Date: 02/16/17 07:35 pm Title: A second dream
This story is so weird. I'm trying so hard to figure out what happened and why this kid is being tortured like this. And wow that dream, it's like he's reliving his life as Dani. It's kinda weird, h ope the kid turns out okay after this.
Date: 02/03/17 02:42 am Title: Morning Alarm
I'm happy to see another chapter added to this story. I'm really enjoying it even if it is, as others have said, slow (patient) to develop, and no matter what misgivings you the author might have. Your quality and style of writing is great, and I appreciate the sensual explorations and ruminations. Yes, I'm ready for more action, plot development, and eventually resolution of some kind. But there's no rush (grin).
Date: 02/02/17 05:17 pm Title: Massively Single Player
Yes, please please something change! Dani needs to get a grip on her new reality. There's no shame in exploring one's reality,
Whether it was asked for or not! Of course not having years of experiences does make it a daunting task! IA, you must see this one through to it's conclusion hon! Loving Hugs Talia
Date: 02/02/17 04:22 am Title: Massively Single Player
Still loving this one. I've never quite seen a story on these sites where the character actually experiences the emotions that might come from an experience like this, but that is exactly what you've done here. So glad you decided to continue it.
Date: 02/01/17 08:46 pm Title: Massively Single Player
It's okay, take it slow. If you find yourself getting into a rut, maybe change it up a bit? Give him attention from his old friends? Like it says his sexuality is the same but we don't really know what his sexuality was before this so who knows. Also Samantha, don't answer me but I bet she's Tiresias! And she suspects Dani is the one who's been contacting her! Okay maybe I'm wrong but either way thank you for the story.
Author's Response: I won't answer as you requested. I thank you for your suggestion and encouragement!
Date: 02/01/17 08:28 pm Title: Massively Single Player
Perhaps I'm not the person to complain, seen how my personal stories end even before they begin without any content, but in my opinion, this story takes little bit too long. Several chapters have been written, without the story gaining much momentum, feeling like it's stuck at the same place the whole time.
Again, maybe I'm not the right person to say this, but if I am, please make it continue a bit faster. At least give Daniel(le) some info, or at least progress somewhat.
Anyway, do like the story and theme so far, aside from the above
Author's Response: Thank you for the constructive feed back and don't worry about the complaint as it is something I have been worrying about. The pace is something that I hope to refine in the future as the story gets edited and revised. The nature of how I am writing it hurts it, but I am wanting to keep everything believable and explore certain emotions. Give the rate at which time has been flowing thus far in the story, it would be rather fast for some of them to appear. That said, I do hope on things picking up very soon and I thank you again for your feedback.
Date: 10/30/16 03:28 am Title: Morning Alarm
Nah, the last two chapters were great! Just keep doing what you're doing. My only critique would be that those chapters were very physical, which I like, but not as psychological as the earlier ones. Where this story really shines is when those two components come together--as, for example, in her constant reflection on how different things now are. Another beautiful aspect of this story is the ongoing confusion and disequilibrium she feels, not just at being female, but at all the implications of that, in terms of who her friends are, how her old friends treat her, even what her interests and hobbies are. Of course the scenes of her getting dressed or looking in the mirror are great fun, but the so too is the constant self-consciousness and confusion as to how she is supposed to be acting. (Shoot me an email if you want to throw around some ideas.)
Date: 10/25/16 05:07 am Title: Morning Alarm
I'm sorry for how long it's been, but I'm a bit stuck. I know how the story ends and what themes it takes but it has gotten to the point where I do not know how to get it there. I have been looking at the page I am working on trying to find a way to push forward without having it stuck in the same slump that it has been in. I am not sure how it will take but I am still trying to push through and find a way to continue the story to it's conclusion without having it drag along more than I've already had it go.
I am very sorry for all of this...
Date: 08/10/16 08:20 pm Title: Delayed Sweat
I feel like I must be reading this too fast. I've read all the chapters and I still haven't figured out how this happened to the kid. You're just too good at this though because even though I don't know what happened, I still love this story. I cant wait for more :D
Also... ouch on not using the sports bra, he's really regretting that...xD
Date: 07/02/16 05:45 pm Title: Morning Alarm
You ask for some critique, but it's surprisingly arduous to provide any, since you seem far ahead of other local authors already, both story and style wise. Style is repetitive though, words like grumble, anatomy, even whole sentences do reiterate from time to time.
