Date: 09/30/19 02:49 pm Title: Chapter 18
"You have to teach me how to do that!" Thomas slapped Hines on the shoulder. I was afraid he'd be jealous that I was having sex with someone else. But I guess not."
I'm sorry, but I'm no longer feeling 5 stars about this story. The above exchange is why. The sex has become too casual, impersonal, and now callous. At this point it's become "Yeah whatever, Bro, a hole is a hole. They're all pink on the inside. High five!" And I'm just not into that. Will keep reading of course, things may pick up.
Date: 09/30/19 02:38 pm Title: Chapter 17
This chapter bugged me in several ways. They responded to the ambush by defending themselves, but then failed to clear the area, put away their weapons, and had sex right out in the open. They have no way of knowing how many other bandits are out there, so putting away weapons makes no sense, nor does proceeding to have casual sex out in the open when there could easily be other enemies nearby. Terrible woodcraft.
Date: 09/30/19 02:15 pm Title: Chapter 14
“You mean walk through the woods naked?"
This strikes me as a terrible idea. Because blackberry brambles + waggling down the path with no protection = ouchies. Somewhere realllly sensitive.
“No dear. All pussies aren’t the same."
They're attached to different people. Sex isn't just a physical act. I find the Elves idea about that to be very sad. "Oh yeah, no biggie, it's just a physical thing, like which sandwich you have for lunch."
Date: 06/10/18 06:30 am Title: Chapter 1
Between the two neighbor kids, I admire and really loved their relationship. It is saddening to know that they won't be together, but that's life.
On another note, this was one of the first stories I read when I found this place.
What had been created here was an enjoyable work and still is to many. Who knows if it will ever start back up, it was fun while it lasted. :)
Date: 05/07/18 11:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
Pretty good story you have here. Its an ambitious design for sure and it's generally pretty smooth reading. Seems like you've written yourself into a bit of a corner with the whole elves needing a passenger to be born thing and giving the main character ultimate power was another ambitious decision. It gets a bit harder to stay interested in what comes next over time because you have developed her to be too good. Easily adapting to their new life, good at everything she does, agrees with everyone, and resolves all conflicts in minutes. She just doesn't feel real anymore now that she's perfect at everything. Aside from all that criticism. Cool world! Post invasion but friendly Invaders! I like it! It's fun to read about your scenario and it's exciting to imagine experiencing the same thing, much like the popular avatar movie everyone has forgotten about XD (the adjusting to a new culture part, not the angry warmonger parts).
Overall I can see why this might be a story to drop... That's your decision alone but with the incredible amount spent following their travels and going at it like bunnies it might be reaching out of scope to start reviving the elven homeworld and go to war with dwarves. Just thoughts tho. I hope my raving criticisms don't discourage you because you have done a good job here.
Date: 02/05/18 05:51 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love this story. The writing is perfect in the way that it seamlessly transitions into scenes. The only thing that rubs me the wrong way (no pun intended) are the minor grammar and spelling errors. I would recommend a grammar checker tool, like the one at this link:
Date: 07/12/17 08:15 am Title: Chapter 1
This makes me remember another story here, I dont remember the name right now, which like this one had also grand but flawed world-building, but more than made up for it with a well done layer of characterization. Good work.
Still, i cant avoid pointing out that i feel the elves are too good. Their philosophy is never criticized and by all means its seems their treatment of humans as second class citizens is justified. I really wished things would have not went as well when they arived at the capital (it would make sense, shes the first elf since forever, arent they scared?).
Author's Response: Someone's getting ahead of my story here... Is everything as it seems? Is there a perfect society out there? It's easy to make things sound "picture perfect" in your family if you're the one telling someone about it. But the truth is usually a lot more diverse.
Date: 06/30/17 01:00 am Title: Chapter 22
Really hoping that Eza ends up being fertile, I kinda want her to be able to birth Tristance and be able to converse with her out side of the mental connection they share. Also I love a Male to female transformation where the new female becomes pregnant.
Date: 06/21/17 06:19 pm Title: Chapter 19
Always loved the story, and I'm glad to see it back.
Something for you to possibly work on: try to differentiate between different people and types of speaking. If they are physically speaking aloud; use quotations. If they are thinking; use italics or something. If they are speaking inside the mind to another; use underline and italic. Like when Eza is speaking to her passenger, use italics, while her passenger would use underlined italics - maybe not that exactly, but it would make it easier to understand that Eza is speaking vs thinking vs doing. It gets a bit weird in your story.
Also, I keep thinking that Eza is going to be the bridge for the Elves to finally be capable of true reproduction again. Not just reincarnating those lost, but actual generation of new souls.
