Date: 01/25/16 10:31 pm Title: Chapter 1
I enjoyed the story and think you are well above the average writer on this website. As another reviewer mentioned, the story seemed too rushed and I would have liked to see a longer adjustment period during which he fought his new life. He seemed to complacent, but then tries to rebel much later. I would have thought that he would become more complacent with time, rather than less. Also, in several places you use in to, instead of into. That could be an English custom, so ignore my comment if so. On balance a fine job for a too short story.
Author's Response: What can I say? Slicing prepositions is my biggest kink ;) Yeah, I really do wish I could fill out my stories. I just get so excited by the sexual parts though. Frankly it's a miracle that there's any plot.
Date: 01/24/16 05:21 am Title: Chapter 2
I was really happy to see this story pop back up. I remember reading the original chapter a few months go and finding myself rather intrigued at the concept and now that it's finished I like where it ended. If I had to give a critique I would just say that it ended up being very rushed. There was a wealth of great moments and situations that felt glazed over for the sake of getting to the conclusion. Enjoyable story to be sure, but never be afraid to take time and flesh out the world.