Date: 04/10/19 03:11 pm Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
This is still one of my favorite slow change stories to this day, along with stories about teenagers.
The ending is acceptable and the ride there was fun enough.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! Even though this story is a couple of years old now, that really does mean a lot to me.
Date: 07/09/17 03:05 pm Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
I found this story when it appeared on the completed works section of the front page and am really glad I did. The main characters, Nat and Gav are both very sweet and I love the girl talk with Nat's friends
My only issue is that while I understand why you did it, keeping the male pronouns did make things a bit confusing to figure out who was talking sometimes. Particularly when it was just Gav and Nat but that is a minor gripe.
Date: 07/04/17 06:46 pm Title: Epilogue: Dádào Xìngbié
Good story, I enjoyed it. I will read some of your other stories too. And you said you like feedback so for what it's worth I offer my constructive criticism but please remember I did enjoy your story. The use of he felt out of place after a time and as for the ending I'm not sure if I would have gone back to the restaurant at all. Not sure about the antidote it feels forced and out of sync.
I think I would have ended it with the new her just completely transforming. Perhaps for irony have her get a school assignment to wright a Christmas story in the point of view of another classmate. And end with her scoffing at the idea of how to wright from a boys perspective...
Looking forward to more. I am working on a story ...it's rediculessly long and I can't post it till it's done. So maybe in a few months you can judge me.
Date: 07/01/17 09:20 am Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
I assume the chineeseman was I fact telling the truth about the cookies, but the "cure" he made simply helped the person better accept their furtune by allowing the two personalities to co exist and relax into one... It sounds like the cookies were a kind of curse... Perhaps he had his own fortunes that not only made him immortal, but also made it so he would always have fortunes around him. In a way you could see these fortunes as a curse, though, also as a furtune. I think perhaps the cookies were purposefully made in order to cause this... Perhaps as revenge against someone
Author's Response: I like this interpretation. It's not really what I had in mind, but it's a really creative idea that builds on what the story actually presented.
Date: 07/01/17 06:27 am Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
This is a really sweet love story and the two main characters share scenes of awkwardness and confusion together with blissful romance which captures first love. I love the central ambivalence about Nat and how he sleepwalks into being Nat.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. Looking back, one of my biggest problems is that, because Nathan isn't really aware of what's going on, there isn't really a central conflict concerning the transformation itself. It's good to know that it wasn't an issue for you.
Date: 01/07/17 02:04 pm Title: Chapter 12: Ultimatum
YAY YOU CONTINUED IT! Wow though... the guy is the chosen pass outer of them? That's terrible... no matter what he does they always find a way to him? Why did it choose him? And why is it so malevolent?
Never seen evil fortune cookies before, this story is so fun :D
Date: 01/07/17 11:35 am Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
Really glad to see this continue - I got really excited seeing it posted today. You're really good at the slow transformation in a way that only one or two other authors are, mixing in minor physical and mental changes in an extremely subtle way. I love the occasional slip of pronoun/name, since it helps to cement where the character is at that moment. I'm definitely looking forward to the end, though a bit sad, and I hope you continue to write!
Author's Response: Thanks! That's some mighty high praise. One of the earliest stories I read on this site was Hikaro's "Twisting my Life," and another of my favorite stories is "Changing for Gym" (which isn't actually on this particular site, funny enough), and I wanted to write similar stories, where the transformation itself, rather than the buildup or aftermath, was the focus. Who'd've thunk I'd actually be any good at it?
Date: 06/06/16 11:55 am Title: Chapter 11: The World Shattered
I really hope this story isn't dead - it's one of the best TG stories I've read - everything was really amazing, the slow, subtle changes were handled really, really well, and I loved the back and forth s/he'd go through with the mental departments.
Author's Response: Finishing this is still definitely on my list of things to do. I just haven't been able to muster up the mental fortitude to kick myself into finishing it. I changed my mind on what I was going to do with the very last chapter and just never got around to actually making it happen. At some point it stopped feeling like a story and more like an assignment that I just didn't want to put the effort into, and I kept pushing it off; but I know that as soon as I finish it my thought will be "wow, that was so easy. Why didn't I do this earlier?" just like it always is in cases like this.