I'm happy, that MC finally does something for a change. The whole story so far is the epitome of how you are your worst enemy. Keep up your impressive work! Hopefully, it shall be long and fruitful).
Date: 06/13/16 09:14 pm Title: Recruitment
This is a very strong story, the feelings of social anxiety and of being excluded from the group resonate with me a I suspect it does with others here, I am starting to feel , however, that Dani really needs a break to help her . The human mind and body can only take so much stress before something goes wrong. I fear for our protagonist. Here's hoping that better days are to come.
Author's Response: I thank you for the praise! I am not planning on having Dani a superhuman in mental fortitude as these events keep crushing down upon her but I am afraid that there is still some decent to go.
Date: 06/12/16 01:29 pm Title: Recruitment
This is great!! I love how it really focuses on the mental aspect of things and the social consequences of a sudden gender change. Too much stories kinda skip that and go all sexcrazy. Very nice writing as well :). I'm looking forward to the rest!!
Author's Response: It is a popular route to follow, however something that I feel is often mishandled. Not to criticize my fellow writers as I am far from a leader in the hobby, however this is the type of turmoil that I personally find more interesting. I personally doubt I'd be able to add much in lewd writing anyway.
Date: 06/08/16 07:54 pm Title: Recruitment
Welcome aboard indeed! Life seems to be getting a little easier, hopefully some answers soon I.A. ? Loving Hugs Talia
Author's Response: I can not guarantee answers right away but I do not plan for this to be an endless downward spiral. At the moment little more than a day has passed in the story so little investigation has been possible. However time seems to pass faster once you fall into a routine. Thank you, by the way for the continued commentary! It is great motivation in continuing forward!
Date: 06/08/16 01:15 pm Title: Recruitment
I must be one of those people who didn't read your last chapter. Sorry about that! Maybe on the day it updated, it showed up further down in the list of simultaneous updates for that day. Luck of the draw. Anyway, I am all caught up now, and happy with the story so far. I look forward to more from you. :)
Author's Response: I do not blame people for not reading; I originally submitted this with the idea that I would receive only a fraction of the attention that it did. Thank you for your continued attention, however, as people enjoying something I write is all I could hope for in doing this!
Date: 06/01/16 07:59 am Title: Morning Alarm
I have made a terrible mistake. In writing the most recent chapter I noticed that I have made a number of inconsistencies within the work that have made me quite upset with myself. I will be revising some of the chapters to try and make it more consistent. Forgive my mistakes.
Date: 05/15/16 10:24 am Title: Returning Routine
This story has a refreshing normality about it, Dani is just a typical geek not a genius, he hasn't suddenly become a Hottie or anything too weird so it feels very real, which makes the simplicity of the differences so much more vivid. Apart from her awful personal hygiene and apparent ability to go 48 hours without needing to go to the bathroom she seems likeable and normal.
Hopefully Dani will get some answers or at least find some peace soon, it's quite painful seeing her suffer so much.
Date: 04/20/16 09:29 pm Title: Faded Memories
This just keeps getting better and better and better. Loved the scene of the photobook, when she saw herself wearing the same outfit as in the dream...what a chilling discovery! And it's cool how each time she looks in the mirror she notices something she wasn't aware of before, and the new reality sinks in deeper.
Date: 04/20/16 08:13 pm Title: Faded Memories
Wow just getting more and more intense. I feel a sense of inevitability and impossibility for this poor kid. Is he ever going to get back to being himself? Who the fudge did this to him? Just... this spell o rmagick or science or alternate reality or whatever is sinister as fuck.
Date: 04/17/16 01:48 am Title: Late Night Noise
For a writer's block chapter, the exposition in this chapter is top notch! I think it will really augment the chapters to come.
Author's Response: Well thank you; I lacked the usual flow and energy in writing that I normally have so it was a bit difficult to get though. I'm not quite sure how day 2 will go yet, so I am hoping that this won't be a continuing trend.
Date: 04/16/16 07:03 pm Title: Late Night Noise
at first, i thought i had gone insane.... Then i realized S/he was experiencing youth all over again in a dream. Masterful!
Author's Response: Master? Feel like that might be a bit too high of praise for here. I appreciate the sentiment, though!
