looks ugly, really ugly but it doesn't mean you can't fix it!
Past tense, Present tense, Future tense- Your story is everywhere right now. You can't use were and then use an ing word.
Paragraphs- It's good to keep some things separate. I, personally chop the story up into sections where there are new topics to be read.
Grammar- I didn't see anything that popped out. No fancy words. You should use some.
Length- Boy, oh boy! This was way too short! When writing, you need to put enough information out there so the readers will stay interested. I had no idea what was going on.
Time- Take some time, proofread the story. Try using a word processor. Your greatest ally is free! All you need to do is take some time to think things through.
Good luck! I hope this helped.
PS: I've seen worse, so 2-star is actually a very good start.
Author's Response: Lol. Thanks for the reply I'm actually quite surprised i sent this so prematurely myself. I meant the errors ugh it pains me. The quotations on dialogue and the paragraphing was a submission error but in the future i will take longer to review both my writing and the submission. thanks for this reply ill get it fixed right away :)
Date: 03/12/16 04:36 pm Title: The Man
Nice and can you put the conversation in "#" like the words a character say.Makes it easy to read for eg:- he sighs and looks at his victim "You are one pathetic weak target".thanks its a nice start
Author's Response: There was a submission issue and my quotations disappeared so ill get that fixed today.