Date: 03/06/16 08:25 pm Title: Nice Day for a White Van Man
I can imagine a publisher receiving your story, reaching the last page, and getting a puzzled look on his face, followed by the query, “WHERE’S THE REST OF IT? YOU MEAN, THAT’S IT?” And then maybe returning the manuscript to you, saying something like, “Very descriptive, well written and interesting . . . as far you went. But you suddenly just stopped! I reach the end and conclude, ‘well, that was a waste of time.’ Finish the story and I’ll reconsider publishing it.”
And here is what your story reminds me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeUeK1CSARI
It’s called Okashina Futari, only partially translated to English, and beautifully told. Are you sure you weren't inspired by it? And the beautiful part of it all is if you read what’s already been translated you know all the why’s of the young boy’s transformation to a bride.
Date: 03/06/16 12:04 pm Title: Nice Day for a White Van Man
Wonderfully written description of the change! Nicely done. I too wish the story had continued a little. How had the new bride dealt with her wedding? Or maybe the dress was meant for someone else. Nicely done, though, describing what the clothes looked like and what they did. One of the best clothing transformations I've read in a while!
Date: 03/03/16 12:52 pm Title: Nice Day for a White Van Man
As a counter point to what Aura said in their comment, I kind of wish the story kept going, because your writing up until the end was really on point and I wanted to see some additional mental change on his way to his destination, getting out at a gas station and getting stares and having a brief interaction with a man and how that affected him. I no longer find a story appealing once the protagonist fully becomes female and no longer feels conflicted about it, but there was still a lot more you could have done. All that being said, it is your story, and you chose to end it that way, so that in itself is not a fault, I'm just stating my preference.
One more thing I'd disagree with Aura, not to contradict but so that you know your audience is not all represented by their review, is the statement of "I like the descriptiveness you give without being too explicit". For the record, I didn't find what you wrote to be going out of its way to avoid being explicit, and if you chose to be more explicit, I would certainly be ok with it. :)
Great story, I am definitely sticking around for the next thing you write. Good luck.
Author's Response: Thanks for your comments. Although I have chosen to end this story at this point, you will be glad to know that I've got other stories in the pipeline with both male/female interactions and more explicit elements. Hopefully I should have one ready for you soon!
Date: 03/02/16 11:50 pm Title: Nice Day for a White Van Man
This is quite a good short story, and the abrupt ending fits your style well. I very much enjoyed this story, and I like the descriptiveness you give without being too explicit. Definitely one of the better stories on the site, keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments!