Date: 12/18/15 07:44 am Title: Chapter 1
Very different from the Magical Girl story I've got in the works, it'll be interesting to see where this goes.
Author's Response: I'll read yours as soon as it comes out lol. I hope you like this one. I've got the whooole thing planned out. Just gotta...y'know...write it....
Date: 12/16/15 10:59 pm Title: Chapter 1
Well now, that was a good read... Almost make it seem like it could become a manga of sorts...
Author's Response: That's cool. It was inspired by anime, so that's interesting to hear. If I may ask, why the four stars? Is there something I could have improved upon?
Date: 12/16/15 10:40 pm Title: Chapter 1
ooh, this looks interesting. There dont seem to be many where the protagonist switches between the two sexes, so brownie points for that!
Cant wait for the rest!
Author's Response: Thanks! I can wait to see what everybody thinks!
Date: 12/16/15 04:27 pm Title: Chapter 2
I have no idea where you'll take this. So what I know so far, is that Grey is only female when he's a Magical? Also will we be hearing about how he copes wih the sudden change? Surprise us!
Author's Response: It sure seems like he's only female while he's in his Magical form, doesn't it? And we'll definitely hear about it. Just...not for a few chapters. Things are too scattered and hectic right now for Grey to take the time to do more than a quick review of what's happened.
Date: 12/16/15 04:15 pm Title: Chapter 2
Forcing me to review like this :'(
Tis a dream. A dream of what could have been. Our poor soul is in denial. The strange creature has already given him his trial. So why would our genie be so kind? I think it's just that some might be blind.
Author's Response: Mayhap the trial is not concluded,
that the hypothesis of denial is,
Perchance the favors thrice are the trial?
And the genie's gift an aide,
to make its gamble
Perhaps the genie isn't cruel?
Though deadly they may be,
its games aren't played
by a tool.
Its champions carefully selected.
The favors and wish
a way to keep them
Date: 12/10/15 04:01 am Title: Chapter 1
Well made! But the term Magical seems weird. I'm always expecting The "-girl" after. It just doesn't fit right...
Author's Response: Well considering that anybody can be Magical, it seems silly to append a gender to the end when not referring to anybody in particular. No worries though: when people talk about specific Magicals they add boy or girl or man or woman to it. Glad you like it in other respects!
Date: 12/10/15 01:25 am Title: Chapter 1
Your visual descriptions were on point. The story kept a great rhythm from start to finish. I look forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Cool, thanks! Chapter two comes out next Wednesday, at 12 PM (give or take an hour or so). Tune in then for the next installment!
Date: 12/09/15 05:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hi Madoka! In seriousness, it was a pretty good start. I've always wanted to see a trans magical girl story, but to my knowledge it hasn't been done. I've been kicking an idea around but it's never reached the page.
As far as the voice, brackets, odd cAsinG, maybe even section breaks could work. Also, a bit more of explanation about Grey's surroundings would help I think. Right now, the effect is of someone standing in a twilit void, which would be appropriate. Looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Oh no. The references to Madoka have begun.... *shudders*
In all seriousness though, PMMM is what inspired me to write a magical girl story, so there will be some similarities. However, the similarities are more of the "Woah this story is really dark" and less "Oh Steph's ripping off Madoka" variety. To my knowledge, the only thing lifted directly from Madoka is the idea of a wish, and I shifted it a little bit. The Witches are actually closer to Soul Eater Witches than Madoka Witches. And setting-wise, the setting is much closer to Worm than any magical girl setting that I know of. I've got anime references sprinkled here and there, but tbh it's a blend of superhero dystopia and dark magical girl with a little bit of sci-fi thrown in for good measure.
And Grey's in a bit of a depressive fugue right now, so he isn't paying a whole lot of attention to his surroundings. Hence the lack of description. From a meta standpoint though, I prefer not to describe every setting my characters are in, and instead leave most of it up to my readers. For important scenes, I'll give a sense of the atmosphere and a few details, but beyond that I prefer to stick with keeping the story flowing instead of taking two paragraphs every scene break to describe whatever random street my characters are on. Where Grey is right now isn't horribly important. Anywhere secluded would do, and so there's not much point taking the time to describe the area. Rest assured, if I decide to reuse Memorial Plaza, I'll definitely give it a proper description.
And the Voice. Iit will show up infrequently at most, so I don't really feel the need to do anything other than whine about it xD
Thanks for the review! I definitely appreciate it! Now back to work... *pulls out whip*
Date: 12/09/15 04:01 pm Title: Chapter 1
You know what I think of it and how pumped I am to see that you're writing it. I'll break my rule because I want the rest of it now.
Author's Response: WOOT! I'm actually really excited by this.
***I have the next six chapters ready to go if you want to beta....***