Date: 03/23/16 02:37 am Title: Chapter 15 : Three Months Later
For your first story this was great.
However I felt the story never fully recovered from chapter 13. Endings are always the hardest and this one felt rushed, like it was written as an afterthought and that you weren't sure how to end it. It just didnt make much sense to me. Tony raping his wife then running away and cutting off all contact. Its like he became a totally different person and the same with Jane suddenly being ok with being a man and not being angry at the quack who knew this could happen and yet didn't warn them. If I were Jane, I'd be suing for malpractice.
Overall, you did a good job and you should definitely keep writing.
Author's Response: Thanks for your comment. This isn't my first story. Not by a long shot. But I appreciate your comments and review. I will say that the next draft has a lot more stuff in it. A lot more lead up. We understand his reluctance at the beginning, but his desire to understand his wife. I'm completely changing the r*** scene. Making it a lot more mutual. Even if she doesn't understand or even particularly remember what happened the night before I think that might help it. I appreciate your comments. Reviews like this help make the finished product much better!
Date: 03/21/16 09:47 pm Title: Chapter 1 : Meeting the Therapist
An interesting take on a classic idea. What would happen if you really did see things from the other side. Would be be left unchanged? I think the bit of forced transformation is a bit much, but that is just not what I like. Mater of opinion. Still an interesting read and I hope there is more.
Date: 03/18/16 08:16 pm Title: Chapter 13 : The Consummation
Wow,awesome,I can't wait for the wife to wake up,this storyline has been fun and different ! Well done you should be proud.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I really appreciate it. Jane wakes up in the next chapter...
Date: 03/18/16 06:25 pm Title: Chapter 13 : The Consummation
It was all well and good until someone was raped...
Author's Response: I struggled with how to portray that. Yes, there was no explicit consent. And yes that can be termed "r***"...but given how Tori has been treated so far... I'm not sure. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts. Might need to look into having her wake up and "approve it" a little more.
Date: 03/17/16 02:07 pm Title: Chapter 11 : Working with a Vagina
I've been enjoying this story. Some good ideas and a good transformation. Only thing I would say is maybe check your spelling and grammar a little better?
Author's Response: I'll check that out in the final draft too. I thought I had that under control... Oh well. Thanks for the review.
Date: 03/15/16 04:00 pm Title: Chapter 10 : Preparing to Change Back
Awesome,but he has a suprise coming,I honk he switched genders with his wife.
Author's Response: Maybe... There's more involved in the change, though, then just a simple switch. Thanks for the review!
Date: 03/15/16 11:31 am Title: Chapter 1 : Meeting the Therapist
I really like your story so far. It's especially impressive that you managed to get so much mileage out of simply kissing.
I would take out the 'you can't be a woman if you don't sound like one' line, though. Kinda messed up since that's a problem that lots of transgendered women have.
Author's Response: Oh thank you. I didn't realize I even wrote that. And I never wanted it to be offensive, especially to tg women. I'll change that in my next draft. Thanks for the edit and the comment!
Date: 03/14/16 07:45 pm Title: Chapter 9 : Understandings Change
I love your story,your doing an excellent job with it,but I feel it would be awesome if they both could change into the opposite sex!
Author's Response: You might actually get your wish by the end of the story.
Date: 03/11/16 01:24 pm Title: Chapter 8 : A Defining Moment
Another interesting chapter. I'm looking forward to the conclusion.
Author's Response: You're going to be surprised. The conclusion ain't coming anytime soon. This is just the buildup. There's still more to come after the next chapter.
Date: 03/10/16 10:54 pm Title: Chapter 6
This is really neat. Great breast description, a sweet relationship between the couple, and a lot of the feelings he's going through. Well done! - A
Author's Response: Thanks for that comment. I'm glad their relationship comes out in the chapters I've written so far.
Date: 03/10/16 08:34 pm Title: Chapter 7 : The Table
The correct phrase is "all intents and purposes". And even that would probably be incorrect top use in this context. No such thing as "intensive purposes". It doesn't really make sense.
Story is going well for the most part. I'm not sure where this is going though. It is still unclear if either of them are gay. They could end up very unhappy especially when they end up with someone they realise they no longer want. You'd think the guy would be freaking out by now. Even about the fact he isn't freaking out.