Author's Response: I struggle with the best way to show inner thoughts versus actual speech. Eventually I elected to let the story flow and hope people would grasp when things are being thought. Tristance is the only one I've focused on using italics since her speech can't be heard by others. As for the train of thought you're following for Eza and the Elves, I'm going to leave you guessing on that for now. I don't want to reveal too much too soon. ;)
Date: 06/20/17 11:13 pm Title: Chapter 19
I find it surprising that none of the characters mentioned Eza healing Thomas. The last chapter mentioned she shouldn't have a secondary yet, but in this chapter she's using one without a second thought. It just feels jarring that Tristance didn't speak up at all this time.
Author's Response: The "secondary skills" will be explained later. As for Tristance staying quite, there will be events a sections where she feels like she should step back and let Eza experience things on her own. That subject will be touch upon later as well. Have a little patience as things start to both change and come together in the following chapters. I already have the basic outline for the follow up for this story laid out as well...
Date: 06/13/17 08:17 pm Title: Chapter 18
It's great to see you continuing this story, kinda reminds me that I need to continue my own. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story takes us and seeing Devon/Eza grow pregnant with Tristance and learn more and more about being an Elf woman and being such a special one at that.
Date: 06/12/17 05:22 pm Title: Chapter 15
I just flew through your story and loved it. I cannot wait to read more. The story and characters are very unique and the story is very erotic and well written. This has become one of my favorite stories so far among the many good stories on this site.
Date: 06/12/17 06:23 am Title: Chapter 15
It was extremely erotic, but what kept me around was the awesome storyline Involving magic and a host friendship. when I start to understand the character better I find myself feeling butterflies in my stomach and happiness and excitement for the character. I look forward to more chapters, perhaps a bit more action based though? (Figuring out what triggered the change, dangerous encounters with the monsters, seeing eza learn more about elves and give birth to Tristance)
Author's Response: Eza's adventures are just beginning. But it didn't feel right skipping the changes that would occur with her old friend joining the group. Things will get a lot more complicated and exciting in the coming chapters. I have several of them written but need to proof read and edit them (to the best of my abilities) before posting them.
Date: 06/08/17 10:54 pm Title: Chapter 1
I'm so happy for have you back! I don't usually make myself noticed, but I need to say how happy I'm right now.
Just like some others have said, I have read this story a couple of times and was wondering if you'd ever come back, how much I enjoyed it and how sad it had been when you stopped you posting spree back in the day.
By the way, even though this is one of my favorite unfinished stories (ever), I'm also very curious about your other works.
I'd like to express how sorry I'm for the losses you may have been through, and wish for better days.
As for the new chapter, a great continuation, just like I hoped for.
A kiss on your heart, and keep the good work!
Date: 06/08/17 08:34 pm Title: Chapter 14
I haven't yet read it but I am overjoyed by the simple fact that you have started it back up. I greatly enjoyed the story when it first started being posted and I can't wait to start reading more of it again. Don't worry about whether or not you are rusty. It is just like riding a bike, you will be doing wheelies in no time. :D
Date: 04/25/16 06:00 am Title: Chapter 13
I found the world and the setting itself really interesting. The elves struck me as a curious match between some very alien concepts crossed with many familiar elements, and it really works well. On top of that the story itself is well-written, interesting and well paced. Bottom line; great story, would love to read its continuation.
Do I some specific nitpicks with the story? Yes, if I really put my mind to it. But right now I don't want to. I liked the story, and I'd like to see more.
(If you do want to hear my nitpicks, let me know.)
Date: 11/24/15 12:54 am Title: Chapter 13
I hope nothing bad happened to you, and life is just getting in the way! I reread a bit of this absolutely wonderful story and noticed it's nearly been a month with no word from you. I understand if there's a delay in the next chapter (I've done it myself quite a few times) but I just hope you can get the next one up eventually and this story finished. I just don't want to see this one abandoned.
Date: 11/02/15 12:17 pm Title: Chapter 13
Well, it hasn't been too awful long since this chapter was posted, but I am unsure what the usual posting schedule of this used to be. Either way, it was a wonderful chapter and I can't wait to see what happens next. I would be a sad thing if this story became lost in the "Sea of Hiatus". Thank you for the chapter!
Date: 10/26/15 02:43 am Title: Chapter 13
Yay! So wonderful to see this update! I was starting to get worried this would be one of those stories where the TG part would happen and it would just... sit there, never finished. Welcome back from your break (whatever caused it) and thank you for the chapter(s)!