Date: 04/11/16 07:41 pm Title: Message Alert
I can't even begin to say how much I'm enjoying this story. There are far too few stories where the guy turns into an average girl as opposed to a supermodel. It's one thing to become a sexual fantasy, but quite another to become a flesh-and-blood person with all the insecurities and worries of a regular teenage girl. We have here a believable description of how a high school kid might actually respond to waking up the opposite gender. She doesn't immediately explore her body--in fact, she refuses even to look at it. So instead of the full reveal, we get a tidbit here, a tidbit there--of the times when despite her every intention, her femaleness imposes itself: when she leans on the desk, when she peers down at her underwear, and here in this chapter when her bra is distracting her. It has the overall effect of leaving us constantly on the edge of our seats.
There are a few inconsistencies--e.g. she mentions gym class but it never arrives--and a few minor grammatical issues, but they don't interfere with the awesomeness of this story. There also might be some opportunities to work in elements of the physical description the author provided below, but in subtle ways that keep with story's current style--e.g. she notices her arms brushing against her wider hips when she walks, or her jeans fitting tightly in certain areas when she first slips then on. I'm eager to see how the author chooses to work this stuff in, if at all.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the kind words and input! I will have to go through again to spot all the grammatical errors as I am seeing this note a few times and will do my best to do a few more of these places of physical description. This is my first time writing anything of this length and scope, so I apologize for the lack of ability at times. Comments like these are what kept this from dying in the first few chapters and keep me motivated to write.
Date: 04/09/16 06:17 pm Title: Message Alert
I am enjoying this story as I too try to detail the characters feelings and emotions as I feel it makes it so much more realistic. Too many stories with involuntary changes are like 'oh I'm a girl now, I didn't want to be but never mind. I want sex now'. Don't get me wrong, sex is great but the in between bits matter just as much! Another good point is that so far we don't have a single clue as to why he changed so will be interesting to see if he/she figures it out.
The only bad bits are very minor in my opinion - a few spelling and grammar mistakes but I am sure we are all guilty of that, me included!
The only thing I would request is a little more detail of what she looks like? Bra/clothes size for example? Just to build a better mental image.
Author's Response: Ah, that is something I have a bit of a problem with at times due to my tendency to write in the first person. I'll try and work some more in or edit it into the past, but will give you a general description to help. I am doing a bit of a disservice is putting out first drafts here. Dani as a Caucasian who stands at 5'5" and has a rather curvaceous build. She is not fit, having a bit of a tummy and a pear shaped build, however naturally wide hips and chest help camouflage her extruding weight. She has thick, wavy, brown hair which hangs down to her mid back, simply cut to allow for bangs in the front. She has dark brown, round eyes and a tall nose. that sit atop a small mouth.
Date: 03/23/16 05:09 pm Title: Over the Hump
Ugh! Noooo! This can't be happening, where could it have gone so quickly? Hmmm, is someone watching secretly? Is this all a bigger conspiracy? Secret government experiments? Inquiring minds want to know! Oh and by the way, sign me up please? lol! Loving Hugs Talia
Date: 03/23/16 01:27 pm Title: Over the Hump
Dani, listen carefully: just to the right of the green URL in your search result, there's a little green triangle pointing down. Click on it, then click cached. And if not, go to archive.org and paste your URL. I mean, you're good at computers, right? There's still hope!
I like this story. Here, have some stars.
Author's Response: Someone's a bit quick on the draw. ;P
Date: 03/13/16 02:42 pm Title: Morning Alarm
Thanks for bringing to the table literary skills that are not often seen in the TG fiction category... I am loving it!
Author's Response: I should thank you for the kind words. You have no idea how much the positive feedback has meant.
Date: 03/12/16 09:21 pm Title: Third and Fourth Bells
Really liking the story so far! You have an interesting way of describing emotions... It's quite nice to read, actually, maybe because I've never been good at conveying feelings through text. In any case, I really enjoy your writing; looking forward to reading more!
Date: 03/08/16 07:36 am Title: Second and Third Bells
That teacher should be fired. The kid has obvious anxiety, and is plagued by mental demons. Yet he saw fit to make the situation worse. That's just... ugh. Sorry.. I just cant stand teachers that treat kids like that!!!
Date: 03/03/16 04:44 am Title: Morning Alarm
This is... AMAZING! I wouldn't say the plot is original but dang, the description and story telling is great. Nice mental transition and even better reaction. I hope to see more!
Author's Response: I am not trying to reinvent the wheel, however your encouragement means a lot to me :)