Author's Response: Thanks for the correction. "all intents and purposes" will need to be changed in my rewrite. Thank you! As far as how the story is going...there might be a little twist coming up soon. I'm not a fan of the straight forward sort of stories myself. Funny how the woman's sexuality has been questioned. I wonder what that says about the attention men give women. Still, I appreciate your comments and will use this review in my rewrite. Thanks again!
Date: 03/09/16 06:16 am Title: Chapter 5 : New Horizons
Taking us through the process a little at a time is really tantalizing. Beautiful transformation of the breasts. One note: it is "areola" not "aurora" - the area around the nipple. Still, lovely work. I'm curious what transformations are happening (or should they be) to his wife? If she is bisexual is one thing, but if the therapy is for both of them, how is she altered in the process?
Author's Response: Excellent question. I think I'll have to address that in the rewrite. The therapy is just for her husband to help him understand her. A little of the turnabout comes later in the story, but I think that's a good point. Thanks!
Date: 03/08/16 11:06 am Title: Chapter 5 : New Horizons
Oh my,I hope she doesn't miss his penis,that's the way your storyline is going! Well done,excellent chapter.
Author's Response: I'm not sure why people assume she's bi-sexual or wishes to be. Men need to understand a woman's needs apart from intercourse as much as anything else. I'll keep this in mind, though, in my rewrite. Thank you so much for your comment.
Date: 03/07/16 11:34 pm Title: Chapter 4 : A Second Visit
Hmmm. An interesting chapter. I'm eager to see where things are going. I understand that a week has passed? It seems like a lot was skipped somehow.
Author's Response: I struggled with whether to show more of the week between the changes or not. I may go back and fill in some of his feelings and struggles between changes. Thanks for the comment and the feedback.
Date: 03/05/16 06:03 pm Title: Chapter 2 : The First Kiss Again
That was cool! Looking forward to more, but I would still like to know what they look like :)
Author's Response: Its coming... I realized I never really described them in the story. Usually I do that right at the beginning, but not this story. So I'll work the description in but change it all in the rewrite. Thanks for the reminder. :)
Date: 03/05/16 03:09 pm Title: Chapter 1 : Meeting the Therapist
This is an interesting story. It is written well. I'm interested to see how this turns out. I can totally understand how two people that love each other can still fail to understand each other. It happens. But id say the wife sounds gay, is in denial and is blaming the husband. And the husband sounds a bit pathetic.
Author's Response: I struggled with how this should come off. I wanted the husband to be reluctant, but willing to give in for his wife. And his wife... yeah, just a little gay maybe. Though you'll find out that she just wants some satisfaction in the end. Thanks for this excellent review. Gotta think more about that.
Date: 03/05/16 05:37 am Title: Chapter 1 : Meeting the Therapist
This is written well but I find the concept difficult.
We have a couple who have been an item for over 14 years and, as the first few paragraphs explains, love each other, yet the husband fails to bring his wife to orgasm and has done for 5 years! How can that those to ideas stand together? It's almost an oxymoron.
Even if the husband's technique fails to satisfy his wife with vaginal penetration there are other ways a loving partner can help his (or her) companion to achieve satisfaction. It really isn't difficult and I speak as one who has had the same partner for over 50 years.
This would work if the couple were at odds for other reasons but this doesn't seem to be the case. Never the less I'll be interested to see how you resolve this.
Author's Response: Excellent question and one I hope I address. The basic premise of the story is that the husband doesn't understand what the wife is feeling and so can't truly please her. I know there are other pieces to this and usually sexual fulfillment is just the icing on the cake, but I wanted to concentrate on this one piece and see what would come of it. Let me know if I answered your questions or not. And thank you SOO much for your feedback!
Date: 03/04/16 01:10 pm Title: Chapter 1 : Meeting the Therapist
A great start, will definitely read further chapters as you post them. I'm guessing the magic words cause changes to Tony a little at a time? Can we have a description of what the characters look like at some point to build a better mental picture of them?
Author's Response: Thank you. I will definitely work that into the rewrite. I knew there was something I was missing. Keep the comments coming. Next chapter will come out soon.