Date: 02/07/16 04:15 pm Title: Chapter 10: The Final step is Acceptance
I'm glad to see that you're still working on the story.
Honestly, at this point, Nat would be kind of stuck even if he managed to break free of the mental influences. Unlike some others, I did catch the subtle changes that happened to his body over the course of the story (hands shrinking, waist shrinking, hips widening, his height, his hair, etc), and I don't think he could pass as a boy now even if he tried.
Date: 02/03/16 07:26 am Title: Chapter 9: The Most Lovable Boy in the World
I simply love your story and I used to wait for chapter updates almost religiously. It's a shame you aren't updating it anymore, especially since you said you'd be back to a weekly format (it's been almost a month now), but real life happens and these things can't be helped.
I enjoyed the characterization you made for Nathan, and his slow progression into femininity. You really made him into a believable character; at least as far as turning into a girl goes. My only problems with this story are that, by now, Nat is really just completely female mentally, but is still referring to himself with male pronouns, which doesn't really fit with how far he's transitioned so far. My second and biggest issue is that all the major changes so far have been mental, except for the hair and face. It's been 9 chapters and 16k words in, and there have still been no significant changes to his body. I know it's a slower TF, but come on. Overall, I'd say keep up the good work, and I hope you can upload some new chapters soon!
Date: 01/08/16 04:19 pm Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
I like the story. It's cute and fun. I echo the opinions of some of the other reviewers here that describing his personal journey, ie how he feels about the changes and hope the others around him feel about it, make for a more interesting, textured story. However, that said it is still a good story. Keep it up and I'm definitely looking forward to further chapters.
Date: 01/08/16 12:56 pm Title: Chapter 9: The Most Lovable Boy in the World
Hi, I just finished reading your story and found it a rather interesting story, it has a great story line I would love to see more of. I have some suggestions for you but I want to assure you that I have some knowledge in the subject. I have had several creative writing classes as well as going to be taking two more classes this spring, one of which will be technical.
Your basic story layout has the three main categories for a good story, a beginning, middle and ending. However each section is lacking some of this structure as well as transition points from seen to seen. Another point to focus on is spelling and grammar, I found several misspelled words in your story like you wrote this in a rush and did not proof it. Spelling helps to sell the story and makes it easier for others to read it.
Another suggestion I would recommend is to work on details, you describe outfits and feelings of your main character but there is very little of the environment or other characters. Having a vivid caricatures in your story will add much value to it and possible make this a great novel if you build enough into the story.
Date: 01/08/16 04:23 am Title: Chapter 9: The Most Lovable Boy in the World
I don't know how I skipped over your story all this time. Maybe you updated the synopsis? Anyway, I'm glad I found it. The earlier chapters in particular. Maybe in the latter chapters it kind of became a different story. Less transformation and more character development. Still good though.
If this story is soon coming to an end soon as you say, then I really look forward to your next story!
Date: 01/08/16 12:20 am Title: Chapter 9: The Most Lovable Boy in the World
Very nice to see more of this. This is such a fun story and the pace you're developing it at is rather nice. I'm not elevating it to a five star rating though because you keep missing a lot of opportunities for some introspection on the change. Here you've got a waitress seeing what definitely looks like a girl and a guy on a date. Should have had her ask if they were. Or actually calling Nat Miss or something along those lines. Deary wasn't feminine enough. Should've gone further.
Also when Nat says something about a sister stealing his clothes no thought about what that makes him? He considered that so much earlier and was nicely wading against the transformation. Feels like he's going with the flow a little too easily now.
Overall though a very nicely told story. Was very very excited to see it updated and I hope to see more soon. Thanks for sharing.
Date: 01/06/16 02:39 pm Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
Looking forward to the next update; this is one of my favorite stories - your writing and the pacing of the transformation is all excellent, and I love the subtle stuff! Keep up the good work, it's really, really great!