Date: 10/24/15 05:39 am Title: Chapter 11
I just finished rereading this again. I hope you're doing alright, this went from plentiful updates to stark silence on your behalf. This is such an amazing story, I would abhor seeing it waste away forgotten like the many others, under-appreciated... While I know life gets busy, I hope you find time to update this eventually!
Author's Response: I have several more chapters already written. Although the story isn't complete, it's a matter of spending the time proof reading to upload the next chapter or actually writing more. Life rarely goes us all the time we need but I'll try to get more of the story uploaded.
Date: 10/15/15 02:05 pm Title: Chapter 1
I just noticed that he only discovered his powers Last chapter then the very next one she creates a massive fire storm and discovers a new power to boot.
But this is still one of the best things I've red in a while. It's so good that I blitz through each chapter then I'm left wanting for more and more.
Author's Response: It will be explained later why she developed her gifts so quickly, just be patient... ;) But thank you. I'll try to get more uploaded soon.
Date: 10/15/15 03:33 am Title: Chapter 11
The chapters are still on the short side so I'm feeling like the story is being rushed a little.
Author's Response: Still working out the chapter breaks. This was all written in a single document. But I was trying to keep them between 2-3k each. And I might have rushed things a little. I didn't want people to get bored with every little detail.
Date: 10/15/15 03:02 am Title: Chapter 11
Yay focus! You left me speechless last chapter, but this one I do have a few things to say. First: I love this. Loveitloveitloveit. I'm just sad I can't favorite it again. Second, Ha! I knew it! I knew that would happen to Devon! All powerful is nice too...
But you did take me by complete surprise with Thomas. Eager to find out his reaction to the whole thing, and what the elders can do! Wonderful, wonderful story, keep it up! I'll move on to your other stories when you have finished this, too...
Date: 10/15/15 12:34 am Title: Chapter 1
Absolutely amazing story!!! Everything falls perfectly into place like a thousand piece puzzle. Interesting characters and intriguing story. I hope to see much much more of this! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Date: 10/06/15 09:40 pm Title: Chapter 8
Wonderful! I'm sure most people know what's happening by now, but it's intriguing to see the reactions of everyone! Also awesome to see a slow change, they seem to be rare.
Off that topic, I have a suggestion. Now, I'm not complaining about the way you're posting chapters, but you do tend to get a few more reads and reviews (assuming you care for those) if you post one chapter at a time. It also makes it a bit easier for the reader to follow the story and know where we left off
Date: 10/01/15 09:33 pm Title: Chapter 6
Three chapters? Lovely ones too! Intriguing plot developments, though one of my guesses seems to be turning out to be true...
Author's Response: Trying to get them proof read and uploaded. There much more to the story to come. And everything can't be a surprise... :)
Date: 09/30/15 07:41 am Title: Chapter 1
Quite a refreshing take on some oft-used motifs! Some of the dialogue has felt like a little too much of an infodump (in particular, Devon's conversation with his father), but your worldbuilding is interesting enough to eclipse that bit of awkwardness :)
Date: 09/28/15 03:04 am Title: Chapter 3
Wonderful! This story is shaping up to be wonderful, and the only thing I could've spotted was chapter length, which was fixed in this chapter. Intriguing world you're building, and I can't seem to guess when you're going to throw in the gender change. You have a lot of talent, and I can seriously see this story going places, assuming you're not one to give up on your stories. Keep up the wonderful, wonderful work and I'll keep giving you this 5/5 rating!
Author's Response: The transition is coming soon. But that's only the beginning of the changes...
Date: 09/27/15 09:54 pm Title: Chapter 3
Quite an interesting read so far... And all that talk about getting muddy and having to be cleaned off with a hose pipe, brings back memories... XD
Author's Response: Thank you. Childhood memories help you see the world from their eyes.
Date: 09/27/15 09:41 pm Title: Chapter 3
Hi fantasygirl! I really, really like this story so far - its got a ton of potential, and I really like the mythos you're building up with the elves, dwarves and humans - its pretty cool! I can't wait to see where you're going with this - it sounds exciting!
Author's Response: Thanks. But I'll be honest there's a lot that's going to happen before the Dwarves really make a showing.
Date: 09/26/15 03:16 am Title: Chapter 2
I'm really liking this tale. Thought I wish the chapters were longer.
Author's Response: Thank you. I wasn't sure how long most people would want them to be. Just trying to break my story about where it makes sense. It was written in a single document.
Date: 09/26/15 12:37 am Title: Chapter 2
Oh? I expected there to be a gender change in the first chapter! Well, this is just getting more and more interesting! One more and I'll leave a rating...
Author's Response: Sorry. But I don't usually rush things. I like to develop the characters before making any major changes like that.