Date: 12/09/15 06:55 am Title: Chapter 8: Rebuilding
I'd have liked to see how the resistance to the panties and changed clothes ended a bit more clearly. We just flipped a page and it was done. Would've liked a bit more explanation then that. Still this remains a great read. The slow burn beyond that is quite nice.
Date: 11/11/15 07:15 am Title: Chapter 6: Know Who Your Friends Are
Very cute chapter. As you said in the authors note their dialogue is very fun, and that worked here rather superbly. Also contrary to your comment in the authors review I find nothing wrong with the pacing at all. Sure you could've made a few places a little bit tighter yes, but there's nothing wrong with doing things at the speed you are. It makes you feel a bit more for Nat as he's stumbling along on this journey.
The only real negative about this chapter to me was the lack of description of physical changes here. Each other chapter seemed to be a bit more consistent on quickly summarizing those while this one lacked that point. There were a couple points you could've easily slotted in those changes. Like when listening to the music on his phone maybe he's signing along and his voice is feminine, or being shorter then he remembered when about to almost kiss Gavin. Just little things like that would've been a nice addition.
Also in addition to the music being listened to perhaps a mention that his new friends at lunch talked about this artist so he was listening to it on the phone would've helped the flow a bit better. Along with perhaps him picking out stuff he liked that were similar to what those same friends were wearing at lunch. That could've tied things together a bit better.
All in all though remains a very fun story. Again thanks very much for sharing.
Date: 11/04/15 11:40 pm Title: Chapter 5: Gender Confusion Sunday
Nice pace you're setting here. Just enough happening to keep things interesting. Would have liked for the 'new girl' to still have lots of pieces of her old interests and hobbies though. The complete loss of liking games is nicely shocking and a nice comparison point, but it feels a bit cheap too. Them becoming more girlish in subtle ways perhaps would've been better. A few less shooters, more RPGs and story driven games, or some old ones from his childhood he had sitting around becoming more classically feminine would've been a nicer balance.
Still this remains a very nicely told story and I eagerly await each new chapter. Thanks for sharing it.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I was a little worried that the pacing was too slow, actually--the story is simply dragging on longer than I thought it would, and looking back on it there's a lot that I did that could have been written much tighter. You make a good point about the games, though, and I wish I'd caught that myself. There's still a fair bit to go, but I've finished most of it and looking back there's already a lot of things I wish I'd done differently. And I really do appreciate the honest criticism as well as the praise.
Date: 10/20/15 10:30 pm Title: Chapter 3: Comfortable as an Old Shoe
A very nice story shaping up here. Could maybe use a little bit more of something as it all seems rather rote and not a whole lot is unique. Just needs something more to make it special. With what it is though it's a good story. Thanks for sharing it.
Date: 10/20/15 10:57 am Title: Chapter 3: Comfortable as an Old Shoe
I am an Asian-European. Yes, I am a Chinese, ask not how. My Chinese is bad, but I try to understand my mother tongue. I know the Chinese girls and my mother and other. The Asian girls are more moped than "white girls". I like the story.
Look at the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qW1a3UOAIaw
Date: 10/15/15 03:04 pm Title: Chapter 1: Takeout Chinese
Looks good so far. About the chinese and male stereo types though, not all guys talk like that, some do. Though not chinese myself, my sisters in-laws are, the only real differance between myself and them is two of them that are my age are allergic to beer, the only stereo type on chinese blood that I think has any truth. Everyone is different, some people hold onto their cultural traditions, some don't.
Author's Response: I didn't know that it was possible to be allergic to beer. That's interesting. The reason that I brought it up was because I want the parents to be a little more in touch with their Chinese cultural heritage, even if the kids themselves aren't; since I really only have second-hand accounts of what it's like growing up in that position, I thought I'd go ahead and ask the readers their opinion on the subject.
Date: 10/13/15 10:47 pm Title: Chapter 2: Old Habits Die Swift
Haha some boys I know do talk like that. But about 80 % I know don't talk like that. Anyways this has a decent start I like it it's just some parts like the beginning when he is talking to his family felt a bit slow and other parts like when he was all alone at places in the shower on reading or getting ready for bed felt a bit too fast. But I guess that is just personal preference.